Chapter 37 #3
“I do.” I shift so she’s sitting on my lap, straddling me so we’re face to face, and I settle my hands on the sides of her neck.
“I see you, Caitlin. I see your courage and your tenacity and your big, beautiful heart. The way you care so well for your family and your friends and everyone you love. The way you’ve brightened my world, bathed it in light when for years I’ve been existing in darkness.
How you gave me a second chance when I didn’t deserve one, and every day since has been the best day of my life because I get to spend it with you.
So, do I take you as you are? Yeah, baby.
You are exactly, perfectly mine, just like this. ”
Moving deliberately, I slide a hand from her neck to rest against her belly, right over her scars, with my eyes steady on hers.
“Exactly as you are, the same way you take me. Scars and all.” My voice breaks a little on the last word, but I swallow down the emotion so I can say this next thing.
The most important thing. “And do I love you?” I bring my hand back up to cup her cheek, stroking my thumb over her jaw.
“More than life, Catie. I love you more than life. It’s wild and unhinged and soft and steady.
It’s everything I didn’t think I would ever get to have and it’s also the most perfect thing in my life.
It fills up every part of me and leaves me wondering how I lived without you for so long because I know without one single doubt that I never, ever want to live without you again.
My girl,” I murmur, bringing my lips to hers, kissing her like she’s the air I need to breathe. Like no part of me exists without her.
“I love you too,” Caitlin says, her voice thick with unshed tears.
“I love you so much, and I didn’t think I would ever get to feel like this either.
I told you once before that I think I was waiting for you, and now I know it for sure.
There is no one for me but you, Drew.” Caitlin bites her lip, hesitating, like there’s more she wants to say and I wait, my heart racing at her confession, and the joy that rushes through me the most potent magic I’ve ever felt.
“Tell me,” I say quietly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Whatever is in your head. I want all your thoughts.”
Caitlin takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“I wasn’t exaggerating before, about the way endometriosis impacts fertility.
I’ve never been sure I wanted kids of my own.
” She shakes her head, laughing a little.
“I don’t know why I qualify it like that.
How I learned to do it. The patriarchy, probably, and the message that you’re somehow less of a woman if motherhood isn’t something you strive for.
I shouldn’t qualify it though, because the way I feel isn’t qualified at all.
I’ve never wanted kids of my own. I know that might sound weird considering the family I grew up in, but being a mom has never been something that particularly interested me, so for me, the complicated fertility aspects of all this are whatever.
But if having a family is something you want, we should probably have that discussion. ”
I shake my head, pressing my forehead to hers, love for her expanding in my chest—all my empty spaces filled with her.
“I will have a family. I do have a family, because I have you.” Easing back, I lock eyes with her, hoping she sees the sincerity of my words.
“You’re my family, Caitlin. You’re my home.
We could live anywhere. Do anything. Fill whatever house we live in with a hundred kids or none at all.
We can get a dog or a cat or an aquarium full of tropical fish or one of those pink salamander things with the funny, feathery gills and smirky smiles or two of them so they can have a friend.
We can travel and see the world or stay right here in this city of ours and eat sourdough on the couch while we watch every spy movie ever made.
The only thing that matters is that whatever we do, I get to do it with you.
We get to do it with each other. Belong to each other. ”
I take Caitlin’s hand and flatten it against my chest, laying my hand over hers and letting her feel the steady beat of my heart.
“I belong to you, Catie. I’m yours. Body and heart and fucking soul.
Anything you need, I’ll give it to you. Whatever you have to do to stay healthy and comfortable and as pain free as possible, I’ll be by your side every step of the way.
We belong to each other now,” I repeat. “The rest is just details.”
Caitlin huffs out a laugh, a tear sliding down her cheek. I lean in and kiss it away. “They’re pretty important details.”
“They are,” I agree, smoothing her hair back behind her ears and adjusting the blanket around her so she stays warm. “But no matter what they are, we’re going to figure them out together.”
“Together,” Caitlin says slowly, like she’s trying on the word for size.
I nod. “Together.”
She smiles, fitting her body against mine again so we’re wrapped up in each other, sharing space and breath and the beat of our hearts, and says, quietly, “That sounds perfect.”
And with my favorite person in the world in my lap, my arms tight around her, it’s the most perfect moment there ever was.