Faulted Infatuation

Chapter 1

Chapter

One

Selah Murray

My head hurt and so did my chest. It felt like the equivalent of my entire world shattering and there being nothing I could do about it.

Okay, so maybe I was being dramatic, my world wasn’t shattering, but the future I envisioned was.

When I looked at him, I always saw how much love we shared and how happy we were, but I was so wrong.

So fucking wrong. I lived in a fictitious world, romanticizing fiction. I didn’t see how wrong I was until now.

I brought the glass of Chardonnay to my lips and took a gulp. Usually I sipped, but tonight sipping wouldn’t do anything for this aching in my chest. I felt like a fool, like my head was in the clouds while he was doing his dirt. Fuck.

Tears streamed down my face as I set the glass down and picked my phone up.

I shouldn’t have gone back to these messages, but I couldn’t help it.

For the thousandth time today, I had to see it.

I had to see why instead of being home with the dirtbag I called my man, I was here, halfway through a bottle of Chardonay, losing my fucking mind.

There the messages were again. This bitch had literally DMed my business page because apparently she wasn’t able to see my personal page. My life was private… unlike his. I only had two images up. One abstract of myself and the other of my first bakery.

hecums4me: You fuck with Knockout?

hecums4me: I’m cumin to you woman to woman because I saw him post you on his page. I been fucking Knockout for over three years. I have had two abortions and I just lost our last baby because I was fighting another girl he was fucking on new year’s day.

hecums4me: I don’t have any reason to lie. Ask him who Darla is.

hecums4me: [4 IMAGES]

hecums4me: And I’m not the only one either. Knockout is for everybody and he is tricking too.

hecums4me: [VIDEO]

My stomach twisted at the sight of the video of his backside, him asleep and her showing herself butt naked next to him.

hecums4me: Don’t believe me. Just don’t let that nigga lie to you either. He’s never gonna leave me alone.

hecums4me: [VIDEO]

hecums4me: [5 IMAGES]

“You gotta stop looking at that shit. It’s not gonna do anything but hurt you more.” My sister’s voice made me look up from my phone into her concerned eyes. Siyah was my best friend and apparently the only person to ever have my best interests in mind besides our mother and grandmother.

“I know. Shit, I know. I just don’t know how I can—”

“You can get through this; it just hurts like hell right now.” She shook her head.

“But I’m not about to let you sit back here and drown in your sorrows.

You told me two months ago you felt like something was going on that you didn’t know about.

Your gut told you that. You gotta trust it more, Selah. ”

I laughed angrily because it had been way before then.

Knockout acted like I didn’t trust him for unfounded reasons, making me feel crazy when this was why.

I’d felt this way more than two months ago.

Two months ago was just when I felt comfortable saying something.

“Three years, Siyah. Three fucking years,” I repeated, sleeping my phone and setting it on the counter.

“Yeah, and god knows what else or who else.” She sighed.

Nathanial, as I called him, and I had been together for almost six years, since high school. We’d both gone to the same rundown ass high school in Watertown.

I blinked out of my thoughts, looking my sister over. She was angry and so was I. The only difference was my anger was paired with a pain so lethal I begged God to take it away. If he couldn’t, I needed him to take me away. It hurt too bad.

I blinked away a few tears and looked back up at my sister. It was taking everything in her not to ask what my next steps were. She knew like I did, right now I didn’t have any. I needed to either feel this or distract myself from it.

“I can’t sit in your office and drink myself into a coma and you can’t babysit me. Let’s go out front.” I pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear and stood. Then I grabbed my phone and stuffed it into my back pocket.

I felt her eyes before she spoke. “Are you sure you want to go out there?”

“Nah, I’m not, but I’m sure I can’t sit back here and drink my sorrows away. Gotta eat something and we were supposed to be doing that before this.”

“True. What I will say, and of course you can get mad at me later about it, you gotta get some get back. I ain’t saying fuck five niggas and drop a sex tape or anything like that but lay up under something new.”

“Siya—”

She held up a finger to stop my interruption.

“You’ve been fucking the same baldheaded, pale nigga for what, six years?

You just agreed to marry this nigga and this is what you’re dealing with?

Push that shit to the back of your head and get some get back.

Because at the end of the day, you gotta live with yourself and your decisions.

If you take his bitch ass back tomorrow, at least you’ll know tonight you got your back blown out for your troubles. ”

I laughed even though she was dead serious. Even as kids Siyah had been this way. She believed in getting her lick back in any and every situation, while for the longest I questioned if it was worth it. “You’re a mess.”

“And you smiled. That’s all I needed. You're gonna be aight.”

The last part of her statement echoed in my head.

I was gonna be okay. I just had to figure this out.

Wouldn’t be tonight though, because no part of me was interested in talking to Nathanial or even dwelling.

It hurt like hell, but nothing he could say or do would make it better.

If anything, seeing him would be bound to make it worse.

“I need the key to your suite tonight.”

“I knew that already.” She went into her back pocket and pulled out a keycard for me.

“Stay as long as you need but remember you’re a bad bitch and you don’t hide from problems. And also remember, if you need me to, I’ll gladly have him jumped.”

I laughed, giving her the side eye.

“You know what, never mind. I just realized how stupid that sounded. I’ll get him shot in a heartbeat.”

“Good to know. But you’re not gonna shoot him.”

“Wanna bet?”

I laughed and waved her nutty ass off. She was serious. “I don’t wanna talk about that man anymore. I wanna eat and deal with that tomorrow. Can I do that?”

“You sure can. Let’s eat at the bar. You know I’m technically supposed to be here working.”

I giggled. “When do you ever really work?”

“Um, very freaking often if you must know. But anyways, sit here.”

I laughed. “Oh, I planned to.”

She laughed.

When we sat down, my eyes immediately glossed the room. They landed on the face of a man mugged up looking at the gentleman across from him. I only noticed him because he was dressed modestly but something about him screamed money.

I turned my head quickly, before he caught me gawking at him. He was fine, but not so fine for me to be eyeing him down in the middle of a bar. Then again, maybe he was.

“His face is so familiar. I’ve stared at him a million times since he got here.” Siyah’s voice made me look at her as we settled onto our stools.

“Well.”

While she ordered for us, I looked around the bar once more before pulling my vibrating phone from my pocket.

I didn’t have to wonder who it was because one consistent thing about Nathanial was his ability to keep track of me while out doing whatever.

He probably didn’t even know his hoe had reached out to me because her reason for reaching out was likely for me to flip a bitch.

I didn’t though, not because I didn’t want to, but what would I gain? Absolutely nothing.

His name was on my screen, indicating it was indeed him calling. This was the second call, seeing as how I hadn’t answered the first.

“What are you gonna do about that?” Siyah’s voice made me look up from the ringing phone.

I shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. Nothing tonight, shit. Wait, let me clear up my line.” I reached for my phone and declined the call. Then I went to my contacts and blocked his number. I needed to breathe and not have him calling back-to-back… or at all.

“Are you sure that was a good idea?”

“No, but oh well. Now what did you order?”

“More alcohol, and hot wings. Wings make everything better.”

I laughed. “You’re gonna turn into a freaking chicken.”

She laughed. “Maybe, but you’ll turn into one with me, right? Especially since you've been out here eating chicken like crazy as well.”

“Whatever.”

I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of everything falling around me.

Well, maybe not falling, but my feelings were.

I stayed with my sister at the bar for a while.

When she closed, she offered to stay a while, but I turned her down.

I made her go home to her family because I didn’t need her babysitting me and my heartbreak.

After she left, I moved toward the lobby then decided to take a seat on the sectional in the corner for a while.

What I hadn’t expected to see when I got out there was the man from the bar.

We locked eyes briefly before I looked away and took my seat a few feet from him.

As soon as I was seated, my phone started ringing yet again, this time an unknown number, letting me know it was indeed Nathanial.

“Yes, Nathanial,” I answered finally.

“Yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? You screening my calls and moving suspect as fuck.”

“You are what’s wrong with me.”

“Yo, you on that crazy shit again, ain’t you?” he asked, anger evident in his tone. It didn’t matter though. His anger at this moment didn’t mean a damn thing to me.

“Crazy shit? Nope. For the first time in a while, I’m seeing things very clearly.”

He sighed into the phone. “What are you talking about, baby? Come home and let’s tal—”

“Nah, I’m not coming anywhere. Who is Darla better known on Instagram as hecums4me?”