9. Cam
Cam
The stray I’d found wandering outside was lying beside the couch, blissfully asleep. Washing her had been nothing short of a comedy of errors. By the time I was done, I was covered in muddy water, and the bathroom was flooded. Maya and Katya determined her name was Belle, and I didn’t have the heart to correct them. There was nothing ladylike about the dog who had knocked over a garbage can for food.
She was a fighter, just like us. If it had been up to me, I would have named her something like Bandit, but obviously, I was outvoted. She’d still need a vet visit, which could wait until morning. I’d love to hear how Ivy’s brother reacted to that phone call.
There was something that couldn’t wait any longer, however. Something that had been weighing on my mind for days. Quietly, I snapped several photos of the scene, which were oddly domestic even for us. Ivy glanced at the dog while quietly running her fingers through its hair and watched Maya and Katya playing a game of cards. Sergei sat on the floor beside Belle while playing a video game. Trey was holed up in a bedroom, and Niko was missing.
Given our past, things with Ivy and me were okay for the moment, but things with Niko were... at a stalemate. He avoided me as much as possible. His reaction to me after everything was fair. I’d been a dick, willfully blind even, but my patience was wearing thin. I felt like a piece of me was missing. Each day, I was slowly dying inside. All I wanted was for things to be back to how they were.
I didn’t know how long Niko was going to punish me. How long would he distance himself from me? I needed him like I needed the air I was breathing, and deep down, he knew he needed me, too.
I walked into the room we were sharing, though sharing was probably too loose of a term. He’d been keeping watch over Ivy and sleeping on the couch. It was our room in name only. Niko was standing over the dresser, slowly putting shirts into the drawer. I closed the door, ready to fight if needed—anything to clear the air.
Without overthinking it, I crept behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head on his shoulder. Initially, he stiffened at my touch. “I miss us.” It was a whispered plea I was sure he’d initially ignore. Instead, he laid his hands on top of mine, looking at the ceiling.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I miss us too. I just can’t seem to let everything go.“ He laced his fingers with mine and cleared his throat. “Every night, I make sure she’s still breathing. I can’t erase how she looked. I’m just as much to blame as you are. “
The emotion was palpable in the room, and his voice was drenched in sorrow. I never wished that I could magically fix everything more than that moment. “Don’t say that. It was me. I ignored what was in my face and pushed her until she broke, just like I promised.”
A single tear slid down his cheek as he shook his head. “Trey is the only one of us that isn’t to blame, but maybe even he’s at fault. He held her at arm’s length for so long. Caleb hid his engagement to Ros. You were determined to destroy her, and I... have you ever wondered how she knew where to find the drugs? I’d been giving them to her for months. “
His admission didn’t surprise me. His hurt recognized hers, and he wanted to fix her─to fix everything. Even now, he did.
I spun him around to face me and cupped his cheek, allowing my thumb to brush away the tear. “We can’t take any of it back now. Ivy is safe now. We just have to keep her that way.”
His hands clung to my shirt, and a choked noise escaped him. He’d never admit it, but he was just as broken as Ivy, just in a different way. So was I.
Out of desperation, my mouth crashed into his, trying to convey everything I couldn’t say out loud. I loved him. I missed him. Wanted to heal all of his missing pieces. That we’d all be okay, eventually. That we’d be happy.
The hand not grasping his face wound into the loop of his jeans, pulling him closer. My tongue slipped between his lips, tasting his mouth. That was how we stayed for an eternity, the stubble on his face abrading my skin and the force of our shared emotions bruising my lips. It was the most right I felt in weeks, and I breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t push me away. He didn’t shove me back or punch me like I deserved. He let me in like he hadn’t–not since my missteps.
His hand slipped beneath my shirt, setting my skin on fire as his fingertips scraped my ribs. It was perfection. He pulled away long enough to murmur, “This doesn’t fix everything.” I nodded to him, not wanting to mess things up with my words. Even if it didn’t fix things, it was a start. I would work every day I had left on the Earth to fix things and prove to them I could be better.
“I need you,” I told him, letting my lips graze along the column of his throat. Despite his anger at me and disappointment, his cock was hard against my thigh. There was no way to erase the years of connection between us—the tension, frustration, and bond we had built.
His hands tugged on the edge of my shirt, beckoning me to remove the fabric. I pulled it over my head, praying he would do the same. He took a step back and toed off his shoes. His gaze stayed steady on mine as he shrugged his shirt off and his fingers reached for the button on his jeans. When he pushed them down his thighs and stepped out of them, allowing the fabric to pool on the floor beside him, I stifled a groan. I came in hoping to make amends with him and was treated to much more than that.
The ink on his skin and barbells lining his perfect cock was almost too much. His muscles flexed as he stepped towards me. He was beautiful in a completely different way from Ivy, with his dark hair and hard body.
The word mine echoed in my head as I fell to my knees, ready to worship him and try to make amends for the sins of my past. His fingers caught my chin, and he lifted my face to look at him. “Not like that. You said you need me. If that’s the case, take what you need.”
My breath halted in my chest when I realized what he wanted. “Are you sure?“ If he allowed me to have all of him, I’d never let him go. He had to realize that.
I stood, allowing my hands to skim along his torso, relishing how it felt beneath my touch. The world continued spinning outside the door, but nothing mattered except the two of us—and me proving how I felt.
Slowly, I prowled forward, pushing him back onto the bed. I shoved down the gym shorts I was wearing before descending on him, allowing my body to cover his. His fingers tangled in my hair as my mouth found his skin. I was trapped between heaven and hell as my hips rolled against him. “This doesn’t change anything,” Niko rumbled against my lips.
Deep down, I knew it did. Neither of us wanted to admit it. Rather than reply, I nipped his lower lip and knelt over him. My hands wandered along his torso, brushing his nipples. When I reached his hard cock, I grasped it in my palm. A bead of fluid decorated the head. I did that. I dipped my head and flicked my tongue, enjoying the salty flavor. He groaned as he let go of my hair, fisting his hands in the sheet beneath him.
Teasing him, I took his shaft in my mouth, playing with the barbells and watching him writhe. He panted as I allowed my fingers to slip down, circling the tight hole. I stopped long enough to ask, “Do you have lube? “
He closed his eyes and sighed. Taking that as a no, I spit on my fingers before continuing. It wasn’t ideal or what I had envisioned for our first time together, but I wasn’t willing to stop, especially given that we were finally together, even if it was just for that moment.
My head bobbed along his length until he hit the back of my throat while my fingers breached him. He was impossibly tight. The muscles in his thighs stiffened, and his back arched off the bed. When I slipped another finger inside of him, I hollowed out my cheeks, hoping the pleasure overpowered the discomfort he felt.
“Please.” The whimpered begging was nearly enough to do me in. I lifted my head to take him in, capturing how he looked in my memory. His cheeks were flush, and his pupils were blown from desire.
“Soon,” was all I could whisper as I stretched him, working him with my fingers. “Relax for me, baby. “
Rather than listen, he rutted against my hand, seeking relief. I spit in my palm before spreading it along my length and replacing my fingers with the head of my cock. It pained me to stop, but I caressed his cheek, wanting to convey my affection. “Are you sure about this?”
Even in a moment like that, he felt compelled to reassure me, his hand covering his mine. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. Use me.”
His voice cracked, and he attempted to look away from me, but I held his face in place. “Look at me while I fuck you. I want to see all of you.” I wanted to see into his soul as he shattered because of me.
Carefully, I pushed inside. “So tight,” I murmured as, inch by inch, I disappeared inside of him. I wrapped my hand around his cock, which was practically weeping. “Relax for me and let me make you feel good.”
We fell into a rhythm together, our hips moving to an unheard beat. My hand pumped his length, wanting to bring him as much pleasure as I felt. Somehow, I managed to stop the words that wanted to tumble out of my mouth. About how I never wanted us to end. How I loved him. Our family. Our life. How I’d die for him if that were what he needed. How I wish I could take all of it back and remove the pain and stupid decisions. How I wished I could have protected him and Ivy.
Instead, I snapped my hips, letting the sound of our bodies fill the room. I punished both of us with the bruising tempo I created. When he finally came, a warm liquid spilled over my fist, and I let myself go. The edges of reality faded as I came inside of him and collapsed, laying my head in the crook of his shoulder.
Silently, I vowed that one day, I would become the type of person who Niko and Ivy deserved—the type of person who could protect them from the harshness of the world. I listened to his heart thunder, his chest covered in sweat, and eventually, it lulled me to sleep.