Chapter Seventeen Lor Heart Settlements Present Day
After dinner is brought up, I settle next to the fire with Rhiannon as she regales me with tales of her childhood with Serce. Stories of them causing mischief and Serce’s bouts of independence and rebellion against her mother. I absorb it all like caked sand doused with drops of water. Or at least I’m trying to. My attention keeps diverting to Nadir, who’s sitting in the middle of the room talking to a female High Fae that’s shamelessly flirting with him.
What’s worse is he seems to be flirting back. From the corner of my eye, I watch as she touches his arm and then leaves it there. Like she’s claiming him, and how dare she? I definitely try not to notice how Nadir leans in and says something in a low voice that makes her laugh. He’s not supposed to make her laugh.
He’s the high-strung, broody Aurora Prince—he’s not supposed to be making anyone laugh.
Rhiannon’s soothing voice pierces the veil of my irate thoughts.
“Oh! And the time we stole an ancient faerie relic from the king’s collection—it was said anyone who held it would gain the power to see the future. We got into so much trouble!” She’s laughing, and I start laughing, though it sounds forced, and I feel terrible for ignoring her when she’s giving me her time. I shift in my seat, attempting to turn my back to Nadir. It doesn’t really work, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
“Tell me about it,” I say to Rhiannon, focusing back on her. Rhiannon continues talking as she works away at her knitting, her gaze periodically flicking up. It seems like this is cathartic for her, too, as she reminisces about the past with such fondness. As I continue listening, I try to picture my grandmother and Rhiannon, young and carefree, enjoying their lives.
The sky has grown dark outside, filling with stars, and it must be getting late. I wonder how Tristan and Mael are faring on their horses.
Once again, I’m distracted by Nadir, who’s still chatting with the same woman, and am I imagining that she’s moved even closer? He isn’t deterring her advances, and I grind my teeth. I remind myself that I was the one who told him it was over between us. That I wanted friendship and nothing more. I have no right to be angry. And yet, I’m pissed.
I focus on Rhiannon, trying to block him out. He’s not important. He’s no one. My magic tugs under my skin, pointing in his direction, reminding me that I can try to keep telling myself that, but I’m fooling no one.
A few minutes later, I notice Nadir approaching. Rhiannon stops talking, and he tips his head her way. “Thank you so much, Rhiannon. I’m sure Lor appreciates all this very much.”
I’m really not a fan of him speaking for me. I don’t acknowledge it, because he doesn’t know it yet, but I’m giving him the silent treatment right now.
“Lor, I’m going to take care of a few things. I’ll return in an hour and walk you back to the inn. Okay?”
I don’t answer him, annoyed in a way I don’t have a right to be. A few things to take care of? What, like taking that woman somewhere private and fucking her against a wall? That image twists a sharp pain in my chest, and I bury it away, piling it with a heap of indigestion.
“Lor?”
“Sure,” I say, conceding to single syllables purely out of necessity.
“Don’t leave here without me,” he says, giving me a look that suggests I’m going to be in for a world of trouble if I disobey his command.
“Fine.”
He hesitates, and I widen my eyes as if to say Are you done now?
He nods and then turns on his heel, leaving the room. When he’s gone, I let out the breath trapped in my chest. I look back at Rhiannon, who stares at the doorway where he just left with a half smile on her face before turning to me again.
“Where were we?” I ask. “Tell me more about my grandfather. What was he like?”
“Hmm,” Rhiannon says. “I got to know him only for a short time during the summit, but he was both ferocious and exceedingly kind. He loved your grandmother fiercely.”
I like the sound of that. Rhiannon’s stories about my grandmother aren’t exactly bad, but they don’t always paint her in the most positive light. While I’m sure she wasn’t evil, there’s a definite theme of selfishness underpinning most of her actions. Maybe they were just young and foolish in the way of adolescents. They had the freedom to be children in ways I never did.
“You look a lot like him too,” Rhiannon says. “Not your coloring—that’s all Serce—but in your features, I see Wolf.”
I like the sound of that too.
“Do you think he tried to stop her?” I ask.
“I’m not sure, but I never got that sense,” Rhiannon says. “He would have done anything for her from the moment they met.”
I consider that, wondering about how they fell in love so quickly.
“They certainly gave up a lot for one another,” I say.
“Well, of course. They were mates,” Rhiannon says as if that’s perfectly clear.
“‘Mates,’” I repeat. “I’ve heard the term referenced once or twice before, but what does it actually mean?”
“Well, it’s very rare,” Rhiannon says, shifting in her seat, a sparkle dancing in her eyes. “In the thousands of years since the Beginning of Days, there have been only maybe a hundred true mate pairs to ever exist.”
“Wow. What were the odds of finding each other, then?”
“Almost nothing,” Rhiannon says. “She told me she knew the moment she met him. That there was this shift in the air around her, and she knew something had changed. Her magic started to respond to him, too.”
My scalp prickles with heat, an alarm howling in the back of my head.
“What? How do you mean… respond?” I practically choke on the words as they wedge in my throat.
“She said it was like it was fighting to get out, sure it was fighting to get to him. If they were ever apart for too long, the feeling would get stronger, and once they’d both realized who they were to each other, it finally calmed down, like two opposing halves fitting together.”
She knits her fingers together and smiles with a wistful look in her eyes.
My chest turns heavy, the air in my lungs moving like sludge as my magic tugs inside me, reminding me it’s there. As if I could ever forget.
“Could that magical tug be a signal of anything else?” My voice has gone unnaturally high, and Rhiannon draws her eyebrows together, oblivious to my climbing panic.
“I’m not really sure. I’ve never heard of it happening otherwise. I’ve had plenty of time on my hands,” she says with a dry smile. “I’ve done a lot of research on mate bonds purely out of curiosity. Sometimes I think it was their love that burned down the world, which in a way is almost romantic, I think?”
I give her a weak smile as thoughts roll through my head, pinging against the inside of my scalp like razored arrows. When Gabriel had said Nadir’s name that night at the Sun Queen Ball, I’d felt a shift too. An unmistakable bend in the course of my destiny.
Mates. Mates. Mates.
“Fuck,” I whisper as it all calcifies into focus.
Nadir is my mate.
That’s the only explanation for any of this.
For the way he’s twisted me into knots from the moment I first saw him.
Does Nadir know about this?
What am I going to do?
“Lor?” Rhiannon is asking as I resurface from the quicksand of my inner spiral. “Are you okay?”
I look back at her and brush my hair from my forehead. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I am definitely not fine, but I’m not sure how to say these words out loud. First of all, what if I’m wrong? Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Maybe it’s something else. What if I give voice to this and look like a complete fool?
“Tell me more about mate bonds,” I croak. “Please.”
“They’re very powerful,” Rhiannon says. “Mate bonds can be the source and amplifier for magic. I’m not sure if Serce knew that part, but there are ways to use the magic of a mate bonding for various purposes.” She keeps talking about the sacredness of the bond and how it’s a mark from Zerra herself as I sit still in my chair, slipping down, down, down.
“Wait, what did you just say?” I ask, snagging on something she just said.
“When two Fae are mates, then they must bond,” she says.
“What happens if they don’t?” I ask, already dreading the answer.
“Then they’ll both die. At first, it’s a sort of slow and painful descent into agony and madness. And then they both just stop existing. No Evanescence. No nothing.”
“I see,” I say.
She falls silent, watching me as though she can sense the turbulence churning inside my head.
“Don’t worry. It’s rarely happened. The pull of one’s true mate is hard to resist.”
I contemplate those words before I frown.
“So fate just decides it for you, then? What if someone doesn’t want to be mated to that person?”
Rhiannon gives me a patient smile and shakes her head.
“It’s not like that. When Zerra bestows a mate bond, it’s because those two people are wholly perfect for each other in every conceivable way. But it goes beyond the surface—it’s far more meaningful and deep.”
My frown deepens. “So what comes first, the chicken or the egg? Are they perfect because they’re mates?”
“No, it’s more cyclical. One begets the other. You’d still likely end up together, barring some drastic course of action altering your paths. It’s about destiny and the purpose of those two lives. It’s no different from any pair who choose the bond, but the mate bond has more powerful consequences.”
“Doesn’t sound like much of a choice if they die when they refuse.”
She shrugs and tips her head. “Perhaps. But in the end, it is still your choice. Besides, there are also special advantages for mates.”
“Such as?”
“One of the most notable is the ability to hear each other’s thoughts. It can be very useful. It doesn’t happen in every pairing, though.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never discovered an answer to that. Serce never mentioned it, so I don’t believe your grandparents were capable of it.”
I run a hand down my face, on the verge of hyperventilating.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a little off,” Rhiannon asks. “I have some tonics I can administer if you’re unwell. I know this has all been a lot.”
“Yes, I’m just tired,” I say, the lie ringing hollow to my ears.
I am tired, but also, I’ve never been more awake in my entire fucking life.
Mates.
Nadir is my fucking mate.
“I’ve kept you long enough,” I say. “I think Nadir should be back any minute.”
“You don’t have to leave,” she says, and I get the sense that today, she needed me as much as I needed her.
“I’ll be back tomorrow if that’s okay? This has been a lot of information, and I think I just need some air. A moment to clear my head.”
“Of course. I’d love it if you came back. I’ll try to think of some more stories. I want to hear more about your siblings too. I know we’ve never met, but Serce and I were so close that you all feel like my own grandchildren. We’re family.”
“Thank you for all of this,” I say. “Truly. You have no idea how much it means to me. And I’ll bring Tristan—he should be here soon.”
“Wonderful,” she says with a soft smile, and I turn to leave, heading back the way I came.
The tea shop is closed for the evening, though many of the same Fae I saw upstairs linger at one of the tables, a pot of tea sitting between them. Instinctively, I search for the woman Nadir was flirting with, and when I see she isn’t amongst them, my stomach twists.
Zerra. What am I going to do about any of this?
They all stop talking as I enter the room, and I can’t help feeling like I’m a specimen on display.
“Hi,” I say. I can sense they want to ask me a thousand questions, but after what I just learned, I need to be anywhere but confined to this stuffy room. “See you later.”
I look down at my feet and then rush across the room, shoving open the door and taking a deep inhale of the cool night air. For several moments, I stand with my eyes closed and my face tipped up, trying to calm the thundering rush of my pulse. When I open them, I’m greeted with the breathtaking sights of a blanket of stars and a silver moon high in the sky.
I look around. The street is quieter than earlier, with just a few people nodding to me as they pass. Snow is gently starting to fall, dusting everything in a coating of icy sparkles. The temperature has dropped, and I rub my hands, peering down the street, both ready to call it a night but also anticipating the sight of Nadir.
What am I going to do when I see him? What do I say? We need to talk about this. Does he know? What does this mean? But what if I’m wrong? I can’t stop the same unproductive thoughts from churning in pointless loops. This is not how I imagined this day would end.
I stamp my feet as the chill settles in my limbs, and now I’m getting annoyed. Where is he? I think of that small room and that tiny bed that we’re supposed to share, and knots of desire and rage flare in my stomach.
Zerra.There’s no way I’ll ever be able to sleep next to him again and pretend it’s innocent. My mate. I wonder if I’m having a panic attack as I struggle to breathe, my skin flushing and my temple throbbing.
Where the fuck is he?
He’s with that woman. That’s the only explanation. I check the watch in my pocket and then grimace. He isn’t late. He still has fifteen minutes left.
I blow out a sigh and will myself to get my shit together. Calm down, Lor.
How am I going to look him in the eye ever again?
Pacing in front of the shop, I stew in my thoughts, when a sound catches my attention. Someone’s crying—it sounds like a child. I notice a small boy standing at the corner with fat tears running down his face. He’s sniffling loudly, his narrow chest heaving. I haven’t spent much time around children, and it’s hard to guess his age, but he looks small. And frightened.
I approach him cautiously, trying not to scare him. When I’m a few feet away, I crouch down on a knee.
“Are you okay?” I ask, and he looks over, hiccuping through his tears. He wipes his face with his hand, pulling out a string of snot. “I lost my mum,” he says. “We were in the market, and I turned around, and she was gone.”
I look around, hoping to find a harried woman already careening our way, but there’s no one in sight. I can’t just leave him like this.
“Okay, don’t worry. I’ll help you find her,” I say.
The little boy frowns. “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”
I nod. Smart kid. “Right. You’re absolutely right. Can I just sit next to you until she returns then? Was the market close by?”
The boy’s shoulders relax as I sink down on my heel.
“Not really,” he says. “I was chasing a feather, and it was a long time, I think. When I looked up, everything was different.”
Okay then. Well, still, he can’t have gone that far.
“I want her,” he whines, and I’m not really sure what to do.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go look for her? My name is Lor. What’s yours?”
“I’m Aris. It’s spelled A-R-I-S,” he says proudly, like he’s just learned this and is eager to show off his new skill.
“Nice to meet you, Aris. And there, now we aren’t strangers anymore.”
I know that’s not really how it works, but he’s a kid, and maybe he’ll go for it. I obviously don’t mean him any harm, and just want to get him back to his mother.
He gives me a dubious look, and I offer up what I hope is my most I’m not a threat smile.
“Do you remember which direction you came from?” I ask. “We could just walk that way and see if we find your mom, okay?”
“Okay,” he finally says. “I think it was this way.”
He walks over, slips his hand into mine, and then tugs me down the road. I check the time, and I should make it back before Nadir returns. This kid needs me right now. I’ve never given much thought to the idea of motherhood, but I like the idea of a family someday.
Aris pulls me down a small street lined with doors that lead up to homes and other businesses. Then another one as we go deeper into the winding maze of dilapidated houses.
“Are you sure this is the right way?” I ask as we move further and further from the main thoroughfare. He nods his little chin.
“Yup, I remember this spot now.”
“Okay,” I say, looking around. I check my watch. It’s now past time for Nadir to meet me at the tea shop. I wonder if he arrived on time or if he was too cock deep inside that woman to remember me. I shake my head. Gods, I can be so dramatic.
“Right up here,” Aris says, tugging my hand again as we turn another corner. It’s a dead end.
“I don’t think this is it,” I say, and that’s when everything goes black.
I scream, but the sound is muffled against a swath of thick dark fabric. Surprise knocks me off balance, and I stumble, crashing into a wall before pain bursts at the back of my head, and then I remember nothing.