Chapter Twenty
Isabella
Sam bursts into the room, her eyes wild and unfocused. “What are you doing?”
“Reading,” I reply, without looking up at her. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
Sam throws the covers off and yanks on my arm. “You need to take a shower because Anita and I have a surprise for you, and no, I’m not going to tell you what it is.”
Reluctantly, I lower the book and do a double take when I realize Sam has thrown my closet door open and is rifling through it. She pulls out a long-sleeved, knee-length blue dress and drapes it over the back of the chair. Then she crosses over to me and pulls on my other arm. Startled, I let her pull me out of bed and push me into the bathroom.
She flicks the lights on, and I wince as lights dance in my field of vision. “I’m going to be waiting out here if you need me.”
I hand Sam the book and pull my hoodie up over my head. “You’re not even going to give me a hint?”
Sam turns her back on me and folds her arms over her chest. “Not a chance.”
With a sigh, I peel off the rest of my clothes and leave them in a heap on the floor. While I wait for the water to heat up, I examine myself in the bathroom above the sink, grimacing at the swell of my breasts and my slightly bulging stomach. In the past few weeks, there have been a lot of changes, most notable of which has been my increased appetite.
Anita has even taken to making extra food and leaving it in the small fridge in my room.
Tristan, on the other hand, spends dinner sitting as far away from me as possible and clutching his plate protectively. Although the four of us have settled into a comfortable routine, I can’t help but wonder how long it’s going to last. Every night for the past five weeks, Tristan has been returning home smelling like sweat and blood.
And each morning, he avoids my gaze at the breakfast table. A part of me is tempted to press Sam for information, but I know it isn’t fair. She’s my friend, and I can’t expect her to exploit her relationship with Tristan just to appease me.
And I’m too afraid of what I might find out.
For now, I’ve settled into a comfortable numbness where I can almost convince myself that Carter is away on a business trip and will be home any minute. Even the fact that I’ve sent hundreds of unanswered messages and voicemails doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. When I pull back the curtain and step into the shower, I study Sam’s outline from behind the curtain.
Moments later, she ventures further into the bathroom, and I see her grip the sink.
With a grimace, I finish shaving my legs and then pick up the bottle of shampoo. I’ve lathered it up, and I’m running my fingers through my hair when Sam’s loud sigh fills the bathroom. I poke my head out from behind the curtain and see her bring her hip to rest against the sink. She gives me a distracted half-smile before I pull my head back in.
“Is everything okay?”
Sam clears her throat. “Tristan wants me to move in with him.”
I turn my back on the shower head and work my fingers through my scalp. “I thought you two already lived together.”
“Not officially. It wasn’t meant to be permanent, especially after what happened at our building…”
I squeeze my eyes shut and let the hot water cascade down my back and the sides of my face. “Okay, but you love him, right? And he’s obviously crazy about you.”
“You know as well as I do that love isn’t always enough,” Sam says, her voice catching toward the end. “I don’t know. I kind of thought I’d go back to my old life eventually, but I’m not even sure I want to anymore.”
I shove my hair out of my eyes and grope for the bar of soap. “How does Tristan feel about all of this?”
“He says he’ll respect whatever decision I make, but he also said he wants us to have a fresh start. Not at Anita’s and not at your house, no offense.”
“None taken.” I run the bar of soap over my flushed skin and pause. “You’re not going to move far away, are you?”
Sam chuckles. “No, don’t worry. If we do move in together, it’ll probably be in the same neighborhood.”
My eyes fly open, and I switch off the knobs. I see the towel hanging on the hook by the shower. I drag it over my body and see a bathrobe now draped over the shower rod. With a smile, I grab it and shove my arm through one hole and then another. When I’m done, I pull the curtain aside, and Sam gives me an approving smile. In the bedroom, she turns her back on me while I get dressed, and the two of us discuss the topic some more.
I can sense her hesitation and her fear. It’s exactly how I felt when I had to leave my old apartment.
While I wasn’t especially attached to it, at least I knew it was mine and that I’d worked for it. Tristan is a good man, and I know he’s going to take care of Sam, but she’s someone who’s had to take care of herself and doesn’t like being forced to rely on someone.
I know he has to tread carefully or risk pushing her away altogether.
After helping me towel dry my hair, Sam takes a step back and examines her handiwork. “Good. You look great, Isabella, as usual.”
I spin around to face her and fold my arms over my chest. “So, now, are you going to tell me what’s happening?”
“I have to go get dressed too.” Sam gives me an apologetic smile and races up the stairs. I sigh, wander into the living room, and sit down on the couch. I’m flipping through my book when Anita comes in and hands me a mug of steaming hot chamomile tea. She offers me a smile and ambles into the kitchen while I take small sips.
Eventually, I curl up on the couch and pull the blanket up over my head.
I’m drifting in and out of consciousness when I hear a familiar voice pulling me out of the depths of darkness. Heart hammering unsteadily against my chest, I throw the blanket off and find myself looking directly at Carter, who is sitting on the coffee table in a pair of dark jeans and a button-down shirt.
But this version of Carter has lost weight, his face is sunken, and he has dark circles under his eyes. Slowly, I sit up straighter, lean forward, and press a finger to his arm. When he doesn’t disappear into another one of my mirages, a gasp falls from my lips, and I cover my mouth with my hands. Carter stands up and comes to sit next to me on the couch.
“You look good, dove.”
I let one hand fall to my side, and the other reaches between us to touch him again, my breath hitching in my throat when I feel his solid and warm flesh beneath mine. “You’re real.”
Carter raises an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
I inch closer to him, my heart beating faster now. “You’re actually here. I’m not dreaming.”
Carter’s lips lift into the hint of a smile. “If you’d like me to pinch you, that can be arranged, though I would prefer not to engage in anything while we have an audience.”
“Audience?” I look away from him and find myself glancing over at Anita, Tristan, and Sam, who are standing behind the kitchen counter, pretending to be busy with various things. “Oh.”
Carter takes both of my hands in his and pulls me to my feet. “Before you say anything else, there’s something I need to say.”
He gets down on his knees and clasps his hands together. “I know I haven’t behaved the way I should’ve. When you told me about the baby, I panicked. You have to understand that I’ve only ever had one goal for my life, and kids weren’t a part of that dream.”
I swallow. “I know. I didn’t plan this either.”
Carter’s eyes don’t leave my face. “No apologies are going to make up for what I did to you or the fact that I left without saying goodbye, but I needed to do it.”
Silence stretches between us.
“I need some things from the store,” Anita interrupts loudly. “Tristan, will you drive me? Sam, didn’t you want to buy some things too?”
As one, all three of them scurry out of the house, only pausing to slam the door shut behind them. As soon as they leave, Carter wraps his arms around my middle and exhales sharply. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve a fucking thing where you’re concerned, Bella, but I hope you’ll let me try.”
I wind my fingers through his hair and clear my throat. “What do you mean?”
Carter leans back to look up at me, and there’s an unfamiliar glint in the depth of his eyes. “You were right. Everything you said about us not being able to raise a baby in this environment and how there are going to have to be changes.”
I suck in a harsh breath. “So, you… you agree?”
Carter releases my waist and stands up so he has to tilt his head down to look at me. His expression is solemn and serious when he speaks. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about shit over the past few weeks, and you know what’s the one thing I kept going back to?”
I shake my head.
“I want to do this with you, dove,” Carter tells me in a low voice. “All of this. I know neither of us planned for the baby, but I am going to do whatever it takes to protect her.”
My heart misses a beat. “So, you have been reading my messages.”
“I read every message, and I heard every voicemail, and I missed you more each time,” Carter continues in a softer voice. “Not being able to come home to you was hard, but I knew that I had some things to figure out, and I couldn’t do it here.”
“Carter, I—”
He takes a step back and lifts my hand to his lips. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, at least not yet, but I do intend to make it up to you. In every way possible.”
Carter gives me a look then that goes straight to my soul.
“I know I’ve still got my demons to fight, and things aren’t going to change overnight, but I know what I have to do now.”
My mind is still reeling when he sits down on the couch and pulls me onto his lap. I’m still struggling to make sense of his words and everything they mean when he places both arms around my waist. When Carter tilts my head back to kiss me, there’s a familiar unfurling in the center of my chest, and I’m falling.
But this time is different.
Because Carter and I have already battled our way through his enemies, and in spite of everything they’ve thrown at us, he came back.
All those weeks I spent alone, praying and hoping for a miracle, weren’t in vain.
And the longer we sit there, kissing like we don’t need air like we need each other to survive, the surer I am that everything has led to this moment in time.
I want to cry and laugh and climb inside Carter’s skin and stay there.
But I don’t do any of that.
Instead, I shudder when he frames my face in his hands, and his prickly stubble tickles my face. I tilt my head to the side, sigh, and lean into him. His hands move down to circle my waist, sending goosebumps over every inch of my skin. With a sigh, I link my fingers over his neck and melt.
It’s like I’m falling through soft, white clouds. Only I know I’m not going to meet the cold hard ground. Not as long as Carter is there, and not as long as he keeps kissing like that.
When he nips on my lower lip, my mouth parts, and Carter’s tongue darts in. We begin a sensual battle for dominance as wave after wave of desire continues to build within me. Suddenly, Carter stands up and hoists me so my legs are wrapped around his waist. My heart is pounding loud enough to drown out everything else as we move backward and in the direction of the guest room.
There, Carter lingers in the doorway to flick the lights on.
Then he carries me over to the bed, and without breaking our kiss, he lays me down on the mattress. I unlink my fingers from around his neck and move them down the front of his chest, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. Carter growls into my mouth and pins my arms up over my head.
Another jolt of burning hot desire shoots through me. I wriggle and link my feet over his hips.
With a growl, Carter rubs himself against me. He wrenches his lips away and begins to pepper my neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses until he reaches the slope of my chest. One hand keeps my hands in a vice-like grip, and the other reaches for the edges of my dress. The fabric slides like butter until it pools around my waist, exposing the bare skin of my legs.
I shiver with impatience as Carter uses his fingers to graze my sensitive skin. He stops at the waistband of my panties and presses hard. A low whimpering sound falls from my lips as I arch my back and lift my hips off the mattress. Slowly, Carter leans back to look at me, and the hungry and determined look on his face is enough to bring any woman to her knees.
At that moment, I know I’ll do anything he asks. I’ll climb any mountain or swim in any ocean as long as he doesn’t stop touching me. Or making me feel like I’m the only woman alive.
“I’m glad you’ve missed me too, dove,” Carter says into my ear, sending ripples through me. “But I’m going to take my time here.”
I frown. “Why?”
Carter gives me another searing kiss, the kind that leaves my head spinning. I try to deepen the kiss and lose myself in him, but he pulls away before I can. The bed dips as he climbs off me and rummages through the closest drawer. When he returns with two scarves, my heart jumps into my throat.
I watch through hooded eyes as Carter unbuttons his shirt, undoing one after the other in quick succession. As soon as he’s done, he lets the shirt fall to the floor with a flutter. Without looking away, his fingers move to unbutton his jeans, and he kicks them off, leaving him in only a pair of dark boxers.
My mouth waters when I see his erection straining against the fabric.
“Hold your hands up on either side of you, dove,” Carter instructs in a thick voice. “I told you that I have every intention of making it up to you, so it’s about time I start.”
My mouth is dry as I lift my arms up. “Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, sir.” I breathe, my pulse quickening as Carter ties one hand to the bed. He leans over me to tie another, and I inhale the spicy scent of his cologne, making my stomach dip. With a smirk, Carter gives both hands a tug, ensuring that the restraints are tight enough. Every inch of me is alive and buzzing at his proximity when Carter ties my feet on either side of the bed, leaving me completely exposed.
I’m suddenly glad no one else is around. Because I want him to keep looking at me like that, like I’m a feast he’s about to devour.
And I want Carter to bury himself so deep inside of me that I can’t tell where he begins and I end. As if sensing my train of thought, Carter snaps off his boxers and shoves them away. I lift my head off the pillow and give him a pleading look. He frames my face in his hands, and he kisses me again, but this time it’s different.
It’s slow and gentle, a low fire burning the inside of my stomach, and it takes my breath away. I grin like an idiot when he moves his mouth over my jaw and down my neck. He nips and grazes the sensitive skin there before sinking his teeth into my flesh. I hiss as dual waves of pain and pleasure ricochet through me.
Suddenly, the weeks we spent apart don’t matter. Not the fact that Carter left or the fact that he kept me at arm’s length while he was away like I was shouting into the void.
All the weeks of loneliness and self-pity melt away as he kisses a path down the slope of my chest. He takes one nipple between his teeth and tugs. Red-hot desire courses through me. Then he moves onto the other nipple, sucking and biting until they’re both as hard as pebbles.
I’m desperate and wet and panting by the time his mouth moves south.
Instead of giving me what I crave, Carter sinks further down and begins to place kisses along the inside of my thighs. Everywhere he touches, I burn. Everywhere he licks, I melt. When he finally kisses his way back up to my center, my lungs are bursting, and it feels like I’ve run a marathon.
Carter gives me a heated look as he settles in between my legs so he’s at eye level with me. His nails dig into my waist, and his lips part, his hot breath dancing across my sensitive skin. “How much have you missed me, dove?”
“A lot,” I murmur, in a daze. “Sir.”
“How much is a lot?” His tongue darts out, and he licks a path from right to left, taking his sweet time while he does. “Did you dream about me every night?”
I nod frantically.
Carter squeezes my waist. “You need to articulate, dove. Unless you want me to stop.”
A thin sheen of sweat breaks out across my forehead. “I thought about you every night and every day and a lot of moments in between.”
“Did it feel this good?”
My breath hitches in my throat as Carter plunges his tongue in and begins to suck. “Nothing feels as good as you do, sir.”
I know my response pleases him because he makes a low noise in the back of his throat, but he doesn’t stop. Each flick, each stroke sends another wave of desire through me. I tug on my restraints, but they don’t give way, and it sends another thrill through me.
After everything we’ve been through, I like knowing that I still love being at his mercy. And I love knowing how much my body still drives him crazy despite my prominent swell.
Although I can’t see him, I catch glimpses of the top of his head, and I listen for the sound of his voice. Carter laps and sucks as if he has all the time in the world. Then his hands release my waist, and they move up to my breasts. He flicks one nipple and then the other and pushes my breasts together. I squeeze my eyes shut and grind against him.
My ears are ringing when Carter shifts and doubles his efforts. I don’t ever want him to stop.
When the force of my orgasm rips through me, leaving me writhing and panting, I dig my nails into my palms and cry out his name. Over and over, I chant it, a plea and prayer, until the knots in my chest unfurl. My skin is still buzzing when I pry one eye open and then another and find Carter looming over me, a look of stark need etched onto his features.
“I didn’t tell you that you can come,” Carter says in a thick voice. “Why are you always testing me, dove?”
I swallow, and my voice is hoarse and low. “I’m sorry, sir.”
Carter bends down to kiss me. “You’re lucky I’m in a forgiving mood.”
With that, he undoes two of the restraints, one hand falls to my side, and one of my legs is now free. Wordlessly, Carter shifts so he’s pressed against my back. He runs his fingers over my bare skin, pausing to give my ass a light squeeze. Then he pinches the flesh between his fingers and makes another choked sound. I twist my arms over my head and grip the back of his neck.
When I press myself against him and wriggle, Carter’s breath is hot in my ear. “I can smell how much you want me, dove. How much do you want me to fuck you?”
“Please, Carter. Please.” My grip on the back of his neck tightens, and even though I know he’s not going to like me disobeying him. I don’t care.
There’s something low and urgent unfurling inside of me. I have an itch only he can satisfy.
Carter doesn’t say anything as he stands up and binds my hands together so I’m on my side, facing away from him. He gives me another quick kiss before he climbs back onto the bed and pulls me to him. I feel the length of him pressing against my ass, and I almost come apart right then and there. When he murmurs something into my skin, my entire body stills.
Then he sinks his teeth into my flesh, and I explode. I’m still bucking and writhing as I ride out my orgasm when Carter finally thrusts into me.
I’m disoriented and trying to catch my breath when he sinks his teeth into my neck and eases in and out. With a slight shake of my head, I begin to move against him, reveling in the feel of his body against mine. After weeks of trying to recapture how it feels between us, after weeks of waking up with an ache in my chest, it feels good to feel full again.
To feel alive again.
Each touch, each stroke, each thrust brings us closer and closer together.
Carter continues to ease in and out of me at a smooth and practiced pace, drawing out my release. I struggle against my binds, but despite my pleas, he still won’t let me go, and I know why. After everything we’ve been through, Carter still needs to feel like he’s in control to come back to himself.
And if letting him fuck me senseless while I’m curled up on my side, completely and utterly at his beck and call, is the way to do it, then so be it.
I love how his breath feels on the back of my neck and the sound of his heavy breathing reverberating inside of my head. And when he sinks his teeth into my neck again, and his thrusts change, becoming more and more frantic, butterflies erupt in the center of my stomach. I throw my head back and wish the distance between us would disappear.
Carter’s grip on my waist intensifies, so much so that I wonder if it’s going to leave a mark.
No one will be able to look at me without knowing I’m his forever.
His hands move down to my hips, and he holds me still. Then his breathing is haggard, coming out in short bursts as he thrusts in and out of me at an alarming speed. I climb closer and closer to the edge of my release, and when I explode, Carter undoes my restraints completely. Without waiting for my response, he flips me onto my belly and lifts my ass up so I’m on all fours.
He continues to pound into me with wild and reckless abandon, each thrust and each grunt bringing me one step closer to ecstasy.
And bringing us one step closer to salvation.
My eyes well with tears as I lift my gaze up and stare at the headboard across from me. Carter has one hand around my waist, stroking the sensitive skin with the pad of his thumb, and the other is gliding over the flushed skin of my back. Abruptly, his hand darts underneath, and his warm and smooth fingers close around my nipples.
He flicks one nipple and then the other and makes a low noise in the back of his throat.
It reverberates inside of my head as I buck and grind against him.
Carter makes another guttural sound, and both of his hands grip my ass, digging into the flesh there. Dual waves of pain and pleasure ricochet through me as he thrusts in and out, so every last part of me sings his name. He is coursing through my veins, and he has infected me, and I don’t care.
Not as long as we can move like this forever.
Suddenly, one of Carter’s hands darts out and threads through my hair. He pulls back, and little pinpricks of pain shoot through my scalp, erasing any last doubt I might have. Slowly, his fingers move through my scalp, overwhelming me with emotion. My chest feels like it’s going to burst when Carter releases the back of my head and pushes me forward. Then he eases out of me and flips me onto my back so I’m facing him directly.
He looks exactly like the man I fell in love with, powerful and in command, and not a single inch of him isn’t under control, but there’s something else there, too. When he lifts my legs up over his shoulders and thrusts into me, there’s a softness around his eyes that wasn’t there before, and even the way he breathes sounds different.
As if he’s opening up to me little by little, then all at once.
I let one hand fall to my side, clutching a handful of the sheets, and the other glides over his back, admiring his toned physique. With a smirk, Carter brings my legs back to the bed. Then, he lifts both of my hands over my head and buries his face in the crook of my neck. Wave after wave of desire continues to build within me. With a sigh, I link my feet over his waist and squeeze my eyes shut.
Then, my body is jerking, writhing, and spasming as I ride out another orgasm, even more powerful than the last. I’m gasping for breath and trying to see past the spots dancing in my field of vision when I hear Carter’s moans. He gives a few more powerful thrusts, and his own body begins to shake. When he releases my hands, I link them over his neck and bring his forehead to mine. His uneven breath is on my face as he rides out his own release, and warmth seeps between my legs.
Once he’s done, he lets out a deep and shaky breath, but neither of us moves.
I have no idea what’s going to happen once we become two separate people again, but I’m reluctant to go back to that. It’s been months since Carter and I have re-connected like this, months since I’ve looked at him and seen the man I love rather than the man responsible for so much chaos and destruction.
And I’m loathe to let the outside world back in. All it’s done is to try to tear us apart and give me too many reasons to leave him.
But as Carter continues to loom over me, his body slick with sweat and his heart hammering beneath my palm, I begin to realize something I should’ve known all along.
I can’t escape Carter, not anymore. No matter what happens, he is a part of me, and I can’t get him out. Nor do I want him to, not if it means having to let go for good.
With a deep exhale, Carter presses a kiss to my forehead and eases out of me. He collapses onto the mattress and drapes an arm over my shoulders. When he tucks me into his side, I nuzzle into his neck and throw one leg over him. After a brief pause, Carter presses his lips to my forehead, letting out another harsh breath.
I can barely hear over the pounding of my heart. All I want to do is prop myself up on my elbow, trace his features, and commit them to memory. But I’m still afraid of what I’m going to see when I look at his face.
A lump rises in the back of my throat as Carter squeezes my shoulder and then sits up, his eyes darting around. He stands up, and I admire the smooth and taut muscles of his back as he returns with two blankets from the closet. His brows are furrowed together as he unfolds one and throws it over me. Then he unfolds the other one and climbs back into bed with me.
Nestled in a cocoon of warmth, it feels like nothing else can get to us. Or stop us.
I trace the hairs on his chest and ignore the warning voice in the back of my head. “What made you decide to come back?”
Carter strokes my hair and then moves down the length of my back. “I had another meeting with the Natoris and Philipses. It didn’t go well.”
My stomach twists. “Why not?”
“They’ve got another backer, and I’m sure the mayor knows who it is, so I had to pay him a visit,” Carter replies after a lengthy pause. “When I was done, I knew there was nowhere else I’d rather go. You’re my home, dove, and not being able to come back to you… I don’t fucking like it.”
“I don’t like it either,” I whisper, my eyes welling with tears.
Carter places two fingers under my chin and tilts my head up so I’m looking at him directly. “I didn’t kill the mayor. I’ve been trying not to beat the shit out of people unless I have to, and it’s hard.”
I stare at him.
“But I’m trying,” Carter continues, his expression darkening. “And I’m going to keep trying because you and the baby deserve better.”