28. Renegades #2
“I can’t wait to squish their little feet!” I proclaimed.
That night, after a peaceful dinner shared with all the Gods, we all began to depart for some much-needed sleep.
Odysseus said he was going to stop by his parent’s room for some catch up, so I figured I’d check on my own mother, especially with everything going on right now.
I knocked on her door in a pattern I had used all my life, a secret code between my parents and me, and when she heard it, her laughter flooded the room. “Come in!” she called lovingly.
I opened the door and poked my head inside, only to frown at the scene awaiting me.
Mom was tucked in a ball in the center of the bed with one of Dad’s pillows tucked in her embrace.
She had her face pressed into it and was staring out of the large window, trying to ease her pain if only slightly.
Her golden hair hung loose and lifeless against her back, and her eyes were dull compared to the beautiful amber she always radiated.
I shut the door and slid across the bed to pull her legs open.
She didn’t object and was relieved when I nestled into her lap and laid my face against her collarbone.
She tenderly wrapped her arms around me, settling the pillow in my lap so we could both enjoy its company. “I miss him…” I finally whispered.
“Not as much as me,” she retorted frailly, a hesitant smirk on her face, but her ability to joke was nonexistent right now.
I kissed her cheek softly before turning so I could hug her tighter. “I know, Mom, I know. I’m so sorry things are the way they are. I hope you know that I cannot change this, as much as I want to…?”
“This has nothing to do with you, Nick, and I know that. It just-… it hurts me, that he has to suffer because of Ambermourn. All your father has done is suffer for the mistakes of other people.” She blinked back some falling tears.
“When does he catch a break? When is he not the one to shoulder the weight of the world? He became a Horsemen to save the world form extinction, gave a piece of his soul to protect humanity, and this is how he’s repaid? How fair is that?”
“It’s not. I am so angry with the rulers… but he did cause a lot of damage. Whether he was coherent or not, he killed millions of beings, and I understand their anger.” I said this cautiously, as I didn’t know how she would handle this conversation, but luckily, my words didn’t upset her.
Instead, she sunk into my hair until I could barely hear her voice.
“That’s why I am so conflicted. I am… I am angry, that he caused so much damage specially to beings of my Realm, but how do you blame him when he had the spell used against him?
How is it his fault for becoming something so unstable?
And… what he did to you… Gods, Nicodemus, if he had killed you, especially after all that happened with Gehenna… I would have never forgiven him.”
“Neither would I!” I blurted to make her laugh a little.
She kissed my hair and cheeks repeatedly. “You little goofball.” She took my face in her hands and turned me towards her briefly, her eyes like glass. “I want you to promise me something, Nicodemus.”
“Of course?” I immediately replied.
She combed her thumbs over my freckles in a steady, circular motion. “No matter how old you grow, or how strong you become, you will not forget about me.”
“Mom, how could I ever-…?”
“It is an easy thing, to forget those outside of your circle. I would know.” She cast her eyes away from me in shame.
“I haven’t spoken to my parents in centuries.
Your father and his… extended family becomes so distant when you become wrapped up in your godly duties.
I don’t want to ever lose the relationship we have.
You and your father are what I hold closest in this world, and I cannot live without you, so promise me you will make time for us, even when you’re off saving the world? ”
I tsked and squished her face in my palms to break up her serious expression.
“Mom, I will never forget about you. You and Dad… you’re my best friends.
I don’t know what I would do without you guys.
I want to have a long, happy life together, full of so many memories that we run out of room for all of them.
I want you to help me become an amazing God, and in return, I want you to enjoy retirement and the universe you’ve protected so dearly.
It’s our turn to take care of you, and I really hope you let us do so. ”
She scoffed softly. “Your words terrify me. I never wanted you to be in any position to take care of anyone but yourself, especially of me, and now, you have a whole universe to tend to. I wish I could lessen your burdens, even if in the slightest.”
“You do lessen them.”
“How?” she snorted sarcastically.
I frowned at her dismissive tone. “Because you allow me space to be myself, that’s how.
With you, I don’t have expectations. I mean, sure, during training I do, but in our private time, I can just be silly Nicodemus.
I can be me, without the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Do you know how much that means to me? That you don’t expect me to fix everything wrong with the universe this very second?
” I exhaled loudly, closing my eyes as I let the words linger on my tongue.
“Mom… it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.
It’s something not everyone can always give me, either.
Even my friends… they rely on me so much because of how powerful I am.
I always have to make the final decision, always have to be the leader, and that is exhausting sometimes.
With you, though, I can be me, and that’s enough for you. ”
“It very much is. I don’t want you to ever feel pressure when you’re with me. I want you to be carefree always, and to let your father and I relieve some of the intense pressure.”
I tucked myself into a ball and happily let her kiss my face as many times as she could.
“I love you, Mom. Don’t ever think for a second that I’ll forget about you.
We’re gonna get through this as best as we can, and when Dad comes back, we’ll get this fight over with so we can focus on the future. ”
“Yeah, the future…” she trailed off abruptly, going back to staring out the window. I followed her gaze to the moon, to Dad and I’s planet, where I hoped she would find some kind of solace. Unfortunately, I don’t think she did.