Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
ALEX
“Alex!” Mom jogged to me, ecstatic and with her arms open wide.
She hugged me so hard I grunted, and yet she just held on even closer, like we were reuniting after years of separation. I patted her on the back in rigid motions. “Hey, Mom.”
From over Mom’s shoulder, I saw Dad, who was just a few feet behind us, sitting in the waiting area as he read a magazine.
Being the punctual people they were, the two arrived thirty minutes early.
Yes, I was twenty years old, and my mommy and daddy still came with me to the doctor.
In my defense, I didn’t really have a choice.
She cupped her hands on my cheeks, her eyes filled with affection and a sense of relief. She was paying so much attention to me that she didn’t notice the man beside me, and trust me, River was impossible to overlook.
Her lips parted in shock. “Oh. Hello.”
River remained motionless next to me. “Nice to see you again, Mrs. Pierce.”
My mother’s lip quirked, but it wasn’t in an attempt at a smile. It was an attempt to conceal the grimace fighting to surface. I was all too familiar with it. Clearly, the doctor’s appointment wasn’t going to be the most uncomfortable part of the day.
Dad gave me a silent nod as we went towards him, too focused on my companion to give his son a real greeting.
Mom took a seat beside him, and they shared one of their infamous looks.
It was similar to the look they used to exchange when Anna and I acted up in public, a silent agreement that we’d be disciplined later at home.
“You remember River, right?” I flashed a sugary, fake smile, flashing my pearls like the good boy I was. “My best friend from school that you always had a problem with.”
The uneven rise and fall of River’s chest pulled my attention. He stood like a statue before my parents, which wasn’t the most unusual thing in the world. Mom and Dad had an intimidating aura that put off everyone who met them, and River was never an exception. Though, he was never this afraid.
I squeezed my fists tightly, thinking about how much my parents had put River through, something I hadn’t even realized. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a battle I had come to fight today. At least not that second.
My mom mustered up a weak, unenthusiastic wave. “What’s he doing here?”
My arm brushed against his. “Emotional support.”
As my father opened his mouth to talk, I held my breath, only to be cut off by a nurse who called my name. Thank goodness.
I quickly followed the woman to the office, attempting to calm the sudden rise of heat in my chest. My parents lagged behind us, having their own whispered conversation while River stayed glued to my side.
Our arms brushed again, and when he looked at me, I offered a comforting smile, hoping it would settle the nerves for both of us.
My arm hair prickled at the coolness in the office.
The room lacked the typical hospital’s sterile feel, yet it was just as bad.
Possibly worse. It was as though the lights, with their brilliance, were scrutinizing me, just like when I was a kid.
The only difference now was that I was older and seeing a new doctor because my old one had retired.
Only three chairs were available in the office, and my parents quickly claimed theirs. That left one seat, and River gestured for me to take it, the gentleman. I shot peeved glances at my parents, about to take the chair, when I had an idea.
In a moment of impulse, I tugged River’s arm, putting him in the chair. Ignoring my parents’ disapproving looks and the doctor’s shocked expression, I sat on his lap.
What else was I supposed to do? Let River stand?
My parents stayed silent, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t freak me out a bit. I thought for sure I would have gotten more than glares by now. Meanwhile, River remained completely still beneath me, as if he were trying not to breathe, knowing it would further irritate my parents.
It was a gift when the doctor finally arrived, though her presence didn’t exactly brighten the tense mood. With a voice as flat as my parents’, the doctor greeted us, arched an eyebrow at River, and moved on. She asked the usual questions, and I gave her my usual answers.
Dr. Walters scribbled with her pen on the clipboard. “So, you’ve been stressed lately? How so?”
I was about to give my answer when my father cut me off.
“Because his sister leaves her child with him like he’s the father, and doesn’t know how to say no,” my dad grumbled before I could answer.
“Jim,” Mom warned.
“At least she has the decency to not make me feel like shit about things I can’t control,” I said a little too loudly, leaning into River’s chest like he was a comfy chair.
Dad noticed, and the crease in his brows showed it was taking everything in him not to lose his cool. He directed his eyes to the nurse. “Do you have any spare chairs we can drag in here? I’m sure our, uh, guest is tired of having his space… occupied.”
His struggle with the words almost made me chuckle. I raised a hand before Dr. Walters could answer. “I think he’s okay with it. Aren’t you, Riv?”
River was still as a statue beneath me. He only gave a weak, half-nod in response. Although the doctor’s eyes remained fixed on her clipboard, her hold on her pen became tighter. The energy in the room even made her uneasy.
She cleared her throat. “I’m going to do a few tests—all things I’m sure you’ve gone through before.”
With me still seated on River’s lap, Dr. Walters grabbed her tools and came toward me in her chair. Using a flashlight, she had me follow her finger with my eyes, giving me the basic neurological test I knew like the back of my hand.
For about an hour, she questioned and examined me, and at some point, someone brought in an extra chair for me. I figured River’s legs were going numb since I’d been sitting on them for so long, so I happily took the seat, though I was enjoying pissing my parents off.
After endless waiting, Dr Walters waltzed into the room. Once at her desk, she clasped her hands together, propping her elbows on the table and leaning forward. “Your neuro exam looks good, Alexander.”
I shared a questioning look with my parents, and Mom instantly jumped in. “How? He just had two seizures in two weeks, when he hadn’t had one in four years.”
“I want to talk about his seizure pattern,” she said as she navigated her computer. “He was diagnosed with epilepsy at eight, but looking at the symptoms and analysis, I’m skeptical of that diagnosis.”
With a worried expression, I looked over at River, who was already gazing at me with wide, apprehensive eyes. Misdiagnosis? Seizures equaled epilepsy, didn’t they?
In the absence of a response from anyone in the room, the doctor continued, “There is a condition called psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. It’s a possibility.”
“Psycho-what now?” Dad blurted out with a blank stare.
“Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. PNES for short,” she clarified. “In people with epilepsy, the brain experiences seizures because of abrupt and unusual electrical disturbances. PNES is the brain responding to stress or trauma, not abnormal electrical activity.”
The doctor’s casual words caused my blood to run cold and my face went pale.
“So, my son has never had seizures?” Mom’s voice wavered as she spoke.
Dr. Walter looked up, finally meeting our gaze instead of staring at her screen or clipboard. “Alex is having seizures. They’re what we call functional seizures. His body is reacting to stress and emotional overload in a way that mimics epilepsy.”
“So he controls them,” Dad stated, like it was a fact.
Everyone froze, letting my dad’s words hang in the air.
It’s my fault, that’s what he was saying without explicitly stating it.
The doctor's eyes fixated on my father with astonishment, like she was looking at him as if he had two heads.
Quickly, she remembered she was a doctor who had to remain professional.
“No, he has no control over it. It’s all involuntary, but it comes from a different place than that of those with epilepsy. I will say that, as you already believed, stress is a trigger. The good news is that it can be treated. I suggest therapy.”
Dad straightened up. “My son does not need therapy.”
Silence again filled the space between us as Dad’s jaw tightened and Mom’s lip quivered.
Meanwhile, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
I looked at River, hoping he’d provide subtle support, but he wasn’t even looking at me.
His eyes were glued to the floor, arms folded across his chest, and he was chewing on the inside of his lip.
Previously, he had seemed uncomfortable, but now I couldn’t figure out what he was feeling.
Once the humiliation ritual was over, I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough.
I power-walked to River’s car, but my parents trailed close behind, just itching to let out their criticisms and opinions.
They followed us all the way to the car parked on the other side of the parking lot from theirs.
Dad gave me a long, hard stare before speaking. “You know you can’t drive for at least a year because you’re at risk again, right?”
“Yes, hence why River drove and not me,” I said, pulling at the locked car door.
“Don’t sass me. You’ve been acting like a brat and embarrassing me all damn day.” He said, tone on the verge of yelling. “First you bring this boy, and then you sit on his lap in front of the doctor. What the hell was that?”
I folded my arms across my chest. “That’s not ‘some boy.’ You know who that is.”
My mom eyed River as she adjusted her dress. “Since when are you two friends again?”
When the car started, I found River already sitting in the driver’s seat. He unlocked the passenger door and waited, but his demeanor sparked an uneasy feeling in my chest. I needed to shut this conversation down so we could leave.
“You may not have realized, but before you went and sabotaged our relationship, he was my best friend,” I sneered.
I yanked on the door handle and got in, but my dad was not having it. His large hand gripped my shoulder, and it took me a few shrugs to get it off. As heat enveloped me, I glared at him, the expression reflecting a horrible understanding of something I had been told.
My jaw clenched. “Maybe Anna was right. I shouldn’t have to deal with this. It’s like you actively try to push your only two kids away from you.”
Before he could yell, I slammed the door shut, and my dad’s mouth fell agape. I felt too much like shit to care, for once. River already had the car in reverse, and I watched my parents stare in awe as we drove away.
The confidence I had before fell into the abyss the moment I had a second to think. I felt a constriction in my chest, my breaths became rapid, and I nervously pulled at my hair, fearing another seizure.
I shouted at my parents, disobeyed them, misbehaved, and walked off while they were speaking. All I had done all my life was be the perfect child they never got with Annabelle, and I just spent the entire evening undoing that.
Part of me felt empowered for taking such a stand. The other part felt like a bratty child who had just gone against the people who only had his best interests.
But it was for River, so it was worth it.
Speaking of him, I noticed his tight grip on the steering wheel. He was quiet—too quiet.
“You’ve been quiet,” I started hesitantly. “Did my parents’ attitudes get to you? Don’t worry about them.”
“It isn’t about them,” River muttered. “They’ve never liked me.”
I leaned over the console, my fingers brushing his arm. “Then what’s up?”
“You know, I had no issue in being with you for your appointment when I thought it was because you wanted me there.” His grip tightened around the steering wheel so much I thought it would burst. “But at some point it started to feel like you only wanting me there to piss off your parents.”
My head jerked backward. “That’s not what that was.”
“Your parents have always made me feel like a problem to you, and you knew they wouldn’t want to see me, but you wanted me there anyway.
So, I came.” As soon as he glanced my way, I saw the mix of hurt and irritation in his eyes.
“Then we get there and you act childish. Maybe you thought you were proving a point, but all you did was embarrass the both of us. I’m all for you standing up for yourself, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use me as a prop in getting back at your parents. ”
Silence fell between us, my hands falling in my lap as I thought back to the events of today.
River and I were finally getting to a good place after everything that happened.
Not too long ago he expressed to me how terrible my parents treated him throughout school, and how he’d been carrying guilt for something that was never his fault.
I threw him right back to the source without a second thought.
River was right, and I was being an ass.
“I did do that,” I admitted quietly. I saw the rise of River’s brow, but I continued. “But it wasn’t out of wanting to use you like a prop, but to show my parents they can’t stop me from being with—I mean, around you.”
The car slowed to a stop at the red light, and his eyes met mine. I put my hand over his and clasped it around.
My eyes got lost in his pretty brown ones. “I’m sorry, Riv. I know I’m not the only one with issues.”
“Don’t dismiss your struggles. Not even for me.” River locked his fingers around mine. “They are real, and to hell with everyone who thinks they aren’t, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered, mostly to myself. “I really am sorry.”
The quiet hum of the motor was the only noise to be heard for a moment. Fuck. We’d only just gotten to a decent place with each other, and I already fucked up. It was impressive.
He squeezed my hand. “It’s okay.”
River pressed on the gas pedal as the light turned green. I leaned my head against his shoulder and let out a heavy sigh, thankful the tightness in my chest had faded from earlier. He rubbed small circles on the back of my hand.
“And, Alex?” His eyes fell on mine. “You are with me.”