Chapter 5 Vast Blue Nothingness #2
“Timber.” Daisy rose and set the courgette back in the refrigerator. No one was taking anything from her that she didn’t willingly offer. And she wasn’t going to take it from herself, alone, in a cold kitchen, at four in the morning.
Her body was not an obstacle to overcome. It was sacred, her only irrevocable asset the world could take and therefore, worth protecting. And she was the only one willing to protect it.
By six, she gave up on sleep and watched the morning light shift from grey to violet to pink. A strange sense of acceptance washed over her.
A new dawn…
A beginning but also an end. No matter how much the unknown frightened her, she welcomed it. And it was the anticipation of change that calmed her.
New curiosities surfaced, the kind she’d never had the luxury to explore. Before, she’d only thought of her body as flesh and bone. Limbs that carried her to work. Teeth that ached when she couldn’t afford to fix them. Even when she was young, her body had been transactional.
When she was still in school, she showed a few guys from the rugby team her boobs, but only because they paid her twenty pounds. Later, one of them had paid her another twenty to let him put his hand up her shirt. They kissed for a while, but she pushed him away when her body started to squirm.
For weeks, he walked her home, always begging to come inside. But that was around the time Mum started getting sick.
After surviving the loss of her mother, Daisy believed she could survive anything.
Grief had taught her how to compartmentalize discomfort.
Some days, existing left no room for pain or sadness.
It angered her, but even her anger worked through a rain-check system, showing up only when she had the luxury of time.
This would be like that.
One night. Twelve hours. Whatever happened between dusk and dawn belonged solely to her and her god.
“Timber,” she whispered into the pale morning light, tucking her hands beneath her chin as merciful sleep finally dragged her under.
A few hours later, despite barely sleeping, Daisy awoke with a burst of energy. She showered and dressed in the cleanest clothes she owned, packed a small bag as instructed, and anxiously paced her flat until it was quarter to noon.
At 11:47, she stood on the pavement outside her building—exposed and oddly on display. At exactly noon, a sleek black car arrived. She recognized it immediately, because it was the kind that didn’t belong in her neighborhood.
The windows were tinted dark enough to hide whoever waited inside, frozen by indecision. A man in a simple black suit emerged.
“Miss Burdan?”
Her name in his mouth made everything suddenly real. A wave of dizziness caused her to stagger. “Yes, that’s me.”
He opened the rear door. “This way, please.”
She hesitated only a moment before climbing in. The interior was slate grey, the seats softer than her mattress at home. The air was climate-controlled and smelled of leather and sandalwood.
The driver didn’t speak when he returned to the front seat. He pulled away from the curb in total silence, the lump in her stomach growing as she watched her building shrink away in the rear window until it disappeared entirely.
“Can you tell me where we’re going?”
“No, ma’am.”
The city thinned and fell away, replaced by highways and countryside, green fields, and endless grey sky. Daisy lost track of time as the unfamiliar view distracted her. They wove along a narrow road that wound through the trees.
They emerged from the canopy onto a stretch of black pavement. A tarmac. The small plane sat on the tarmac like a dare. Her heart cinched, and her eyes widened.
“Nobody said anything about flying.” As someone who conducted her entire life on foot, the thought of getting onto that jet terrified her.
The driver made no response.
The car pulled beside the plane.
Her door opened, startling her. Time had dragged all morning and all through the night, but now it galloped ten times faster than usual.
“This way, please,” the driver instructed in the same flat tone.
This was truly the point of no return.
Was this human trafficking? She’d consented. Given them her information. Accepted their money. Got into the car. Now she was climbing the steps onto a plane.
She couldn’t breathe. What if this whole thing, the money, the contracts, the elegant envelopes, was just an elaborate setup?
She abruptly turned and came face-to-face with the driver’s chest. “I made a mistake.”
“Miss?” A female voice. Daisy turned to find a flight attendant in a blue uniform, smiling warmly from the landing above. “Your seat’s right this way.”
She looked back at the driver. His arched brow peeked over his reflective glasses, as if asking if she wanted to go back.
Timber… Would that work here? Did she have an out?
She swallowed tightly and looked up at the flight attendant as she continued to smile. “The pilot’s waiting.”
With a shaky hand, Daisy gripped the railing and pulled herself up the last few steps. As soon as she crossed the threshold, the door closed behind her, and the driver was gone.
A man, dressed in a navy blue suit with a gold pin in the shape of an airplane, emerged from behind a curtain. “Welcome aboard, Miss Burdan. Short flight today, just under three hours. Smooth skies all the way.”
Was this the pilot? Maybe he could help her. “I don’t know where we’re going.”
“We’ll handle all the details. As soon as you take your seat, we’ll be on our way.”
The flight attendant escorted her to a cluster of leather chairs arranged to face each other. Daisy chose the one closest to the window.
“Sit back, please.”
Daisy leaned back, and the flight attendant buckled her in—literally. Being restrained did nothing to ease her panic.
“If you need the restroom, use the call button, and I’ll escort you. Do not leave your seat unattended.”
“Where did my driver go?”
“I assume he’s on his way back to London.” The flight attendant disappeared, leaving Daisy utterly alone. Abandoned.
Having a choice, Daisy realized, did not always equal having control.
Timber… The word whispered through her mind, her inner monologue constrained by mounting panic. When the engine started, she tugged at the seatbelt, but the clip wouldn’t budge.
A soft ping broke the silence, startling her, and a red light came on overhead. “Your seatbelt must remain on, Miss Burdan. We’re preparing for takeoff,” said the canned voice through the overhead speakers as the plane started to move.
“I want to get off the plane.” Ignoring the order, she frantically jiggled the buckle as the engine hummed louder. But it was too late.
The force of the plane’s speed pressed her deeper into the seat as they raced down the tarmac. Daisy gripped the armrests as the world tilted and the ground fell away. Her stomach lurched.
“Timber,” her mouth formed the silent word as her ears popped, the roar of the engine swallowing every other sound.
Unblinking, she watched in horror as they defied gravity and climbed, climbed, climbed into grey nothing until suddenly they broke through the clouds and everything turned a piercing shade of blue.
Her lungs tightened behind her breast bone, hard and rapid, as she stared at the vast nothingness and the tilted plane slowly evened out. White clouds. Sunlight so bright it burned her eyes. It was terrifying and beautiful and utterly disorienting.
“First time flying?”
She flinched as a woman with black hair and caramel skin stared down at her from the aisle. Professionally dressed in a grey pencil skirt and silk blouse, the woman gestured to the seat beside Daisy.
“Mind if I sit with you?”
Throat tight, Daisy’s response was soundless, so she shook her head.
She held a clipboard and a cup of tea, offering the latter to Daisy. “Here. Something to help with your nerves.”
Daisy unclenched her white-knuckled grip from the armrests and took the warm tea with shaking fingers. But she didn’t dare sip it. The porcelain clattered slightly as she tried to steady her hands.
“I’m Dr. Kawanja.” The woman crossed her legs with natural grace. “I’ll be conducting your psychological evaluation during the flight.”
“My evaluation? Now?”
“Is there a better time?” Dr. Kawanja’s smile softened.
Yes, Daisy thought that much was obvious as her clothes dampened with cool sweat, and she fought the urge to vomit from nerves.
As if reading her reservations in her wide eyes, the doctor smiled.
“It’s just a conversation, Daisy. Nothing to be frightened of.
” She opened a notebook and turned to a fresh page, jotting Daisy’s full name across the top.
“Do you mind if I call you Daisy, or do you prefer Ms. Burdan?” She set her phone down, her words causing the spectrogram on the screen to bounce with every recorded syllable.
“I hope you don’t mind if I record our conversation.
It helps to verify my notes when I write my reports.
” While the doctor asked permission, her actions presumed consent.
“That’s fine,” Daisy said, figuring any proof of her presence on this plane could work in her favor if anything happened to her.
“Everything we discuss, beyond my final report confirming your fitness to participate, is completely confidential.”
Daisy’s stomach churned. What if she gave the wrong answers and they kicked her out?
“First, I need to confirm that no one has coerced you. Are you here of your own free will, Daisy?”
The question was straightforward, but the answer was not. Yes, she’d willingly gone with the driver and walked onto the plane. But she hadn’t fully known what she was committing to.
Looking around to assure they were alone, Daisy whispered, “I can’t unlock my seatbelt.”
Dr. Kawanja tilted her head in concern. “May I?” She easily released the buckle.
“Oh.” Embarrassed, Daisy flushed.