Chapter Forty Lor Present Day
The following day, Nadir and I ride for the clearing where we practiced with Tristan last week. As we pass the same ruined temple, I stop to study it with new perspective, thinking of the task Zerra assigned to Cloris. Though she changed the subject, Cloris seemed to suggest Zerra needed the ark to save herself. But from what, exactly?
The stillness in the clearing is a direct contrast to the chaos building inside Aphelion. Between clashes with the low fae and the mounting spectacle of the bonding, the city walls have become a noose, cinching a little tighter every day.
Despite the calendar showing it’s winter, the temperature has been creeping up all week, and sweat is already beading on my forehead, a line running down my temple. I wear a light sleeveless top, the fabric clinging to my flushed skin.
We dismount from our horses and walk to the middle of the clearing.
“Do I need to put myself in mortal peril today?” Nadir asks, eyeing the pile of rubble we were responsible for creating last time.
“No,” I say. “I have to learn to do this without that being the reason.”
He approaches me and circles my waist. “I never properly thanked you for saving me from my father that day in Heart,” he says, his voice rough. “Without you protecting me, he would have won.”
I blow out a shaky breath. “It was strange, but at that moment, all I saw was white-hot rage, and I didn’t understand yet why it affected me that way. I would have done anything to protect you. I wanted to make him suffer for that moment and for everything he’s ever done to you.” My words pitch lower until I’m practically growling them, and Nadir smiles.
“I love it when you’re possessive, Heart Queen. It makes me so fucking hard.”
To prove his point, he grabs my ass and yanks me closer, where I feel the proof of his claim.
“Well, get used to it,” I whisper as he kisses the curve of my throat. “If anyone dares lay a hand on you, I will make them bleed. I once broke a woman’s arm for stealing my soap. Imagine what I’d do if someone hurt my mate.”
“Zerra, I will never get enough of you,” he murmurs into my skin, and I believe him because I feel the same.
“Maybe we don’t need to practice. How about a skinny dip under the waterfall?” I tease, and he groans.
“Yes, we do.” Then he pulls up. “Maybe if you’re a good girl and do as I say, I’ll reward you.”
Then he winks, spins, and walks away as I roll my eyes at his back.
“I heard that!” he calls.
“I didn’t say anything!”
“Let’s go, Lightning Bug,” he says, turning around with a smirk. “Show me what you can do.”
My hands ball into fists, and I squint at him, focusing on the churning in my veins. That door that’s still locked but has taken on a less dense and solid quality. I’m tearing it down, bit by bit, but can I do it in time for it to matter?
As I concentrate, a trickle of magic sparks through my limbs while Nadir continues backing up, putting more distance between us. When he seems satisfied, he sends out ribbons of light towards me but not in aggression. They wind gently around me as my magic responds to him with bottomless want.
A shiver ripples over my body as my lightning emerges. Only this time, there’s no uncontrolled torrent. This time it surfaces slowly, twisting up my arms in jagged lines following the curve of Nadir’s magic as they twin together like dancers waltzing over glass. I exhale in surprise, mesmerized by how this feels like an extension of me. I remember this sensation from so long ago.
I look over at Nadir, and even from across the clearing, I can see his pride. He pulls his magic back, leaving only mine, and I continue to marvel at it. It’s so remarkable, this gift. I truly thought it was gone forever. It’s still not all quite there. It’s muted, and that door is still closed, but it’s leaking out, and I’m sure it’s getting stronger.
When I healed Tristan, it crested so close to the surface and to breaking free.
Two abilities live inside me: one to destroy and one to create. Something tells me I will call on both many times before all of this is over.
Nadir sends another burst of magic hurtling my way. I lift my arm and block it, and our magic meets, crashing together and spreading apart in a halo of red and green and blue and purple suspended in the air. I can’t help but think it represents the two of us, contradictory and at odds but also yielding to each other to create something that makes my bones ache and my blood simmer.
He does it again, and I go on the offensive, countering with more control than I’ve had in years.
He stops and stares at me, breathing heavily, waiting for me to do my worst. So I take the lead, spearing lightning bolts from every direction as he fends them off. I’m not worried about hurting him. It’s obvious he still has far more control and power, so I keep going, giving him the full brunt of my strength.
I’ve always wanted to be the sort of woman who makes monsters kneel. Who brings down empires. Who holds the world in her hand. And for the first time in my life, it feels like it’s within my reach.
Finally, I stop, pulling everything back as the magic dissipates around me. Sweat runs down my temples, but I’m not done just yet. I fling out my hands, aiming for a spot high on a cliff. My shot clashes with the rock, falling just short of my intended target. I try again and again, shooting blasts around me as my aim slowly improves.
Nadir circles behind me, pointing at this spot or that spot as I aim over and over. My control is returning, though I never pushed my magic this way as a child. We didn’t have the freedom, worried about exposure, and my mother was too nervous to allow us to try anything more.
Finally, I stop. My body shakes with exertion, and sweat coats my back, plastering my tunic to my torso. The sun sits high, beating down on us with unrelenting heat.
Arms circle me from behind.
“You are fucking incredible,” Nadir says into my hair. “Beautiful. Fearless. Absolutely amazing.”
Suddenly, I have the overwhelming urge to cry. A sob builds in my throat, and I spin around, throwing my arms around his neck as I let go, weeping against his shoulder. He holds me, squeezing me tight, every once in a while kissing my neck or my cheek or my temple.
They feel like messages. Reminders that he’s here, a poem or a love letter written in the ashes.
I’m crying for everything. For everything we lost. For my parents. For my brother and sister. For everything I want to give them. For Nadir and his mother and Amya. For Mael and even for Gabriel. For everything I want to give Nadir too. I’ve been so entirely helpless for so very long, and finally, this one thing is almost within my control.
Eventually, my sobs taper off and I pull back. Nadir tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Are you okay?” he asks, and I nod.
“I am. Zerra, all I do is cry lately.” He crooks up the corner of his mouth. “Thank you for allowing me to let go.”
He touches my cheek, peering at me with a look in his eyes that makes my heart twist.
“I want to be your safe place, Lor. No matter what happens, I will always be there for you.”
I nod, tears threatening again at the earnestness of his words.
“Me too,” I say. “I want to be that for you too. You’ve given me something I never thought I would have.”
Nadir gives me a troubled look.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You don’t know all of my darkest secrets,” he says. “Sometimes I’m afraid if you do, you’ll change your mind about me.”
I shake my head. “I could never do that.”
He hesitates.
“You don’t have to tell me now,” I say. “When you’re ready. But I hope that someday I can earn your trust.”
His hold on me tightens. “I trust you. With everything. It’s myself I don’t trust.”
I let out a sigh, understanding what he’s trying to say. I still have demons to share from my time in Nostraza that I’m not ready to give voice to yet. Not because of him but because of me.
“Okay,” I say. “I understand.”
He kisses me then, his lips brushing mine softly. Our mouths work together with gentle nips and touches. It’s tender but also deep.
When we pull away, a haze of lust clouds his eyes.
“It’s scorching out here. I think it’s time for that swim you mentioned.”
A mischievous smile creeps to his face as he drags me towards the stream where the waterfall topples from above.
“Oh, did I earn my reward?” I ask, and he grins as his hand slides over my ass and squeezes it.
“And then some.”
I burst out laughing, pulling my tunic over my head while kicking off my boots.
I watch as he strips down, already salivating at the idea of touching him. Before long, we’re both naked, the sun warming our bare skin. I dip a toe into the water and then screech because it’s colder than I expect.
A moment later, Nadir scoops me up and plunges us into the stream. I cling to his neck, screaming as he laughs. I playfully batter his shoulders as he walks towards the falls and then floats us across the pool where they deposit.
He wraps my legs around his waist as we kiss, his fingers digging into my hips. I feel him kicking as we move across. He releases his mouth from mine for a brief moment, sending out an arc of magic that splits the tumbling water, creating a space for us to pass underneath.
“Where are we going?” I ask, tipping my head back to welcome a gentle spray of cool water.
“Aren’t you curious about what’s on the other side?”
He’s sucking on my neck, rubbing me against his hips, where the friction is already starting to drive me wild.
“You don’t seem to be paying much attention to our surroundings,” I joke, but it comes out breathless as his hand works its way between us to find my clit.
“You caught me,” he says. “I was just hoping there was somewhere private I could do this.”
He backs me up against a rock and then lifts me up to sit on the edge.
It feels incredible to be out of the beating sun, the tickle of water soothing our skin. I lean back on my hands, the mist painting my face, breasts, and stomach as Nadir’s hands slide down to my ankles.
He pushes them up so my heels perch on the edge of the rock, with my legs spread wide. He looks up at me with a dark glint in his eyes before he lifts my ankle and kisses the inside, slowly placing more kisses higher and higher—the inside of my knee and then my thigh.
My body shakes in response, my legs quivering and my flesh dimpling.
“Nadir,” I whisper as he places a kiss in the tender spot at the crease of my thigh on one side and then the other.
“Hmm?” he asks, taking his time, slowly exploring me with his lips and his tongue, touching me every place except where I desperately need him.
“Is there something you want, Lightning Bug?”
I glare at him, and he gives a wicked laugh before he lowers his head once again, making me tremble as he takes his time exploring me.
Finally, the tip of his tongue touches my clit, and I moan, dropping my head back.
“Gods, I love it when you make that sound,” he rumbles before he uses the flat of his tongue, lapping me up from top to bottom. My back arches, and I gasp as he hooks his hands around my thighs, his tongue driving into me as he groans. “You taste so fucking good.”
He buries his face against me as the rough stubble on his chin provides a point of friction that makes my hips start to writhe.
“Nadir—” I gasp as he nibbles my clit, causing my stomach to pull tight as I feel my release building.
Then he pulls away.
“Back up,” he orders, and I do as he says, making room for him to join me on the ledge. He levers himself up and then pulls me to stand before hooking his hands under my thighs and lifting me.
We kiss, my hands tangling in his hair while his fingers dig into my flesh.
Slowly, he maneuvers us towards a wall, distancing me a few inches from the surface that’s been worn smooth by nature’s gentle hand.
“Hang on,” he says, gesturing to the rock where protruding sections offer handholds.
“I love you,” he says. “My heart. My mate. I fucking love you.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I love you too. So much.”
Slowly, he lowers me, positioning himself at my entrance. My eyes flutter at the sensation of the wide head pressing into me. We both watch where he enters as I slide down inch by inch, moaning at how he fills me up, touching every nerve in the most exquisite way.
“That’s my girl,” he growls. “You take my cock so fucking good.”
Once he’s fully seated, he pauses as we both catch our breath, my chest tight from every emotion crowding in the back of my throat.
“Nadir,” I gasp as he pulls out and then slides back in with agonizing slowness. I’d expected him to take me fast and hard right now, but this is exactly what I need. After everything that’s happened in the past week, I need a moment to hide here under this waterfall, clinging to the person I fought against but who has somehow become the softest spot for me to fall.
I will always have my brother and sister, who will always mean everything to me, but how I feel about Nadir feels divine. If Zerra does indeed hold dominion over the fate of mated pairings, then this does feel like something ordained. I was wrong when I told Rhiannon the mate bond didn’t feel like much of a choice.
This feels like a choice I’ve made. That no matter what happens between now and forever, this was inevitable. Like morning sunlight spilling through a window. Like the tide giving way to the ocean’s pull. Like blood beading on a fingertip at the prick of a thorn.
He is my choice. And he would have been my choice over and over until the end of the world.
“Lor,” he says, his voice thick with ragged breath as he pulls out again and slides back in. With one hand protecting my back, he uses the other to gently touch my clit as he churns his hips, slowly fucking me long and deep.
My legs tremble, and my fingers ache from gripping the stone above my head as he spears into me like I’m an angel served up as an offering. A moment later, he braces his hands on my hips and then thrusts into me hard, being careful not to let my back collide with the wall.
“More,” I gasp as he does it again, and my head tips back. “Harder.”
And then he snaps. We become a blur of motion as he pumps his hips, thrusting into me with force. With one hand braced on the wall behind us, and the other pressed to the small of my back, he pounds into me as he peppers open-mouthed kisses down my throat and my shoulder.
Our moans fill the space, backdropped by the rushing of the waterfall. Our magic surfaces, spinning around us, filling the cavern with Nadir’s light and the pale, inconstant flickers of my lightning. I feel them twist, melding together, finally allowed to play.
Here we are free. Here no one can see or hear us. Here I can forget for a moment about everything that’s working against us and everything we’re trying to accomplish.
I hold so many warring pieces of my soul and my heart cupped in my hands. There are so many paths for us to travel. Threads splitting apart to form a future that’s yet to clarify into something I recognize. I just know that Nadir is a part of it.
We have only one goal now, and I don’t know how close it will take me to the object of my desires. The reclamation of my home and revenge on the Aurora King. Because no matter what happens. No matter how broken I am. No matter how hard I fail, Rion is still the focus of every bloody fantasy I conjured every night I lived in Nostraza.
For what he did to my parents. To my siblings. For what he’s done to Nadir—and I get the sense I’ve only just scratched at the surface of the torment the king has inflicted on his only son.
As Nadir continues his deep thrusts, he captures my mouth with his. We kiss like these are our last moments and every time, every single time he does this, it feels like I’m falling all over again.
I feel his cock twitch as it thickens, and then he comes with a shuddering groan that ricochets over his entire body.
He continues pumping in and out of me, slowing down before one of his hands finds my clit. He circles it with a rough finger, and then I blow apart, too, my back arching into him, my hands gripping the stone as I cry out. My legs clamp around him as my orgasm rolls in heavy waves, filtering through my fingers and toes until it feels like I’ve been wrung out and turned upside down.
When I finally stop shuddering, he gathers me into his arms. I loop mine around his neck as he leans me against the wall, and we just stand there, feeling the spray of the water and the cool air that coasts over our fevered skin, holding each other. Silently promising one another that in the layers of uncertain darkness, we are each other’s light.