Chapter 7 #2
Maddy grins even wider. “There was a total vibe between you guys at the lake, and Cam told me the night of Caitlin and Jack’s party at Fireside last winter she was pissed you were there and you told Cam you fucked up with her.
Cait barely ever tells us anything unless we pry it out of her and sometimes not even then.
She keeps herself locked up tight. So do you, but I think your reasons are different. ”
“Do you?” I ask, not sure if I should be amused by her or worried that the person in charge of deciding whether I’m mentally fit to play football every week sees me so clearly. Or, at least, more clearly than anyone else.
Maddy gives a decisive nod. “Now, tell me all about the kiss.”
“What?” I ask, whiplashed at the abrupt change of subject.
“You don’t want to tell me why I keep myself locked up tight?
Maybe diagnose me with PTSD from my traumatic childhood or attachment issues from growing up mostly without a mom and with a dad who hated me?
Fuck,” I mutter, realizing what I just said, but Maddy looks delighted.
“You’ll tell me about all that when you’re ready. And maybe you’ll tell me all about how you feel about football too because I know you have some thoughts about that. But this isn’t my office and I’m not on the clock. Taco night is for gossip, so give me the gossip, Drew.”
I stare at Maddy for a second, digesting her words, realizing that while I’m definitely not ready to talk about any of it right now, I think one day, when I am ready, I would really like to talk to her. “Well, shit,” I say, and I can’t help but smile. “You’re really good at your job.”
She grins again, like she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “I know. Now, gossip with me, Drew. Tell me everything.”
Chuckling, I pick up my root beer and take a sip. “You don’t want to wait for Caitlin to tell you?”
Maddy shrugs. “I would, if I thought she would tell me. Cait is one of my oldest and best friends and I love her with my whole heart, but there’s a part of her that’s unknowable, even to me.
That makes it hard to be there for her sometimes, because I can’t always tell what she needs.
” Maddy frowns, like not being able to give Caitlin what she needs hurts her, and it makes me happy Caitlin has a friend like her.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with, but if you do want to share, I’m happy to listen.
” She reaches out and lays a hand over mine. “Then I can be here for you both.”
It feels wrong to tell her everything because some things are for Caitlin to share if she wants to, but the thought of what I can tell her makes me smile.
“I think I like her.” It’s my most basic truth.
“She’s helping me out with some estate planning stuff, and I was in her office the other day.
” I shrug, like the best kiss of my entire life is no big deal. “It just sort of happened.”
Maddy squeals. Quite literally squeals and presses her hands to her chest. “I love this so much you have no idea.” Then her expression turns serious, her eyes on me. “This is new for you.”
I give her a lazy grin. “I mean, I’ve never kissed Caitlin Parker before, if that’s what you mean.”
Maddy rolls her eyes. “Cut the shit. You know that’s not what I mean. What I mean is, it’s new for you to like someone. Like, in the feelings way.”
I hesitate and then nod slowly because it feels good to tell Maddy this truth too. “I never have,” I admit. “I’ve never had any kind of relationship before. I don’t even know if I’d be any good at one.”
“But you think you’re ready to try?”
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t even know Caitlin all that well, but it feels like I do, and that has to mean something. Right?”
Maddy smiles like a proud parent. “I think it means a lot. Listen, I was totally obsessed with Cam after one night and I didn’t even know his name.
” She shrugs. “I can’t even explain it now, but sometimes the heart just knows.
” She looks down at the ring on her finger, and her smile turns to a grin.
“Don’t let what you’ve never tried to have before keep you from trying for something now.
I think you’re totally a relationship guy, it’s just that you’ve never met someone before who made you want to break your rules. ”
My mind flashes back to seeing Caitlin in New Orleans—the way I was drawn to her.
The way I told her I thought I would like to get to know her and it was the truest thing in the world.
How I’ve tried to get in her way for months, even when she did her best to pretend I didn’t exist. Early morning in the kitchen at the lake and the way it felt like we both let our walls down just a little.
Yesterday at her office. Telling her about Avery, giving her pieces of me I’ve never given anyone before.
Watching her fear from whatever happened on that call and wishing I could do something to help.
The kiss. God, the kiss. The feel of her in my arms, her body pressed to mine.
The way she tasted and the noises she made and how it felt when she melted into me.
Surrendered. Like I could be someone she could let go with even though she’s a woman not used to letting go.
Nothing about who I am—where I come from—makes a relationship a good idea.And yet.
“I think if I could break my rules for anyone, I would break them for her.” I hesitate then figure I’ve gone this far. Might as well finish it. “I don’t know if that’s enough.”
If I’m enough.
The smile on Maddy’s face is soft, and her hand squeezes mine. “That’s more than enough, Drew. That’s everything.”
Sitting here with her, in my best friend’s house with the pictures of me and his family hanging on the wall, I can almost believe it’s true.