Chapter 2
Riley
My life has been split into two timelines; before Lara and after Lara. Despite losing the only two people I’ve ever cared about in a matter of months, my “after Lara” life has still been better than when it was before.
“Are you feeling okay today?” Alice carefully approaches the narrow bench where I sit outside my tent, sipping my watered-down, barely passes for coffee.
I try to smile, but I’m too tired to fake it. “I’m fine, thanks.”
She looks like she wants to argue, but instead only nods slightly. “If you decide you’re not, don’t hesitate to come find me.”
“I will.”
She continues on her walk, but the single glance over her shoulder says she knows I’m lying. While I appreciate her taking the time to check on me, I want nothing more than for people to stop asking if I’m okay. I’m not and don’t know that I ever will be again.
My gaze loses focus, and I get lost in the memories.
“You’d be leaving your entire life behind, Riley.” Lara clutches my hands, her nails forming crescent indentations in my skin. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking me. I’m offering. Besides, you and this baby are my entire life. You’re my best friend—my sister—and I’m in this with you. Forever.”
“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone like you, but I love you.”
“I love you, too, Lara.”
Tears fill my eyes—blurring my vision—and I swipe them away. Crying isn’t going to bring Lara back. I only wish ‘forever’ had lasted far longer than less than two years.
Since feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere, I finish off the last of my coffee.
There’s a lot of work to get done in the settlement.
While everyone has their own job—it’s how half of us eat—I tend to take on more tasks.
Anything to keep myself occupied and my mind from dwelling on all the things I’ve lost.
I stash my cup inside my tent, dust off the seat of my pants, and make my way over to the Vaughn’s tent.
Mr. Vaughn is one of the men who leaves the settlement to hunt, so he’s already gone for the day.
Which means Maggie is alone to take care of their two kids while looking like she’s about to pop with the third.
Every time I look at her—with her rounded belly and adorable waddle—I’m reminded of Lara. It’s like a punch in my gut, and yet, I torture myself because I made a promise to my sister I couldn’t keep. Plus, Lara would have helped her. That’s the kind of person she was.
Maggie sits in a chair outside of their tent doing laundry with several large barrels of water.
It’s not all her own either. It’s a task she barters in exchange for things she and her family need.
They do get to keep a portion of whatever kills her husband brings back from his hunting trips, but the kids are growing and need new clothes every few months it feels like. Plus, she’ll need baby clothes.
I already told myself I’d give her what I have if this one’s a girl. My steps stumble and I almost fall to my knees, but I manage to catch myself.
“Morning, Maggie.”
She jerks at the sight of me. “Honey, what are you doing here? You should be resting.”
“I’d rather stay busy.”
Like Alice, I can tell she wants to argue with me, but keeps whatever it is she’s about to say to herself.
“I understand, and thank you for coming.”
“Of course. Besides, if anyone should be resting, it’s you.” I gesture with my chin toward her belly.
She smiles and rubs her bump. “I worked right up until I went into labor with my other two. This one won’t be any different. Besides, I think it helps make things go faster when the time comes.”
I swallow, but it’s hard to when a giant boulder blocks my throat. Maggie must notice how quiet I’ve gotten, because her eyes meet mine and the smile falters. “I’m so sorry, Riley. I wasn’t thinking.”
I wave off her apology with a manic chuckle. “It’s fine.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s not. I should have been more careful with my words.”
This is exactly why I wanted to hide inside my tent. “We should get to work.”
There’s a short pause before Maggie finally nods. “If you would hang those to dry for me, I’d appreciate it.”
Without a word, I grab an article of clothing from the barrel she indicated and carry it the short distance to the line her husband had strung up. We work in silence. I quit making any effort at small talk days ago when my world fell out from beneath me.
I’ve stopped sleeping, too. All I do is stare up at the sky through the small hole in the roof of my tent and mourn. That and I wait. Wait for the sound of a ship arriving. Wait for the scent of fuel. Wait for the past to catch up with me. With Lara, even though she’s gone.
Maggie’s kids come out of their tent a short time later, rubbing sleepy eyes.
She kisses them both good morning and sends them back inside with instructions to wash up, get dressed, and make sure they brush their teeth.
They heave big sighs, but do what she says.
Another pain hits me, but like all the rest, I ignore it the best I can.
By the time I’ve finished hanging the first batch of clothes, the next batch is ready to go. Every so often I’ll catch Maggie watching me. She oozes sympathy, and I hate it. Thankfully, her kids join in to help her and I can say goodbye.
“Thank you again for your help, Riley,” she says when I’ve hung the last pair of pants on the line.
“You’re welcome.”
“If you ever need someone to talk to…about anything,” she begins. “I’m always available to listen.”
The boulder I’d managed to swallow earlier returns. I do my best to smile in appreciation, but I’m sure it comes across as more of a pained grimace. I leave Maggie with her kids and go for a short walk around the interior perimeter.
I scan the settlement as I walk. Tents are spread out across the entire width of the walled-in land.
It’s still early, so there aren’t a lot of people awake and moving about yet.
I’ve always been an early riser and never have been able to understand how people can sleep the day away.
It doesn’t matter that the days are longer here on Tavikh than they were back on Earth, no one gets up early.
I can still see Lara’s face when we first got here. She’d been both horrified at the living conditions, but also relieved that we were most likely free. She hadn’t been a spoiled brat back on Earth, but she’d been privileged. A fact she was well aware of.
For someone who came from the upper tier, Lara possessed far more empathy than anyone I’d ever met. She was also used to a certain way of living and life on Tavikh wasn’t it. I admit to growing used to the finer things, but I never forgot where I came from.
My path takes me past the community building.
Gary and Adam step out just as I walk by.
They both avoid eye contact with me, which is just as well.
I have zero interest in talking to them ever again.
I finish my circuitous route and land right back at my tent.
Still, I don’t go inside. I can’t. Not yet.
Not where there are so many reminders. Not only of Lara, but of the only other person I’ve ever loved.
Stella.
Just thinking her name kills another piece of me.
Maybe if I think it enough times, the pain will go away because I’ll be wholly dead inside.
I can only hope. Except the pain of remembering her—thinking of her—is almost too much to bear.
I failed to protect Lara, and that’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. I refuse to fail Stella too.
If not for the past, she’d still be here with me.
Our pasts never stay buried, though, because instead of holding my dear sweet Stella in my arms, I have to pretend she’s dead.
Killed and dragged away by some savage forest beast, because it’s the only way to protect her from the man who will arrive on Tavikh any day now.
Her father.