26. Ivy
Ivy
The text message from earlier plagued me, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. The letter from Cam sat in my front pocket, reminding me of what he had said. I needed to live . But the weight of the words rang in my mind, leaving me with a constant state of dread.
What if the Order found us? We didn’t even know who had died or the injuries of the members from New Year’s Eve. We really knew nothing.
If something happened to someone else because of me, would I be able to live with it? I was sick of the people I loved being hurt because of me. I was sick of the loss. And in the end, who was I really? I was one person, and yet everyone around me had uprooted their entire lives because of me—because I was the sad girl that the Order was obsessed with.
It was funny how, when I moved to Clearhaven, I was determined that I was going to get a fresh start. It was a place no one knew who I was. I’d keep my head down, finish a degree, and move somewhere new. One day, I would find a man who loved me and wouldn’t know my past. And when he found out about my father’s sins, he wouldn’t care because I wasn’t the one who had committed any of them. We’d get a dog, and everything would be okay. The future was wide open. Anything was possible.
A few of those things had happened, I thought absently as I touched Belle’s fur, trying to prevent another cascade of emotion from washing over me. The stupid dog that Cam had taken in. She laid her head on me and wagged her tail at me, reminding me I wasn’t alone.
I’d also found people that loved me. It hadn’t been as picture-perfect as I had imagined. At least initially, each of them had judged my past to varying degrees. And the funniest part was that Caleb had known exactly who I was. But even with the imperfections, the idea of them being hurt or killed to protect me cut me in half.
Maya and Katya weighed heavily on my mind. Maya had already been in their clutches once. Would she survive another round as their captive? Katya didn’t deserve the abuse they’d put her through. She was a bright student with great grades. Nothing could stop her from achieving her dreams.
What if it didn’t have to be this way? What if there was a way to keep everyone safe from the Order? After all, the only thing they wanted was me. In the grand scheme of things, I was no one. I could sacrifice myself for the greater good.
I could drive myself back to Clearhaven and turn myself in, and that would be the end of the story for everyone else. As terrible as it sounded, I could sacrifice my happiness for everyone around me. Eventually, Caleb, Trey, and Niko would get over me. I would end up in a loveless marriage to a man old enough to be my father, but maybe one day I would be happy. After all, Cam’s baby grew inside of me. I’d still have a tiny piece of them with me.
I pulled out my phone and stared at the screen, debating the best course of action. Finally, I typed out a message.
Me: What do you want?
It took less than a minute for them to reply.
Unknown: I knew you were a smart girl. Just a meeting between the two of us.
I swallowed roughly, my heart pounding behind my ribs, and glanced at the door to ensure no one had woken up yet.
Me: Is that all? Who are you? How do I know you won’t change the terms of whatever deal this is?
Unknown: You don’t know any of that, Ivy. It’s smart of you not to trust me, but I have something that you’ll want to see. A person.
My heart raced to the point that I thought I might pass out. Everything around me was bright and sparkled as my hands shook. Cam. He has Cam. Somehow, I had kept a sliver of hope that he wasn’t dead. And the Order had him, doing God knew what to him.
Unknown: I don’t feel like I need to tell you not to tell anyone about this.
I wouldn’t tell a soul if it meant that Cam was alive. If it meant I could see him one last time. If meeting this person meant I could touch him and tell him he could forgive himself, that he could stop saying sorry, then I would spend the rest of my life in the basement at the Gilded Lily.
It sounded over the top and melodramatic, even in my head, but I realized I meant every word. And I realized it was time for whatever cycle we were stuck in to end. If I was the key to that, I was willing to be the symbolic lamb up for slaughter.
Me: You have a deal. I need twenty-four hours to take care of some things.
Unknown: Not a soul, clever girl. If you do, I’ll murder you and the person in my possession.
I didn’t respond because I would never put Cam at risk, not if there were a chance he could walk away from the situation and lead a normal life.
I tucked my phone away and picked up a piece of paper, readying myself to write one last letter to the men I loved.
The next evening, I stood in front of the stove, preparing one last meal for them, the proverbial last supper. In less than twelve hours, there was no going back, and I knew that. In the back of my mind, I knew it could be a trap. Everyone swore that there was no way Cam had survived the explosion, but what if ? It was a question that plagued me, haunting my dreams. The dreams that had once been nightmares had now morphed into something else. Sometimes, we danced while he held me close. Other times, I saw him lying on the ground, injured. My subconscious was determined to remind me, even when I tried to forget.
They all deserved more from their lives. Trey had been working towards their escape for longer than I knew. Despite the loss of Cam, Maya was safe. All I could think about was their future and how it would look without me—how it would be better.
After eating, Maya, Katya, and Sergei told us they were going to the library to study. I breathed a sigh of relief. Their absence for the evening made my plans easier. Niko reminded them to take one of the guards with them, just in case. Kaya rolled her eyes, but silently I agreed. They needed someone to watch them just a little while longer. After that, they would have a normal life—whatever normal would look like for them.
I’d taken extra care dressing earlier in the day. Beneath the black wrap dress was red lacey underwear. I’d applied concealer, mascara, and lip gloss. That was how I wanted all of them to remember me—not as the weepy woman from the past few weeks, but as someone who was strong and confident. If this was my final goodbye, I wanted to make it count.
Everyone sat around the living room, debating what to watch, and I strolled between them, tugging at the bow that kept the dress in place. Slowly, it drifted to the floor in a puddle at my feet, exposing my skin to each of them. Niko’s eyes widened slightly as I reached behind me, unclipping the lace bra. My breasts spilled out, exposing them to the room.
Even though I wasn’t far along, I knew my body had changed. I was softer now, curves rounding out my body. My breasts were already slightly fuller, and so was my stomach. Caleb drank me in appreciatively before hooking his fingers toward me. “Do you want some attention, princess?” he asked, his voice like gravel from the lust clear in his gaze.
I stalked toward him, not responding. There was no need for words. If I spoke, the truth might tumble out of my lips. I straddled his thighs, pushing my breasts into his face. He dipped his head, capturing my nipple, teasing it to a taut peak as his palm squeezed. The nerves from the situation faded as I ground against his lap, determined to give him and the other men I loved a show. Strong hands gripped my waist, fingers branding me from behind as Niko joined in. He helped me to rock my hips against Caleb’s cloth-covered cock as he kissed along the column of my neck.
I lost myself to their touch, allowing them to touch me however they wanted to. Niko’s hand snaked beneath my panties, easily finding my clit. “So fucking wet for us already,” he growled in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. As an orgasm built inside of me, he pulled away, leaving me on the cusp of the release that I wanted.
“I think Trey feels left out,” Caleb murmured. “Show him what a good girl you are.”
Sitting across from us, Trey’s pants were wrapped around his thighs. His hand was wrapped around his shaft, slowly stroking himself. His teeth had captured his lower lip as he watched us intently.
I clambered off of Caleb’s lap and sauntered across the room, allowing my hips to swap. I stood in front of Trey, hooking my fingers under the waistband of my panties. Sliding them down my legs, I held his gaze. I stepped out of them once they were at my ankles and placed my hand on his wrist, halting his motion. “What are you going to do, new girl?”
I climbed into his lap and licked my lips. Sinking down on his length, a whimper escaped from my mouth. His fingers slowly trailed along my ribs as I rolled my hips and rode him. He let me set the pace as he cupped my cheek. His eyes never left my face, and for a moment, I worried he knew. That he could see into my soul and realized what was happening.
I closed my eyes again, pushing all thoughts away and simply feeling. I tried not to think of what it was. A goodbye. Just like Cam had given me. Had he done the same thing to Niko? One last time to ensure that he’d never be forgotten.
Trey’s fingers found my clit, his tempo matching my own as someone nudged me from behind. Cool slippery liquid slid down the cleft of my ass, and they inserted a finger, but that didn’t matter. Who it was didn’t matter. Nothing but feeling did as I leaned my forehead on Trey’s shoulder, burying myself in his scent as the first waves of my climax hit me while someone’s fingers were in my ass.
Trey’s fingers didn’t stop, ripping pleasure for me as someone thrust in from behind slowly. My pussy clenched, and my ass burned slightly. Someone else’s fingers touched my cheek, but I kept my eyes closed, afraid that tears would escape despite my pleasure. “Look at me, solnyshka. Let me see your eyes ,” he commanded.
I knew he could see that my eyes were glassy as I obeyed him, raising my head. Everything was blurry as I opened my mouth and pushed inside. Give them a show, I reminded myself. Show them everything that you’ll never be able to say.
The man behind me was no longer a mystery as my tongue teased Niko’s length, paying special attention to the barbells that lined his cock. He moved his hips gently at first, but as I hollowed out my cheeks, his control faltered. As much as I loved how carefully they treated me—like a porcelain doll—I longed for them to lose control. For them to feel the emotions inside me that were churning in my veins. My tongue pleasured him as his fingers wound into my hair, and his hips snapped against my mouth, using me.
I moved my body faster with Caleb and Trey as another orgasm took hold of my body, making me shudder between them.
It was perfect and tragic knowing this was it.
Even later, as they wrapped me in blankets and enveloped me in their embrace, I tried to imagine what our lives could have been like. That was the funniest thing about Cam’s death. The number of what ifs.
What if he was still alive? What if they had never met me? What if? In a perfect world, the five of us would live beside the ocean, watching as the tides came in. In a perfect world, love would have been enough to keep all of us alive and safe.
But it wasn’t a perfect world, and I had to hold on to the hope that the unknown stranger still had him.
Later, I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake anyone. I left my letter on the counter as I put the keys to the car Dominic had let us borrow in my pocket. After sending a quick text to the unknown man, I also left the cell phone on the counter, hoping they wouldn’t try to find me. It was better this way. Tomorrow, everything would be right again.