Chapter 32
QUINN
I had no idea where to search for Ford, but starting by asking Beck was probably my best option.
I was sure he knew everything that had happened between my husband and me—he and Ford didn’t keep many, if any, secrets.
Which would mean he’d know how I’d jumped to conclusions and left.
He’d know all the hurtful things I’d said to Ford.
He’d know that I’d let my insecurities get the better of me and hadn’t seen Ford for the amazing man he was.
But that was something I was going to have to deal with, something I needed to face head on.
I didn’t want to go another night without my husband.
Didn’t want another hour to pass without telling him everything I was feeling.
And if I had to spill my guts to Beck in order to find his brother, so be it.
I stepped out of the cottage and into the late-summer sun.
Giving myself an internal pep talk, I locked up before smoothing my hands down my sundress.
Beck wasn’t a scary guy—okay, he kind of was.
But only in that he was protective of those he loved, and the only person he loved more than his twin was Everly.
What I had to tell him was probably going to be a hard sell, but I was going to do it.
I’d make him see exactly how much Ford meant to me.
Exactly how much I loved him, and exactly how sorry I was for everything.
With my head down, I took a deep breath and spun around on the porch, intent on making my way to the diner to spill my guts. Hopefully Beck was in a good mood today. Hopefully he was feeling generous. Hopefully he—
“Hey, kitten.”
I jerked my head up at the sound of Ford’s voice, all throaty and rough, and there he stood.
He wore jeans and a gray T-shirt, his hair in disarray as if he’d been running his fingers through it without thought.
As if maybe this separation had been just as hard on him.
God, had it really only been a day since I’d last seen him?
As I looked my fill of him, it took me several moments to realize what he’d said…what he’d called me, and I snapped my gaze to his, my voice caught in my throat as hope bloomed in my chest.
He slowly walked toward me, ascending the stairs of our front porch, until suddenly, he was standing in front of me.
He ran his gaze over me, his eyes cataloging all my features, running over every inch of my body.
And I had no idea how I’d never seen this before.
How I’d questioned this man’s feelings. How could I when he looked at me like that?
“I was looking for you,” I said, finally finding my voice.
He studied me, his eyes holding an apprehension I wasn’t used to seeing with him. Normally, he jumped in headfirst. Doubt didn’t register in his thought processes. But there was no denying it was there now. No denying I’d been the one who put it there. “Why?”
I bit my lip, wondering how much I should say. Wondering where to start… “I heard what you said. To my father.”
He froze, his entire body going stiff as he stared down at me. As he tried to read more into my posture. Into my words. “I’m sorry if I overstepped and—”
“You didn’t,” I said, my words already coming out shaky. “I can’t even tell you what it felt like to hear you do that for me. To support me. Even after…”
He made a gruff sound in the back of his throat, his hand lifting toward me before falling back to his side. “I’ll always support you, kitten. Always protect you. No matter what.”
“I know that now.” I shoved aside my nerves, forcing myself to say what I needed to. What he deserved to hear. “And I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I’m sorry for not seeing you sooner. Seeing the man I know you are. The man I’m in love with.”
There was a beat of silence, and then Ford’s mouth dropped open, his gaze locked on my face, wide eyes darting to every inch of it as if he couldn’t believe the words I’d spoken.
That was my fault, for not making him feel seen or heard.
A mistake I hoped I’d get the chance to work the rest of my life not to make again.
I swallowed, trying to force down the tears, but it was no use. They clogged my throat and filled my eyes, spilling over as they ran down my cheeks. “Me lashing out yesterday and immediately going to the worst-case scenario was more about me than it ever was about you.”
Ford let out a low, rough noise as if my tears physically pained him and shifted to step forward, but I held up my hand, holding him back. I needed to get this all out in the open so we could hopefully start over. Start fresh and build something permanent. Something real.
Something forever.
“You know how I grew up,” I said. “The things my parents said to me—hell, you got to witness it firsthand.”
His expression hardened, his posture growing stiff as he clenched a hand into a fist. “I don’t know how you lived with that, kitten. It just reiterates how strong you are.”
I shook my head, ready to bare myself in a way I’ve never done with anyone before.
“I don’t always feel strong. Getting down on myself is a daily struggle.
And that sort of conditioning doesn’t just suddenly go away, as much as I wish it did.
Those negative voices are in my head constantly, repeating all the lies they told me.
It’s something I have to actively fight against. Most of the time, I can.
But sometimes… Sometimes I can’t, and they get the better of me.
Like yesterday, after I saw the contract and the text. ”
My bottom lip quivered as I sucked in a deep breath, recalling the sharp pain that had exploded inside me.
“They didn’t mean anything. Or they didn’t mean what you assumed.” Ford reached into his pocket and pulled out the napkin, holding it up between two fingers. “I’ve carried this in my pocket every day since we made it.”
“Why?”
“Because it was the day you finally became mine,” he admitted, his low voice wrapping around me like a blanket. “And as for the text…” He pulled out his phone and thumbed to his messages before turning the screen toward me.
The woman’s messages were still there, but they weren’t what snagged my attention. It was Ford’s reply. Two little words— not interested —sent with an image of his left hand, wedding band on display.
“I can’t erase my past, kitten. Just like you can’t. But no one—and I mean no one —means more to me than you do. I don’t ever want you to doubt that.”
I let his words crash over me, soothing all the raw and vulnerable places inside me. But I’d been living this life long enough that I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. He wouldn’t magically be able to erase a lifetime of insecurities with a few words.
“I’d like to tell you it’s never going to happen again, but that would be a lie,” I said, needing him to know exactly what he was getting into if we actually made a go of things.
“It is going to happen again. Probably many times. And for this to work between us, I need to know that you’re not going to bail.
That you’re not going to run away and leave me when things get tough.
I need to know that I can fall apart, and you’re still going to catch me. ”
This time when he stepped closer, I didn’t stop him.
He reached out, brushing my hair back from my face before sliding his hand down to wrap his fingers around my nape.
Leaning down, he closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against mine.
“I will always catch you, kitten. I was an asshole to walk away from you when you were hurting. I promise—I swear —I won’t do it again. ”
I reached up, gripping his forearms. “I know my need to feel like I’ve earned your love is something that I have to work on, but it’s always a whisper in the back of my mind, and it’s not going to go away anytime soon.”
He pulled back enough so he could stare into my eyes, his thumbs swiping away at the tears that continued to fall.
“You don’t have to do anything for me to love you.
That’s not something you have to earn. It just is .
Like the sun rising every morning and setting each night.
It’s there whether you achieve all your goals or you Netflix and actually chill all day instead.
It’s there when we fight and when you pull away, and it’s sure as fuck there whether or not you feel it, too. ”
“I feel it,” I said, my voice choked as I nodded.
He exhaled a deep breath, his entire posture relaxing. “I love you. So fucking much.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
The words were barely out of my mouth before Ford’s lips covered mine.
He cupped my face in his hands, his mouth slanting over mine as his tongue slipped inside.
He kissed me like he was afraid I was going to float away.
Like he was worried he would lose me again.
And that only made me grip him tighter, knowing that fear all too well.
Knowing it was something we could overcome together.
It didn’t take long for our kiss out front to turn heated and then downright indecent, and we fumbled with the lock before stumbling our way into the cottage.
Ford’s hands were everywhere, divesting us of our clothes in record time.
And I had no idea how I could be so hungry for him when we’d only been apart for a day.
But I was coming to expect that was just the norm where he was concerned.
Whenever we were together, whether in competition with each other or boosting each other up, we burned brighter…hotter…than we ever did alone.