Chapter 17
Elena
“You okay?” He asks me in his deep voice, the British thick accent clings to his voice and dear looorrrd.
I turn my head to him, putting a pause to my thoughts and give him a subtle nod.
My cheeks heat up as I watch him drive and he keeps his eyes on the road, glancing at me now and then while a shy smile spreads on his face the whole time.
He turns to my familiar street and parks the car in my usual parking spot. Lucky for him, it’s a free parking spot so no paying fine for him.
“Hold on.” He says and gets out of the car and I furrow my eyebrows as I watch him. He shuts his car door and my expression softens when he walks around the car to my door and opens it for me.
“You are so weird.” I comment as I step out of the door. Goosebumps rise on my whole body as the cold air hits me and I slightly start to shiver. I wrap my arms around myself to keep me warm. I hear a noise behind me and slowly meet with a warm jacket. I look up to Gabriel who flashes me a shy smile and rubs his hands up and down my arms to warm me up. His proximity and actions slowly warm me and my tense shoulders fall. I stand there next to the low sports car as I watch Gabriel open the trunk of his car and take out my dress along with my shoes. My heels click on the pavement as I walk over to him, hoping he will drop the act and just give me my dress.
I get it, he is trying to be nice but… I can do it myself. Just because I am a woman doesn’t mean I need a guy to help me carry my stuff, or anything really. He refuses to give me my stuff to carry and I grow frustrated at him. He pushes my hands away from the dress and places his large and warm one on my lower back, leading me to my apartment. “Gabriel, I do not need you to help me carry my stuff. Just because I am a woman, doesn’t mean I need a guy to carry my stuff.” I stop walking in the middle of the road and I argue with him.
He slightly tilts his head and his eyes grow dark. He leans his head closer to me as he stares intensely into my soul. “I am not helping you because you are a woman. I am helping you because you are my woman, Elena.” His warm breath ghosts over my cheek as he whispers the words and this is the exact reason why my heart explodes in my chest.
My breath hitches and I feel as if a panic attack is about to approach me. I wait a few seconds, and yet I seem…okay.
My chest rises up with my deep breaths and falls back down when I breath out and I try to keep control of them.
“I am?” I ask out of nowhere.
“If you think that my ring on your finger doesn’t showcase that enough,” the palm of his free hand slides over my cheek and I lean into his touch. “Then I will need to do better.”
My ring.
Is he doing this all because I agreed to whatever I have gotten myself into?
“Maybe.” I mumble under my breath and push him away from my face. I start to walk towards my apartment building, clinging to his jacket to keep me warm. We reach the second floor by foot and I unlock the door, my anxiety slowly slipping away at the familiar feeling of home.
I let out a deep breath I didn’t realise I was holding in and placed my keys in the bowl next to the door on the dresser after I closed it shut and led Gabriel to my room.
He follows me as we walk through the small space of my one-bedroom apartment. His eyes wander around, admiring the pictures hung up on the walls.
I like to keep my space decorated with things that I love.
For example, I recently hung up a picture of me and Reneè from Monaco.
The night we met.
“You can give me that now.” I say as I reach for the dress that was in the bag and open my closet to hang it up in its rightful place. “You didn’t… look inside?”
“Why not?” he asks as his eyes stop wandering around my room and he stares at me with an amused expression.
I shrug my shoulders. “I ought it to be a surprise.”
His eyes slightly twitch before a small smug smirk spreads across his face. He runs his hand across what seems to be his freshly trimmed beard.
My eyes widen at him in disbelief and my mouth gapes open. “You did?”
“I did not. No, I did not.”
“Then why do you have that smug grin on your face?”
He shakes his head as a low laugh escapes him, his chest slightly vibrating. I follow where his eyes seem to be distracted, and mine widen the moment they land on the papers on my desk, sketches I have recently made.
Of him.
I stride over to my desk and clamp shut the sketch book; embarrassment washes over me. That could pass as creepy.
I look over my shoulder, cheeks covered in red blush. “You have features that are easy to sketch.” I try to find a reasonable excuse. My heart races as he laughs again, his strong chest vibrates from his deep laughter.
“I mean it.” I argue.
He arches an eyebrow at me. as if he doesn’t believe me.
“I do!” I argue again and this time, I laugh. His smile is compelling, bright. I don’t see him laugh often but now that I have, I wish to see him laugh forever.
I walk over to him, trying to suppress my smile that is threatening to break. I place my hands on his chest and slightly push him. “Stop laughing.”
He raises his hands up in defence, his laughter slightly dying down, but not really. “I am trying, believe me I am.”
“I do not believe you in the slightest.”
“Do you now?” He steps closer.
“Hmm.” I nod as I hum a slight yes, arching an eyebrow at him. He steps closer again but before he could come any closer, I walk away, take the box where my shoes are out of the paper bag and place it in my closet, hoping he didn’t follow behind me.
I straighten up the dress in the closet and dust off any dust that could have gotten on it. “You can make yourself-” I start as I close my closet door and turn around while I slowly take the jacket off of my shoulders. I have forgotten I still have. I get met with the vision of Gabriel on my bed and the first two buttons of his dress shirt are open and his sleeves rolled up that give a magnificent view of his tattoos.
Peace.
That's one of the many tattoos that are spread all over his left arm, almost covering the whole arm. I knew he had tattoos but not that many and holyyyyyyy shit.
“Comfortable.” I murmur as my eyes trail on him.
Why does he have to be so devilishly handsome? And my boss.
My mouth stays open as I can’t move my eyes from him.
At first I called him here for a specific thing but now I don’t feel like it’s the right thing to do after the night we had. And I am also starting to rethink my decision.
“Thank you for caring enough to help us earlier.” I sit down next to him on the small sofa that is placed in front of my bed and place his jacket between us, keeping my hand on it, hoping he will catch the sign.
“Don’t thank me. It was the most decent thing to do.”
“True, but not everyone would have done it.” I admit.
“True but when it comes to you I can’t ignore it.” He says and I feel his hand on top of mine that is on his coat.
He caught my sign.
My skin cripples up in flames and my breath becomes shallower as we keep the eye contact unbroken.
“I think it’s time I leave.” He says and I admit a part of me is upset he is leaving but I get it. I pull my hand away from his and get up.
I receive a small smile from him and he walks to the door and this time I follow him.
This is wrong but also the right thing to let happen but I shouldn’t let it happen. Maybe Reneè is right and I should stop being a pushover and just say what is in my mind.
I walk faster behind him and reach for his wrist to stop him. He needs to stop walking for me to decide otherwise I will regret making the wrong one. “Wait.” I called out.
He turns to me. My breathing becomes less frequent and harsher as he looks at me with his dazzling eyes. “Can you stay?” The question slips past my lips without hesitation and I regret them as soon as I say them. I let out an awkward low laugh, ignoring his eye contact because that would certainly make it even more awkward. “Sorry, that sounded weird. I have no idea why I said that.”
I am being a pushover again.
“Actually, I do,” my heart pounds in my chest as more words of the unwanted slip past my lips. Better now than never, I can regret them later. This is a risk I am willing to take. I just need the feeling off my chest. “I know you might believe whatever texts came to you were weird. truth to be told I did not send those but I intended to.”
When I look at him again, his brows are furrowed and his plump lips slightly parted.
“I fear whatever words may slip now will be non-reversible but you know what is better than words?”
His brows in a knowing moment, but it feels like my heart fell into my stomach when he seems hesitant. “Elena, you are drunk. You have no idea what you are saying.”
I sigh a breath of annoyance, throw my head back and silently groan. “Gabriel, fuck it.” I curse with a small smile and pull him down to me by his nape and kiss him for the second time.
His lips seem to not move, even when I pull him even closer.
Just then, he pulls away and I feel like I am being shattered into a million pieces. The one time I am confident enough to go out of my comfort zone, I get humiliated.
I am pathetic.
I breathe harshly, in and out, and my chest rises higher with each deep breath. My thoughts spin and I cannot stop them from spiralling.
I try to breathe but God damn since when has it become so hard to do a basic living necessity.
I’m lightheaded.
I cannot breathe.
I need air.
“Elena?” I hear Gabriel call out my name. I hear him but somehow I cannot phantom to look at him.
But before I can make out the words, I feel warm arms wrap around me but I cannot do anything. I feel as if I am… gone.
Everything in my body goes quiet. Everything in my mind - quiet. A quiet I feel safe in. I have used up all my emotions that I have none to let out anymore. My head is pressed against the warmth of his chest as a mixture of whispered words flow past my ears.
You are going to be okay.
Just breathe.
I am here, you are alright.
I did not panic because I made a fool of myself.
I am not sure why I panicked but something inside my head snapped that I have yet to realise what it was.
Maybe…
Maybe I finally found someone who… would never hurt me.
I remember my sophomore year in college.
My then boyfriend raped me while I was drunk. Ben raped me and I just realised that.
I think that is the whole reason I am so afraid to get drunk again. My brain erased that night from my memories but the fear of drinking will last a lifetime.