Chapter 14 Daniel #2
The house was quiet as I carried her to the stairs and up to my room. I wasn’t sure where everyone had gone, but I was thankful that we didn’t run into anyone. When we stepped inside my small apartment, Rosemary lifted her head from my shoulder and looked around.
“So this is your place,” she mused quietly.
“I haven’t been here much,” I replied apologetically, looking around.
The space was pretty sparse. I’d never really decorated because I didn’t care what it looked like, but now that I was showing it to my mate, I was a bit embarrassed.
While fully furnished, it lacked any kind of personality whatsoever.
“I wasn’t at the townhouse much either,” she mused as I carried her into the bedroom. “But it still looked like someone lived there.”
“You can do whatever you want with it,” I offered. “Consider it a blank slate.”
“Oh, yeah,” she groaned as I lowered her onto the bed. “I just love to decorate. It’s my thing.” The sarcasm was thick.
I smiled half-heartedly at the joke and turned to my dresser to get her a shirt.
“Danny?” she called. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. What do you mean?”
When I turned back toward her with a T-shirt in my hands, I froze.
With one arm, she held the thin sheet to her chest. Her entire body was coiled like a spring as she watched me warily.
It was the moment that I’d dreaded all my life. I’d always known it would come. I hadn’t been delusional enough to believe that I would be able to hide it forever, but I’d hoped that we’d be further into our lives before my mate became aware.
The knowledge that Rosemary had leaned into the mating bond so easily, had accepted it all so calmly, had only intensified my fear of her learning the truth.
Our relationship had started so effortlessly.
Part of me had taken that as my due because everything around us had been so fucked up.
Like it was the Gods’ way of giving me a win when everything else was going to shit.
“Tell me,” she said quietly.
I opened my mouth and closed it again, unsure how to begin.
“I know Vampires,” she said slowly, her gaze searching my face. “I’ve seen them in action.” She paused and swallowed like she was carefully considering her next words. “I’ve never seen a Vampire like you were last night.”
Every wall that I’d built up, every emotion that I’d pushed away, every memory of a time when I’d laughed something off instead of being angry, every deep breath I’d paused to take, every warning word or touch that my brothers had given me, every worried look that my parents had shot me or each other, every time I’d deliberately blinked the red out of my eyes as I fought to center myself—it all rushed through me with the force of a tsunami.
The walls silently shattered.
“It’s genetic,” I choked out, my voice barely audible. I stayed near the dresser.
I wanted to touch her so badly, but I never wanted to frighten her.
“When my father was young, there were warriors who fought bare-skinned.”
She frowned.
“Naked,” I clarified, as if she didn’t already know what I meant.
I was fumbling it.
“Okay,” she murmured slowly.
“They were called berserkers,” I blurted.
Rosemary’s mouth went slack with surprise.
“Most were Vampires,” I continued. “Some weren’t. They were terrifying on the battlefield. In a time when chain mail and armor were the norm, someone fighting bare was a bit of a mindfuck to their enemies.”
“No shit,” she breathed.
“Like I said, some were Vampires, some weren’t. But they all had one thing in common—they fell into a sort of trance when they fought. Nothing mattered but the battle. Hyperfocus. They didn’t get tired. They didn’t flag. Not ever. Not even when they were wounded.”
I leaned against the dresser and smoothed a hand over my beard, clearing my throat.
“Your dad was a berserker?” she sputtered. Her eyes lost a little focus. “I mean, Erik the Butcher is a pretty bloodthirsty name. So I figured that he probably did some shit, you know? I’ve seen him fight, and the guy can move, but—”
“The ability is genetic,” I said, cutting her off before she said something offhand that tore my heart out.
Her eyes met mine, and it took a moment before realization set in.
“Oh,” she breathed. “Oh, that’s what—can your brothers do it, too?”
“No,” I replied flatly. I’d been the only one with that particular trait.
“So it’s just you then.”
“Yes.”
She sat there silently for what felt like forever, her eyes pointed toward the floor between us.
“So the red eyes—”
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Does it happen often?” she asked, raising her head.
“No. No, it hasn’t happened since I was a child, not until last night.”
“But I’ve seen your eyes. They flicker.”
“I’ve always been able to control it,” I explained uncomfortably. “It doesn’t go further than that.”
“Then why couldn’t you last night?” she asked quietly.
I huffed in disbelief.
“Because of me,” she said in understanding. “Because I was in danger.”
“Yes.”
“Is that why you wouldn’t let me leave Pop’s?”
“Part of it,” I admitted. “But only part. I just wanted you to be safe.”
“You can’t control everything,” she countered, gesturing at the bandage on her face. “You realize that now, right?”
That I wasn’t willing to admit. My emotions were too close to the surface.
“Why are you standing way over there?” she asked softly, patting the bed beside her. “Come sit by me.”
Relief made my legs wobbly as I took the few steps to the bed and sat down carefully next to her.
Rosemary had never felt small or fragile to me, and I loved it.
I enjoyed the fact that she was strong and capable of doing damage if she chose to.
I adored that her body and mine lined up so perfectly.
I worshipped the muscles she’d built almost as much as her long, silky hair.
But then I’d seen her with that human on top of her, and now I felt like I was finally noticing how much thinner her wrists were, how slender she was in comparison to my bulk, how delicate her long neck was.
“You didn’t think I should know?” she asked, reaching out to wrap her hand around mine.
“I would’ve told you eventually.”
“When?” she asked. “After one of our sons showed signs?”
“Before that,” I argued halfheartedly. “But there was a lot happening and—”
“You were a coward,” she cut in.
“It wasn’t that,” I lied through my teeth.
“At what point do you think you’ll realize that I can handle a lot more than you give me credit for?” she asked flatly.
“Of course you can.”
“Did you think I’d run screaming?”
“I figured it would give you pause,” I replied.
“Give me pause?” She snorted.
“I’ve worked really fucking hard to keep that part of me on a leash,” I snapped, irritated that she was acting like this little piece of my DNA was no big deal. “So…yeah. I figured if I told you, it might scare you.”
“Wrong.”
“You saw me last night. You saw what I turn into.”
“You turn into?” she whispered in disbelief. She shoved herself to her feet.
“Sit back down,” I ordered, reaching for her. “You shouldn’t be up—”
“I’m fine.” She slapped my hand away. She took one step away and then glared down at me.
“Do you want to know what I saw last night? My mate. My angry, terrifying mate. I was so fucking relieved you were there. You could’ve been half-man and half-wolf, and I still would’ve been ecstatic when you showed up.
You know what I thought when I saw you? Oh, thank God, Daniel is here. Everything is going to be okay now.”
“I wouldn’t even let anyone touch you,” I barked, rising to my feet. “I was so out of it that I would’ve fought them if they’d tried. You were bleeding so much, and I was so fucked up that I wouldn’t even let them help!”
Rosemary smiled, and I felt like I’d gotten the wind knocked out of me.
“Do you think I would’ve done anything differently?” she whispered. “If you were hurt, do you think I would’ve been thinking any more logically?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No, you don’t,” she countered. “There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me afraid of you. Not a single thing. I don’t care what kind of monster you are. Vampire, berserker, werewolf—you would never hurt me.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” I promised. “Not on purpose.”
“How fast did you get to me last night?” she asked, stepping forward to run her thumb over my cheek.
“I don’t know.”
“How many men did you go through to get to me?”
“Too many to count.”
“Exactly.” Her lips pulled up at the corners. “That trance, or hyperfocus, or whatever you want to call it? It got you to me when I needed you. Baby, why in the world would you think that was a bad thing?”
I tried to maintain my composure. I stared at the wall. Curled my hands into fists. Clenched my abdominal muscles as hard as I could.
None of it worked.
My breath shuddered out of me in a nearly silent sob.
I’d spent my life hiding that part of me, knowing that humans and Vampires alike would stare at me like I was some wild animal, just waiting for me to lose control.
My father had been so adamant that I learn how to lock it down, to never let myself lean into the gift I’d been born with.
I understood why. He’d seen friends and fellow warriors lose themselves to the red haze, the feeling of absolute purpose.
But what he hadn’t realized, and I hadn’t either, was that when you already had absolute purpose, there was no reason to look for it in the haze.
I’d felt powerful when it happened. Invincible.
But I felt more powerful when Rosemary smiled at me. When she called my name. When her body clenched around mine, and her teeth sank into my skin.
“I love you,” Rosemary said, leaning in to brush her lips over mine. “Even when I want to rip your head off and use it like a soccer ball.”
I let out a watery laugh and kissed her back.
“It doesn’t scare you?” I asked, pulling away the few hairs that had stuck to the bandage on her face. “When I’m like that, I’m not rational.”
“Will you use it to protect our family?”
“I think last night proved that I won’t have a choice.”
“Would you ever hurt me?”
“Never. I’d die first.”
“Exactly,” she said calmly, her eyes steady on mine.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life,” I breathed, looking over her battered features.
“Me neither,” she replied softly. “But we made it.”
“Yeah.”
“A berserker,” she mumbled, giving her head a little shake. “Fuck me. I can still be surprised.”
“I didn’t even try to stop it last night,” I replied, swallowing hard. “I didn’t remember that it would feel like that.”
“What did it feel like?” she asked curiously.
I chuckled in embarrassment.
“What?” she asked, a smile pulling at her lips. “Tell me.”
“Like a fucking superpower,” I confessed.
Rosemary laughed and pinched my earlobe teasingly. “Not a bad thing to have in a pinch,” she said. “But I’m still going to hope you don’t need it again.”
“Me too, baby.”
“Do I look as bad as you?” she asked, picking something out of my hair. “You’re filthy.”
“You’re gorgeous.”
“I’m covered in gore.”
“We cleaned most of you off last night,” I told her.
“Well, no one did you the same favor, clearly. Where’s the bathroom?”
Taking her by the hand, I walked her slowly to the shower before I realized she couldn’t get in.
“Your bandages,” I reminded her with a grimace. “You can’t shower yet.”
“Shit,” she grumbled, looking down at the sheet she’d wrapped around her like a toga.
“Sit down on the toilet,” I ordered gently. “I’ll take a quick shower and then help you clean up.”
“Oh, so you get a shower,” she complained good-naturedly. “Nice.”
“I’m not going to help you bathe while I’m like this,” I countered, pulling off my shirt. “Give me five minutes.”
Rosemary hummed in appreciation as I stripped off the scrub pants Alice had given me after she stitched up my leg. “Take your time.”