Chapter 6
Six
Clara
It’s been three months since the night with Ryan.
Burke has been helping me every step of the way, and although I never thought I’d lean on anyone again, it has been really nice.
At first I was hesitant and wondered what he wanted, but after weeks passed I soon found out he didn’t expect anything.
With his help, I have been able to get into therapy which I’m sure comes with a hefty bill, but he won’t let me know what it is.
I’ve been going to the gym and working with a coach to teach me how to fight, not that I think it’ll do any good in the future, but it’s making me feel stronger and capable.
I got this job at the diner, and working here is the next step in becoming financially independent.
Having control over my life has been hard, and I worry constantly that I will fail. Burke assures me I won’t, and even if I did, it would be okay. I ache for him even though I’m sure that’s wrong, because he’s Ryan’s father.
Burke has cuddled me every night, providing a comfort that I haven’t been able to let go of since the first night.
Nothing happens past the sleeping, as if he’s afraid I’ll shatter like glass if we take it any further.
I wish he’d make the first move, because I don’t believe in myself enough to do it.
Wiping the counter, I let go of the thoughts when the bell dingles at the door.
“Clara, funny seeing you here. I thought that boyfriend of yours didn’t let you work?” The nasal voice that haunts my nightmares is alive and well behind me.
Exhaling, I spin around and grab a menu.
“Andrew, isn’t this far of a distance for you to travel?” With the black plastic menu in hand, I glance over his head, but he’s here alone.
The dirty flannel jacket he’s had since I was young stares back at me, and I refuse to make eye contact with him.
“It’s not every day you hear your little stepdaughter is allowed out into the open. Had to see it for myself. I didn’t believe the guys down at the bar, but here you are in the flesh.”
I grit my teeth and plaster my customer-service smile on as I push the menu across the counter. “The special of the day is—”
“I’m not here to eat, Kitty Cat. I came to collect the debts you owe me.”
Tearing my gaze from the stark white countertop, I look into his deep brown eyes, noticing the fine lines etched by time. The sneer on his face fills me with unease.
“I don’t owe you anything. I left in good standing when you kicked me out. Don’t you remember?” I bite the words out, and he leans against the counter.
The scent of his greasy, thinning hair coming closer, along with the same soap that’s haunted me most of my life. A faint smell of years-old cigarettes woven through his jacket fills my nose, and flashes of the past spin through my mind, but I’m not that little girl anymore.
“Oh, she’s gotten a spark back. Can’t wait to extinguish that.” He winks at me before turning on his heels and leaving the diner.
The spark is nothing more than the monster that lives inside of me, alive and wanting to feast on the retaliation of what is owed to her. Payment for every ounce of torture, paid in full by their fear for once. My moral compass is dissolving and I worry a little.
“It’s pretty quiet. You can clock out, love,” Debbie says from behind me. I bite hard on my lip, centering myself. “You okay?”
I shake my head no, glancing at her short curly hair. She inches closer and circles me with her arm, hugging me fiercely. Debbie smells of sweets and a faint scent of cleaning products.
She’s the motherly figure I’ve needed and wanted my entire life. No one has ever known the truth about my biological mother. She was a whore who skipped out with the newest dick in town and left me with that monster.
“I’m okay.”
“Nope. I’ll call Burke. Sit in the back, girly-pop. Was it the old fucker that was in here?”
I nod as she leads me to the back.
“Alright, he’s not allowed to come back. Let’s wait for your ride.”
I told you I’d be back to steal everything good in your life. Mark my words, Kitty Cat. I wasn’t lying when I said I’d collect.
Andrew’s voice wakes me from my sleep, and when I glance at the end of the bed, he’s standing there as clear as day.
Scream, and I’ll kill the knight in shining armour next to you. Come on down here; show Daddy how much you missed him.
Bile rises in my throat, and I scramble back on the mattress toward the headboard. I swear his sharp nails are digging into the skin on my ankle. A shriek escapes me as his hand circles my calf, and I kick out.
“Clara, wake up. Come on, it’s a dream.” Burke’s strong voice breaks through the haze, and when I open my eyes again, no one is in the bedroom except the two of us.
Light creates shadows on the wall as he turns on the lamp. My heart pounds against my ribs, and I burrow myself into his arms.
“It’s okay, Dragonfly, I’ve got you.”
He’s been calling me this name for weeks, but it still makes me stare up at him like he has two heads.
“Dragonflies, spiritually, mean change, transformation, and strength, and if that isn’t exactly fucking you, I don’t know what is.” He strokes my hair as I cling to his shirt.
“It’s kinda dumb.” I laugh, breaking the tension in the room. My jaw hurts from clenching my teeth, and I do my best to breathe past the nightmare that rocked through me.
“What happened tonight?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry for waking you.” I pull away from him, but he doesn’t let go of my hair. The soft glow of the nightstand lamp covers his face, and his icy blue eyes gaze down at me.
“Clara.”
“Same nightmare as the last few. It’s so fucking real, though.
I can feel the way he grabs me. It’s not fair.
I never asked for the things he did to me, the things he stole from me.
None of this is fair, and it’s not reasonable to make you deal with it.
” I glance at the black comforter, playing with a string poking out.
“You’re mine. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
We’ve been dancing to the same tune for over two months. Burke has helped me so much, and while I shouldn’t feel this way toward Ryan’s father, I have talked it over with Debbie. It felt right when we instantly connected, like I had known her my entire life.
I worried the only reason I felt a bond to Burke was because he was my hero that night, but she pulled it out of me that I’ve liked him for so much longer.
He’s always been in the back of my mind, like I wished I met him before his son so I wouldn’t have had to endure what I did, but at the same time, we might’ve never gotten here, and Ryan could have hurt other girls.
He’s so certain he desires someone as broken as me. I keep waiting for the music to stop and him to move on. Despite my fears, Burke has been my rock, and I want him as much as he wants me, but I need him to show me.
The nightmares claim me every night, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be free of them again. What if this is the way my life will always be? The last person to touch me was Ryan, taking me against my will as he hurt me in ways I’d never tell anyone.
With my stepdad reappearing in my life, their images take turns assaulting my dreams and keeping me in a state of fear. Life might never return to the way I deserve—or hell, even a way for me to stay sane.
“Clara, what do you need from me?” Burke strokes my cheek, and his other hand squeezes mine.
“Claim me. Replace their hurtful touches with yours.”
Burke’s hand twists in my hair and pulls my face to stare up into his eyes. I’m not sure what he’s looking for, but I don’t have time to question it.
His lips crush mine, and I melt into his arms. My heart races, butterflies exploding in my stomach.
I kiss back deeply until we pull away, gasping for air. He releases my hair, ripping the covers back as he turns toward me. Burke’s naked muscular body greets me, and he cups my jaw, turning my head as his lips trail over my sensitive neck.
My nerves go wild, his touch igniting the fire within. As his head moves to my nipples, he sucks before his teeth run over the tender tips.
Moaning, I slide my fingers through his short salt-and-pepper hair. His hand slips down and grips my neck harder, and spots dance across my vision before he releases me.
At first I freeze—each movement reminding me of a dangerous time is hard to process. His fingers brush against me when he loosens his hold, and I refocus on his eyes. There is no malice there.
Lust and fire burn behind them, but nothing else. The loving dominance is something I crave, to let my mind go with someone I trust not to hurt me.
Trust is a fine line. It can be broken so easily, but I believe Burke won’t tear me into pieces. He has proven I can hold on to him to keep steady and that it is okay to fall.
My mind lingers on these thoughts until Burke’s tongue sweeps across my sensitive flesh. He moves down my torso and rips off my shorts.
“You’re so perfect. Fuck, I’m a lucky man.”
His caress has me arching my hips; I need his tongue on me lower. He teases me as his kisses feather over my thighs until he puts my legs over his shoulders. Burke stills, and my body trembles, waiting.
“You’re my needy girl, right?” I don’t answer him, and his grip on my thighs tightens. “This is my pussy?” he asks again.
“Yes, take me.” I can’t handle his breath on me. I’m going to burst as soon as he touches me.
Burke’s hands spread me open, and as his tongue explores my wetness my body responds eagerly.
I try to sit upright, but he pushes me down. I want to enjoy this, but I fear I’m damaged from the years I’ve been told no one licks my pussy because I’m gross.
“Stay put,” his gravelly voice fills my ears. “Enjoy this, because I’m pretty fucking sure it’ll be my favourite place to be, other than on your arm.”
His icy blue eyes stare up at me as he curls his hands around my thighs.