37. Brielle
Chapter thirty-seven
Brielle
A fter Elijah left to help August grab some of the brunch supplies this morning, I returned to the guest house so I could pack the rest of my things without him being there. I spent most of the time crying alone, honestly.
I must have fallen asleep on the couch because I woke to calloused hands rubbing circles around my lips and cheeks. As I opened my eyes, his perfect face came into view. I could tell he had been crying, too. His eyes were rimmed with red, as I was sure mine looked pretty similar.
I gripped his hand and held it against my skin.
“Hi,” he whispered.
“Hi.” I sat up a little.
“Are you okay?”
I gave a weak smile. “No. Not really.” I didn’t need to lie.
“Can we talk?” he asked hesitantly.
I looked at my phone and jumped up. “Shit. Link is probably waiting for me. I—”
Elijah gripped my arm. “He's here. August and I grabbed him from the airport a little while ago. He texted me when you didn’t answer.”
I looked at him. “Thanks. Was his flight okay?” I walked over to the kitchen to grab some water and leaned against the counter.
He stood and walked halfway toward me and leaned onto the island. “I don’t know. He didn’t talk to me the whole ride home. He totally ignored me.”
I nodded to acknowledge him since I didn’t know what to say to that.
“Can we talk?” He asked again.
I looked down at my feet before sipping my water again. I swallowed hard. “I am not really sure what to say.”
“Ask me anything.”
I looked at him over my glass and sipped it. “Instead of me having to ask, why don’t you just talk? Share with me what's been going on because I am so fucking confused as to what happened. Last I knew, you were doing good.”
“I was. I mean, I will. I can do this.” He moved toward me. “I can do this for you. I fucked up. But I know I can do this.”
I put my glass down and crossed my arms, as if that would help me hear him better or something.
“Brielle.” He walked toward me and gripped my hands. “Let me try again. Let me get better for you. After talking with Link, I realize how shitty I've been to you by lying and everything. I can do this.” He moved his hands to cup my face. “Please, baby.”
He pulled me into a soft, heated kiss. His tongue swiped against mine, and in that moment, I felt like I was home again. That didn’t stop my tears from building, though.
He murmured against my lips as he pressed his forehead to mine. “Please, baby, don’t give up on me yet.”
I pulled him into another slow kiss. I wanted to savor the moment, this man right here. That was who I fell in love with—the kind, messy, but perfect man who would love me unconditionally.
I began to cry as the kiss broke. “Eli—”
“Don’t.” Another kiss took my words. He lifted me up and carried me to the bed. Placing me down gently.
As he kissed down my body, he lifted my shirt. Kissing every piece of skin he could see. I couldn’t stop him; I wanted to be close to him more than anything.
After putting on a condom, he slid into me slowly, like he wanted to savor the feeling.
We became a mess of low moans and sudden groans as we made love to one another.
The connection between us radiated like lightning running through me.
With every thrust, the need between us grew.
It is like nothing I have ever experienced before.
But it wasn’t enough.
He flipped me on top of him, so I was riding him. His hands dug deep into my hips. I leaned down and kissed him as he pulled me close.
He whispered, “I love you, Masterpiece,” as he held me close.
He knew. He knew this was the last time for us. He froze as he came, giving all of himself to me one last time.
We lay in silence as I ran my finger in circles over his stomach. I know we were both just waiting for the other to say something. After a while, I got up and walked to the bathroom silently. A few minutes later, I leaned in the doorway and looked at him.
He sat up against the headboard with an almost hopeful look. I looked down at my feet and back at him. His look of hope was gone. He ran his hands through his hair before throwing his head back onto the headboard. “You can't do this,” he pleaded.
“Do what?”
“Leave. You can't leave me. I will never survive this.”
I walked over to the bed and moved his legs so I could sit between them, my legs over his. I gripped his face with a sad smile. Small streams of tears ran down my face as I started speaking, “Remember when you said you would do anything for me?”
He nodded.
“Do this. Get help. Real help and put your all into this. Get better, but not for me.”
His eyebrows went up in question as a tear fell from his eyes.
“Baby, I need you to get better for you. Do this for little Elijah. Heal that piece of him that has been struggling his whole life to love himself.”
“I can’t—”
He tried to look down, but I pulled his gaze back to me. “Yes, you can.” I kissed him softly. “I know you can do this. I have all the faith in the world in you. You just need to have that same faith.”
“But why can’t I do this with you? I want to do this for you.”
I gave him a soft smile and grabbed his hands in mine. “Elijah, I love you more than anything in this world. I need to love you enough to let you go and heal yourself alone.”
“But why? I don’t understand. I promise, if you just give me this one chance, I can do this.
” His voice broke, and he pleaded. He gripped my arms. “I won’t be able to do this alone.
I can do this, Brielle. I can be good enough for you.
I have never wanted to be good enough for anyone.
” His hand caressed my cheek. “You’ve changed me. ”
I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes as I swallowed my nervousness. I moved his hands back into mine as I looked at the man I loved. “That is precisely why I can't be here when you try. You can't feel the pressure of being good enough for me. I need to love you enough to let you go.”
“Fuck that. This is—”
I gripped his hands tighter. “Elijah. Listen. I need to love myself enough to let you heal.”
He looked at me with tear-filled eyes.
“When I was raped, I hid inside myself. I became a different person. It wasn’t until I sought therapy and leaned on my friends and family that anything changed.”
He flinched, and it made me jump back a little. “See, you needed the people around you,” he blurted. “Why can't I do this with people around me? I need you.”
I rubbed his cheek in understanding. “You didn’t let me finish,” I whispered.
“I leaned on them, but I didn’t do it for them.
I healed, for me.” I smiled. “I never felt pressure from them to get better. I waited until I was ready. I went on a few dates. I finally was brave enough to kiss again. Then I met this incredible man who showed me what it was like to love and to be truly and deeply loved. I found my person.”
We were both silent for a second. He whispered again, “Brielle. I just can't do this without you.”
I leaned in and put my forehead to his. “You have to, baby. Or it will never stick. You have to know that you can do this alone for it to work. You have to make the necessary changes to heal and get better, for you.”
I started peppering his face with tiny kisses as our tears mixed together.
I kissed the shell of his ear and then whispered into it, “I love you, Elijah Ryder, and I need you to love me enough to let me go. Heal for you, not me.” I pulled away to look into his eyes.
“Heal for good this time. Start a beautiful life. Make new friends. Who knows, maybe try something totally new and fun.” I laughed.
He smiled slightly and wiped a few tears from my face.
“Elijah, whatever you decide to do, I need you to want it. Heal for that beautiful man who is dying to get out and show the world who he really is.”
His face searched mine. For what, I didn’t know. I moved from his embrace and went back to the kitchen. I cleaned up the dishes and put everything back where it belonged.
“Is this the end?”
I felt his lips on the back of my neck. For the first time, I wasn’t scared of someone being this close to me from behind. I closed my eyes to enjoy his closeness one more time.
I turned and smiled at him, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “This is just the beginning for you, baby. Make yourself proud.”
I placed one more quick kiss on his lips. I turned, bending down to grab my bag. I gripped the door handle to walk out.
“I love you, Brie,” he called out.
I turned with a tear-soaked face and a slight smile, taking him in one last time. “I love you more. I always will.”
As I walked away from the door, I heard a loud bang. It took everything in me not to go see what it was. I held strong and went inside the main house, and when I realized it was just Link in the kitchen, I fell into his arms. He kissed the top of my head.
“Come on, Brie. Let's get you home.”