Chapter Two
Crew had a love-hate relationship with the bulletin board in the therapy lodge. Every time he walked past it, he was uplifted by the success stories of the vets who’d left the program.
And every time he walked past it, his gut clenched with his own worries—when would his next step come…and what would it be?
The therapists on the Black Heart didn’t let anyone leave without a game plan. But that meant knowing what he wanted. Which he didn’t.
In a few cases, the vets left and returned.
Some found they just weren’t prepared for a world that didn’t understand them.
In the instance of his friend Gabe, he planned to work in his brother-in-law’s auto garage, but soon realized that he was much happier on the Black Heart.
Now Gabe had a future with the new Black Heart Tactical Training Facility.
Most importantly, Gabe found the love of his life in a woman who matched him like a mirror.
Crew braced himself in front of the bulletin board and scanned the veterans’ photos. He knew a handful of them, but there were some who’d graduated from the program before the day when Crew made the hard choice to check himself in.
His stare landed on a photo of a vet who was known for being serious, but the photographer had captured one of his rare smiles. He’d moved to his hometown of Tulsa and got a job driving truck.
Looking at the board raised the question again in Crew’s mind. What was he supposed to do with his future? He never imagined there would be a day when he wasn’t a Navy pilot.
Ever since he watched a movie about top fighter pilots as a kid, he couldn’t imagine doing anything else with his life. While his buddies in high school couldn’t decide on their future paths, Crew’s trajectory was never uncertain.
Well, it was now—big time.
When he watched that movie, he never guessed his life would track so closely. Except after the character lost his copilot, he managed to get back in the cockpit.
Unlike Crew.
After his plane engine failed, Crew managed to eject. That was traumatic enough. But not seeing his copilot eject broke him in ways he never knew possible.
As he floated to the ground, staring at the plane spiraling downward, his eyes burned with the brightness of the flames, but also from searching for a parachute that never opened.
Later, inspectors discovered that not only did the engine fail, but there was a faulty part in the copilot’s ejector system that kept him trapped.
The military declared there was nothing Crew could have done to save Conner, but that didn’t lighten his conscience or stop the nightmares that woke him in a dead sweat.
To clear his mind, he read another success story on the board even as the pressure to put his own story on that wall felt like a concrete block tied around his neck.
His therapist, Rhae, often gently coaxed him to consider what his future might look like, but Crew always came up blank, feeling like he was taking a test he never studied for.
The lodge was quieter at this point in the day. Some guys had been up since dawn helping with ranch chores. The work provided them all with a new purpose and built their confidence, and the vets with injuries that limited their mobility were assigned tasks that were within their scope of ability.
Crew enjoyed the horses the most. He spent a lot of time caring for the beautiful, gentle beasts. Before he came to the Black Heart, he’d never been around horses, but Willow claimed that half the battle was getting a horse to trust you, and he did that without trying.
He enjoyed the pace of the ranch. Not much was urgent. No one hollered when something got done incorrectly. The Malone family was warm, welcoming and upbeat. If getting a horse to trust you was difficult, the family trusted blindly. They drew in every vet just by being present in everyone’s lives.
He was especially close to one of the brothers. Because of a similar trauma they shared, he and Gray had become fast friends.
The low thump of work boots sounded behind him. Crew half-turned to see the vet on his way out of the lodge. He wore jeans with oil stains and a few rips from working on the big ranch equipment.
“Hey, Pope.” Crew gave him a once-over. “Nice shirt.”
Vander Pope’s gaze dropped to Crew’s shirt bearing the Black Heart logo with a horse running under the words, and above them, a rope loop crossed the T in HEART.
Then he looked at his own shirt and chuckled. “Great minds.”
“Or we all got the same shirt when we entered the program.”
With a grunt, Pope scrubbed a knuckle over his stubbled jaw, drawing Crew’s focus to his face.
His friend struggled with insomnia, and was often seen prowling the lodge in the dark. Though Pope never talked to Crew about what he’d suffered, Crew suspected the event had taken place in the dark of night.
Catching sight of the board he’d been studying, Pope tipped his jaw toward it. “Anyone new up there?”
“No. I don’t think anyone’s left since Gabe.”
“Rumor is there’s a new recruit coming in today.”
He nodded. “I heard talk. Denver will be here to greet him.”
They fell silent at the prospect of a new vet joining their ranks. Every single one of them shared the same wish that no more men would falter under mental duress the way they all had.
Crew changed the subject. “Poker tonight?”
“Nah. There’s a bonfire. I’m headed out there now.” Pope cocked a brow. “You comin’?”
Just thinking about fire made his chest go tight and his lungs squeeze out all the air.
For a beat, he battled to breathe…then he finally pulled in a gulp and nodded.
Rhae encouraged him to go to the bonfires, and Crew had attended a few even though it was difficult.
At first, he went because his therapist encouraged him to.
But lately, he didn’t want to miss out on the amusing discussions.
He dipped his head. “Let’s go.”
They walked out together. The day was fading in a smear of pink and orange across the sky, and slicing right through the middle was the mountain that seemed to ground the whole Black Heart.
They both drifted to a stop to soak in the view.
“Ever seen anything as beautiful as that?” Crew asked.
“Only between the thighs of a good woman.” Pope’s tone came out deadpan, and then they both burst out laughing.
“You have a one-track mind, my friend.”
“Two-track if you count poker.”
Crew’s lips pursed in concern. He was starting to recognize a pattern in Pope. Women and cards could be addictions, especially to a man trying to bury memories.
Crew would leave that to the therapists. He had his own demons to face—and one was the bonfire around the next corner. He forced his legs to move. “Come on. I can smell the wood burning.”
When they reached the spot, Crew didn’t look directly at the flames shooting up from the big pit, focusing instead on the people seated around the fire.
Other vets, a few of the Malone women and two of the kids in the family.
The baby, CJ, was wearing a hat with two bear ears that made him look ridiculous and cute at the same time.
And Navy was seated in a lawn chair, a chocolate bar in her hand, looking like she got more on her face than in her mouth.
As soon as the little toddler spotted him, she scrambled off the chair and rushed toward him. Rhae, her mother, intercepted the child, scooping her up in one arm.
“Cwewww!” Navy screamed.
Rhae laughed. “Let’s clean you up first.”
Amused, Crew took a seat on a split log and waited for his little buddy to get her hands and face washed. Pope settled beside him.
A minute later, Rhae carried the child over and plopped her down in Crew’s lap.
“Hey, sweetie.” He smiled down at the little girl with big gray eyes like all the Malones. “Did you visit the horses today?”
“Neigh!” She threw her head back and issued a surprisingly good mimicry of a horse.
Everyone laughed, and Crew felt his chest, tight the moment he saw the flames, loosen a bit.
“You want a s’more?” he asked her.
“Yes!”
Rhae placed a marshmallow on a stick and handed it to Crew to roast for her daughter. The minute she sank on the log on the other side of him, he felt her shift into therapist mode.
“Crew. I’m proud of you for coming to the bonfire.”
He didn’t respond to her praise because he didn’t know how. The bonfire was just a fun ranch activity. It shouldn’t be difficult to face, and he still struggled with humiliation that it was hard for him.
After the toddler ate her s’more, she slipped off Crew’s lap and ran to greet Aunt Willow, who just joined them.
Beside him, Pope shifted, nudging Crew’s arm. “You good?”
It took him a moment to figure out what he meant. Then he took a deep breath and glanced toward the fire without looking at it directly. “After you see your plane go up in flames, you never look at a fire quite the same.”
Crew stayed where he was, hands braced on his knees, letting the heat wash over him.
He was still here. He was still trying.
* * * * *
Gravel and grit crunched under Fern’s rubber boots, a sound she’d never get tired of. Each day she came to work at the greenhouse was another day filled with happiness.
When she moved to Willowbrook, she’d lost herself. Her first winter in the mountain town had been long and hard, but being shut in all those days, with only herself for company, taught her so much about herself.
Things she didn’t know when she was with Chris.
She puttered around the perennials section, pinching off the dead heads of spent flowers to give them a chance to bloom again.
Just like her.
Without glancing at a clock, the slant of the sun through the glass wall told her it was almost closing time. She was already looking forward to going home and reheating leftovers. Just then, she heard an engine outside and knew she had one last customer to serve.