Chapter 17
Lexie had spent the better part of an hour combing through her closet to find the perfect outfit. Jeans? Too casual. Black skirt? Too slutty. The floral print top? Well, according to Annie, she’d never reach second base if she ever wore that on a date, so into the “no” pile it went. Thanks to her own doings, she didn’t know if getting to second—or any—base was even in the cards anymore, but if rejection was on the menu tonight, she at least wanted to look good while it was dished out. She tried on dress after dress, all the while contemplating what she was going to say to Nico, how she would explain why she’d ghosted him without an explanation, coming up with nothing reasonable except that she was a complete idiot.
At seven forty-five, she assessed herself in the foyer mirror. She’d gone with a cute summer dress. Pastel pink, with a skirt that fell to mid-thigh. It was comfortable, and the right combination of sexy and chic for a first date—if that’s what this was. She left her hair loose, the pliant waves falling over her shoulders in a cascade of blonde. Hoops in her ears, strappy brown wedges, and a faded denim jacket over the top completed the outfit.
“Okay,” she whispered to her reflection. “You can do this.”
As if to give her encouragement, Oreo meowed from his place atop the sofa. She was applying vanilla oil to her wrists when Nico’s car pulled into the driveway. Lexie stepped out onto the porch to meet him. He looked wonderful, of course, in his black jeans, gray t-shirt, and trademark leather jacket. She’d replaced the broken light bulb the previous day, so he seemed even more tanned than usual under the orange glow as he approached. She wanted to throw herself at him. Instead, Lexie gritted her teeth and tried to relax, but it was impossible without knowing how he felt or what he would say.
“Hi,” she said, forcing herself to speak.
Nico stopped at the base of the stairs and took her in, a slow smile spreading across his face. “You look beautiful.”
“Oh. Thanks,” she replied, gripping her purse tight. “I, um, I’m sorry for disappearing on you. I just . . . ” She looked at her feet. “It was just a lot.”
When he didn’t respond, she lifted her eyes to find him staring at her with an unreadable expression. “It’s okay.”
Saying nothing more, Nico reached for her hand and helped her down the stairs. He opened the car door for her, then silently drove them to Terra Mare, a small, family-owned Italian restaurant nestled into the cliffs overlooking the ocean. The owner seated them at an alfresco table where they were immediately enveloped by balmy beach air and the gentle hum of surrounding conversations. It was busy, and yet the way the tables were all positioned so spaciously made it feel anything but. If she listened hard, Lexie could hear waves crashing below, carried up by the sea breeze. In the winter months, dining outside like this was not an option, which explained why so many people were out taking advantage of the warmer nights while they could.
She looked across the table at Nico. He was watching her.
“Are you angry with me?” she asked.
“I’m . . .” He frowned. “Disorientated.”
“By me?”
“Seems that way.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of person.”
“What kind of person?”
“The kind that toys with people.”
“So, you’re not toying with me?”
“No,” she said, her pitch rising a little too high. “But I’d be lying if I said that what happened with Kyle didn’t shake a lot of things up.”
“What kinds of things?” he asked.
“Guilt. Regret.” Lexie bit her lip, suddenly feeling reluctant. “Fear, mostly.”
“You’re scared of what he might do to you?”
“Of what he might do to you,” she corrected. “You don’t understand what he is, Nico, what he’s capable of. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to ask you out? Even now, I’m sitting here terrified of the repercussions of this.”
“Are you serious?” Nico’s eyes blazed through her, seeing everything. His energy was intense. Not anger, exactly, but something that burned just as hot. She felt it hit her like a wave as he leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. “Alright, look, before we go any further, let me make something clear.”
Lexie swallowed. “Okay.”
“You are a free woman,” he almost growled. “I know he’s done his best to make you believe otherwise, but I promise you, as long as I’m around, no matter how things pan out between the two of us, I will not let him hurt you or fuck with your life anymore. Do you hear me?”
“Like I said, it’s not me I’m worried about.”
“Lexie, look at me,” he said, no ego in sight, just total confidence in himself. “Do you honestly think I can’t handle the likes of Kyle Garrett?”
She sighed. “I just worry—”
“Well don’t. I can take care of myself. And I can take care of you.”
“That’s just it, Nico. You shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t need a protector. And if something happened to you because of me . . .”
Nico reached across the white linen tablecloth and took her hand. His was warm and comforting and made various parts of her body clench in response. “Nothing is going to happen. And if it does, I’ll handle it.”
Lexie let loose a pent-up breath. “I know you will.”
This was bad. She hadn’t planned on being so affected by him. In fact, she’d planned on keeping him at arm’s length, at least for now, lest she be swept away by the thrill of it all. A hallmark hunk with a protective streak and a kind heart? He might as well wear a label that read Lexie’s Kryptonite. On the other hand, she had no interest in being perceived as a weak woman in need of a keeper.
“All the same,” she said, extricating her hand from his, remembering how much it hurt to have her heart broken the first time. “I think it would be a good idea if we take things slow.”
“Slow?”
“Yes,” she said firmly.
“Meaning what, exactly?”
Lexie allowed a small grin to appear. “Meaning I need time to figure out if you’re worth the trouble.”
“Okay, I respect that.” His smile was lopsided. And arrogant. “I love a challenge.”
“It isn’t a challenge.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Something in his gaze made Lexie hot all over. She felt agitated under the weight of it, all her clothes suddenly seeming too tight and her breathing too shallow. Damn, he was good. All at once, over three years’ worth of sexual seclusion had her thinking up a multitude of ways to fill the emptiness she felt inside. Ways that he could fill it.
“And just so you know,” he continued, leaning back in his chair like he hadn’t a care in the world, “it’ll be you who breaks first.”
She scoffed at his nerve. “You’re cocky.”
He shrugged.
“Well then”—she raised her glass—“to taking things slow.”
The small clink of their toast could have been the sound of a chastity belt unlocking, it was so loaded with carnal tension.
Deciding to not tempt herself, Lexie changed the subject. “So, tell me about your life in Boston. Big Red Sox fan?”
Nico shook his head. “I prefer basketball. Or hockey.”
“Do you play?”
“A little, when I was younger. What about you?”
“No.” She gave a soft laugh. “I was that kid sitting to the side with her nose in a book whenever teams were being picked.”
He laughed at that.
As the evening wore on, Nico told her more about his life—his family, his friends, the steady upward trajectory of his career. Lexie reciprocated, briefly touching on her mother’s abandonment when she was nine.
“That must have been tough,” he said.
“It was. For a while, the town kind of shunned us, because she’d made so many enemies while she was here, made everyone think we were trash, like her.”
“Harsh words.”
“But true.”
“I’m sorry.”
Lexie waved a hand. “Don’t be. My father was a good man. It wasn’t his fault he fell in love with a disaster. Guess he and I had that in common. Anyway, people eventually forgot her nastiness, and we were welcomed back into the fold.”
“I’m beginning to understand how important that is,” he said, looking around the restaurant thoughtfully like the handful of remaining diners represented the entire population of the island. “Still, you never thought about leaving?”
“Sure, I’ve thought about it.” She lifted one shoulder. “I just don’t want to.”
“Not even to escape Kyle?”
Lexie felt her temper flare. “Why should I be the one to give up everything, when he’s the one who should be punished?”
At the taken-aback expression on his face, she cleared her throat. He’d touched her third rail, and in return, she’d bitten his head off.
Great.
“I’m not going to apologize for that,” she said.
Nico regarded her with a look she couldn’t name, but it felt an awful lot like pride. “I’d think less of you if you did.”
Lexie blinked.
Nico took a long sip of wine. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
He hesitated for a moment. “When I confronted West about Kyle, he told me it was your idea not to issue a restraining order. Is that true?”
“He said that?”
Nico nodded. “Apparently, dragging a person’s name through the mud is . . . frowned upon, and you didn’t want to do it.”
“Of course he’d say that.” Lexie’s laugh was bitter. “My reservations were more about dragging a Garrett’s name through the mud, but instead of pushing me to do what was right, Adam bore down on that fear like a ton of bricks until I buckled.”
Nico’s lips pinched. “I thought as much.”
“What’s going on over there?” she asked, curious. “Is it not working out?”
“It’s fine, just”—he scratched the back of his head—“I’m trying to figure out how I fit into this place. It’s not like anywhere I’ve ever worked.”
“I hear that,” she said. “I’ve lived here my whole life and even I can tell we’re a different breed.”
“On my first day, West called me an outsider.”
Lexie almost choked on a laugh. “God, he makes us sound like toothless hillbillies.”
“Well, teeth or no teeth, I think you’re gorgeous.”
She smirked. “Flattery will get you anywhere.”
“That so?”
Something flared in Nico’s eyes.
Why had she gone and said that?
The wine, she reasoned. Blame it on the wine, which was flowing far too well, and the candlelight flickering between them making the ambiance positively sinful as Nico’s already dark face bathed in warm shadow. Without her permission, Lexie’s eyes dropped to his lips. They were rising at the corners. Damn, she thought again, feeling every bit of the smoldering heat across the table. I’m in big trouble.
After the long, loaded moment finally passed, Nico asked, “So—as a born and raised local—help me out here. Why does he have it in for me?”
“Adam? Well, he’s always been a forceful personality,” she said. “Even when we were kids, he would walk around like he had something to prove, trying to show the world he was bulletproof. Most of the time it drives me nuts, but I think deep down there’s a lot more to it.” She paused, trying to find the words to articulate what she wanted to say. “It’s like he’d rather attack first and ask questions later, rather than be caught off guard.”
Nico appeared to think that over.
Smiling, Lexie gestured to his plate. “So, how’s your Bolognese?”
“Oh, terrible,” he said, mocking disgust.
“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “I won’t tell your mother if you won’t.”
Thirty minutes later, they were back on Lexie’s front porch. Nico had walked her to the door, she’d fiddled aimlessly with her keys—typical first date stalling—before unlocking and switching on the foyer light. She didn’t invite him in, and he didn’t ask, just stood with his thumbs looped in his pockets. He appeared to be waiting for her to make the next move.
“Well, goodnight,” she said, a little shakily.
“Goodnight, Lex.”
She was expecting—hoping—he might kiss her at least, but he made no move to do anything. Nothing. At all. Lexie accepted that, disappointing as it was, and turned to go inside. As she did, Nico caught her by the waist and spun her back around. Her breath left her lungs in a whoosh.
Yes.
He backed her into the wall just as he’d done the first time, only now, thanks to her new porch light, she could see his face and watch the way his eyes raked over her like she was a three-course-meal and he, a starving man. He licked his lips, lowering down, down, down . . . She felt his breath on her mouth. Her eyes closed. Her whole body softened and then—
“Don’t forget to lock up,” he said, and her eyes flew open to find that same haughty smirk he wore at dinner.
“You—” She might have swatted him if he hadn’t already been moving away with a wink. “Are you kidding me?”
He descended the stairs and kept walking backward toward his car. “What? I thought we were taking thing slow.”
“Slow, yes. Not glacial.”
“What’s the matter? Can’t handle a little pressure?”
“I told you, this is not a challenge.”
He grinned and opened the driver’s side door. “Then what are you so upset about?”
Nico started the engine and waved her inside. After giving her enough time to lock the door, he drove away, leaving Lexie staring after him with an open mouth.
What just happened?
When his taillights disappeared into the night, she turned away from the window with an indignant pout. He was having fun with this. Too much fun. When he’d said that she would be the first one to break, he hadn’t been kidding. He actually intended to derail her plan to keep this thing steady and controlled by using himself as bait. He wanted her to want him. To crave him enough to throw caution to the wind and let herself go, consequences be damned.
She both hated and loved the idea.
Lexie thought it over as she stripped naked and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water, the steam, and the smell of her lavender soap clear her head and help her gain some perspective. In an ideal world, she would wait for the dust to settle, for this stuff with Kyle to become a distant memory, and for things to go back to normal before she entertained the possibility of starting something new with Nico. But—as she’d learned time and time again—this was not an ideal world, and if she were being brutally honest with herself, she would not be this young forever. She wanted to fall in love again someday. She wanted a family. She wanted to build a life with someone who made her heart sing and her body yearn. She wanted to be happy. Here, in this house, with the person she was meant to love. Maybe Nico was that person, but she’d never know if she didn’t let him in.
After showering, she slipped a short, cotton nightgown over her head and climbed into bed.
Kyle had broken her heart, but he hadn’t broken her. The fact that he was an ongoing, terrible thing in her reality didn’t seem to phase Nico in the slightest. In fact, it seemed to invoke some gallant, primal part of him that wanted to pull her in even closer. Was it so wrong that she wanted to lean into it?
She nestled into the pillows, but sleep did not come. Her bed felt cold. Empty. She wished Nico were in it. She wanted his warmth at her back, his bare skin on hers, his scent embedding itself in her sheets. In the darkness, her body ached for him. She wondered if he felt the same, right now, this very moment.
Show him, she thought. Show him how it feels.
Before she gave herself the chance to change her mind, Lexie switched on the bedside lamp, reached for her phone and kicked the covers away. She pulled her nightgown off and tossed it to the floor, then rolled onto her stomach and opened her camera. After snapping a few images, she picked the best one and sent it straight to Nico.
She felt bold. Naughty. And free.
Seconds passed. Then minutes—almost sixty of them.
It was torture, so she decided to set her phone to silent and put it in a drawer until tomorrow. She switched the lamp off once more and sighed. Was he looking at the picture? Was he touching himself? Was he thinking of her while he did? Reaching beneath the covers, she let her hands glide over her skin. She imagined they were Nico’s. What would he do? How would he touch her? Gentle squeezes and featherlight strokes of her most intimate parts? Or a wild, brutish conquering of her feminine flesh? In her mind, she explored different versions of one man, writhing and moaning as her fantasy grew more real, more intense.
When she finally drifted off to sleep, after bringing herself to a release she somehow knew would never measure up to one that he could give her, she dreamed that someday soon she might learn how right she was about that.