Chapter Twenty-Five Nadir
My blood bakes under my skin as I storm through the Fort like a fucking hurricane. Lor kicks and flails where I have her caged against my shoulder.
“Put me down!” she screams, her fists pounding into my back. “Nadir!”
I laugh, but there is nothing warm about it. It’s a steel knife digging into my sternum. Twisting, twisting deep. When I saw her sitting on the lap of that asshole, I lost it. I can’t fucking do this anymore. We’re going to have this out now if it kills both of us. I’m ready to flame out like a star across the sky, rendering me into nothing but smoking ash.
“I swear to you!” she threatens, but there’s nothing left she can do.
She’s ripped out my heart and stomped all over it until it’s nothing but an anemic lump of desiccated flesh. I fling open the door to her room and walk to the bed, lifting her off my shoulder and dropping her with an unceremonious heave. She tries to scramble away, but I’m on her before she can sidle from my reach.
My body flattens hers to the mattress, and I grab her wrists, pinning them over her head. She’s fighting me like a wildcat, and fuck, my dick is already hard.
My magic flares, an aura of color leaking out to surround me in soft light, bathing the planes of her face in a blue, green, violet glow.
“Nadir,” she hisses, attempting to free her wrists, but she’s helpless underneath me. “Get off me!”
“Not until you talk to me,” I hiss back, pinning her with a glare. She shoots daggers with her violent gaze. She’s so fucking beautiful like this. For the past few weeks, she’s been so quiet, so subdued. Only a shadow of the woman I know she is. I want this fiery Lor, and I’ll do anything it takes to get her back.
“Talk about what?”
“Who was that asshole you were with?”
Her grin turns wicked, her eyes morphing into diamonds that could slice through glass. “None of your business.”
Oh no. I don’t think so.
My weight settles against her as I feel everything. The softness of her breasts and her thighs and the way she has her legs wrapped around me. I want to fuck her so badly that the seams of my equilibrium are pulling apart, stretching to their very limits. I’m being dismantled piece by piece through the exquisite depth of my need.
“You’re one to talk!” she screams, bucking at me again. “How many women can you flirt with in the space of two days, Prince of The Aurora?”
Flirting? What on earth is she talking about? Then it occurs to me. She thought a couple of harmless conversations was me flirting? She really doesn’t get it.
ButI’m not above using this to my advantage.
It’s my turn to give her a wicked grin. “Jealous?”
“Absolutely not. How dare you rip me away from my… friend when you’re out there rubbing yourself against anything that moves!” She screams so loudly her voice cracks, and the sound is the sweetest, most vindicating music to my ears. She does care.
“What difference does it make to you?” I snarl. “You’ve retreated into yourself and won’t talk to me. But you keep looking at me like… like… Gods, I can’t figure out what that look is!”
“Get. Off. Me.” Her gaze burns with heat forged in the deepest fires of the Underworld. “I won’t talk until you get off me.”
“Fine,” I say, loosening her wrists and then backing off. She sits up and then stands, smoothing down her tunic and her hair like she’s a rabid dog about to meet the queen for tea.
“How dare you pick me up like I’m a sack of fruit and then toss me on the bed?” she shouts before she attempts to brush past me.
“You said you’d talk to me,” I say, grabbing her.
In a flash, she has the dagger strapped around her leg clutched in her hand. She points it at me, and I back up until I hit the bedpost, the sharp tip pressing into my throat.
“I lied,” she hisses, pressing the dagger in more firmly, her breath heavy and her teeth bared. If she thinks any of this is deterring me, then she’s about to be surprised. I literally couldn’t be more turned on right now. “You have no right to tell me who I can talk to.”
“I know,” I say through clenched teeth.
“Do you?” she challenges. “Because you’re acting like you do.”
“Lor!” I grab her wrist and pin it against my chest, the dagger still clutched in her fist. “You’re my fucking mate, and you are mine.”
The words slip out and vibrate in the air, hanging between us. Forever said and never to be undone. I didn’t mean to just blurt it out like that, but she’s making me so crazy that I’m not thinking straight.
“I know that!” she yells as she wrenches her arm from my surprised hold and walks away. That’s just about the last thing I expected her to say.
“You do?”
“Yes!” She presses a fist to her heart as though she can’t draw enough air and then gives me a suspicious look, her gaze narrowed. “Wait. You knew?”
“Yes, of course I knew.”
“How long have you known this?”
I shake my head. “I think I’ve always known, but I knew for sure after that night in the Heart Castle.”
She approaches, placing her hand in the center of my chest. My knees hit the back of a chair at the foot of the bed, and I collapse into it. She lands on top of me, straddling my hips, holding the edge of her blade under my chin.
“And you didn’t tell me?” she hisses. With her cheeks flushed and her hair wild, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. I’m trying to focus on her anger and her words, but I’m distracted by this need that throbs in my chest.
Not just physically, but the need for her to see me as I am, hands out, without armor, bleeding heart on the fucking table.
“You’d just told me you wanted me to never touch you again. What was I supposed to do?” I snap, grabbing her forearm as the blade digs deeper.
Her nostrils flare, and she breathes a long sigh before she pushes off me and walks towards the window, placing her hands on the ledge and dropping her head against it.
“When did you find out? Why didn’t you say something?” I accuse, coming up behind her.
She whirls around.
“Rhiannon. She was talking about my grandparents and what she knew about mates, and then it all clicked! You’re my mate! It was the only thing that made sense!”
“Okay! Why are you yelling about this?”
“I don’t know!” She throws up her hands. “I don’t know what to do with this!”
She’s on the verge of tears, but I don’t understand what they mean. Does she hate the idea of being mated to me so much? I know I’m the reminder of so many things she’s lost, and I can never take away what my father did to her, but I am not him. I will do everything I can to protect her and prove that.
As she’s about to turn away again, emotion tears from the center of my chest because I can’t hold any of this in anymore. I need her to understand.
“Lor! When are you going to get it through your head that I am totally, completely fucking in love with you!”
She attempts to retreat, but I take another step until she’s backed against the window. “You’re all I think about. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I’d do anything for you. You’ve become my air and my blood and my only reason to exist. I love you, Lor. I love you so much it makes my heart feel ready to burst.”
The rage in her eyes dims and turns into something else I’m not sure how to read. It’s that same look she keeps giving me. Confusion and wariness and some third emotion that almost tastes like forever.
“You do?”
I place my hands on the window on either side of her. “Yes. Gods, Lor. How can you not see it?”
Tears pool in her eyes as she opens her mouth and then closes it. The tension in the air is so thick it feels like it might grow wings and fly out of the room. She stares up at me with her lips parted, and I read a million things in her eyes.
I see the hurt and the loss and the rage that she carries so close to her heart. But I also see the hope and the joy and bravery of her spirit. I see all the things she wants and how hard I’m going to try to give her every bit of it. What I see is almost too much, because even if she can’t say the words, I’m sure at least part of her feels the same.
We’re clashing hordes and falling stars. We’ve been existing on the ledges of two opposite cliffs, so close to touching, and either we grab hold now or plummet into nothing.
And then we’re both moving.
Her mouth crashes into mine, and there is only heat and teeth and the frantic grab of our hands. This is bone breaking, lung crushing, and it consumes me.
I frame her face with my hands and kiss her like I’m drowning. Like I’ve forgotten how to breathe. My tongue plunges into her mouth, and she moans. The sound vibrates through every cell, ending at my already rock-hard cock.
We kiss as the room spins and the world melts away. There is nothing but this moment and her. Her. Lor. All she’s done is fight me every step of the way, but I don’t care. She’s the summit of an unscalable peak. A distant, unreachable planet in the heavens.
I will fight back until the end if that’s what it takes.
She tears at my shirt, fumbling with the buttons with her shaking hands. I pull them away and rip it open, the ping of buttons hitting the floor. She shoves the fabric over my shoulders, and then I press myself against her as her hands claw at my back, trying to get closer. I want her to mark me. Draw blood and leave scars staking her claim.
I don’t even know what I’m doing as I fumble with the laces on her vest. I can’t seem to make my hands work right. “Argh.” I let out a sound of frustration and then reach for the dagger in her hand, finding it empty.
“Where is it?” I demand.
She grabs it from the window ledge where she left it and holds it up. We both pause as our eyes meet. A moment ago, she wanted to slice me open, and now? Now her gaze simmers with that fire that drew me to her from the moment we met. It wouldn’t have mattered whether she was my mate; I would have gone to the ends of the world for her even if we never exchanged a single word.
My hand closes around hers as I take the dagger, then slowly hook it under the first set of laces. The sharp edge slices clean through as she gasps. With my gaze on her, I move to the next as her chest moves up and down. I’m torturing myself, but part of me wants this moment to last forever.
We’re on the edge of whatever comes next, and I want to remember her like this for the rest of my life.
We both watch the progress of my slow, deliberate movements as I slice through another set of ribbons.
“Nadir,” she whispers, and the sound is so pained that my dick throbs. She wants this as much as I do.
“What, Lor?”
“You’re fucking killing me right now,” she says, and I smile.
“Good,” I say before I finally slice through the last two ribbons, and we blow out twin gasps of strangled breath. My hand cups the side of her face as I press myself against her, and she looks up at me with that raw mixture of strength and vulnerability in her eyes. Then I kiss her as she melts against me. I take my time, luxuriating in the sensations consuming me, feeling every inch of her mouth and her tongue. Every whisper of her breath as I inhale her scent—that curious mingle of roses, rainstorms, and the crack of lightning that feels exactly like home.
But the moment stretches too thin, and we both snap, once again clawing at one another. I pick her up, folding her legs around my waist as I carry her back to the bed. I don’t drop her any less gently than last time, but she doesn’t seem to care. After dragging her closer by her ankle, I grab her shirt collar and rip it down the front.
“This time, I know you have more clothing with you,” I snarl, referring to our night in the Heart Castle, and she nods before I capture her mouth with mine. Her hands fist into the strands of my hair, and she pulls me down hard enough to make my roots ache. I could lie here kissing her forever, but I’ll also die if I don’t get inside of her soon.
She palms my cock through my pants, and I nearly fold like I’ve been kicked in the chest. But I force myself to pull away. She looks up at me with that open gaze. The same one I saw that first time in Aphelion when I was already falling.
“What?” she asks.
“I just… I don’t think I can do this again if you’re not all in. It almost killed me last time, and I need to be honest with you because I’ve just told you how I feel and…” I break off, not sure how to finish. I’ve never been this vulnerable with anyone in my life, but with her, it feels right. It feels necessary. I can’t hold anything back.
She sits up, smoothing down the sides of her hair like she intends to take this seriously.
“I freaked out that night. I’ve belonged to men trying to use me for half of my life, and hearing you say those words triggered every dark memory I’ve tried to suppress.
“When I realized Atlas had lied to me about so much, my trust was broken. Not just in him but in everything. I’m trying to fix these pieces of myself with nothing but fraying threads.”
I try to correct her. There’s nothing to fix. That wasn’t how I meant it, but she holds up a hand.
“I know that was never what you meant, Nadir. It just took me a while to come to understand that. I know you’ve never wanted to cage me. You’ve become not just my rock, but my soft landing too. All you’ve ever done is give me room to spread my wings.”
She stares at me, and some feeble hope flutters in my chest. Is she saying what I think?
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, sitting up on her knees and cupping my cheek with her hand. “I got scared that night, but I’ve regretted that moment so many times since it happened. I was worried that I—”
She looks away, but I direct her face back to me. “What?”
“That I ruined it. That this was over. When I saw you talking to that woman, I thought…”
“Lor,” I growl, clamping a hand to her lower back and dragging her closer. “I told you that I didn’t want anyone else. I meant it then, and I mean it now. Yesterday, when you thanked me for rescuing you, what I really wanted to say was that I would have torn apart the entire fucking world to find you, and how could you ever think that I wouldn’t come for you?”
That’s it. I’m laying it all out now. No more hiding my feelings. No more giving her room to run from hers. If she doesn’t want this, then I’ll find somewhere to sink into the dust forever until I pass out of memory.
But she’s right there. I can feel it.
Her eyes fill with tears.
“I knew that,” she whispers. “I think I knew that.”
“Good,” I say, and then we’re kissing again. It’s tender at first, but a storm has been brewing, and we cave to the pressure that threatens to suffocate us both. The kiss deepens, and then I can’t seem to get her clothes off fast enough.
Now I know why she’s always felt so familiar—she was destined for me from the very beginning.
I tug down her boots and then her leggings, and then I push her back so I can slide them off, trying not to tear every stitch, but really, who cares?
She’s so beautiful and perfect, just like the first time I saw her. I can’t believe she’s mine. I hope she’s mine this time. I’m sure this is what Zerra intended for us. How could anything else feel so right?
I stand up and pull her with me, just so I can take her all in. I’m torn between which I need more—my tongue or my cock inside her—but so help me, before we’re done, I’m going to do both many times over. She tugs at the button on my pants and then slides her hand in, palming my cock, which feels like it’s about to explode.
“Oh fuck,” I moan as my head tips against hers. “You have no idea how much I want you, Lor.”
“I want you, too,” she says as she arches her head and sucks my neck, her hand tightening around me, pumping me with slow, firm strokes. My moan vibrates through every cell of my body, my orgasm already cresting, but I don’t want to let go. I’m not even close to done with her yet.
She tugs at my waistband with her free hand, and I help her out, stepping back before I shove my pants down, stripping down to nothing. For several breaths, we just watch one another. I file every piece of her into my memory. The dusting of freckles on the swells of her breasts. The softness of her thighs. The mole on her left ribcage. The birthmark on her hip and the brand from Nostraza charred into her shoulder.
Her eyes drag over me, from my face and over my chest and down to my stomach, resting on my painfully erect cock.
She looks up slowly and then licks her lips, and I remember vividly what it was like to have her mouth wrapped around it. That was still the single hottest moment of my life. Tonight I have every intention of leaving that day in the dust.
But I’m trying hard not to take over. Though every primal instinct roaring through my veins wants to throw her down and claim her, I don’t want to scare her again. I want her to feel like this is her choice and take exactly what she needs.
When she presses herself against me, my entire body shivers at the contact, every muscle tightening and melting at the same time. Her mouth hits the curve of my collarbone, her lips searing into my skin. Slowly, she trails them higher, up the column of my neck, stretching onto her toes, and I tip my head down until our mouths are an inch apart.
We hover there, breathing in each other’s space, and this is the moment when I understand there will be no going back.
She’s not just my mate. Not just the woman I’ve fallen in love with. She is every star in the sky and every wish I’ve ever wanted. This moment right now will define every single one that comes after it from now until eternity. I feel it in my bones. This isn’t just true love. Lor has a destiny to fulfill, and I am sure that I am a part of it.
This is something so much bigger than either of us.
“Nadir,” she whispers before she closes the distance, her mouth sealing against mine. She pushes me back until my legs hit the divan under the window. I collapse, taking her with me as she straddles my hips. With her hands gripping my shoulders, she slides her swollen, wet pussy against me, and I moan with the absolute exquisite ecstasy of every sensation.
Finally, I can’t keep my hands off her anymore, and I grab her hips, grinding her down against me for more friction. My fingers dig into her soft skin as I cling to her for dear fucking life. More of my magic releases, twisting around my limbs. I see the faint crackle of red lightning dance at the edges of her body.
“Nadir,” she gasps again.
“What do you want?” I ask. “Do whatever you need. Take me inside you. Use me. Fucking ride me, Lor. I’m here at your feet, ready to give you everything.”
Her head snaps up, and I worry it’s too much. Have I made the same mistake again? But she smiles, the corner of her mouth lifting in a way that makes me want to bite down on every inch of her.
She reaches between us and takes me in her hand, stroking me before she lifts herself up and then positions me at her entrance. I hold my breath as my entire body vibrates with want and need and everything I’m trying so hard to hold back.
Slowly, so slowly, she sinks down, gasping as her mouth forms a perfect “O.”
“Gods, you’re so fucking tight,” I whimper.
My forehead falls against her as I groan. I can tell she needs a moment to adjust, so I give her that, holding back with all my strength instead of thrusting into her like I so desperately want.
“Look at me,” I demand, and her gaze hits mine as her head comes up. She doesn’t look away as she slowly takes me inch by glorious fucking inch. “Gods, you feel so good. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this.”
Her mouth parts, and she leans in to kiss me, our tongues slicking together as she rolls her hips. Finally, she’s fully seated, and our twin shudders practically ripple the surrounding air like it was also holding its breath.
“Lor,” I growl.
“Hmm?”
“I need you to start moving, or I’m going to lose my mind.”
She grins at me with a wicked light in her eyes.
“What’s the magic word?” she asks, and I let out a low snarl that makes her laugh. That sound is like music, and I want to be the one who makes her laugh like that every single day.
“You haven’t tortured me enough?” I ask, and her eyes spark.
“Not even close.”
She leans in, rolls her hips, and then slowly fucks me while my fingers dig into her thighs. No, this isn’t fucking. This is making love. I’ve never done this before. Not like this. It shakes something loose in my chest, and it’s almost like I can breathe properly for the very first time.
Then she gently bites the lobe of my ear before she whispers, “Take what you want, Nadir. I’m yours, but you are mine, too. I am not afraid, and I trust you. With everything. With my heart and my life. With everything that comes next.” Then she pins me with a look that I feel straight to my toes. “I don’t blame you for any of it.”
My breath shudders out, the jagged edges smoothing away, the layers of myself peeling apart.
Until this moment, I didn’t realize just how badly I needed to hear that.
My control snaps. I lift her up and toss her back on the bed because I need the freedom to fuck her until we both collapse. I fall to my knees and pull her towards me roughly, not giving her a chance to catch her breath before I bury my face between her legs.
“Oh!” she says, her hips lifting, but I pin them in place as I run the flat of my tongue against her pussy from back to front, savoring the taste of her on my tongue. Gods, how I’ve craved this. Her hand finds my head, her fingers pulling on my hair as I lap and nip at her until she’s writhing under me.
“I’m… going… to…” she breathes out, but I pull back because I’m going to make her wait. She pouts as I stand up and then stretch over her, giving her a feral smile.
“Move back,” I order, and she doesn’t hesitate to scoot to the middle of the bed. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s ever just listened to me without arguing. I watch her for a moment, my gaze lingering between her legs, reveling in the sight of how wet she is for me.
Then I crawl towards her, kissing my way up the length of her body as she moans, her breasts arching into me. I’m so close to the edge. I’ve wanted this for so long, and it’s almost too much.
“Nadir, please,” she says, and it’s my turn to torture her.
“Please what, Inmate?”
She pierces me with her gaze, her expression vulnerable. “You haven’t called me that since we left The Aurora.”
I hate the way she’s looking at me like I hurt her. “I thought you wanted me to stop, and you didn’t like it.”
She bites her lip. “Maybe it grew on me.”
“And after everything that happened, it didn’t feel right anymore.”
“And now?”
“And now I think we’re different.”
She smiles. That answer seems to please her.
“Wait? In… mate. Was that some kind of clue?”
I grin at that and chuckle. “Not at first, but it did turn out to be a happy coincidence.”
She shakes her head and pretends to look angry.
“How can I make it up to you?” I ask, leaning down and kissing her navel before I circle my tongue in the space below it.
“Oh,” she gasps. “By not making me wait any longer.”
I crawl over her, peppering her with more kisses. On her thigh and her hip. Up her ribs before I pull a nipple in my mouth and then bite down hard enough to make her cry out.
“You kept pushing me away, Lor. Now it’s your turn to suffer.”
She gives me that fierce look that always makes my cock ache, but who the fuck am I kidding? I possess no willpower to carry out that threat.
I lift up her leg and then position myself at her entrance, and this time there’s nothing gentle about it. I’m inside her within a moment, and we both gasp.
“Tell me if it’s too rough,” I order, but she shakes her head.
“It’s not,” she says, clawing at my back. “Don’t stop.”
“Then eyes on me, Heart Queen. Because I’m going to fucking ruin you.”
Slowly, I pull out, savoring how hot and tight she is, the way she fits me so perfectly. And then I thrust back in with force. This is it. This is my claiming. My mate and my heart. I will love her from now until the day that I become dust. All I can feel is her. All I can think of is her.
We both moan as I push in again, inch by inch, until I’m fully inside. I’m standing on the edge of a precipice, and I’m about to jump, and it’s both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. The wind in my face and that tumbling feeling in my stomach. I want to hold on forever, but it’s too late. I’ve already fallen.
I keep thrusting, and she keeps trying to pull me closer like she can wrap me into her soul. I press my mouth to hers as my hips churn, and I can feel her getting close as she clenches around me. My magic filters out, twisting around us as her faint, barely there traces of red lightning rise to the surface, our individual powers melding. Soft curves and hard edges, fitting together like two pieces that were always meant to be one.
“That’s my girl,” I whisper. “Fall apart for me.”
She cries out, and then her back arches as she comes, squeezing me so tightly that I follow a moment later, my orgasm tearing through me with a force that nearly splits me wide. My mind whites out, everything spreading apart. I keep riding her, wanting to prolong this feeling forever. She moves with me, and we kiss again, panting into each other’s mouths.
“I love you, Lor,” I say as our magic hovers around us like curls of smoke. “I love you. From now until the Evanescence takes us, I will love you. Even then, I’ll follow you to the ends of time.”
She looks at me, not saying anything.
“And if you never feel the same, then I—”
She silences me by pressing her finger to my mouth and shaking her head.
“No, stop that. I love you too,” she says, and my heart nearly explodes out of my chest. “I love you too. I’m sorry it took me so long to see it.”