Chapter Twenty-Four
With Elijah’s help, they got the kids settled, but the children were reluctant to let him out of their sight. He crawled in between them and held one of them in each arm, the three of them like survivors of their own personal apocalypse.
“I’ll stay with them until I’m sure they’re asleep, if that’s okay,” he whispered to Sam when she checked on them an hour after they went to bed.
“You can stay right there all night if you want to. You’ve had a long day, and there’s no need for you to leave. I can set you up with a bed of your own if you’d like.”
“I’m fine right here with them,” he said. “Thank you. For everything. I appreciate it.”
“I wish we could do more.”
“I hate this for them,” he said, his eyes filling. “They’re so little.”
“I hate it for all of you,” she said, a lump forming in her own throat. “I’ll let you get some sleep. We’re right across the hall if you need anything.”
“Thanks again.”
“No problem.” Sam closed the door to give them some privacy from the Secret Service agent in the hallway.
She looked in on Scotty, shut off the television as well as the bedside lamp that were still on after he’d fallen asleep.
Pulling his comforter up and over him, she kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment to breathe in the fresh clean scent of his hair, which smelled a lot like Nick’s.
At some point, he’d started using the same shampoo as the dad he worshipped, and for some reason, that simple detail brought tears to her eyes.
She was a freaking emotional disaster area the last few days.
Tomorrow she would get back on track, even if she was quite certain she’d remember this time with Aubrey and Alden for the rest of her life.
Sam left Scotty’s room, avoiding the gaze of the agent on duty. She didn’t have it in her to make small talk tonight, so she skipped the usual end-of-the-day pleasantries.
Stepping into her own room to the sound of the shower running, she closed the door, leaned her head back against it and closed her eyes, fighting the emotions that threatened to take her under.
This day… Scotty’s mention that his foster life before the state home had been less than great, having to tell Alden and Aubrey the awful news about their parents, learning more about the details of Jameson and Cleo Beauclairs’ lives and how they’d died, her worries about Gonzo.
Bending at the waist, she propped her hands on her knees and breathed through the tidal wave of emotion.
She was known for her ability to soldier through the worst of times, but sometimes it was too much for even her to handle.
What would become of Aubrey and Alden now that their lives had been shattered by violence?
How would she know if they were being well cared for by the aunt and uncle who had to think about whether or not they wanted to take them in?
And Scotty, Gonzo, Christina, Nick’s trip…
Sam shook her head and stood upright, swiping at tears and taking a series of deep breaths.
She was still propped against the door when Nick emerged from the shower, a towel slung around his hips, wet hair pushed back from his face, splendid chest on full display.
All he had to do to make her feel better was walk into the room.
He stopped short at the sight of her propped against the door. “Babe? Are you okay?”
“I’m better now.” She forced a small smile for his benefit, pushed herself off the door and went to him, sighing with relief when he wrapped his arms around her.
“Did something happen?”
“Only what you predicted would happen. I let myself get invested and now…”
“It’s not only you. We’re all invested in them.”
“I’m probably going to hear about it at work tomorrow. Farnsworth wants to see me at eight. I assume it’s not a social call.”
“You did what you thought was right. You can’t be faulted for that.”
“Maybe so, but taking them in was technically a conflict of interest, and he’s going to remind me of that.”
“Your heart was in the right place.”
“My heart is broken at the thought of them leaving, possibly as soon as tomorrow.”
He tightened his hold on her.
“It’s okay if you want to say I told you so.”
“Not going to say that. Asking you not to feel for those babies would be like asking you not to breathe.”
“Thank you for always understanding. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve that from you, but whatever it was, I’m incredibly thankful.”
He drew back to look down at her, his heart in his eyes. “You love me. That’s all you ever have to do.”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you just as much. Nice how that works out, huh?”
She smiled when she wouldn’t have thought she could.
“You want to go upstairs for a little getaway?”
“I don’t feel like trooping past the agent.”
“I’ll take care of that.” He kissed her forehead. “Give me five minutes.”
“I need a quick shower.”
“Come up when you’re ready.”
She’d had a long, exhausting day and another loomed on tomorrow’s horizon, but she needed the comfort only he could provide before she could sleep.
Nick put on pajama pants and a T-shirt before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
Sam rushed through a quick shower and smoothed on the lavender- and vanilla-scented lotion that Nick loved before donning the robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door.
Sticking her head out the bedroom door, she found the coast clear of prying Secret Service eyes and darted through the hallway and up the stairs to the loft where Nick waited for her.
He’d lit the coconut-scented candles and was reclined on the double lounger he’d bought as part of his effort to recreate the scene of their memorable trips to Bora Bora for their honeymoon and first anniversary.
He held out his hand to her.
She dropped the robe on the floor and joined her hand to his, holding on to the one thing that always made sense to her.
Nick drew her into his embrace and pulled a blanket over them.
Safe in his arms, Sam felt the tight knot in her chest begin to ease ever so slightly.
No matter how awful life could be outside this room, they could always find their way back to each other within these four walls.
Usually they had the hottest sex of their lives up here, but that wasn’t what she needed tonight.
She pulled back to look up at him.
“What’re you thinking?” he asked, pushing the hair back from her face.
“That we usually jump each other the second we’re alone up here.”
Smiling, he said, “You usually jump me, but I don’t complain. I like to think I’m an accommodating husband.”
She lost it laughing, another thing she wouldn’t have thought herself capable of tonight. But leave it to Nick. “Whatever. We all know you’re the one who does most of the jumping.”
“All? Who all knows that?”
“Me and all my people.”
His brows lifted with disbelief. “Are you kissing and telling, Samantha?”
“Of course not. By all my people, I mean Sam Holland, Samantha Cappuano, Lieutenant Holland and Second Lady Samantha Cappuano. That’s a lot of people to deal with.”
“Believe me, I know.”
She poked his belly, and he laughed. “Did you come up here hoping to get lucky?”
“I get lucky every time I get to hold you, no matter what we do or don’t do.”
Placing her hand on his face, she held him still for a fairly platonic kiss by their standards. With her lips pressed to his, they simply existed together, breathing the same air, suspended on an extended break from the rest of their lives for that one moment in time.
“I want to keep them,” she whispered many minutes later.
“I do, too.”
“I’m sorry I did this to us.”
“Please don’t be sorry. They needed us, even if it was only for a short time.”
“This proves that we can never again foster a child unless we know we get to keep them.”
“That’s probably true. Look how fast we got attached to Aubrey and Alden.”
“We suck at it.”
“We suck at remaining detached from sweet kids in need of a loving home. I can live with sucking at that.”
A sob erupted from her chest, taking them both by surprise as tears slid down her cheeks. “I want to make everything all better for them.”
“No one can do that.”
“I want to try.”
“I know, sweetheart.” His hand made small soothing circles on her back.
She hated the tears, but they did make her feel a tiny bit better as the storm subsided. Suddenly, she was very, very tired. “We need to go downstairs so they can find us if they need us.”
“I need five more minutes of this first.”
“I can do that.” After a long period of silence, she said, “You have to go away for a whole week?”
“It’s not three weeks.”
“Even one week. Too long.”
“I know, babe. For me, too. I keep thinking that maybe we might eventually get over this madness between us, but it only seems to get worse—and I mean that in the best possible way—the longer we’re together.”
“I know. We’re hopeless. I used to make fun of couples like us.”
“Did you?”
“Oh yeah.” She made gagging, retching sounds that made him laugh. “It was so disgusting to me. Like Angela and Spence when they were first married. Ugh. So happy and in love and always touching and other gross stuff. And now look at me. Look what you’ve done to me.”
“I’ve made a complete mess of you.”
“At least you’re aware of it.”
“Oh yes,” he said suggestively, “I’m very much aware of you and everything about you.” He moved ever so slightly, but it was enough to put him on top of her as he gazed down at her.
As naturally as she breathed, she raised her knees and spread her legs to make room for him as she wrapped her arms around him. She hadn’t thought she needed more than sweet comfort tonight, but with him hard and pressing against her suggestively, she suddenly needed him in every possible way.
“Nick.”
He kissed her neck and rolled her earlobe between his teeth. “What, honey?”
She raised her hips in blatant invitation.
His lips skimmed her jaw on the way to her lips. “I thought we needed to go downstairs.”