Chapter 17 #2
I almost sigh in relief. Clearing my throat, I say, “It’s your room, son. Even knowing you didn’t want to come here... or stay the way Alicia does...” I swallow. “I still hoped maybe one day that would change. And I wanted everything to be ready for you when it did.”
I knew from Alicia that Ethan hadn’t wanted anything from his old room except his electronics when they moved out.
So I asked the decorator to make his room here feel right for someone his age and as different from his old one as possible.
Every device in there is a newer version of the ones I know he uses now.
I even bought him drawing supplies, and the irony wasn’t lost on me.
The first time he said he wanted to be an architect, I remember forcing my expression to stay neutral.
I tried to steer him toward something ‘practical’—finance, management, a future at Montgomery Clifford—but he saw my attempt for what it was.
It was me trying to control his life, making choices that should’ve been his alone.
“But why?” he asks, staring down at his mug, confused. “Why do this now? Why care when you didn’t... when there was still time?”
I get up and walk around the island, then sit on the stool beside him, turning to face him. “Everything—everything I ever did was about me, Ethan. I was selfish. An idiot. I made every wrong choice possible... but the worst one was taking my family for granted.”
He looks at me, anguish written plainly across his face.
“I took you, Alicia, and your mother for granted. I kept telling myself I’d fix things. That I’d make up for being gone, and later I’d repair what I was breaking.”
My fists curl tight on my thighs. “Always later. And later never came.”
He clenches his jaw, but says nothing.
“You don’t have to believe in my guilt, or my regret, or in the version of me that swears I’d do everything differently if I could go back,” I continue. “But please—never believe it was because of you, your sister, or your mother.”
I open and close my hands, trying to keep them from shaking. “Never think I didn’t care. Or that I didn’t love you. Because I always, always, will.”
My voice fractures, and I have to stop for a moment.
“I loved you from the very first moment your mother and I realized we were going to be parents. I didn’t know if you would be a boy or a girl. Whether you’d look like Ceci... or like me. But I already loved you.”
Tears spill down my face. I wipe them away with the backs of my hands. “There hasn’t been a single day I didn’t love you. Not even when you pushed back... and my pride and anger blinded me to the truth, that I was the one in the wrong.”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on the marble island, and bury my face in my hands.
“I understand now that when I betrayed your mother, I didn’t betray only her. It wasn’t just about our marriage.” I straighten up and look at Ethan again. “I didn’t fail only as a husband. I failed as a father the moment I betrayed her. And for that... I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.”
He just sits there, tears running down his face.
“But what about before, Dad?” he asks, his voice failing. “Why weren’t you there before? Why did you choose work first... and then her?”
I get to my feet, swiping at my own tears, and turn my back to him.
“I never thought of it as choosing,” I say, my voice rough. “Montgomery Clifford & Co. was the legacy I was building for you and Alicia.”
“Dad...” he calls. When I turn back, his eyes are glassy and focused on me.
“We just wanted you there,” he says. “When you were around, Mom smiled more. She wasn’t always waiting by her phone for a message or a call telling her you weren’t coming home again.”
He drags in a shaky breath.
“When we traveled, just the three of us, every time we did something fun, Alicia would say, ‘Dad would love this.’” His voice breaks. “And you weren’t there to see Mom’s face when she said it.”
He shakes his head and walks away, stopping at the other side of the kitchen.
“I tried to understand,” he adds. “I swear I did. You’re not the only father who works too much, or the only man who built something from the ground up. But I hated watching Mom and Alicia suffer. And when everything went to hell... I just couldn’t take it anymore.”
And I know exactly what he means. I know the moment he stopped looking at me with anything close to respect. The moment he couldn’t even bring himself to look at me anymore.
‘You’re not my father. Not my dad. You’re nothing to me.’
I close my eyes, but the memory doesn’t fade. If anything, it sharpens. Ethan stands in the doorway of our house. Mark just behind him. His face is a storm of pain, disgust, betrayal, and fury… all of it turned on me.
‘My dad would never. Never hurt my mom. He would never destroy our family. He would never trade us for money and easy pussy.’
‘My dad died years ago. You’re not even the shadow of that man.’
“Why didn’t you at least try to be there for us, Dad?”
The pain in Ethan’s voice pulls me back into the present, into a moment where everything I’ve ever destroyed seems to live inside his eyes.
“You stopped needing me,” I whisper. “All of you did.”
“What?” His disbelief cuts through me.
“Ceci had you... and her work. You grew more independent. And whenever you or Alicia needed something, you went to your mother.”
Ethan shakes his head. “Because she was the only one who actually showed up,” he says.
“Even the talk about condoms and STIs, she was the one who had it with me. You gave me the basics before that, sure. And I wasn’t exactly clueless at thirteen.
But I listened to her. I didn’t roll my eyes and tell her I could just Google it. ”
His voice tightens. “I knew she was doing it... because you had other priorities.”
I stare at the floor. There’s nothing left to defend.
“I always needed you,” he murmurs. “Even now.”
I lift my head, but he’s turned away from me, looking out at the city.
“Even now,” he continues, barely above a whisper. “Now that I have a girlfriend for the first time... and there are things the internet doesn’t answer. Not the way I wish my father would.”
I step closer and rest a hand on his shoulder. “Let me be here for you now,” I plead. “Ask me anything, I’ll answer. Ask me for anything, and I’ll try to give it to you.”
Ethan shakes his head.
“It’s too late.”
“No,” I say, desperate, turning him to face me. “It can’t be too late. I can’t accept losing you too. I won’t. I’ll keep trying for as long as I have left, Ethan.”
I grip his shoulders, trying to keep him right here. When he looks up at me—eyes the same blue as his mother’s, drowning in tears—something inside my chest fractures all over again.
“My girlfriend broke up with me because of you.”
“What?” My heart jumps. “Why? I don’t even know her. What happened, Ethan?”
He drags the back of his hand across his face.
“She called me two days ago. I was studying. I always keep my phone on focus mode.” His voice tightens. “She didn’t believe me. She thought I was with another girl. Being long distance made her so jealous and suspicious.”
He swallows hard. “She broke up with me yesterday. And she said I was just like you... a cheater.”
I know it’s wrong to feel anger toward a girl who’s barely eighteen. But the pain in my son’s face wipes out any rational thought.
“No,” I say firmly. “You’re already better than I ever was. I can talk to her if you want, and—”
He shakes his head. “No. I flew in earlier, after class. I went to her place—she wasn’t home. Her roommates didn’t know where she was. She’s not answering my calls.” His voice wavers, and I can see him fighting tears.
“Let me hold you,” I ask, my voice breaking. “Just... let me hold you for a minute. Let me give you the small comfort I have left to give.”
When he finally steps closer, I wrap my arms around him and pull him in tight. “I’ll wait as long as it takes, Ethan,” I murmur into his hair. “And whenever you need me, no matter the reason, I’m here. I will always be here for you.”
At last, he returns my embrace. I close my eyes, hoping that one day he’ll believe how fiercely I love him again and let me be there for him, when it matters most.
I bury myself in her wet warmth, feeling the grip of her pussy clenching around my cock. Maya locks her legs around me, pulling me closer as I begin to thrust faster. I crash my mouth down on hers in a hungry kiss, our tongues sliding together in time with my hips.
I bite her neck, sucking hard before taking a nipple in my mouth and biting down with force.
“Harder, Colin, I need more,” she begs, her voice pleading for what she knows I can give her.
I pull out, looking down at my cock, glistening and soaked with her slickness.
I drive back in with a single, powerful thrust, needing to feel that heat again.
Then, I flip her over and bite her ass cheek sharply.
I yank the plug free and toss it onto the bed, slicking her up again using my fingers.
Then I press into her ass slowly, until she starts grinding back, desperate. I lose control—slamming into her in one hard thrust.
“FUCK! MAYA!”
I look down, buried deep inside her, and there’s nowhere else I want to be.
“You feel so fucking good,” I growl, pulling back and driving in again. My palm smacks across her ass. Hard.
She’s lost in it, trying to keep pace, gasping and begging for more.
“You’re so big... I can feel all of you. So good.”
I grit my teeth, fighting not to come too fast, her ass clenching me so tight it’s nearly unbearable.
Leaning over her, I grip her hair tightly, biting down on her shoulder. “You like this, don’t you? Having my cock buried deep in your tight little ass?”
“Yes—yes, don’t stop!” she cries, her voice trembling.
“No—no—no!”
I jolt upright in bed, my heart slamming in my chest, and scan the room until it finally sinks in… I’m not in that hotel in Miami. I’m not that man anymore. That life is behind me.