Chapter 06 #2
He rolls his eyes. “We’re not anything. She was just nice to me, that’s all. We’ve been talking.”
I tuck one leg under me and squint at him. “Hmm. I don’t know if I like her. I remember once she was kinda mean to a girl just because of what she was wearing.”
Ethan groans. “Things like that are just girl drama. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be petty, she’s not like that.”
I cross my arms. “No, it’s called being mean. And you’re being dumb because she’s pretty.”
He smirks. “You sound like Mom, when you use that tone.”
“Thank you,” I say proudly, and that makes him laugh.
For a second, we don’t say anything. The pool lights are off, but the garden lamps glow just enough for me to see his face.
“You miss Dad, don’t you?” I ask in a whisper.
Ethan looks at me, surprised. He doesn’t answer right away. Just picks at the grass beside him.
“No,” he says finally. “Sometimes I miss how things used to be. But not really... him.”
I nod, thinking about that. “I think he misses us, though.”
We don’t say anything for a while after that. I hug my knees to my chest, bite my lip, and twist my fingers in the hem of my Taylor Swift T-shirt.
“You can talk, Buttercup,” Ethan says gently. “I know you’ve got something on your mind.”
I take a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to say it. “Your graduation’s in two weeks,” I start, then hesitate, staring down at my hands. “I know you don’t want him there... but, for me—just as a birthday gift—could you invite Dad to come?”
“Alicia. It’s my graduation. I don’t think I want him there,” he replies, but I can hear the hesitation in his voice.
I sigh, blinking fast as the tears start to sting.
“I know,” I whisper. “Maybe I’m being selfish.
But I know Mom’s still hurting too.” My voice shakes.
“You didn’t see her face when you kept shutting Dad out all afternoon.
To the point where you wanted to wait for Uncle Mark to hang that streamer instead of letting him help. ”
Ethan shuts his eyes, jaw tightening, but I keep going.
“You know, it’s not easy for me either,” I say, picking at a loose thread on my shirt.
“At first, even when Patricia kept saying in our sessions that it wasn’t my fault—that the choices adults make are their own responsibility—I couldn’t stop thinking maybe it was.
Maybe if I’d gotten better grades like you.
.. or if I were good with numbers like Dad.
.. or if I’d been more grown-up, not so childish like the girls at my old school used to say.
.. maybe he would’ve stayed home more. Maybe he wouldn’t have found someone else while he was married to Mom. ”
“Alicia, that’s—”
“I know what you’re going to say,” I whisper.
“I know, and I get it. But sometimes I just can’t help it.
Patricia calls it an intrusive thought.” I stare down at my bare feet.
“But Ethan... at the end of the day, he’s our Dad.
And I can’t just ignore him, or stop talking to him like you do. I can’t.”
My voice cracks. “Maybe I’m just weak. Or stupid, like Ashley and her friends used to call me.”
“Fuck those spoiled brats and their stupid pack mentality,” Ethan says in a harsh tone, eyes burning with anger.
It makes me smile. “Since when do you swear so much?”
He narrows his eyes at me but doesn’t answer.
“I see him every day, you know... He looks so sad, Ethan. Like... really sad. You can tell. He tries to act normal, but sometimes it’s like he’s lost.”
Ethan exhales through his nose.
“Did you know he started listening to all the songs I like? And he’s even watching that K-drama me and Khara are obsessed with, just because we mentioned it the day he took us out?”
Ethan looks at me, disbelief written all over his face. “He watched it? Or did he just read a summary online? Better yet, maybe he paid someone to watch it and tell him what happens.”
I frown. “You’re being mean, Ethan. You’re not usually like this.”
He drags his hand through his hair, elbows on his knees. After a while, Ethan lifts his head and holds out a hand. “Come here, Buttercup.”
“You really need to stop calling me that. I’m not a little girl anymore,” I grumble, but I drop down beside him on the grass anyway, our backs resting on the wall of the house.
“You just turned thirteen,” he says, pulling me into a hug. “That officially makes you a little girl. Maybe not as spoiled as before, but still spoiled. That’s on us… we kept you in a bubble. And if it were up to me, you’d stay there until you’re thirty.”
I poke his ribs with my fingers but keep my face buried against his chest. “I was never spoiled,” I mumble. “I was just the family princess.”
He laughs, making my body shake along with his. “That’s literally what spoiled means,” he says. “But it’s fine... it just means we love you too much and want to keep you safe.”
He kisses the top of my head. “But if I’m going to give you the birthday gift you want, you need to drop the whole bratty, moody routine you’ve been stuck in lately. Mom already has enough on her plate. She doesn’t need that too.”
I pull back, offended. “I’m not moody! Mom’s just... been annoying. Too many rules. ‘Alicia, do this.’ ‘Alicia, don’t do that.’ Sometimes I just want to do what I feel like.”
Ethan gives me that look, the serious one he gets right before proving me wrong.
“No. She’s just asking you to do the same things you’ve always done, without the drama. Even when you were the most spoiled princess, you behaved better than this, Buttercup.”
He’s not wrong. But sometimes I just... don’t feel like trying.
“Fine,” I mutter, curling back into his arms. “But you’re inviting Dad to your graduation, and you’re taking a photo with him. A family photo. All of us together.”
“Now you’re pushing it.”
“My birthday isn’t over yet. Which means I get what I want. And I want the perfect gift from my favorite brother.”
“I’m your only brother,” he says, but I can hear the smile in his voice.
I giggle. “Good. I couldn’t handle two of you.”
“Oh yeah? You think you’re easy to deal with?”
Before I can answer, he starts tickling me right under my arms, the one spot he knows makes me lose it. I burst into laughter, trying to squirm away while he laughs too, and soon we’re both lying on the grass, breathless, staring up at the sky that barely has any stars tonight.
I turn my head toward him.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Ethan reaches over and takes my hand, squeezing it. “I love you, Buttercup. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, or for Mom.”
I squeeze back. “I love you too.”
We stay like that for a while, until we hear the kitchen door closing. Our heads turn in sync.
Through the window, I see Mom’s shadow pass by—her hand brushing her face—and my chest tightens.
“Do you think she heard us?” I whisper.
Ethan sighs, watching the window.
“Yeah. I think so. I just don’t know how much.”
“Should we go inside? Stay with her?”
He shakes his head and looks back at me. “Nah. She’s probably gonna cry a little, thinking about how her little girl’s growing up—and how her older son is full of wisdom and all that.” He smirks. “Let’s give her a minute.”
I snort. “Wisdom. You wish.”
He ruffles my hair, and we just lie there. I close my eyes and make one last birthday wish. For Mom, for Ethan... and for Dad too.
That somehow, we all find a way to be happy again. Even if we never end up together. Just that we continue to be a family, in our own way.