How You Say It – Autumn
How You Say It
Autumn
I t takes two full days for my ears to recover from the ringing, but it only took two minutes after being assessed by Ryder’s doctor at the estate to finally see that I can no longer be a part of this game.
It’s time for me to take my pieces off the board and walk away without any chance of winning.
I’ve lost, and I’ll never know what the outcome could’ve been if I stayed, but… I can’t do this anymore.
Slipping out of the bed, I place the things I managed to get out of my apartment and stuff them into the suitcase I originally brought to the estate.
I tiptoe to Adeline’s room, ready to tell her goodbye, but she’s sleeping, and I don’t have the heart to wake her up just to say that. I walk over to her desk and pen a note. Then I tuck it into her violin case and press a kiss on her forehead.
Before I can consider any other options, I carry my suitcase downstairs to the garage.
“May I help you, Miss Jane?” The security guard arches a brow.
“Yes,” I say. “I’ll be back within twenty minutes, and I’ll need you to step the hell out of my way so I can take my car to the airport.”
“Your car isn’t available right now.”
“Then it better be by the time I get back or we’re going to have a problem.” I turn away from him and head down the main corridor in search of Ryder.
His deep voice echoes off the walls as I near his office doors, and I take deep breaths.
“This is nonnegotiable,” he’s speaking. “I need everything to be as tight as possible, and if there’s any deviation—I need to?—”
“I need to talk to you.” I interrupt him as I step through the doorway, unable to wait another minute. “Please.”
He narrows his eyes at me, but he gestures for his men to move.
“Excuse me and Miss Jane for a few moments, please.” He looks at his watch. “We should be done in about twenty minutes.”
It’ll be way less than that…
As usual, there’s never a rebuttal or a reply. They simply obey him without question, without a single thought or worry about whether his next command might put their lives on the line.
He waits until the last man has left before walking to the door and locking it.
“Good to see you’re feeling better, Autumn,” he says. “I won’t need you to do anything this week, given what happened. But next week?—”
“Given what happened?” I scoff. “Are you being serious?”
He blinks.
“I almost got killed, Ryder.” I still can’t believe it. “And this wasn’t the first or second time.”
“It’s the sixth, if you’ve been seriously keeping up,” he says. “But you’re fine. I’ll always make sure nothing happens to you.”
“This isn’t normal.”
“You don’t know what ‘normal’ is.” He waves a hand. “You’ve never had it, last time I checked.”
“I know normal isn’t constant living near death or on the edge, looking over my shoulder for someone who might be watching, or waiting in fear that the next stranger I see on the street might be an FBI agent who has just enough to put me in handcuffs for a few months.”
“I think you need to get some more rest.”
“I’m done.”
“With what?”
“This job, this life, you.” Tears prick my eyes. “You’re different in a lot of ways, but when it comes down to it, you’re honestly just like my ex-husband.”
“I am nothing like your fucking ex-husband.” He hisses. “Nothing like him…”
“You’re not the slightest bit apologetic or understanding about how I feel, and I know you’ll just try to fuck me to get me to stay in line, but save it. I don’t want to feel you inside me ever again, I don’t want to see you ever again.”
He stares at me, his expression a mix of simmering rage and calmness. A look that only he can convey.
“This is the part when you tell me goodbye, Ryder,” I say. “You could throw in an apology for nearly getting me killed if you want to be generous.”
“I’m not sorry for shit.” He abruptly stomps on my request, placing his hands on the door panels above me, caging me in as he looks into my eyes. “I told you exactly what this was from day one.”
“Bullshit. You gave me vague sentences and runaround semantics.”
“You went along with it because deep down you don’t want normal. You want danger, but I’ve always shielded you from the worst of it.”
“Maybe we need to redefine ‘danger’ then.” My chest is heaving up and down. “Excitement, morally gray areas here and there, sure. Not life or death.”
“You’re clearly still living, Autumn.”
“Under your control, with your limits, everything by the ticking hand on your watch.” The stitches I’ve sewn on my frustrations with him are now bursting at the seams. “I can’t touch you, you can’t touch me.
We can’t be out together unless you pre-arrange things days before.
I can’t leave unless I’m followed, and I can’t ask too many questions because you don’t want to give that many answers. ”
“I thought this was only about the incident the other night…”
“It’s about everything!” I beat my fists against his chest. “ Everything .”
He gently grabs my wrists, holding them still, completely unfazed by any pain I might’ve inflicted.
“I’ve never promised you more than what I can give you, Autumn,” he says, his voice firm. “If you’ve been secretly holding out hope for a white picket fence and summer dates at the lakes, that’s your fault. Not mine.”
“Do you hear yourself?”
“Crystal clear,” he says. “If you don’t mind, I have a meeting to finish, and you obviously need some time to come to your senses so?—”
“I’m fucking leaving you,” I say, enunciating every word. “It’s over, Ryder. I’m done being your puppet that you play with and put away.”
“If that’s how you think I see you, then I agree that you should fucking leave.” He steps back. “You and your defiance won’t be missed.”
“I figured.” I open the door and rush down the hall, refusing to look back. When I make it to the garage, the security guard is holding out my keys.
“Your suitcase is in the trunk, Miss Jane,” he says. “Around what time will you be returning from your errand?”
“ Never .” I slide behind the wheel and slam the car in reverse before turning away and heading toward the driveway.
I can’t help glancing through the rearview mirror, looking to see which car will be following, but there isn’t one.
When I’m halfway up the hill, I see Ryder stepping onto his balcony, watching me.
I press on the gas pedal harder, and the moment I’m past the gate, I coast onto the street and onto the highway.
I’m free.
I arrive at the airport as the sun is falling down the sky. I’m in the area where the commercial passengers get ready for boarding, far away from the recent world of private jets and secret boarding.
My throat is tight and despite my efforts to keep my tears at bay, they’re sliding past my cheeks every few seconds.
Staring at the kiosk, I type in the first few digits of my hometown, searching for last-minute flights, but my eyes are stinging too badly for me to focus on the screen.
I take that as a sign to handle what should be done first. Making sure I actually have a “home” to come back to.
I pull out my phone and scroll down to my mother’s name.
Taking a deep breath, I hit call.
It rings once.
It rings twice.
I’m considering hanging up and reaching out to Kylie again, but her voice stops me mid-thought.
“Autumn?” she asks. “Autumn, is this you?”
“Yes…” I manage. “It’s me, Mom.”
“It’s good to get a call from you.” She sounds like she’s crying, too. “Are you alright?”
“No,” I admit. “No, I’m not alright. I need to come home. Can I please come home?”
“Of course you can, hun. When are you thinking?”
“Within the next four hours,” I say. “Depending on any delays or weather issues… I’m at the airport now and I’m going to get a last-minute flight.”
“I’ll head to the airport now,” she says. “I’ll be waiting to see you. I love you, Autumn.”
“I love you, too, Mom. Thank you.”
“Always.”
I end the call and wipe my face. Walking away from the kiosk, I approach the ticket desk instead, sliding over my driver’s license and requesting a ticket.
“Must be your lucky day.” She smiles at me. “There’s a first-class seat left. Want it?”
“Yes, please.”
I request to check my bag and then I head to security, ready to leave Seattle—the city that broke my heart twice—far behind. Forever.
End of Episode 23