Chapter 34
EMMIE
Nerves rattled my system as I paced in the side room, waiting for my turn on the ice. The music from another competitor drifted through the door. The dark blue carpet was worn beneath my skates, probably from hundreds of other competitions doing the same thing I was right now.
This side of the room was actually quite large. A few tables were scattered around, along with two couches for people to sit on while they waited. There was plenty of space to stretch without getting in anyone's way. Yet, the walls seemed to be closing in on me as the seconds clicked by.
This was the last competition before worlds, where I’d find out if I made it to the Olympics or not. The next two days weren't a make or break competition, but it was important to secure which order you skated in at the next one. Everyone wanted to come into day one at worlds in a good position.
The pressure to do well hasn’t been too bad so far. I’ve been able to shove it away and have fun out on the ice, but now with the biggest competition coming up, it suddenly hit me in full force.
I paced back and forth a few more times, ignoring the stares from a few other skaters, as well as Keira in the far corner.
After the first competition and our little interaction, she kept to herself.
Although, by the death glare she gave me when I got first again a month ago, she wasn’t happy.
I made sure to keep my distance from her during practice and on the ice so we didn’t have another tripping accident.
I wouldn’t put it past her to try something, especially this close to the Olympics.
There were still three skaters left, Keira and me among them, with her going after me. My stomach tightened at the thought. I really didn’t like the idea of sitting there waiting to see if her scores were better than mine.
I slipped away to the small section I’d claimed earlier, my bag and skates tucked into the far corner. It was quieter there. Safer.
It wasn’t about shutting anyone out. I just needed a second to get my head on straight. Up until now, I’d been fine—talking, stretching with some of the younger girls, even smiling for pictures when they asked.
But now that it was close for me to skate, the noise started to fade, replaced by the steady thud of my heartbeat and the pressure settling in my chest.
I rolled my shoulders back, forcing a slow breath in. I bent over and grabbed my phone and headphones, needing music to distract me for the next ten minutes. Since this was the short program, it wouldn’t take long for it to be my turn.
I hit play on a random song, letting the music fill my ears. Turning it up to drown everything out, I clicked on my text messages. I smiled softly at the sweet and encouraging ones from Erin to Mateo’s family.
I sent off a quick reply to all of them before opening my dad’s and Mateo’s messages. My dad’s was encouraging and grounding. A bit similar to team speeches he made before a big game. Oddly, the words managed to steady me.
Mateo’s was simpler.
Mateo: You’ve got this, baby. Kill it.
Mateo: We’re both rooting for you.
The text was followed by a picture of him and Tucker smiling at the camera. I stared at the screen for a second longer than I should have, like I could convince myself he was right. I wished he were here. Having his presence would help.
I had this. I just had to go out there and skate like I had all season so far. The score doesn’t matter. Just go out and have fun. I repeated Marcy’s mantra in my head, but it did little to actually soothe my nerves.
Slowly, one by one, the other skaters left to perform, leaving only Keira and me left. Knowing I was up soon, I took out my earbuds and stuffed them back in my bag. I stared down at my phone one last time.
“No pressure, right? Everyone’s kind of expecting this to be yours.”
The voice came from beside me. It was casual. Too casual. I glanced up to find Keira standing there, arms loosely crossed, a small smile playing on her lips. A smile that made my neck tingle.
“Something like that,” I said, locking my phone and slipping it back into my bag.
“Is Mateo watching? You wouldn’t want to disappoint him if you suddenly didn’t do well.” The way she said Mateo’s name had me narrowing my eyes at her. Obviously, my relationship with Mateo wasn’t new news anymore, but I didn’t like Keira saying his name so nonchalantly.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, forcing a shrug like it didn’t matter. Like I hadn’t spent the last ten minutes internally freaking out. Her words weren’t helping.
“I’m sure you will,” Keira replied, already stepping back. “You always are…until it counts.”
She let her words hit and linger in the air, sending me one last fake smile before turning away from me.
Until it counts.
Those words buried themselves in my head before I could stop them. She did it on purpose, to get under my skin. I knew that, yet I kept hearing it on repeat.
Seconds later, Marcy popped her head through the doorway, telling me it was my turn on the ice. I had no other choice but to shove that all aside and focus on my routine.
I followed Marcy down the short hallway, ducking through the doorway that led to the rink. Multiple cameras followed me as I went, but I kept my eyes forward. My blade protectors thudded against the thick carpet the stadium had put down.
The sound of people clapping filled my ears as Marcy and I came up to the sideboards. The skater before me was sitting in the little alcove where we had to sit and wait for our scores to come in.
“Remember to just breathe. You’ve run through this routine a hundred times, so trust your body,” Marcy said, bending her head so I could hear her. Holding onto the boards, I reached down and took off my blade protectors, handing them to her before slipping out of my jacket.
“Just breathe,” I repeated. I really needed to get my head focused, but it was like I had a thousand thoughts trapped inside. Keira’s words did exactly what she intended.
Hands gripping my shoulders, I snapped my attention forward. “Emmie.” Her voice was firm, grounding. “You’ve got this.”
I took a deep, steadying breath. She was right. I could do this. This was just a regular ole competition like all the past ones. I gave her an unsteady smile, clamping a tight hold on the nerves rattling my belly.
Marcy squeezed my shoulders one last time as my name was announced through the arena. I put one skate on the ice and pushed off as I made my way to the center of the ice. Claps and some cheers filled the air.
“You’ve got this, Emmie. Just skate like you have been. Have fun with it,” I muttered to myself, rolling my shoulders. The hem of my dress fluttered in the small breeze as my skates propelled me forward into my starting position.
With my toe pick wedged into the ice, my body twisted with my hands wrapped around my upper body. I took one last breath as the beginning notes of my music started.
Let's do this.
Sixth place. Sixth.
The scores glared at me, as if mocking me for having done a horrible performance. My hands gripped my thighs, finger nails digging into my flesh as I averted my eyes from the screen displaying the scores.
“It’s okay, sixth isn’t bad. Tomorrow is a new day,” Marcy said, but I barely heard her.
The moment I stepped onto the ice, I was off. Hell, I was off the entire morning.
Nothing felt right—my timing was a fraction too slow, my edges not quite deep enough, every landing just shaky enough to rattle me. I under rotated two jumps, and instead of doing a triple axel, I did a double, which was a big no-no.
Most of the mistakes were little, barely noticeable to anyone else, but I felt all of them. By the time I stepped off the ice, I knew I had done horribly. The scores just reinforced that.
Gritting my teeth, I stepped off the raised platform in the little alcove and headed back toward the side room where my stuff was. I heard Keira’s name being announced, which just further pissed me off.
She went and messed with my head, and then stepped out onto the ice like the perfect little princess she claimed to be. I shouldn’t have let her get to me, but I did. I knew better after all these years.
I could sit here and claim it was all Keira’s fault, but it was also mine. I was letting the pressure get to me. The need to be perfect. To show that I wasn’t some washed up athlete who should have retired. I wanted to prove that I still had more in me.
Frustration burned hot in my chest as I sat in a chair, bending over to unlace my skates, fingers tugging harder than necessary. It didn’t help knowing Mateo, my dad, and all of Mateo’s family had just watched me fall apart out there.
I exhaled slowly, staring down at the scuffed leather of my skates.
I had tomorrow. One more chance to remind everyone I was Emmie James.
My phone sat on the chair, screen lit up, messages waiting to be replied to from over twenty-four hours ago. I’d ignored them all since yesterday. I couldn’t bring myself to reply, not yet.
Today was the final day of the competition, aka the long program. Instead of a two-minute routine, it was four. They purposely added the day after the short to test skater’s stamina. You wanted to do well in the short, but the long program was really where the points mattered.
So, I ignored my phone. I didn’t need distractions. I turned the screen off and tucked it back into my bag.
I was back in the side room from yesterday, but this time, it was full of skaters. I stayed tucked in my little corner, music playing in my ears, stretching as I waited for my turn.
Sixth place. The number circled my head like it was stuck there, refusing to let me forget it. I flexed my fingers at my sides, trying to shake out the restless energy buzzing under my skin. Normally by now, I’d be locked in. Focused. Untouchable. But today…I wasn’t.