Chapter Twenty-Nine #3
I drank my coffee, letting his words buzz around in my brain. “I like you, Nate. A lot. But I’m not ready to make any decisions. I can’t just throw away my whole life with Cam. There’s too much history. I love him, no matter what’s happened.”
Nate was silent. “Isn’t that exactly what he did to you?”
I couldn’t answer him. I just picked up my cup and headed to the front to clock in, keeping myself busy wiping down the counter, even though it was already spotless.
“Good morning, Olivia!” Mr. Porter strode through the door with a friendly grin that lit his face. “Nice to see you.”
“You too, Mr. Porter.” I meant it. He was a sweet man, even if he wasn’t at the store a lot these days. “How are you feeling?”
He made a little show of it, clutching his lower back with a dramatic sigh. “Could be better, but not too bad for an old man.”
“You’re not old, just more experienced,” I said, and he laughed, patting my shoulder as he reached for a stack of log books under the counter.
“Ha! More experienced in being old, I’d say.” He tucked the papers under his arm. “I’ll be in my office for a while. These books won’t balance themselves.”
I nodded, then went back to cleaning the counter until my reflection shone in it.
Around noon, Nate and I decided to treat ourselves to lunch at my favorite little bistro. We were telling Mr. Porter we’d be gone for an hour when the bell above the door jangled and in walked Cam, arms full with a massive bouquet of roses.
I froze, Nate at my side, heart launching into my throat. I hadn’t even considered he might show up here.
Cam’s eyes zeroed in on me behind the counter. “Why are you back there?” he said, sounding sharper than usual.
Mr. Porter beamed, always eager to make an introduction. “You must be the husband. I’m Richard. Your wife’s been a real godsend these last few months. I’ve been out sick a lot and she’s kept the place running.”
Cam’s mouth curled, but his gaze was cool as he took in Nate standing right next to me. “Oh?” he said, voice tight. “She definitely isn’t alone in here.”
Mr. Porter chuckled, oblivious to the tension, waving Nate over. “That’s just my grandson, Nathaniel. The two of them are a great team, I tell you. I haven’t seen the store look this good in years.”
Cam’s smile was all teeth. “Is that so? Remind me, how long has my wife been working here?”
I tensed behind the counter, fingers white-knuckled on the register. He didn’t get to be angry. Not after everything.
Mr. Porter scratched his head, looking to me for help. “Four months? Six? I can’t quite keep up anymore.”
Cam set the flowers down, barely glancing at them. “Care to join me for lunch, wife?” His voice was syrupy, but the look in his eyes was sharp as glass.
I just stared, unsure what to do next.
“We were just about to head out, actually,” Nate said, his voice a little louder, as if hoping more volume would change the mood. “I’m taking Livi to her favorite little lunch spot. We go there all the time.”
I wanted to strangle him. He was making an awkward encounter even worse, and from the way Cam’s eyes narrowed, I could tell he’d never believe our lunches were just about sandwiches and iced tea.
“I’m sure Livi can find time for her man today, though,” Cam replied, his tone so dry I felt it crackle between us. “We hardly ever have time together, and, like you said, you go with her regularly. So, if you don’t mind-”
Nate shifted, a step closer, and I put my hand on his chest, stopping him before anything more could happen.
“I’ll be back in an hour,” I said quickly, directing it at Nate. “Okay? We’ll have lunch tomorrow.”
Nate opened his mouth, ready to argue, but Mr. Porter stepped in, picking up on the tension at last.
“Come now, Nate, you can take me out instead. It’s been a while. Let the man spend his time with his wife.”
Nate’s jaw clenched and for a second and I wondered if he’d keep pushing, but he just set his lips in a hard line.
“Fine. I’ll see you in an hour. We have to get that new display up before the release tomorrow,” he said, the edge in his voice obvious. The look he gave me held a trace of hurt, and I offered him an apologetic smile, which didn’t seem like nearly enough.
I didn’t want to go anywhere with Cam, but I knew I had to face things now that he’d caught me in my lie. Not that it should have mattered. At least I wasn’t pregnant with another man’s child.
I trailed after Cam down the sidewalk, my chest tight, until we reached my favorite spot and sat on the patio of the bistro. The sun was warm. I wished I could melt into the chair and disappear.
Cam ordered for both of us, not even glancing in my direction, and I didn’t bother to protest. There was no point in arguing over something that small when there were so many bigger battles waiting.
We sat in silence until the waitress left with our order, and then Cam started.
“So.” He didn’t look at me. “Six months? Four? When were you going to tell me you were working there?”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Then why lie about it?”
“I didn’t. I do spend a lot of time reading on the couch and drinking coffee in there. That’s all true.”
“Semantics, Livi.” He let out a sharp huff. “How long did you wait after I asked for an open marriage to get this job?”
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Not long.”
He stared at me, his eyes dark. “So you were looking for an out, even as you agreed to let me do it. Jesus, Livi, why didn’t you just tell me how you really felt? And what made you think you needed a job? Did you honestly believe I’d leave you high and dry financially?”
“I didn’t know what to expect,” I shot back, the words coming faster than I intended.
“You completely blindsided me. I thought we were happy, even after our bad news—I thought nothing would come between us. But then you told me I wasn’t enough for you anymore.
I never, ever thought I’d hear that from you. So I tried to be ready for anything.”
The waitress set our food on the table and I breathed a little easier. The sooner this was over, the sooner I could get away from Cam and all the mess he made.
“What happened to giving me space?” I finally managed, once she had walked off again. “Showing up at my job a day or two after agreeing to give me space is not giving me time.”
“For one,” Cam snapped, “I didn’t know I was showing up at your job because I didn’t know you had one! For two, I love you too much to stay away. I didn’t come here to pressure you, I just couldn’t stand another day of not seeing you. I’m weak when it comes to you, Livi. You’re my heart.”
The anger drained out of me. I lifted my sandwich, chewing more to keep from saying something I’d regret. I didn’t know what to do with the man across from me. My husband. The love of my life. The liar who kept breaking my heart.
“I need to know there’s hope,” he said, after the silence stretched. “I need to know you still love me. Even after everything.”
“Of course I still love you. I wish I could stop, but I can’t. Things would be so much easier if I could.”
He flinched, and immediately I felt the old ache of guilt.
“I’m sorry, baby. I know I’ve apologized over and over, but I mean it every time. I regret what I did. I’d give anything to go back and change it. I’d never ask you for that again.”
“You regret making your child?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper.
He faltered before answering. “I regret how it happened. But no, I can’t say I’d wish him away.”
Something heavy pressed on my chest. “Him?”
Cam shrugged, almost shy. “We don’t know yet, but I have a feeling it’s a little boy.”
I stared, stunned. There was a far-off hopefulness in his eyes that hurt to look at.
“We?”
Cam’s face crumpled. “God, I’m sorry, Livi. I don’t mean ‘we’ like Lacey and I, I just…,”
“You mean ‘we’ as in you and the mother of your child.”
He dropped his head, unable to meet my eyes. There wasn’t a way to spin it, even if he tried. It was the truth.
“It’s not what you think,” he insisted. “I’m going to have her sign over the rights.”
“Can you even guarantee that?” My fists curled tight in my lap. “Has she even hinted that she would?”
He stayed silent.
“She’s not going to give up her baby, Cam. Not for you. Not for anyone. And she shouldn’t have to be bullied into it. Being a mother is beautiful, and you can’t take that away from her just for your own needs.”
He looked desperate. “But if she won’t, will you help me raise him as his stepmother? I know it won’t be traditional, but maybe we could make it work if we have to share time with her-”
I cut him off with a raised hand. “I’m not going to do that, Cameron.”
He glared at me, like he couldn’t believe I was saying no.
“You’d ask me to give up my own child because you’re too sensitive to move past one screw-up?”
“It’s not just one mistake, Cam. You’ve been lying for weeks. You broke our rules, more than once, and you got another woman pregnant. That’s too much.”
My hands shook as I drained half my glass of water, trying to steady myself.
“You’re really going to walk away over this? Are you serious, Livi?”
“I have a question for you, Cam. Before I decide. Just answer honestly. Can you do that?”
He nodded, not breaking eye contact. “Anything, baby.”
“Remember when we met April and Jake at the lake?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“I saw her give you something before she hugged you goodbye. What was it?”
He swallowed, and I knew what was coming.
“Her number.”
“That’s what I thought,” I said, keeping my tone flat. “Did you use it?”
He nodded again. “But it was just Thursdays. I never broke any rules with her.”
I stood up, pulling cash from my wallet and putting it on the table, careful not to look at him. I didn’t want anything from Cam now, not even lunch. I’d made up my mind.
“Why are you leaving?” Cam demanded, his voice rough. “You can’t be mad that I met up with her—we had an understanding.”
“Do you still have her number?”
A tiny hesitation. Then, “Yeah.”
“Can I have it?”
He seemed confused, but nodded, and in seconds he’d texted me her contact info. “She didn’t do anything wrong. Neither did I.”
“I’m not interested in her, Cam. But her husband’s a divorce lawyer, and I want him to recommend someone local.”
The color drained from Cam’s face. He shot to his feet. “You’re leaving me because of April? That was part of our agreement, Livi!”
A tear pricked my eye, and I wiped it away before it had a chance to fall.
“I’m not leaving you because of April. I’m leaving because you got Lacey pregnant.
I’m leaving because you broke our rules, which shows how little you actually respect me.
I’m leaving because, while I thought I was on a romantic trip with my husband, you were busy searching for your next thrill.
Instead of wanting me, you wanted someone else.
I’m leaving because you’ve made it clear I’m not enough for you anymore.
And that’s fine, but you don’t get to have it both ways.
“You’re not going to have me waiting at home like an afterthought while you chase after everyone else.
That will ruin me, Cam. It’s already sliced my self-worth in half, and I deserve better than that.
I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I’ll come get my things once I find an apartment, you can keep the house. I don’t want it nor can I afford it.”
I turned and walked away, swallowing the urge to look back. If I saw the pain on his face, I might falter, and I wasn’t going to lose my nerve.
Not this time.
I loved Cam. That hadn’t changed. But I was finally starting to love myself, too.