Chapter 23
Elen a
“Lena,” he says in a soft voice as he steps closer. He kneels down next to me. After we got out of the plane, a chauffeur picked us up and drove us to the hotel we will be staying for the weekend before we move to a house Gabriel owns in the small city of Venice. “Why are you upset with me?”
“I’m not.” I lie. “Just a bad day.”
“Stop lying, Lena. I know you are upset with me and I want to make it right. I can’t enjoy the next two weeks with you when you are mad at me.”
“I’m not.” Another lie. “Just feeling down. I forgot to take my pills. At least I think I did and yeah.”
Lie after lie.
I have stopped taking anxiety pills since I was twenty because they had a bad side effect on me and frankly didn’t help a lot with my anxiety. My therapist has been trying to get me to get back on the pills, but with a different prescription.
It’s stupid, I know.
I love my therapist, she is an amazing person, always the best listener at our sessions and I know that it is her job to listen. I will have the small joy of knowing she listens to me because she wants to and not because it is her job. It’s the little lies and not so big truths that I love to embrace.
But not lies coming from a man’s mouth. Those go in one ear and out the other.
Gabriel might be saying the truth and maybe he does feel bad but with time and my last relationship, I suppose I have built trust issues with words coming out of men’s mouths.
Especially the ones that smell like they ate a head of garlic. Why did I make myself suffer with him?
However not the ones who smell like mint and have a strong sand wood cologne smell on them.
Yes, I am attracted to Gabriel. I think I have been since the kiss at the club and it is eating me alive. I never paid attention towards him that much outside of work but now however, I do.
I notice how every time he greets some female, he stays respectful and always holds his hand in a fist when he hugs them to make them not feel uncomfortable. I notice that even when he doesn’t show much emotion, when he is happy, his right eyebrow always is slightly lifted up. I notice that every time he has kissed me, his first instinct is to grab me by the cheeks and the warmth from his hands always make the maroon-coloured blush that rose to them even more red.
I notice how he always taps with his pointer finger against a surface or his strong thigh when he is thinking. I notice that he always wears the same colours. Black, white, and blue - in any shade.
I notice how much he cares for his family and I might be delusional about it.
I also take notice that every time I look at him as if I am about to get lost in him, he seems like he is already lost in me. That might be the most delusional I have ever been and maybe I might be wrong but until he can get his thoughts straight and be a man to tell me how he really feels, I will stay at my little pace of moving things on until he confesses.
“I believe you. If you say you are just having a rough day.” He says in a soft voice. I am still sitting on the floor like a damn child who is upset with their parents while I stare down at my thighs and fidget around with the lace that is hanging at the end of my pyjama pants. My brown hair camouflages my sad face and I continue biting off the skin on my chapped lips. Eyes pierce through me as I am too scared to look at him. I feel the warmth as his fingers reach to my head and he slowly moves away the hair that covers my face and pins them behind my ear. Shivers run all over me as his fingers slowly move around my ear, down my cheekbones. He softly grips my chin and forces me - with no sense of force but at my own will - to look at him.
I feel like the last air from my lungs is being stolen when I finally get a look in his face. His perfect ocean grey eyes that seem to run in the family since all of his siblings have them. The high and sharp cheekbones that make his face look so awesome and the jawline that could cut through the tension swimming in the air between us.
His soft thumb massages my chin for a short moment before he runs it over my bottom lips, collecting the cherry lip balm with his touch as he smears the faint red down my lip corner. My head spins and I feel like fainting without even having to faint and his presence is overwhelming - overstimulating me and I catch short breaths as I look at him. My eyes can’t seem to leave his and it is starting to heat up in here as if someone turned off the AC and we are overheating in the fire that started burning between us.
“I need to shower.” I blur out while my head is stuck in a mirror maze and everywhere I look, I see his face.
“Towels are in the closet. The bathroom is all yours.” He says in a calm voice as if this between us doesn’t affect him at all.
I blink rapidly, finally getting out of the Gabriel haze I was stuck in. “Thanks.” I sound out of breath. I move my head away and his hand falls to his thigh. “I will go now.”
He nods and gets up, giving me the space to take a much-needed breath to my lungs and fill them with oxygen that lacked to transfer there the last five minutes. I let my head fall back and silently groan to myself for getting myself in this stupid, stupid situation.
I take my hygiene bag out of the suitcase, pack two towels under my arms and hold them tight against my waist and try to normally walk to the bathroom but instead I run.
I finally breathe when I lock the bathroom door and lean against the wooden door. My legs are shaking uncontrollably and my head hurts. I reach inside the shower and let the water run to my desired temperature, but quickly change my mind and turn it off. I turn on the bathwater since I am in desperate need of relaxation. With the hope for it to all pass, I strip my clothes from my body and jump in the lava hot bathtub that carries the scent of my lavender shampoo that I drizzled inside, the bubbles slowly rising to the surface. The warm water washes away all of my nerves and slowly releases the tension in my shoulders and my whole body. I run my arm along my shoulders, massaging the pain away as the room grows still, the silence in the room making me slightly nervous. My nerves haven’t left me yet.
No.
They have tensed and with every passing touch of my own hand on my body, the knot in my stomach tightens stronger, making me feel like a time ticking bomb is inside me and I can’t cut the wire without driving myself crazy.
My hot fingers wander around my body, my mind slowly drifts. Slow circles are drawn on my stomach by my own fingers and my head falls back and I lean it against the bathtub.
My pussy is throbbing from all what is happening, craving a release. I slowly prop my legs up, spreading them apart and the warm water creates a tension of warmth on my cunt. I close my eyes and reach between my legs, gently running my fingers up and down my folds under the water. The feeling of my digits on my wet pussy tightens my muscles and I give in, burying my fingers inside me. My mouth hands open and I arch my back as I fully bury my digits inside me. My mind drifts and a familiar image appears in my head. My imagination wanders around and I picture his face as I drag my fingers out of my sex and then back in, keeping the rhythm steady.
My knees buck as I reach my G-spot and my eyes roll at the back of my head. Heat spreads across my body like wildfire and I imagine him taking care of my needy pussy while I keep the pressure and it builds up stronger in my lower abdominal muscles.
I whisper his name in a subtle voice, praying to myself that he didn’t hear me because right now at the moment, I don’t need him to break down the goddamn door and then wreck my world more than he already has. My heartbeat increases and my nerves heighten as the thought of him coming crashing here to take care of my needs sounds too good. I can hardly breathe as I continue my pleasure, his words in my head playing over and over again, helping me reach my breaking point.
“Gabriel.” My whole body as I call out his name and I find my release; the fog consumes me and I wait until I calm down from my orgasm before I start to panic. Water splashes on the floor as I run out of it and take the fastest shower I have ever taken, trying to wash off the memory of everything.
I can’t believe I just did that.
I fantasised of my boss, who is next door doing God knows what, and getting myself off, building off the pressure that has been nagging me off my stomach. I wrap a warm towel on my freezing body and wrap the other one on my hair, keeping the droplets from dripping down my skin.
Embarrassment washes over me as I look at myself in the fogged-up mirror, my cheeks cherry red.
Let’s hope and pray that nothing was heard.
I reach for my clothes; a reminder strikes me that I didn’t take any with me to the bathroom.
Shit.