43. Elijah
Chapter forty-three
Elijah
I woke up to a warm body next to me. For a second, I thought I was dreaming again until I realized where I was.
Brielle is here.
One of her arms rested between our bodies while the other was across my waist. I kissed her head, whispering against it, “I love you, Masterpiece.”
She stirred as I pulled away. She looked up at me with the most beautiful but tired smile I had ever seen. “Merry Christmas, Eli.”
She moved toward me to kiss me. I pulled her on top of me. I knew one of the next things out of her mouth was going to be how we had to go downstairs, but I just wanted her all to myself for one more minute.
She sat up, looking down at me. “How did you sleep, baby?” I asked.
She smiled and leaned down, making her body flush with mine before kissing me softly. “Good.”
I pulled her in tighter against me. After a moment of perfect silence she sat up again. “We need to talk about this more thoroughly. We need to be responsible about this."
“About what?” I asked. I moved one of my arms behind my head.
She got off me and stood next to the bed. “About this.” She motioned between the two of us. “We can’t just act like nothing happened, Eli. You didn’t just forget a birthday or something.”
I realized my charm wasn’t going to help with this conversation, so I sat up. “I know, and I want to. But I also want to know that you will at least try to forgive me. I can’t keep trying to apologize if there is no chance of getting you back.”
She looked at me cautiously, then sat in front of me on the bed. She grabbed my hand. “This isn’t about making you feel bad for what happened or yelling at you for lying. Nothing like that.”
“Then what is it about?” My question came out more frustrated than I meant.
“I am truly thriving in Italy.” My heart sank. “You are doing so well here. I can't be the reason that that changes.” She paused, kissing my hand. “The last thing I want in this world is for you to be hurt again. We have to talk about the fact that we just may not be what's good for each other.”
Damn it! I had just gotten her back.
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “Like, forever, or right now?”
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “I wish I could answer you honestly.”
I stood. A bit of anger flashed across my face. I knew she noticed because she backed up a few steps. “Brielle, what will it take to change your mind? Because I know that you are it for me. It’s either you or I will be alone forever.”
She stepped back toward me and held my hands again. “Does it have to be all or nothing right now? Can’t we just see what happens? Can’t we take this slow and steady? You working on yourself and me working on myself.”
“In Italy,” I stated. “You want to work on yourself on the other side of the world.”
“Eli—”
“Is there someone else? I know it isn’t Tomasso, but is there someone waiting for you back in Italy?”
She threw my hands down. I knew at that moment I had fucked up royally. “You think I would have let you fuck me if I had someone else waiting for me?”
I rubbed the back of my head. Did I really think that? No, but I didn’t know what to say. “Maybe. I don’t know. You keep talking about how much you’ve changed.”
She glared at me. “I would never do that to you. I know what it meant to you.” She looked down at her feet, then back at me. “And I am sadly regretting it now.”
“No. Brie. I didn’t mean—”
“I don’t mean I regret being with you. I mean, I regret having sex last night.
We should have had more of a conversation before we did that again.
” One side of her mouth lifted in a cute smirk.
“It was amazing.” The smirk disappeared as quickly as it came.
“I just wish we had talked more beforehand. Because I am not staying here. I am going back to Italy to finish my year there, and the last thing you need is to be worrying about me when you are still trying to figure out your own shit. That is what I mean when I say we need to figure our shit out.”
“Fair enough. But when will you trust that I am okay? Why can’t we figure it out together?”
Her voice came out choked, “I don’t know if…I can’t—”
I gripped her chin. “You are pushing me away just ‘cause you're in Italy for the next few months? So fucking what.” I kissed her hard.
I spoke against her lips, “I am a big boy. I am sober. I am going back to school. I have everything I have ever wanted. You are the biggest part of that. You. Are. Mine.”
She pulled away and walked toward the window and glared out of it. For a moment, I let her. I was being an overbearing ass and I knew it.
“What will it take for you to forgive me?”
She turned to look at me. “I thought I did forgive you. That’s why I let last night happen.” She turned back to the window. “But…”
I moved closer to her back. I used one finger to brush her hair to one side. I leaned down and kissed her neck. “But what, MP?”
She moved her head to the side giving me more access to her neck. She let out a breathy moan.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
Another kiss. “Of what?”
Her voice cracked, and I knew she was crying. “Of loving you again.” She turned toward me. “I am scared you are going to rip my heart out again.”
I backed away, sitting on the side of the bed as she kept talking.
“I thought seeing you half dead in the hospital was the worst thing that could hurt me.” She paused. “But that morning, when I saw you with that drink in your hand, realizing that the entire last few months were a complete lie, that’s what did it.”
“Did what?” I choked out.
“It showed me that you were willing to leave me. That I would never come first. I would never be enough.”
I stood. “Brielle.”
She held up her hand. “I know you're sorry. I know you are ‘better now’.” She used air quotes on the better now part. “But I am still hurt. I have spent every day since I left you beating myself up for not being enough.” She took a deep breath. “I haven’t gotten over that hurt. Not yet. I need more time. I need to see that you are taking this sobriety seriously. I need to see that you are going to stay.”
I understood everything she was saying and knew what I needed to do. I needed to let her go. Let her heal this part of her on her own.
“Can we talk while you are gone? As friends?”
She smiled and reached out her hand to mine. “I would love that.”
I pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Masterpiece. Take your time. I will be here waiting forever if I have to.”
She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. “Thank you for understanding.”
I leaned down and kissed her lips softly. “I love you, and one day I will finally be able to hear you say that back again and know that I earned it.”
All kinds of plans were taking over my head. I would wait for her, but I would also do everything I could to show her that I was never leaving her again.
As she walked away, I called out to her, “Brie.”
She turned. “Yeah?”
A big grin formed on my face. “Can I get your number?”