Chapter Twenty-One
The moment Nate turned onto a street I’d only seen in passing, I realized he wasn’t taking me home after all.
“Where are you going?” I asked, tension curling in my chest. “This isn’t the way home.”
He didn’t hesitate. “I’m not taking you home,” he said, as if the decision were as simple as flipping on a light switch. “You’re coming to my place. You’ll stay with me tonight.”
I shrank a little into the seat, knowing what I’d said to Rachel—and knowing he’d heard every word—but not wanting to assume the worst.
“It’s not about that,” Nate said, as if reading my mind.
“I don’t expect anything from you. You just…
” He let out a long sigh, his voice trailing off.
“You’re not okay, Livi. I don’t want you alone in that big house tonight.
I’d worry about you and probably not sleep at all.
You deserve to have someone around. A friend. Especially since Rachel’s not here.”
I found my voice, small and fragile. “Okay. I’ll stay. Thank you.”
He nodded, then pulled smoothly into his parking garage. The sound of the chirping car lock echoed around us as we made our way toward the elevator.
Inside his apartment, I shrugged off my coat at the door.
“I don’t have anything to sleep in,” I pointed out.
Nate took my coat and hung it neatly in a closet, the casual set of his shoulders suggesting this was all routine. “Get comfortable, Livi. I’ll go find something for you.” Without waiting for a response, he disappeared down the hallway.
Feeling suddenly parched from crying in the car, I headed for the kitchen.
The fridge held a few beers and orange juice, but orange juice in the middle of the night would only leave me regretting my choices.
Water would be best. But when I opened the freezer for ice, a bottle of chilled vodka caught my eye, glimmering with possibility.
Why not?
I filled two glasses with ice, giving myself a generous pour before carrying the glasses to the kitchen table. The first burn down my throat was brutal, but the warmth that followed was worth it. I poured a second and began to sip, the numbness settling in.
When Nate came back, he raised an eyebrow at the glass I’d left out for him. "Thanks." He set a stack of folded clothes next to my arm. “These might be roomy, but they’ll get you through the night. I’ll wash your clothes so they’re clean tomorrow.”
I offered a watery smile. “You’re so good to me.”
He sat down, wrapping his hand gently around the drink. “You deserve it, Livi. You deserve a lot better than what he’s giving you.”
I brushed away a tear before it could fall. I didn’t want to break down again—not here, not now.
“He’s not a bad guy,” I said, though the words sounded hollow. Why was I still defending him? Maybe because I couldn’t stop picturing him with her, maybe even at this very moment. Maybe I thought I had to, just for me. Just to stay sane.
Nate’s hand covered mine, steady and warm. “I can’t stand the guy, but I feel like I should say this anyway. Grief, it does weird things to people. I loved my mother. She was… she was everything to me. But my father? Everything she did infuriated him. The tiniest thing could set him off.”
“You mean—he hit her?” The question came out, barely a whisper.
He nodded. “Beat her, more like. Hospital trip after hospital trip. He was a drinker. Heavy. Everybody knew, nobody did anything. My father was a preacher, a so-called man of God.” Nate let out a dry laugh.
“He’d stand up every Sunday, telling people to cherish their wives, quoting scripture, making it sound holy.
And the whole time, they knew that after church, he’d go home and break her face with his fists.
Kick her while she was down. Shatter her jaw. ”
His eyes were dark, haunted by memories I couldn’t begin to fathom.
“When he killed her—it changed everything.”
The word struck me, even though I’d suspected it from things Nate had let slip before. I stared at him, seeing not just the man in front of me but the boy he’d once been.
“I was fifteen when we buried her. Not long after, I sat in court next to a judge and told them everything. Every time I buried my head in a pillow so I wouldn’t hear her screams, every time I tried to help and got slammed against a wall, every time she begged me not to get involved while he…
while he raped her right there in the middle of the house.
I remember his eyes when they took him away.
Pure hatred. I sent him to prison and never felt one ounce of regret.
” He hesitated, then added, “What kind of son does that and never feels sorry?”
My grip around his hand tightened. “The kind who saw what his father really was. You were just protecting your mother. Serving her justice. There’s nothing to regret, not a single thing. Men like him belong behind bars.”
Nate finished his drink and looked away, the words gathering in his throat like storm clouds.
“After that, it was foster home to foster home. Nobody wanted to keep me—I lashed out too much. I refused to live with Pops, even though he wanted me. I just couldn’t look him in the eyes.
I hated myself for not saving her. He was still alive, she was dust, and I was just…
angry. I fell into drugs. Bad friends. Stupid decisions. ”
I shook my head softly. “You were hurting. You did what you had to do to survive.”
“That’s just it. Grief turns people inside out. Makes them do things they never thought they’d do. God knows I made mistakes I’ll never forget. But if I didn’t do something, anything, I felt like I’d blow apart.”
I downed the rest of my vodka and sat with the silence.
“Cam wanted a family so badly,” I said at last. “I understand why losing that future hurt him. He didn’t just want kids; he wanted our kids. But now that’s impossible. Sometimes I think he must regret marrying me at all. Or maybe even meeting me.” The thought made another tear sting my cheek.
“If that’s really how he feels, then he’s a fool. You are enough, Livi. With or without kids, you are enough.”
“Thank you.” My voice was smaller than I intended. “And thank you for letting me stay tonight. Just…being here. It really does help.”
He offered a gentle smile, standing up to clear our glasses.
“You can shower in the master,” he said. “Clean towel’s already on the rack, and there’s a new toothbrush in the top drawer.”
I made my way to the bathroom, twisting the hot water on high and letting the steam fog up the mirror. Stripping off my clothes, I stepped into the shower and let the scalding water crash over my skin. I welcomed the sting—the pain was something I could control, unlike the rest of my life.
Nate’s story played over in my mind, each detail echoing what Rachel must have seen at the hotel. I tried to shut it down, but the questions wouldn’t stop spiraling.
Why did Cam do this to me? Why break the one agreement we still had left? Did he even care about my pain, or was it all about him now? Was he in love with Lacey? Had they been together this whole time? How many lies had I swallowed?
I lathered with Nate’s woodsy soap—not unpleasant, even if it was a little more masculine than I was used to—and tried to focus on something, anything, besides the vision of Cam’s fingers intertwined with hers.
How they walked together toward their room.
The hotel manager had even thought she was his wife.
Did they register as Mr. and Mrs. James?
Would he leave me? Would she wear my name someday?
I didn’t even realize I’d sat down in the tub until the water turned cold around me, needling my skin, pricking me back toward the surface.
Three sharp knocks rattled the bathroom door.
“Livi? Are you alright?” Nate’s voice was low and steady, but I could hear the worry.
I cleared my throat. “Coming out.”
I wrung out my hair, wrapped myself in a towel, and brushed my teeth. The spearmint taste bloomed in my mouth—a favorite of mine, but never Cam’s. I was always compromising, wasn’t I?
The pajamas Nate had given me were massive, but after rolling the waistband a few times and tugging the Lord of the Rings shirt over my head, I found the comfort oddly soothing.
I laughed a little at the ring graphic on the front.
Only Nate, I thought. He was such a nerd, and I honestly loved that about him.
The door clicked open and Nate appeared just outside, hovering as if he’d been waiting there the whole time.
“I was getting a little concerned,” he admitted.
“I’m not going to do anything drastic,” I promised, passing by him to find my purse. “Just brushing out my hair.”
He watched me, jaw set. “Where’s your guest room?” I asked, fingers tangled in my damp hair.
He looked sheepish. “Actually, I don’t have one. I converted the space—I never really needed it.”
“Oh.” I’d been picturing a retreat, a safe little corner. “Well, the couch is fine. It’s super comfortable—I remember.”
“No way, Livi. You’ll sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch.”
I straightened. “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed, Nate. I’ll be comfortable on the couch. Really.”
“But I wouldn’t be Olivia,” he shot back, and it was the first time I’d heard him use my full name. “My mother raised me to be a gentleman—to take care of women, make sure they’re safe and comfortable. That includes you.”
I couldn’t help it—I grinned. “Guess chivalry’s alive and well, huh? Fine. I’ll take the bed. Your mother would probably haunt us otherwise.”
“That’s totally fine by me.” He flashed a dimpled smile, the kind that made my heart twist. For one dizzy second, I wondered what it would feel like to kiss that dimple.
Where did that come from?
Get it together, Olivia. My marriage was barely hanging on, and now here I was fantasizing about Nate, of all people. Was I really that much of a mess?
I tried to lighten the mood. “In that case, goodnight, kind sir.”
He tipped an imaginary hat. “G’night, m’lady. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
He shut the door and I could hear him rustling around out in the living room. I crawled under the covers of his bed and immediately melted into the mattress. The sheets were cool and smelled like him—a woodsy, comforting scent that was so different from the spice and heat of Cam.
Sleep found me quickly, but it wasn’t the peaceful kind.
I dreamed of Cam and Lacey. I was in the room with them, invisible, watching as he lay between her legs and whispered words into her ear—the same words he used to say to me. I screamed at him to see me, to remember me, but he turned away, lost in her. They couldn’t hear me. Or didn’t care.
Someone shook my shoulder. “Wake up, Livi!”
My eyes flew open to see Nate’s worried face, his hands still gently cradling my arms. It took a moment before I realized I’d been screaming. Tears were flowing, renewed by just enough sleep to bring everything back.
“It was awful,” I sobbed. “They were together. I watched it happen, but they didn’t even notice me. Why is he doing this, Nate? What did I do?”
Nate pulled me toward him and let me cry into his shoulder, holding me until the panic faded.
“He’s the problem, Livi. Not you. I know it hurts, but it’s not your fault. You’re just the one who gets hurt, and I hate that for you.”
“What if he leaves me?” The words were shaky and small. “What if he decides she’s what he really wants?”
He brushed the hair back from my face. “Then he’ll be the biggest idiot in the world. And even if he realizes it someday, I hope it’s too late for him. I hope you’ll see what you’re really worth by then.”
I hesitated. “Will you stay with me? Just for tonight? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can’t stand the thought of being alone.”
“Of course I’ll stay.” He climbed into the bed, pulled the covers over us, and wrapped me up in his arms, warm and solid behind me.
“I’m really sorry for being a train wreck tonight. I ruined your evening.”
“Not at all. The fair was amazing, and I loved every second of it. Yeah, I wish things hadn’t gone sideways, but not because of me. It’s hard being betrayed by someone you trust, and I get it more than most. Our stories are different, but the hurt’s the same.”
I relaxed a little, rolling over to see him more clearly. “I really am glad I met you,” I whispered, brushing my lips against his almost before I knew what I was doing. “I think… I think I want more. Being with you, it feels right. I want to be closer to you.”
He let out a breathy, almost embarrassed laugh. “If you knew what that did to me right now…” His eyes sparkled, and I found myself smiling, too.
He tucked my hair behind my ear. “I want that with you, more than anything. But tonight’s not the night. You’re hurting, and I won’t be that guy. I want to wait until you really know what you want, not just because you’re in pain.”
“I promise, that’s not it. I just… I feel good with you. Not numb. Real.”
He smirked. “So I’m your rebound, huh?”
My face fell, wondering if he meant it.
He caught my hand. “Livi, I’m kidding. I want to be your support, not a distraction.
But your heart’s got enough on it tonight; I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and regret anything.
Besides”—he gave me a look, half serious, half playful—“you’re the only one keeping the rules anymore, even if he isn’t. Isn’t that worth something?”
My brow furrowed. “Why should I, if he already broke them?”
“Because you’re better than that. You’ll walk away with no doubts if you do things your own way, not his. Then, whatever happens, you’ll know you did everything you could. No regrets.”
I smiled, for real this time. “I love how you can even save me from myself.”
He squeezed me closer. “Believe me, come Thursday, I won’t be saving you from anything. Not even myself.”
We both laughed, and the sound was such a relief after everything. I burrowed into his chest, warm and safe, and finally drifted to sleep. This time there were no dreams at all, only the steady comfort of his arms.