Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CAITLIN
“She’s here!” Maya yells when I push open the door to Maddy’s house and walk inside. “You’re here!” she grabs one of the reusable grocery bags I’m carrying and links her arm though mine. “We’ve been waiting for you.”
“I’m twenty minutes early.” I kick off my shoes and let Maya lead me to the kitchen. “How long could you possibly have been waiting?”
“Maya came over as soon as school was over.” Maddy meets us halfway between the entryway and the kitchen, leaning in and kissing my cheek, taking the bag from my hand. “Something about mean fifth-grade girls and saving her from doing something drastic.”
“I swear to god, they’re going to be the end of me.
” Maya flops down at the kitchen island with a huff and turns her attention to me.
“Apparently there’s a fifth-grade girls group chat, and four of the girls in the grade decided it would be hilarious to choose a different girl every night, and they send a message to the chat listing all the reasons no one should be friends with her.
” Maya shakes her head, hands clenching into fists.
“It was some of the meanest shit I’ve ever seen, and it went on for two weeks before anyone caught on.
Don’t even ask me where all the parents are and why no one is monitoring these chats because I couldn’t fucking tell you, but one parent figured it out when her daughter refused to come to school yesterday and came clean about it.
Shits and fans and all that, and I had to come straight here because I was thirty seconds away from quitting my job. Or giving myself bangs.”
Sliding my eyes to Maya, I see it immediately. The uncharacteristic exhaustion. The barely contained rage. She’s an incredible educator and usually approaches the complicated social dynamics of her fifth-grade students with understanding and humor, so something else is going on here.
Reaching out, I lay a hand over hers. “There isn’t anything you could have done to stop this, Maya.”
When she sighs, her entire body deflating, I know I got it right.
“I should’ve seen it,” she mutters. “It’s my job to see it.
Those four girls are toxic as fuck. I know they are.
I’ve spent weeks making sure their behavior doesn’t infect the whole class, but this one got away from me.
It shouldn’t have. I’m a better teacher than that. ”
I open my mouth to speak, my brain ticking through plans. Solutions. Ways to help. But something has me holding back, squeezing Maya’s hand instead. “Do you want help, or do you just want to vent so we can bitch about it with you?”
Maddy and Maya turn to me in unison and stare, wide-eyed and unspeaking. “What?” I ask, looking between the two of them.
“Did she just…ask if you needed help?” Maddy asks Maya, wonder in her voice.
“Like, no launching into a ten-point plan about how we can make the mean girls pay or giving you a list of twenty reasons why you shouldn’t quit your job and ten more why bangs are still a terrible idea? Just, what do you need?”
“She sure did.” Maya studies me, mouth curving into a wicked grin. “I think she’s dickmatized. Like maybe our resident wide receiver fucked that take charge, fix all the things attitude right out of her.”
“Are we talking about fucking already?” Sophie comes barging into the kitchen, Emmy and Sarah on her heels.
“You didn’t wait for us for the good stuff?” Sarah practically pouts. “We’re not even late.”
Emmy points to me with an accusatory finger, flopping into the chair next to me. “I’m going to need you to repeat everything you already told them. I’ve been waiting for this all day. I can’t believe you didn’t spill one little secret, even after you came back to the office.”
When I told Drew I was only going to work from home for the week of the surgery, I underestimated how draining the recovery would be.
There was the soreness and pain, but even more than that was the down to my bones exhaustion.
Even though I dragged myself back to the office two days ago, I still didn’t feel one hundred percent.
It took all the energy I had left to pretend I was feeling fine so none of the women in my life would catch on to the fact that I was, in fact, so completely not fine.
I almost cancelled tonight, but the fact that I have two major things happening my friends don’t know about has been weighing on me.
I feel ready to tell them now, and I’m afraid if I wait any longer, I’ll lose my brave.
I glance at Maddy, reaching into one of the grocery bags I brought and pulling out the tiny cooler of pebble ice I took from home. “Can you grab me a Sprite and a glass?”
“Can I…what?” she asks, looking so thrown I almost laugh.
“Sprite and a glass. I need both those things.”
Emmy gapes at me. “You’re not going to get up and get them yourself?”
I shrug, enjoying being unpredictable for the first time in my life. “Maddy’s closer.”
“Okay.” Sarah sits down across from me and crosses her arms over the island, staring me down, and this time I have to bite my cheek to keep from laughing because I can tell she’s trying to be menacing, but Sarah Wyles is about as menacing as a puppy.
“What the fuck is happening? You always get your own drink and everyone else’s too.
Have you been body snatched? Did you have to work from home for that whole time because you had a brain transplant?
Everyone sit,” she orders. “Caitlin has some explaining to do.”
Sophie snorts out a laugh, leaning down to hug me from behind before taking the seat on my other side, and Maddy turns and gets the glass and the Sprite, sliding them across the island before plopping down next to Sarah with her eyes on me. “You look happy, Cait.”
Those four words cut the humor I’m feeling off at the knees, replacing it with an emotion that burns my eyes, and for the second time since my surgery, I can’t stop the tears.
I don’t even know what I’m crying about.
The surgery, maybe, and the upcoming appointment with my surgeon where I’ll learn just how broken I actually am.
The man who has never had more than one night with any woman ever who’s let me sleep with my head on his chest and his arm wrapped tightly around me every night since my surgery and takes care of me when I’ve only ever taken care of myself and makes me feel and makes me think and doesn’t want to change anything about me.
The five women sitting around this table who I love more than anyone or anything.
Who came because I asked them to and who have loved me for years even though I’m not an easy person to love.
Drew might have filled up some of my empty spaces, but it’s these women, I realize, who make me whole. Who have been propping me up for years. Helping, even when I thought I was the one being the helper.
And knowing that makes accepting the comfort they offer the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
Sarah and Maya each reach across the island and take one of my hands while Sophie and Emmy wrap their arms around me on either side.
Maddy stands and pours my Sprite for me before opening the refrigerator and taking out two pitchers of margaritas and pouring those too.
In two minutes flat, there are bowls of chips and guacamole on the island and the taco order is placed and Maddy retakes her seat, her green eyes full of understanding.
Like me crying at her kitchen island is something that happens all the time instead of something that has literally never happened in the entire history of our friendship.
It occurs to me this is the first time any of them have ever seen me cry, and it’s not so bad to let go a little, it turns out. To let these women take care of me.
“Talk to us, Cait.” Sophie squeezes my hand, and knowing I have them makes it easier to figure out where to start.
Taking a shaky breath, I let it out slowly, looking at each of my friends in turn.
“I had surgery last week.” I hear Sophie’s sharp inhale next to me, see the way Sarah’s eyes shoot to mine, worry in her gaze.
Maya’s hand flexes on mine, and Emmy looks me up and down like she’s reassuring herself I’m all in one piece, while Maddy just watches me with that even gaze.
“That’s where I’ve been,” I say, looking at Emmy.
“Why I haven’t been in the office. It wasn’t because I was introverting out or because your allergy to deadlines was making me crazy.
Even though it does,” I say with a little grin, and I see the relief in her eyes at the joke.
“It was because I’ve been pretty sure for years that I have endometriosis, and the surgery I had is the only way to diagnose it for real.
I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis for a long time, and I finally found a doctor who could help.
I’m so sorry,” I say quickly, staring down at the island.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. That I’ve been keeping this from you and everyone else for so long.
I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m not…good at that kind of thing. ”
Sophie squeezes my shoulder. “Before doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is now, so tell us now. We’re here for you, Cait.”
“Always,” Maya says a little fiercely. “We’re always here for you. That’s the way this works.”
“Sisters.” Sarah’s voice is quiet, her eyes glossing over just a little, soft heart on full display.
“Fuck yeah, we’re sisters.” Emmy nudges my drink closer to me. “And as one of your sisters, I’m going to order you to drink this because spilling your guts is always easier with tequila.”