Chapter 44
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
DREW
When Ben is finished, he slides an arm around Caitlin’s shoulders, but he doesn’t stop there.
He reaches past Caitlin and lays his hand on my back, the gesture saying We’ve got you more than words ever could.
I inhale sharply, blinking fast against the tears that burn my eyes as I absorb the impact of having all these people stand with me. Brothers. Sisters. Parents.
I glance down at Caitlin, who’s already looking at me, and my entire world lives right in those stormy, determined eyes, the ones that say You’re mine and I’m yours.
It seems incongruous that I can feel joy when, for the first time since I was eighteen, I’m breathing the same air as the man who took all my joy from me for years, but that’s exactly how I feel.
He loomed so large in my brain for so long, but over the past nine months, I’ve found something that looms larger.
Something that replaces the fear with courage.
The loneliness with belonging. The emptiness with the strongest, most abiding love.
Actually, over the past eighteen years, I think, looking over at Cam, who still has his hand on my shoulder, seeing the man he is now and the eighteen-year-old he was then.
The guy with the easy smile and infectious energy, who attached himself to me the second we met, said without words You belong to me now, and has never, ever wavered.
I’ve been building my own family since the day I left that house, I realize.
The day I went out on my own and tried my hardest not to look back.
It’s unconventional and beautiful and completely and totally mine, and at its core is Caitlin.
The girl who is my heart and my soul, who has given me everything I ever wanted, a life I never thought could be mine.
I slide my arm around her waist and she melts into me.
Standing side by side like this, it feels like the entire world is within reach.
With Ben’s words playing over and over in my head, I turn to my dad, who’s staring, wordless, at all the people gathered around me.
My people. “He’s right,” I say easily. Evenly.
“You can go. You won’t be getting anything else from me.
You can try, but the answer will be no every single time, so you might as well cut your losses and run. ”
He scoffs, rolling his eyes and running a not-so-steady hand through his thinning gray hair. “Fine,” he mutters. “You were never worth the trouble anyway. Little shit.” With those final words, he turns and stumbles his way down the corridor, and my family is silent as we watch him go.
“Fucking asshole,” Caitlin mutters, and I snicker as she slides a protective arm around my waist, her head coming to rest lightly on my shoulder.
“Good fucking riddance.” She turns to me, bringing her free hand to my cheek.
“I fucking love you, Pretty Boy, and he’s an asshole.
Are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. ”
“I’m so okay,” I murmur, resting my forehead on hers and feeling every ounce of truth in those words because she’s here and that means I’m perfect.
“And you got here at exactly the right time. I love you so fucking much. Thank you for standing up for me. Standing with me. I couldn’t have done any of this without you. ”
“I know,” she says with a cheeky grin that makes me laugh. “I really am quite something.” Then she tips her head forward and presses her lips to mine. “Standing with you is the only place I want to be. You’re my favorite person.”
“You’re my favorite everything,” I say, my eyes dropping closed and my entire world shrinking to this space where we stand. Caitlin and me, together. Always, always together.
“Okay, Cait, give someone else a turn.” Rachel Parker speaks for the first time, wrapping a hand around my arm and turning me to face her. And when my eyes meet hers, the softness there has my throat burning as tears threaten to surface for the second time tonight.
“Sweet boy,” she says, putting her other hand where Cait’s just was.
I clear my throat, trying to make a path for words. “I’m sorry about all this,” I manage.
She tilts her head, studying me. “Sorry about what?”
I laugh a little, waving my hand around. “All of this. Everything. The fact that you had to see my messy past firsthand. That your family did.”
She shakes her head definitively. “First of all, it’s your family too, honey.
And second of all, that’s what family does.
It bears witness to your hurts. Holds you up when you feel like you can’t stand alone.
None of what happened here is anything to be ashamed of.
What’s here is life, Drew. Hard. Messy. Uncomfortable sometimes.
” She looks between Caitlin and me and then to the rest of our assembled crew with a grin.
“And so incredibly beautiful.” She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug, and I feel the warmth spread through my chest, strong and true.
“We’ll give you two a few minutes alone.
Meet us in the parking lot when you’re ready. ”
After another hug from her and one from Ben, Hallie, and all the girls, they head down in the direction of the exit.
Avery is next, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. “I’m sorry he was such an asshole. But if he hadn’t been who he was, I might never have known you. And I’m really, really happy I know you.”
I laugh at that little bit of seventeen-year-old wisdom and squeeze her tight. Family, I think again. How wildly, amazingly, beautiful.
“Don’t worry about the team plane,” Cam says as he claps me on the back. “That’s not how we’re getting home.”
“Shit,” I say, realizing I completely forgot I’d been in Tampa to play a football game that now feels like a thousand years ago. “How are we getting home?”
Tyler turns and winks at Cait. “Caitlin put on her scary boss babe face and lawyered Coach into letting us all take Soph’s dad’s plane home.”
Caitlin snorts. “Boss babe face? I think I prefer queen of everything face.”
“Damn straight.” Jack swings an arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her hair. “You could rule the world, Cait. You know, if that’s something you wanted to do.”
“Nah,” Caitlin says, aiming a grin at me. “I prefer just lording my brilliance over my little fiefdom right here.”
“Lord your brilliance over me anytime, baby,” I say with a salacious wink at my girl.
“And that’s our cue to go.” Oliver squeezes my shoulder then tosses an arm around me and one around Caitlin. “I love you guys. I wish I could stay for the thing, but I have to catch a flight back right now. Practice early tomorrow,” he says apologetically.
“Thanks for coming, Ollie,” Cait says, hugging him tightly. “I know the timing was tight, and I really appreciate it.”
Oliver kisses the side of her head. “When you call, we come. That’s the way it works around here. Love you.”
“Love you back.” Cait gives him one more squeeze then hugs Avery, and they all head out and then it’s just Caitlin and me and a big, empty hallway with the happy echoes of our family tattooed on the walls.
“Catie,” I murmur, turning to her and cupping her face in my hands, love for her filling up every part of me as she leans into my touch.
“I know,” she says, winding her arms around my waist in a fierce hug. “Me too.”
“I’m not sure you do know,” I say, leaning my cheek on her hair, my arms around her shoulders. “The way I love you…” I trail off without knowing how to finish that sentence. Understanding for the first time that sometimes feelings are too intense, too deep for words to touch.
“It’s huge,” she finishes for me, face buried in my chest. “Wild and uncontrollable and would probably be a little bit scary if it didn’t feel so perfectly right.”
I kiss her hair, chuckling because she summed it up better than I ever could. Easing back, I rest a hand on either side of her neck, sweeping my thumbs over her jaw. “Exactly that. And it’s going to be this way for the rest of my days.”
“I’m counting on it,” she says with a smile, pressing herself closer and standing on her tiptoes to lay her lips on mine.
The kiss is slow and steady and then it’s fast and frenzied.
It’s joyful and heated and lips moving together and tongues clashing and a moan and a sigh and, I’m pretty sure, a whimper.
My head spins and her taste invades my senses, and I kiss her like I’ll never get another chance.
It’s the best kiss of my life because it’s the one that says you’re mine and forever and always and only you.
Always only you.
“Fuck,” Caitlin mutters, her lips never leaving mine. “You sure can kiss.”
“Likewise, Princess,” I murmur, slowing the kiss down as the heat simmers between us, sure that nothing on earth has ever felt this good.
“So, there’s this thing,” she mumbles, pulling back slightly, and all I want to do is lean back in because her lips are wet and her eyes are hazy with arousal and the prettiest pink stains her cheeks and she’s never looked more beautiful.
“Is the thing finding an empty room in this stadium so I can get you really, really naked as soon as possible?” I tilt my hips to hers so she can feel exactly what those kisses did to me, feeling a shot of heat when she gasps.
“I wish,” she says, leaning her forehead against my chest and taking a slow, deep breath before lifting her head to look at me. “I had this whole plan. We were going to get in the cars I rented and drive from here to Orlando and get there just in time for fireworks at the castle.”
“You were going to take me to Disney World?” I ask, love for her gusting through me as I remember that long-ago conversation when I told her I always wanted to go but never got the chance.
She nods. “We were going to take you to Disney World. All of us.” She pauses, studying me, and then nods, like she agrees with what she sees. “We still could, but somehow, I think there’s somewhere else you need to be.”
“Where’s that?” I ask, somehow knowing what she’s going to say and loving her even more for it.
Caitlin smiles, wrapping her arms tighter around my waist and leaning back so our eyes meet. “A big house in Pittsburgh with a kitchen island the size of Texas, pebble ice and ten pints of ice cream in the freezer, and your mom’s sourdough starter in the fridge.”
“My house?” I ask through the lump in my throat.
“Our house,” she corrects. “If you’ll have me.”
I blow out a breath, trying to keep my spinning emotions under control. “You wanna live with me, Princess?”
Caitlin smirks at me, and there is such an uncommon joy in being exactly who we are in this moment, even after everything that just transpired.
“I mean, you cook and bake like a dream and you fuck like a god. You’re really good at braiding hair, and you never care when I go all lawyer bitch Barbie and let my bitch flag fly. ”
“Lawyer bitch Barbie?” I ask with a smile.
She shrugs with a grin. “I mean, I know your dad said it and we hate him, but I kind of like it. I think I’ll reclaim it for my very own.
” Then her eyes turn serious. “You see me, Drew. More than anyone else ever has. You don’t look at me like I’m broken, even though I’ve felt that way for a lot of my life.
You only want me to be me, and because of you, I know who I am is enough.
So yeah, I really want to live with you. I want to do everything with you.”
“Who you are is enough,” I say, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“Who you are is perfect. Amazing. Everything I’ve always wanted and never thought I could have.
Please move in with me. Go to sleep with me every night so I can wake up with you every morning.
Let me cook for you and take care of you when you don’t feel well and carry your burden when it gets too heavy for you to shoulder alone.
I love you, Catie, today and always, and there is nothing I want more than to do everything with you too. ”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, her eyes shining with joy and a sheen of unshed tears, and the way this incredibly strong woman can be soft with me is something I will nurture and cherish for the rest of my days.
“That’s a really big relief, because I love you today and always too.
Are you sure you’re not bummed about missing Disney? ”
I shake my head, pressing my lips to hers. “Not even a little bit. All I want is you and all your stuff in my house, like, yesterday. Now that I have you, I don’t want to miss a single second of what’s ours. You’re my favorite, Catie, and our life together is going to be beautiful.”
Caitlin hugs me fiercely then steps back and holds out her hand.
I think I could live on the love in her eyes for the rest of my days.
When I slide my hand into hers, warmth spirals up my arm from the place where our skin touches, and everything I’ve ever needed is right here, her fingers finding the empty spaces between mine and nothing inside of me empty.
Not anymore. Not ever again, as long as I have her next to me.
To love. To care for. To stay. For her. For me.
For our family and our future. The future I get to have because once upon a time I met a girl in a bar and she gave me the courage to reach for it. To see it could be mine.
Caitlin smiles like she can read my thoughts and gives my hand a squeeze. “Come on, Pretty Boy. Let’s go home.”