Chapter Twenty-Three
Per the instructions she’d received by email the day before, Christina waited for Tommy in the rehab facility’s reception area.
She’d left Alex with Clara, an older woman who lived in their building who’d become like a grandmother to him, because Christina needed some time alone with her fiancé.
It’d been a very long few months without Tommy at home to help with the parenting and everything else.
But it’d been an even longer ten months since his partner had been killed, sending their lives into a downward spiral.
The loss of Detective Arnold had been devastating.
The collateral damage to Tommy had been almost as devastating.
He’d gone from a healthy, productive, fully engaged partner, father and detective to a shell of his former self, a man so shattered, he could barely function.
He’d turned to pain meds for relief, and for a time, Christina had feared she’d lose him forever to either death or addiction.
Now he seemed more like his old self than he had since that terrible January night when Arnold had been gunned down feet from Tommy. Christina was full of foolish hope that they might get their happily ever after, despite the many roadblocks they’d encountered over the last two years.
At some point in the last few weeks as she counted down to the day he’d be released from rehab, she’d begun to think of herself for the first time in months.
She’d taken the time to figure out what she wanted most from this second chance and had a few things to talk to him about if the time was right.
That was the thing with him lately. It was all about timing, and it never used to be that way.
Before Arnold had been killed, she’d never had to tiptoe around Tommy or choose the right moment to discuss something with him.
They’d had their ups and downs, but their relationship had been solid until that fateful night upended their existence.
Sometimes, she felt selfish for focusing on how Arnold’s death had impacted her family, but she never forgot the wonderful young man they’d lost that night. And neither did Tommy.
She checked the time on her phone. Four o’clock.
He should be out anytime now, and they could restart their lives.
Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to calm her out-of-control nerves.
That was another thing that was new—being nervous around him.
The last time they’d been together, when he came home for Skip Holland’s funeral, she’d experienced a bit of the old magic that had been so present between them from the start.
She’d clung to the memories of that night ever since and was desperate to find out if they could recapture that magic once he was finally home to stay.
The door from the inner sanctum of the rehab center swung open, and there he was.
Christina stood to go to him, but found herself frozen to the spot as uncertainty assailed her.
Then he smiled, his handsome face lighting up with pleasure at the sight of her, and everything in her relaxed somewhat as he came toward her, dropping his bag on the floor and putting his arms around her.
He held her as only he could, and as she breathed in the familiar scent of him, she exhaled the deep breath she’d been holding for months now as she waited to see if he would survive the loss of his partner, if they would survive as a couple and a family.
“Hey, baby,” he whispered. “So happy to see you.”
Christina clung to him. “Same.”
“Where’s my buddy?”
“With Clara. I thought we could use a minute to ourselves.”
“Good thinking. I can’t wait to see him, though.”
“He can’t wait to see you either.” She pulled back to look up at the handsome face that had become the center of her world since they met at Sam and Nick’s New Year’s Eve party almost two years ago. “Are you all checked out?”
“Yep.”
“Good.”
He took her hand, bent to retrieve his bag and nodded for her to lead the way. They emerged into cold air and encroaching darkness.
Christina hated November most years. So cold and dark, with the long winter stretching out before them. But this year, November felt like spring to her as she and Tommy hopefully got their long-awaited restart.
“Do you mind if I drive?” he asked. “I can’t believe I miss driving.”
“I don’t mind at all. I’m sick of driving.”
He held the passenger door for her. “Thanks for coming up to see me so often and for bringing Alex. You guys saved my sanity.”
“Of course we came to see you. We missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.” He leaned in to kiss her before he went around to get into the driver’s seat. For a long time, he didn’t move, and then he turned to her. “I know I’ve said this to you before, but it bears repeating. I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, Tommy.”
“Yes, I do. I let my grief take over every aspect of my life, including my relationships with you and Alex. I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
Christina reached for his hand and cradled it between both of hers. “You didn’t let anything happen. An awful thing was done to your beloved partner. Every ounce of the blame belongs on the shoulders of the man who killed him. I don’t hold you responsible for any of it. No one does.”
“Some people do, I’m sure.”
“No one who matters blames you, Tommy, and that’s what I want to talk to you about. You’re not taking that plea deal.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.
“How do you even know about that?”
“I hear things. Things I should be hearing from you, I might add.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“When? After you signed something that would effectively end your once-promising career?”
“I need to take responsibility for what I did so I have credibility with my colleagues.”
“Okay, so take responsibility without pleading guilty to a crime that’ll ruin your career.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’re other ways you can take responsibility without pleading to a crime. Tell me you realize that.”
“Um, well, you may have to fill in the blanks for me. How am I supposed to do that?”
“You give an interview to a reporter you trust. You come clean on what the last year has been like for you since that awful night in January and confess to the mistakes you made in the name of grief. You own it without letting it ruin you.”
“And what do I do about the people within the department who think I need to pay for breaking the law?”
Christina leaned in toward him, looking him dead in the eyes. “Fuck. Them.”
He laughed. “Well, all righty, then.”
“I’m dead serious, Tommy. Anyone in the department who’d criticize how you handled the murder of your partner can go fuck themselves.
They don’t know what you’ve been through unless it’s happened to them, and thank God it hasn’t happened to them.
Skip understood what you went through because he lived it, too.
He’s the only one I know who could possibly get it—and he did understand.
Better than anyone. The rest of them don’t matter to you or to us.
If they never respect you again, so what?
You can’t control what other people do. You can only control how you react to them, and if you take that plea, you’re giving them power over you that they don’t deserve.
They haven’t earned it by having their partner killed right in front of them. ”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“It’s all I’ve thought about since I heard you were considering the plea. Please don’t do it. You may think it’ll fix things, but it’ll only make everything worse in the long run. When you get a few years out from the horror of this last year, you’ll regret having signed away your career.”
“You make good points. There’s a meeting about it tomorrow with the chief, Malone, Sam and the AUSA overseeing the case.”
“I want to be there.”
“We can make that happen.”
“Good. And so you know, I’m going to say the same thing to them that I said to you.”
“I figured as much.”
“Someone needs to fight for you, Tommy, and that’s going to be me—and Sam. She’s as upset about this as I am.”
“With you two on my side, I can’t lose.” He leaned across the center console and reached for her, kissing her the way he used to before disaster struck, with hunger and tenderness and sweetness. “I love you so much. You’ll never know how many times thoughts of you and Alex saved me.”
“We love you, too.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me, Christina. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”
“I love you too much to give up on you, but I’m ready for things to be different, Tommy. Even before Arnold was killed, we’d gotten a little off track, and I’ve made a few decisions for myself that I hope you’ll agree with.”
“Like what?”
“I’m going back to work part-time, mostly from home, doing some stuff for Nick.
He’s wanting to ramp up his school visits, and I agreed to coordinate that for him and to accompany him on some of the local ones.
But he wants to expand his visits into other parts of the country, so I’ll be working on that. ”
“That’s a great opportunity for you.”
“I love being Alex’s mom and taking care of him and you, but I’m ready to get back to work. I need something that’s all mine.”
“I understand that completely. I wondered when you decided to stay home if you’d be happy doing that in the long term.”
“I’m happy, but I could be happier with a little outside stimulation.”
“What else is on your agenda?”
“I want to have a baby.”
“That we can do. In fact, I’d take great pleasure in making that happen.”
Christina laughed at the suggestive way he said that. “I’m sure you would.”
“What else?”
“We’re going to need to find a bigger place to live.”
“Let’s make sure I still have a job before we do that.”