Chapter Seventeen #3
April hopped up, breaking the spell. “Let’s go swimming!” She dashed for the water.
Cam went after her. I stayed put, finishing my beer in two long swallows.
Beside me, Jake lingered. “You okay?” he asked quietly.
I faked a smile. “Fine.”
He hesitated. “Not weirded out by us, right?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s just not for me.”
Jake’s smile was gentle. “Most people say that, until they try it.”
I had nothing to say to that, so I watched them, by myself, as the splashing and laughter started.
Cam and Jake took turns tossing April into the water.
At first, it seemed harmless. But after a few rounds, Cam’s hands started grabbing her in ways that made my own skin prickle. She didn’t mind; neither did Jake.
I kept my eyes on my beer, feeling every icy sip. My husband, in front of me, openly flirting, like boundaries meant nothing.
I wanted to claw April’s eyes out. I really did. But the truth was—it wasn’t her fault. That was how her marriage worked. The one breaking our rules was Cam.
I finished my beer and stalked down to the edge of the water.
“How about chicken?” I called out, loud enough to cut through the din.
April beamed. “Yes!”
“Really, Livi?” Cam said, but April was already moving in.
Jake crouched, she climbed on his shoulders, and Cam sank so I could clamber on his. “On three!” Jake said as the four of us waded closer.
April was strong, shoving at my hands before I was even ready. I didn’t last long, but the laughter was real—I hit the water with a splash, gasping beneath the surface and breaking through coughing.
“Again!” I yelled.
This time, our hands slipped and we were practically brawling, arms and legs tangled until I got a lucky push and April toppled down, surfacing with a wild laugh.
Her bikini top had shifted, exposing everything to the sunlight and our wide stares.
“Sorry guys,” she said, without a hint of embarrassment, straightening herself.
I’d already come off Cam’s shoulders, but I saw his eyes darken, locked on the bare skin he’d just glimpsed.
I glared at him.
“Let’s switch teams,” I blurted.
He wanted April? He could have her, for the length of a stupid game.
“Wait, what?” Cam started, but I was already climbing onto Jake’s shoulders.
Cam didn’t argue; he went low for April. They surfaced, April perched high and proud, Cam’s hands bracing her hips. They looked like they belonged together: strong, athletic, beautiful. My stomach twisted.
Jake’s hands on my thighs were gentler, almost cautious. I locked my legs around his neck. Cam watched us, jaw tight.
April attacked first, determined. I pushed back, holding my own as long as I could, until Jake’s hands edged up my thighs. Cam broke, shouting, “Enough!”
April blinked, laughing. “What’s wrong?”
Cam sounded calmer now, backing down. “Just had enough, is all.”
I slid off Jake, lingering a second before wading away. I half-expected Cam to gloat, but he looked more unsettled than anything.
He turned to me. “We need to get back to the cabin. Sorry, guys, gotta get the grill started or we’ll be eating at midnight.”
I followed him up the beach, gathering my towel. He grabbed it and dried me off, rougher than usual, not meeting my eyes.
Jake and April caught up, gathering their things.
“Will you take these to the rental booth?” Cam handed me the jet ski keys.
I nodded, pulled my coverup on, and walked slowly to return them.
When I looked back, Jake was still packing up, but Cam was deep in conversation with April off to the side. I watched her hand him something, then both of them waved briskly as Jake joined her and they headed out.
Cam and I walked back to our cabin in silence. His mood was a thundercloud. I didn’t dare say a word.
It shouldn’t have surprised me, the hypocrisy, but it still did.
Inside, I made a beeline for the shower, turning the water just shy of scalding, letting it turn my skin pink.
Cam came in after. We washed, silent, until I noticed he was hard. Of course he was. Probably playing back every moment in the water.
I left first, toweling off with sharp, angry movements. He followed, never one to let a fight hang in the air too long.
“What are you mad about?” he said finally, his tone clipped. “I’m the one who should be angry.”
I turned to him. “Why’s that? Because Jake touched my thighs, once, after you basically groped his wife half a dozen times in front of me?”
His jaw flexed. “Stop it, Livi.”
“No,” I said, voice shaking. “You doing that right in front of me was not part of the agreement.”
He glared, a bitter smile twisting his mouth. “Green is not your color.”
“I don’t care! I’m going to wear it anyway!
” With a jerk, I yanked open the top drawer, reaching for a pair of underwear and tugging them on.
My hands trembled as I faced him. “You’re married to me, Cam.
You’re supposed to be mine, but I’m left watching while you practically drool over every woman who bats her lashes at you. You’re weak. So weak.”
He crossed the room in two strides and swept me off my feet, carrying me to the bed. He came down on top of me, pinning me there.
“I am not weak,” he growled. His eyes were wild, pleading and angry all at once. “You know I need this. We’ve been over it a hundred times, Livi.”
“Then you don’t need me!” I screamed back, the words raw and ugly as they left my mouth. “If what you need is an endless parade of new women, then why am I here at all? You should just let me go.”
“Never.” His voice was steel now, his teeth nipping at my neck, holding me in place.
“You’re mine, Livi. Always. It doesn’t matter how many women come and go in my bed; you’ll still wait for me.
That’s what love is. That’s what loyalty is.
I did a lousy job today. I should’ve been more discreet, and I’m sorry I hurt you.
But don’t you dare give up on me. We’re going to make it through. ”
His lips traced my jaw and, as always, the physical longing crashed over me, fierce and sudden. But I forced it down. I wasn’t going to make this easy on him. Not this time.
“It’s been months, Cam. You’re not any closer to stopping than you were at the start. I need to feel loved, wanted. You can’t give me that if you keep seeing them.” My voice shook but I got it out.
He let out a sigh against my skin, his breath hot along my collarbone. “It’ll end, Livi, I promise. Sooner or later, it’ll end. Let me show you how much I love you. How much I need you. Just let me remind you of that.”
He began kissing his way down my neck again, and I let go for a second, sinking into the sensation, wanting him. Needing him. Wanting to believe that maybe this time would be different.
But a thought surfaced. “Wait,” I said, remembering.
He barely paused, voice hoarse, “No.”
“No, wait, really.” I pushed on his shoulders, trying to get his attention. “I brought something. Rachel and I picked it out for my birthday.”
That got through. He lifted up, eyes searching mine. “Oh? Something I’ll like?” He smirked.
I shrugged, a little nervous now that the idea was real. “I hope so.”
He rolled off me with an exaggerated huff. “Well then, hurry up.”
I slid out of bed, going straight to the dresser.
I grabbed the little bundle of red lingerie and hurried into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
The panties came off, and the new thing went on.
I caught my reflection in the mirror and tried to arrange it, tried to make it look the way I wanted it to.
It was bright, beautiful red against pale skin, and for a moment I almost felt pretty.
But then reality seeped back in. My boobs weren’t as full as April’s; I’d seen hers and was pretty sure they weren’t real, but they were perfect anyway.
Just like her abs, which were hard and smooth.
Not like mine, soft through the middle now after months of hormone treatments and failed fertility appointments. My thighs looked thicker, too.
I didn’t look bad, exactly. But compared to April—or Brinley, or even Lacey—I wasn’t enough.
Not when I stacked myself against all the faceless women who had paraded through Cam’s bed.
I stared at myself, doubts crawling under my skin, and suddenly I didn’t want to step out there at all. I’d only make a fool of myself.
A gentle knock sounded at the door.
“Baby?” Cam asked. “Are you okay?”
My throat felt tight. “Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.”
I gripped the edge of the counter and tried to slow my breathing, but the panic kept building. Maybe I could fake a headache. Say my stomach hurt from the sun, or pretend I was too tired. Anything to avoid walking out there in this ridiculous, too-bright thing.
I braced both hands on the marble and bent over, fighting for air. But then Cam opened the door, crossing the floor and gathering me in before I could protest. His arms locked around me, pulling me back from the edge.
“What happened?” he murmured, voice suddenly so gentle. “Why are you upset?”
I pressed my face into his chest and blinked hard, trying to get myself under control.
He sank to the floor and settled me in his lap, rocking us both. Back and forth, patiently, until my breathing slowed and the trembling faded.
“Breathe, Livi,” he coaxed. “Deep breaths. You’re okay.”
It took a minute—I was gulping air at first, shuddering inside and out—but finally I began to come back to myself. Eventually, when my heart wasn’t pounding so hard, he nudged us both back to our feet.
He steadied me and tipped my chin so I had to meet his eyes. “Can you tell me what that was about?”
“I don’t know.” I heard how weak I sounded and hated it. “I was just thinking, and then it got… too much.”
“What were you thinking?”
I hesitated. Did the truth even matter anymore?
“We have to be honest,” he said softly. “That’s the only way this is going to work, Livi.”
I swallowed. “I was thinking that I’m not good enough for you. That buying this thing was pointless.” I gestured helplessly at the lingerie. “I don’t look like the women you want. I can never be what you want, Cam. I don’t know why I tried. It was stupid.”
He wiped away the tears from my cheeks and his jaw tightened.
“Listen to me, Livi, and listen good. None of those women are better than you. None of them. You’re the only woman I love.
The only one. That makes you the most beautiful, to me, every single time.
I need you to believe me.” His hands were warm on my arms, anchoring me.
“I’ve got a raging hard-on just from seeing you like this.
You have no idea. I love you, baby. Please stop taking my issues so personally.
This isn’t your fault and it’s not about something you lack. ”
He pressed his forehead to mine.
“I love you so much it hurts, and I hate that I keep hurting you. Over and over, never fixing it. I hate seeing how I drag you down, but I just can’t seem to stop.
I can’t go back to how I was before. I know you don’t want this either.
I’m going to fix it, Livi. I am. Just don’t give up on me. Give me a little more time.”
I shook my head, tears spilling again. “I couldn’t, even if I wanted to,” I whispered. Maybe that made me weak, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready to give up—not as long as there was some slim hope he’d come back to me in the end.
He carried me out to the living room and set me down on the couch, then started building a fire. A few minutes later, he came back with an armful of blankets, spreading them out in front of the hearth.
“What are you doing?” I asked, watching him as the flames grew.
He flashed me a smile. “What could be more romantic than laying with your man in front of a fire?”
I laughed, the last of the tension draining away. I got down on the blankets, waiting, and he dropped beside me, his hands immediately finding my body. He kneaded my breasts through the sheer material and kissed his way up to my mouth, claiming me all over again.
I arched into him, every nerve lit up and desperate for more.
When his fingers slipped under the fabric, teasing between my thighs, I gasped and ground against him, greedy for his touch.
We’d made love here so many times before, but this was different: rawer, closer, as if he was laying himself open for me to see.
I glimpsed the broken pieces in him, and I wanted to pull them close and hold them together with nothing but myself.
When he finally slid inside me, it was like coming home. We moved as one, both holding eye contact, neither of us looking away. He watched me as I lost myself, clutching at him as pleasure broke over me. He followed, spilling into me, groaning my name against my neck.
He drew back to look at me, voice rough and low. “I love you, Livi. Only you. Ever.”