12. Every Promise in Vain #2
An eerie silence filled the space between us.
Ambermourn contemplated what I said before laying his lips against my exposed neck.
He left them there for a moment, then opened his mouth further so he could bite me fully.
I shivered at the feeling, a feeling I used to love, and tried to relax enough that I could maybe enjoy a fraction of the encounter.
“I hate Phillip for hurting you. I've always blamed myself. You were right, the other day. I absolutely made him think you’d be alright with sleeping with him because I bragged. I should have kept our secrecy. I let too much of a good thing get to my head.”
“It is what it is,” I sighed softly, running my fingers through his hair to console him.
His bites grew harsher, more feverish, as did his want to get into my pants. I popped up abruptly, which made him flinch. “I need to run to the bathroom quickly.”
“Sure. First door on the left,” he moped, cupping his face in disappointment as I sprung from the chaise and darted through the glass doors.
Once inside, I slammed the door shut and huffed wildly, my chest beyond tight at the thought of what I would face going back out there.
“Ok, Atlas, you can do this. You've done a lot worse than this, right? You’ve slept with tons of guys since Phillip, so what’s one more? ” I told myself in the mirror.
The problem wasn’t that he was a man, but that he was Ambermourn himself.
I was so nervous that my old feelings for him would resurface, or he would remind me too much of Phillip if and or when we had sex.
I didn’t have the slightest idea about how I would handle those kinds of flashbacks during such an encounter and only prayed I could block them out.
Ambermourn hadn’t hurt me directly, so this should be nothing more than a familiar exchange.
Right?
My face was so pale that my eyes nearly blended in with it, making it look like I was wearing a mask. I splashed some water over my cheeks to cool my burning skin, then dove into my pocket and procured two small tablets.
“You’re not seriously using those, are you?” Hannah scolded as I swallowed the pills.
“It’s the only way I’m getting it up tonight. I’m way too anxious,” I grumbled back.
“Atlas, honey, this is such a bad idea...”
“I don’t need a lecture, Han.” I sent her back to the Shadow Realm and blocked our connection, so no one would be nagging in my ear while I tried to concentrate.
My plan was simple in theory, not in execution.
Ambermourn never had much stamina. If I could get one decent round out of him, he would pass out as soon as he orgasmed, and that would give me time to take some pictures of the notes I saw earlier.
If I was lucky, I could even get my hands on some of his books, but he would really need to be out of it for me to be able to sneak those by him.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a beat, really taking in my image before exhaling. “I can do this.”
I stepped back into the reading room, where Ambermourn had poured two glasses of wine and set out a charcuterie board for us.
He had his hair tucked back behind his ears to keep it out of his face and was concentrated on organizing the crackers and cheese slices around assorted fruit.
I slid across the chaise behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing along it.
He tilted his head so he could enjoy the feeling, then smiled fully and turned so our lips would meet. “Would you like some wine?”
“Please.” He handed me the glass, which I took gratefully and sipped. I was hoping the wine would loosen me up a bit, and thankfully, it did.
I pressed my body into his, and went he felt my lower half catching up with the situation, courtesy of the pills, his smile turned slick and devious. “Seems you’re feeling a bit better?”
“Well, I figured we should take advantage of our time alone.” I slid my hands under his shirt and down his sides until I reached his belt. He bit his lip as I undid the buckle. “You’ll have to take it easy on me, though. It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”
“When do I ever take it easy on you?”
I laughed loosely. “Well, try a little this time, would you?”
He spun around to take hold of my shirt and guide me back onto the chaise, so he could twine our lips and let his hands travel where they pleased.
He raised my leg and walked his fingers over my pants button, undoing it skillfully before slipping his hand inside.
My first instinct was to flinch, but I held back and put an arm over my face to conceal any hints of displeasure from him.
It wasn’t like I hated having sex with him, especially in the past, but I wasn’t at all trusting of this man, and being vulnerable with him made me stomach sick.
Over any other feeling, whether it be my phobia from Phillip or not, I couldn’t shake the truth that all of this was a deceitful act, probably on both ends.
I was letting him back into my world, and for what?
To prove he was betraying me all along?
Was this sacrifice really worth it?
“Gods... I forgot what it’s like to touch you...” He sunk his teeth into my neck, making a weak gasp escape my lips. He enjoyed the sound, and bit me again so I would repeat the noise. “You still melt for me, even after all these years...”
“Shut up,” I weakly whispered.
He succeeded in getting my pants off before moving in between my legs.
His body radiated warmth from his excitement, an overpowering warmth that made me uneasy.
I used to love being cascaded in this warmth, but now, it felt like a damp blanket smothering me.
His mouth worshipped every inch of my skin, pirouetting along my pelvis.
I flinched fully this time when he took me in, as the sensation was much different from what I usually experienced with Ashlynn.
He was rough, commanding, where she moved so that we both derived pleasure from the act.
I clenched my teeth together and tried to focus on enjoying myself, acting as if I were wasting an opportunity by not indulging in the act.
To my surprise, the pills worked better than I imagined they would, and I was nearing climax already.
Ambermourn could sense me trembling underneath him, and knew I was close to my breaking point, so he moved all the way down and held himself in place.
I bit my hand and let out a loud cry, panting into my palm as my body rocked through the orgasm.
It wasn’t as satisfying as when I had one with Ash, but who ever really complained about getting off?
“You’re still so adorable. I love those little noises you make,” he purred as he picked his head up and licked his lips. That was, admittedly, pretty sexy, and helped me move into the act a bit more. I pushed against his chest so he would look up at me. “I want to top,” I declared firmly.
He let a playful string of laughter escape him. “Well, since you’re so determined...” He pulled me upright so we could swap spots. “Show your mentor some new tricks.”
“You’ll be surprised by what I've learned in my time.” I worked his clothes, and the rest of mine, off before pushing his legs back.
He looked rather intense lying beneath me like this.
We switched off in our sexual positions often when we slept together before, but tonight, seeing him in this state once more brought back a slew of memories I had buried a long time ago, as well as a slew of desires I thought I'd suppressed. Even with my suspicions, I couldn’t deny that I saw him as an incredibly attractive sexual partner, and that I was partially excited at the prospect of this.
I had been intimate with men in group settings with Ash since everything with Phillip, so it wasn’t like this was my first time having sex with a man again, but it was my first time with someone so heavily connected to Chandler.
I prayed I could enjoy myself even in the slightest, especially when I twined our bodies and began moving my hips.
A rush of familiarity snaked through me, and I found myself enjoying the act more than I thought.
Ambermourn always used my body in a very strict, regimented way.
He loved to hold my hips and press his fingers into them, just to feel the way I moved inside him, and without fail, he did this again tonight.
He was a biter, so I knew I'd have marks in the morning I'd have to hide, and or have Ash heal when I went home. I hated that she would see them on my skin, that she would know what I’d done, but reminded myself that we both agreed to this, and at the end of the day, she would trump anyone in the universe as my desired partner.
I wasn’t enjoying myself the way I did with her, but I couldn’t deny that he was a good fuck.
Our bodies acted like old friends reconnecting, reminiscing with one another on a level I wasn’t quite aware of.
The way he breathed, moaned, gasped, all the way to the sweat on his skin and his heartbeat under my fingertips felt so familiar, yet still foreign.
As much as I wanted to enjoy myself, every thrust was only a reminder that this was for show, that as soon as he got what he wanted, I would get what I wanted.
And that was proof that he was a backstabbing traitor.
As I suspected, Ambermourn was barely able to keep his eyes open long enough for me to request a shower. His naked body lounged across the chaise as I picked up my clothes, leaning down to peck the corner of his lip. “Hey, sleepyhead. I’m going to shower real quick, if that’s alright?”
“Of course it is...” he moaned back, blinking heavily against light from a floor lamp.
I flicked the switch and pulled a throw blanket over his shoulders, tucking it around him carefully. “Get some sleep. I'll be back before you know it.”