24. Bad Decisions #2
I’m a verified letch, I thought glumly as I wiped the traces of my seed off my groin and started heaping Alluin’s clothes in the laundry bin and setting his armor to the side.
However many thousands of partners I’d had—and it was definitely in the thousands—it had all been consensual and with open communication. But this?
At least it wouldn’t be Alluin doing the laundry. Ruthie was paid not to care, and as a last, desperate gasp I could point out that I literally had co-ownership of everything Alluin possessed, his freshly-discarded underthings included.
It wasn’t a good argument. It was, however, the only argument I had, and I clung to that excuse like a lifeline.
By the time Alluin came out of the bathroom, I’d gotten the bedroom tidied up and shielded the lamps in the house, plus changed out of my muddied clothes into a nightshift.
I’d made it into the bed, too, but I wasn’t sleeping.
I was staring at the ceiling in a state of all-consuming anxiety.
We were going to sleep together. Regular sleep.
Totally normal friend bed-sharing. A thing we had done many times, though not shortly after I’d masturbated with his used clothing, which did put a different complexion on the whole proposition.
Alluin strolled out of the bathroom clad solely in a towel.
I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for that act of mercy.
On the one hand, I wasn’t having to fight the unyielding desire to stare at his cock and inner thighs.
On the other hand, the low-slung towel was fighting for its life, held in place only by a casual tuck and at great risk of falling to the floor at any time, and the imminence of that blessed event held my sex-addled brain in a grip like iron.
“For me?” Alluin asked, rapping his knuckles on the nightshirt and underclothes I’d left out for him.
“Mm,” I said, because words were not going to sound at all normal coming out of my throat right then.
Alluin chucked the towel over the back of a chair. I returned my eyes to the ceiling. I was one orgasm down, but fae had a fast refractory period the first couple of times, and my body was well-trained. We were not remotely past my ability to sustain an erection.
He slid into my—our—bed and shielded the bedside lamp.
“Come here,” he said in a fond voice, hauling me towards him and putting me on my side with the same motion.
I practically melted as Alluin fit his body to mine and nuzzled the back of my neck.
“Am I being too cruel, Zhi?” Alluin murmured.
His fingers swept my hair to the side and he pressed a chaste kiss to my neck, to the place where his soul fit with mine. “You seem more flustered than usual.”
I sighed, relaxing into the feel of his strong body along mine, that gentle kiss settling some of the anxiety. “It’s been a long time, and you seem to have honed your sadism in the meantime,” I said wryly.
He snorted a laugh and squeezed me in a gentle hug. “I had a lot of time on my hands.”
“Oh, and you spent it contemplating ways to jerk the leash of your overly-libidinous shield-love, did you?” I asked, saying it like a joke but desperately hoping it might be true.
“I spent it lots of ways,” Alluin said in an amused purr. “You are very fun to tease, though.”
I grumbled, but I didn’t argue with him. I very obviously was.
As much as I wished it were more than Alluin playing, I knew the shapes his relationships took. I still wasn’t a replacement Nyland, and I knew I never could be. The other option was even worse.
Alluin sighed, a happy sound. “I’m so glad to be home,” he murmured, tucking his nose against my neck. I heard him swallow. “I shouldn’t have been sharp with you, Zhi. About Droesh.”
I laced my fingers through his and wrapped his arm more firmly around me.
“I thought about it,” I said softly. “I was a miserable, broody mess every year for the weeks we usually go. But going without you was going to tear my heart out even more, and when you were there…” My eyes stung.
I blinked it away. “Well, it wasn’t about me, was it?
It was about Dain. You were the one with him, so I thought that you would tell me if I should come.
And then when you left before we usually would be there, I thought that maybe he was avoiding the possibility of seeing me. So. That’s why.”
He made a little sound of acknowledgement.
“I wanted you to come. I just… I didn’t want to have to tell you to come.
I wanted you to come without needing it to be because I asked you.
” Alluin curled a little closer to me. “But I think you’re not wrong about Dain.
He wanted to leave before the flowers bloomed.
” Before I could answer, Alluin breathed a laugh.
“Gods. Look at us. Do you recall when it took us eight years to settle a fight?”
I pinned my ears and bopped him with my elbow. “What’s this ‘we’? I was ready to settle everything six weeks in. You might have spent the rest of your life gripped by melancholy instead of taking the initiative to hunt me down and explain yourself.”
His face warmed against my neck. “I suppose in light of that, it’s rather foolish of me to be hurt by you not coming to find me, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not,” I said, putting all the affection I felt for him into the words.
“It’s comforting that you wanted me to seek you out, because I wanted to, so badly, and if it hadn’t been for Dain, I would have.
” I breathed a laugh. “Hopefully you’ll remember that you wanted that in the coming weeks, because I’m liable to be a needy, clingy mess, and it’s not outside the realm of possibility that I’ll be crawling into bed with you in the middle of the night like a child with nightmares. ”
“Why wait till the middle of the night?” Alluin asked, sounding relaxed and happy. “It’s your bed. Sleep in it whenever you desire.”
“If you insist,” I said with a soft smile warming my face.