Chapter 2
Shannon lived in a one-bedroom apartment three blocks from Yale University.
At twenty-four, she was a second-year neuroscience grad student, overwhelmed and exhausted almost all the time.
The workload was tremendous, and although her father paid her rent, she’d taken a job at a research center not far from campus, hoping to boost her résumé.
Plenty of students at Yale came from prominent families and had connections.
She knew she had to stay active and push herself if she wanted the career in memory research that she craved.
But on this Saturday, Shannon had decided to take the day off from everything: homework, laboratory work, research, and anything logistical, anything that kept her above water.
Most notably, she’d also told her boyfriend, Cole, that she couldn’t hang out today, either.
Her sisters, Felicity and Isabelle, were in town for a visit, and she wanted to have them over for lunch and a few glasses of wine.
She wanted to catch up with them properly, as she felt they were drifting apart.
Felicity and Isabelle were both getting their undergraduate degrees at Brown University.
Felicity was twenty-two, and Isabelle was twenty, but the two of them had always been as thick as thieves and were living together in a beautiful brownstone not far from Brown’s campus.
Neither of them was science-inclined. Felicity took after their father and was eager to leap into his world of financial complexities and business meetings, while Isabelle was the artist of the family.
She was always happiest with a paintbrush in her hand.
(Felicity thought this was impractical, of course, and she was never afraid to say so.
Shannon thought it was beautiful that she wanted to make art, but Isabelle didn’t care as much about Shannon’s opinion.)
They arrived at noon. Felicity carried a bottle of chilled rosé, and Isabelle had a bouquet.
They hugged nervously. They hadn’t seen one another since Christmas because Shannon had spent Easter with Cole’s family and hadn’t come back to their Boston home.
Clumsily, Shannon said, “Happy Anniversary to Mom and Dad!”
Felicity and Isabelle giggled.
“They seem happy,” Isabelle said, loosening up and entering the kitchen to get a vase. “The photos in the group chat have been adorable. Oh, Shannon! You outdid yourself.”
Shannon had made a beautiful feta-and-beetroot quiche. It lay on the stovetop, resting. She’d also made cake and an enormous salad. “Are you hungry?” she asked them.
Felicity said she was. They set the table, then sat, pouring wine and raising their glasses to their mother and father. They hadn’t heard from them today yet, but they knew their schedule. Today, they’d taken the ferry to Mykonos, where their official vacation would begin.
“Twenty-five years,” Isabelle said. “I can’t imagine being with someone that long!”
“That reminds me,” Felicity said conspiratorially. “Dad asked me if Cole’s going to propose.”
Shannon was taken aback. “Oh, I don’t know.”
“You’ve been together five years,” Felicity pointed out. “You spent Easter with his family.”
“And you’re twenty-four,” Isabelle said, as though that was an ancient age.
“We haven’t talked about it,” Shannon said.
“Would you say yes if he proposed?” Felicity asked.
“He won’t.” Shannon shook her head.
“But if he did,” Isabelle tried. “It’s a game. Play along!”
Shannon rolled her eyes, then closed them, trying to picture Cole getting down on one knee and slipping a ring over her finger.
It was true that she loved him and his shaggy brown hair, his big puppy-dog eyes.
They were both scientists, and they’d met here at Yale in their freshman year.
They’d fallen in love easily, quickly, in only the way nineteen-year-olds could.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Shannon got up, wiping her lips.
“Did you invite someone else?” Felicity asked.
“Of course not,” Shannon said. But as she padded down the hall, she had no idea who would be on the other side of the door. She imagined it was a neighbor, or a Jehovah’s Witness, or someone asking for charity money. But when she opened it, her heart leaped into her throat at the sight of Cole.
For a strange beat, she imagined that he’d come there to propose, that she’d conjured this moment with her sister’s game. “Oh, hi!” She hated how chipper she sounded. “Are you all right?”
Cole looked sick. His cheeks were drawn, and his eyes were deep in pockets. He wore a big black T-shirt and basketball shorts, and his hair was unwashed. “Can we talk?” he asked.
Shannon’s heart began to thud. “My sisters are here,” she said quietly. “Remember?”
Cole brushed his fingers through his greasy hair. “Right. Yeah.”
“Is that Cole?” Felicity’s voice rang out from behind Shannon, and a moment later, Felicity and Isabelle were craning their necks behind her, trying to see Cole. Shannon did her best to block them out.
“Cole, hi!” Isabelle said. “You should come in! We have a beautiful bottle of rosé.”
Cole looked even more upset now. Shannon was so panicked that she couldn’t breathe. Why did he look like he had a horrible disease? Why did he look like he hadn’t showered in days?
The last time Shannon had seen Cole was three days ago. They’d gone for pizza, and they’d talked about Shannon’s research at the lab. They’d fallen asleep watching a movie over at his place, and she’d gotten up early and gone back to the lab.
What had changed between three days ago and now?
“Come on,” Isabelle said. “I insist.”
“And you can be here when we video-chat Mom and Dad,” Felicity said. “They love you!”
Reluctantly, as though he didn’t know what else to do, Cole entered the house.
Shannon closed the door behind him and tried to catch his eye.
Already, Isabelle and Felicity were back in the dining room, fetching Cole a glass of rosé and peppering him with questions about his spring, about the upcoming summer, about his plans.
Shannon half expected one of them to ask when he planned to propose.
“I really need to talk to you,” Cole said to Shannon again, under his breath.
“I told you,” Shannon whispered. “This isn’t a good time.”
“It can’t wait,” Cole said.
Shannon’s head rang with a mix of anger and panic. Why was he doing this?
Felicity came into the living room and handed him a glass, smiling widely.
“Thanks, Felicity,” Cole said clumsily. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.”
“We haven’t really started yet,” she told him. “And I was just asking Shannon where you were. You’re practically family! We need you here.”
Isabelle nodded beside her. Shannon stared at Cole, trying to draw meaning out of his face.
She wondered if something had gone wrong with his various projects.
A lot was riding on his academic performance this semester.
If he failed something, maybe he had to drop out of Yale.
She would make that work down the line. She imagined telling the other researchers that her boyfriend had had to drop out because he wasn’t good enough.
Would they look down on her for being with him?
Oh, but it wouldn’t matter. She knew she was smarter than Cole.
Cole knew she was smarter than he was. They’d gotten beyond that.
Shannon smiled at her sisters. “I’m going to talk to Cole for a second outside,” she said. “Refill my wine, okay?”
Isabelle winked at her, and Felicity kept that strange smile up. “Sure thing, sis,” Felicity singsonged.
Shannon led Cole back onto the front porch.
The gorgeous early afternoon in April was only weeks before the end of the semester, and the air smelled of blooming flowers and trees and grass.
Shannon remembered that she hadn’t taken her allergy medicine and felt a sneeze crawling up her nose. She refused to let it out.
“What’s going on?” Shannon asked Cole, touching his shoulder.
He looked limp, his arms hanging, his face drawn. “I don’t know how to say this.”
“Did something go wrong with your experiment?” Shannon asked. Did he get kicked out of Yale?
Cole shook his head. “Nothing like that.” He closed his eyes. “Shannon, I’m not good enough for you. I’ve never been good enough for you.”
Shannon let out a strangled laugh. “That’s not true.”
“It is.” Cole let his chin drop. “I’ve been, um, I’ve not been a good boyfriend to you. I’ve been seeing someone else.”
Shannon felt the shock ripple through her. For a moment, she thought that Cole would let out a laugh and tell her that it was all a joke, that he didn’t mean it. But he pulled his eyes up toward hers and then—terribly—shrugged.
“You’re cheating on me,” Shannon breathed. Never could she have imagined this, not from Cole, her beloved boyfriend of five years. And then she asked, “Is it over?”
Cole shook his head. “It’s not over.”
Shannon felt it click into place. He’d wanted someone else. He’d let himself have that someone else, and now, he’d decided that that someone else was better than Shannon. It was a scientific equation she could figure out in an instant.
Shannon felt a thousand questions twisting around in her mind. Why hadn’t he told her he wasn’t happy? Why had he cheated on her rather than break up with her first? Why had he invited her to spend Easter with his family when he was already sleeping with someone else?
“We can talk about it more if you want,” Cole said.
Shannon gaped at him. “I told you I was having my sisters over today.”
“I forgot,” Cole said. “I have a lot on my mind.”
Shannon felt a surge of anger. Genuinely, she couldn’t believe he’d just said that. She crossed her arms over her chest and took a step away from him. She realized she never wanted to see him again. “Can you please go?” she stammered.
“I have some of your things,” Cole said. “And I guess you have some of mine.”
“Yeah. Whatever,” Shannon stuttered. “We’ll work it out.”
She had no plans to work anything out. Whatever he had at her place was no longer his.
She turned and shot back into her house, slamming the door behind her.
She hated that she gave him the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten to her, but whatever.
She gasped for breath, then heard her little sisters tiptoe into the living room to find her. They looked sorrowful.
“Oh, honey,” Felicity said, hurrying forward to wrap her arms around her.
But Shannon didn’t let herself cry, not then. She didn’t want her sisters to think she was pathetic. She didn’t want them to think that she would expend a single tear on a cheater.
“I can’t believe it,” Isabelle breathed. “What did he say?”
Shannon pulled away from her sisters and went back to the dining room, where she sat down and took a big bite of quiche.
She both wanted her sisters to stay and desperately wanted them to leave, so she could buy a carton of ice cream and watch television.
This was her first real breakup, since she’d been too nerdy for boyfriends in high school.
“He doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Felicity said.
“He’ll come back,” Isabelle whispered.
Shannon couldn’t bring herself to speak.
Just then, all of their phones began to buzz.
It was the family group chat, where they often caught up together, each of them in their separate rectangle, talking from wherever they were.
They could see it was their mother calling.
Their parents were on a Greek beach somewhere, sipping wine, and wanted to tell them all about their vacation.
Shannon wasn’t sure if she could take all that happiness just now.
Isabelle cut the call. “We can talk to them later,” she said. “Right now, we need to focus on you!”
But a split second later, their mother called again. The urgency in it told them they needed to answer. All the air left the room.
Shannon reached for her phone first. Her hand shaking, she answered it and put it on speakerphone. They heard their mother sobbing. And then, their world crashed around them.