Chapter 27
Elodie
Aman of his word, Valens immediately went about brewing a fresh pot of coffee, giving me the time to stew in peace. I paced along the other side of his kitchen, even as I watched every one of his movements, cataloging and storing them in my brain as if they were precious, somehow.
I craved familiarity with him, on a deeper level that I didn’t understand. My logical brain wanted to blame him, push him away, rage at the Goddess for putting me in the middle of this damn mess.
But… the softer, quieter parts of me?
They wanted to curl up in his arms and cry. Let him soothe me, make me feel better, even if that didn’t solve the problem.
The thing was, I wasn’t the kind of girl who did that.
Not anymore. I’d spent my entire childhood learning that soft women were just easy targets for emotional pain.
And then, in my teens, when I’d joined the enclave, I vowed to never be one of those soft women again.
It was an oath as personally sacred to me as my oath to the enclave itself.
So all these feelings Valens was stirring up? They were unwelcome. Wholly, completely, utterly unwelcome. And yet… I couldn’t quite shake him off. Couldn’t bear to push him away, when all I longed to do was drag him closer.
When the coffee was set and starting to drip, he turned my way, leaning casually back against the countertop. He watched me pace for a moment, completely at ease in what most would find to be an uncomfortable moment.
Somehow, his nonchalance was only fueling my fury. “Say something,” I snapped, flinching at the sound of my own voice. I finally stopped, covering my face with both hands for a second. “I’m sorry. I—”
He closed the distance between us in seconds, and suddenly, his hands were on my hips, backing me up against the wall. One trailed up my side, leaving liquid fire in its wake, to cup the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair as he tilted my head back until my eyes met his.
“No. We don’t do that, you and I. You say what you mean, and you don’t apologize. I can take it.” He nipped my bottom lip, leaving heat simmering in my belly even as he chastised me.
“Oh yeah? You can take it? What if I say I’m mad at everyone, including you?”
“That’s fine.”
I snorted, pressing myself tighter against his hard chest, loving every second of his bigger body caging me against the wall.
“Fine? Fine that I’m angry? Fine that I’m snapping at you, when you’re not the one who—” My voice broke, the anger giving way to the hurt underneath, the betrayal.
I couldn’t even find the words to voice my sense of betrayal at the sisterhood I’d devoted my life to.
The first tear snaked down my cheek like the Judas it was, blatant and shameless in selling me out.
“Fuck,” he whispered, dashing it away with his thumb. “It’s going to be okay.”
“They’re replacing me. And they didn’t even have the courtesy to warn me first.” A sob so strong it rattled my whole chest had me burying my face in his neck. Tears flowed freely as his warm, masculine scent wrapped around me.
“I know. They did, and it’s okay to be mad at them. Hell, I’m mad at them on your behalf.”
I shook my head, but I kept my nose buried at the joint of his neck and shoulder, where that smoky, delicious scent was strongest. His mate scent, the one that was only for me. Selfishly, I loved that he was all mine, even though I wasn’t ready to admit that I wanted him that way.
“It’s my fault, really. I knew what I was risking, staying here with you.
I was just lying to myself.” I sniffled, trying hard to regain my composure, pour it all out, and be done with it.
“I was lying to myself to think that I could stay in limbo and nothing would change. That I could chase this connection between us, and as long as I didn’t have mate marks, it would be fine.
I’d still be a maiden, still honoring my oath to my sisters, and…
nothing would change. To experience a real heat with an alpha who cared about me, who…
who I shared a real connection with. I wanted that.
I wanted it with a selfishness that wasn’t honorable at all.
” I finally pulled back, too ashamed to stay snuggled up to him when I’d just admitted I’d been planning to use him for my own selfish pleasure while hoping nothing changed between us.
“Why is that selfish, huh?” He gripped the back of my neck, refusing to let me hide from him.
The hand on my hip slowly moved to my ass, his hold tightening as he pulled me closer, one of my knees threading between his as our hips slowly ground together.
A fresh bolt of need ripped through me as I felt the evidence of his own desire pulsing against my lower belly.
“You think you’re the only one who wants this? ”
His lips dropped to my ear, his next words a shudder-inducing whisper. “I could fuck you right here, right now, and have no regrets. That would be selfish.”
Valens pulled back, his eyes searching mine as if to make sure he hadn’t pushed me too far. I was sure that all he saw, though, was wanton lust.
Because it was all I felt. I was a burning being of need, nothing more. But he wasn’t done with me, not yet.
His next words were gentle, soft little death blows against my already battered soul.
“It’s not selfish to want some part of your life to be for you.
Everyone does. Every damn she-wolf on this planet wants to spend her heat with the wolf who loves her, who puts her needs first. And you deserve to do exactly that. Fuck anybody who says otherwise.”
I closed my eyes, unable to meet his when they were filled with such intensity. This man believed every single word he’d just said. And one of those words was love.
I wasn’t ready to look that deep, not yet. Couldn’t bear to ask myself if our hearts were already involved when this whole situation, our whole budding relationship, felt like a powder keg built on a foundation of dynamite.
Ready to blow with one. Wrong. Move.
The thing is, I never claimed to be cautious. I don’t know how my fingers ended up tangled in his hair, or how my lips ended up fused to his, as if to break apart would mean instant death.
I didn’t even know how we ended up on his couch again, tangled up together.
Kissing Valens was the blood in my veins, the oxygen in my lungs, the beat of my heart trying to slam its way out of my chest. He was all-consuming, and I was running on pure, primal instinct under his touch.
My sword was forgotten on the floor, my arms wrapped around his neck as if sheer force of will could keep him on top of me until I’d had my fill.
But as he began to kiss his way down my throat, I knew there was no fill. I was hunger and heat and want.
His hands traced down my sides, found the hem of my tunic, and lifted it off me with ease. The cool air kissed my bare skin, raising goose bumps everywhere it touched, my nipples pebbling in my simple sports bra.
Embarrassment tried to creep in since the first time he was seeing me shirtless, I wasn’t wearing anything sexier.
I was in my uniform, and underneath were my everyday basics.
A strappy sports bra and plain cotton panties that probably didn’t match.
But the way he groaned as he slowly ran his hands up my bare sides?
The hunger in his eyes, the way he tortured his bottom lip between his teeth as his hands cupped my breasts?
Fuck me, the man didn’t seem to mind.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You know that? You could be wearing a nun’s habit and I’d still want to get under it.”
I laughed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. “I’m not a nun, I’m a badass. And you’d better not forget it.”
His slow grin spread, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he leaned down, bracing himself on the arm of the couch above my head.
“There’s nothing about you that’s forgettable, Elodie Carmichael.
Not one damn thing. And if you don’t tell me to stop, I’m going to peel every inch of clothing off you and memorize the rest of you. ”
His hand hovered at my waistband, waiting. His fingertip teased my skin just underneath, sending shivers of want through me.
“I—”
A key entering the door lock broke through my moment of hesitation, we both froze right as the knob started to turn.
“Shit!” I swore and scrambled for my discarded shirt at the same time Valens hollered, “Don’t come in!”
The door froze, open only an inch. “Why, there’s nothing a girl loves to hear more than don’t come in after a long day of work,” Savannah drawled, her sarcasm heavy as she waited on the doorstep.
Valens looked down at me apologetically, mouthing sorry before standing and putting himself between me and the door as I pulled my shirt hastily back into place and tugged my sword scabbard back over my shoulder where it belonged.
“You good?” he asked.
“Fan-freaking-tastic,” I muttered, cheeks burning.
Savannah snorted from outside the door, clearly having heard me with her wolf’s hearing. “Excellent. In that case, I’ll be heading to my room.” Savannah stomped inside, slamming the door a lot harder than necessary, in case we were unsure of her displeasure.
I sighed. “She really doesn’t like me.”
Valens turned, already shaking his head. “She doesn’t know you yet. When she does, she’ll love you. Because I—”
I was on my feet in a heartbeat, backing away. “No. Uh-uh, don’t do that. Don’t… just don’t. Please.”
He froze, eyes wide as if only just realizing himself what he almost said.
“I should go.” I dodged around him, head bowed with embarrassment at the whole situation.
And this is the man I am going to fuck senseless any day now, when my heat renders me otherwise useless. That wouldn’t complicate things at all.
“Wait. Don’t leave. I’m sorry. I know it’s too soon. I won’t say a thing, I promise. But we do need to discuss pack business.”
Damn it. It was a raging double standard that just minutes ago he’d been telling me how I could say anything to him, and here I was telling him to censor himself. I was a real bitch, but I couldn’t bear to be any other way.
This was why this relationship was such a bad idea. It was a piping-hot stove, and I was the kid who couldn’t stop touching it.
Because he was pack second, and I was a maiden. We had jobs to do, and we were practically coworkers at this point. So I couldn’t make a hasty escape, because he was right. We did need to talk about pack business.
“Of course.” I straightened, suddenly awkward when moments ago, everything had been as easy as breathing.
“Let’s… go have that coffee. It’s done now.” He raked a hand through his hair, not at all hiding the evidence of the hookup we’d been speeding toward.
“Coffee’s good. Can’t maul each other with coffee cups in our hands.”
He laughed, and just like that, the tension broke. We were okay.
“Challenge accepted.” He shot me a wink that I felt all the way down to my core, but then he was gone, striding into the kitchen with renewed purpose. This time, I kept my hands to myself as he poured two cups of coffee, then passed one across the kitchen island to me.
“So, the IGC.”
“Right bastards, the whole lot of them,” I quipped, sipping my coffee.
“I think Lucien might be offended by that.” He grinned over his own mug.
“Okay, Lucien excepted, the rest of them are bastards.”
“I agree, but I still think us going to talk to them is the best option. We were the ones who investigated two of the disappearances, and we were here for Alajos’s confession. And with your extra senses developing… Maybe you’ll notice something at the council building that could be helpful.”
I took an extra-long draft from my mug, stalling. We hadn’t talked about that extra sense yet, but he was being remarkably cool about it. Almost too cool.
“Speaking of extra senses… Doesn’t that bother you?”
He set the cup down, eyebrows crinkling together in an adorable frown. “No, why would it bother me?”
“Because it’s bad enough I’m a maiden. Now there’s something else weird going on too.”
“I think the word you were looking for is incredible, actually. You’ve obviously been Goddess touched, like the rest of your crew.” He paused. “Also, it wouldn’t freak me out because it’s part of the legends.”
It was my turn to frown. “What legends?”
“Don’t you remember the tree? The guardian’s sigil that my grandfather carved into it?”
“Oh. There are legends about sensing magical signatures?”
He nodded. “And other talents. Some could sense magic. Some could wield defensive magic. There were a handful of things they could do, all in the service of omegas.”
“And you think I might be one of these guardians, even though I’ve got no ties to your pack?”
He reached across the island, weaving his fingers through mine as if he’d been doing it a hundred years, not a week. “But you do have a connection to my pack.”