Chapter Four.
Alex
What was I doing? For over a week, I’d stayed away, but Katy haunted me. I couldn’t get her out of my head. And right now, I couldn’t tell if the expression on Katy’s face was happiness or anger.
“Katy?” the older woman asked, stepping closer. Shit, I shouldn’t be here.
“Sorry, I overstepped!” I said and began backing out. People were watching, and I felt uneasy, similar to an insect under a microscope.
“Alex! Wait!” Katy cried and rushed around the table. Katy reached out and took hold of my hands. Once again, I was shocked as she thoughtlessly grabbed hold. It didn’t bother her in the slightest that they might be dirty.
“You came to have lunch?” Katy breathed. There was hope in her eyes, and her smile said she’d missed me.
“Yes, I can’t take you to lunch, but I wondered if we could sit together,” I replied lamely.
“Of course!” Katy exclaimed. She dashed away and began filling plates before I could reply.
“I’m Jenny, the manager here. Welcome, Alex,” the older woman declared.
“Thanks.” I gazed around, unsure how this worked.
“There’s a table available in the corner,” Jenny stated with a wink. I followed Jenny across the room as Katy turned, smiling. She rushed over carrying two plates. No brain strain was needed in guessing which was mine; it was brimming with food. Jenny walked away as Katy placed them down.
“Drinks!” Katy announced and hurried off again. I sat down, noting the stares from some of those at surrounding tables.
“She’s a decent one, our Katy,” an older man growled.
“Aye, a good girl. Doesn’t look down her nose,” another guy said.
“Looks after everybody, Katy does. So we watch over her,” a woman warned, and I nodded. Katy spoke to Jenny and hurried back with two mugs of coffee.
“Here.” Katy placed one in front of me and sat down. “Is there enough? We usually serve people to ensure gets an equal amount. Then we let people help themselves after a certain amount of time has passed, so I can fetch more.”
“This is plenty, thanks,” I murmured. I picked up a sandwich and resisted tearing into it. Four days had passed since I last ate. I was feeling weak and lightheaded, but I wouldn’t make myself sick. Katy beamed.
“How have you been?”
“Okay, thinking and pondering the meaning of life,” I replied, and Katy cocked her head.
“Is that good or bad?”
“Depends. I’ve done some soul-searching.” I clammed up and steeled myself for the endless questions.
“Did you avoid the bad weather?”
What? No inquiries? Katy was constantly surprising me. “No, the place I used to sleep…there was a situation.”
One of the guys had murdered three people, claiming they’d stolen his belongings. They hadn’t, but it didn’t stop him from committing murder and fleeing. Naturally, I’d avoided that place ever since.
“Where have you been sleeping? Is it safe?” Katy demanded.
“In a big bush in the park. If someone tries to reach me, I’ll hear. Katy, don’t worry.”
“Alex, I can get you into a refuge; I’ve some contacts,” Katy said, and I held her gaze.
“That would be appreciated. As I mentioned, I did some soul-searching. It’s time I got help for my PTSD and possibly rejoined mainstream life again.”
Katy stared. “Why?” she whispered.
“There’s only one reason.”
“Say it.”
“You.”
Katy reached down and cupped the mug as she chewed her bottom lip.
“If I’ve overstepped, read this wrong…” I began saying, and Katy seized my hand.
“No! I’ve missed you terribly. Alex, I don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for.”
“Trust me, you’re not. This is something I want to do. I had a lot of time to think these past ten days and confronted some home truths. Katy, I’ve got PTSD, you don’t need to know why, but I ran from life.”
For a moment, memories threatened to overwhelm me. Smoke, bombs, blasts, red blood, severed limbs. The images crowded the edge of my mind, and I ruthlessly shoved them into a box. Therapy was needed to deal with those.
“Are you an addict?” Katy asked.
“No. I’ve locked memories away but never sunk to drink or drugs to handle them. Instead, I ran from my life and future.”
“Sometimes we see things that can’t ever be unseen or forgotten. It doesn’t make someone weak to admit help is needed; it makes us stronger.” Katy covered my hand again with her own.
“Honey, I can’t say I’ll succeed, but I want to try. Can you help?”
“Yes. Is there anyone we need to notify?”
I hesitated before answering, and Katy saw it. “No.”
“Let’s finish lunch and then I’ll make some phone calls,” Katy said.
For the first time in ten days, I smiled. This woman would own me, no doubt about it.
Katy
“Thanks, Saul, appreciate that.”
“No problem, Katy. It’s rare you call needing a favour. This Alex must be pretty special,” Saul teased.
“He is. Thanks Saul. I know you lock the doors at nine, but I’m here till nine...”
“I’ll stay to let Alex in, and I’ll keep a bed aside too,” Saul promised, and I thanked him profusely before hanging up.
“Alex has demons,” Jenny stated.
“Doesn’t everyone?” I asked.
“Yes. But that there is a man who’s decided and looks like he’s planning to stick to it,” Jenny said, eyeing Alex up.
“I hope so. Jenny, I don’t want a broken heart.”
“Ah, Katy, I don’t think Alex wants one either. He seems half-terrified and half-determined. Alex’ll succeed and get off the streets. Be yourself, and Alex will worship the ground you walk on.”
I turned and regarded Alex contemplatively.
He was talking with Tom and the old-timers.
Tom was showing Alex around the church hall.
There was a shower here they could use, and they could also wash their clothes and blankets.
Alex was listening intently and nodding at the right times.
Alex was charming Tom, and that made me smile because that old man was beyond grumpy.
“Okay, what are we doing?” I asked.
“Start peeling carrots and potatoes, sweetie, we’ve got the joints cooking already,” Jenny ordered as she began dragging vegetables over.
Around half an hour later, Alex reappeared, smelling of lemons and a popular deodorant. His hair was still wet, and he’d showered. Alex also wore clean, newer clothes.
“Tom said we could shower and take a change of clothes,” he said, looking a little shamefaced.
“That’s why they’re there.”
“Katy, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Alex admitted.
I handed Alex a bag of carrots and a peeler. “You’re helping prepare dinner,” I ordered, and Alex laughed.
“Not what I meant, but I’ll help.”
“What did you mean?” I asked after a few moments.
Alex was happily peeling carrots, but wasn’t allowed a knife. That was a no-no here. A knife could harm themselves or someone else.
“Yes, and what I stated. You deserve better than a homeless bum who has PTSD.
“Will you hurt me?”
“What? No, never!”
“Cheat?”
“Katy, get real. No.”
“Will you be loyal, respect and treat me like a queen?” I tilted my head to gauge Alex’s reply.
“Yes.”
“Then I’m getting what I deserve.”
Alex shook his head before bursting into laughter. “You’re going to keep me on my toes.”
“As I do, Mom and Dad, and everyone else. Just because I’m quiet, it doesn’t mean I’m meek and mild.”
“No, I’m getting that idea.”
Alex
Nervously, I stared at the ugly building. As we approached, a guy opened the door and met us outside.
“Can’t let you in, Katy,” he declared, and she nodded.
“This is Saul, Alex. Saul runs the shelter and kept a bed for you.”
“Thanks,” I said, as my gut twisted with anxiety.
“You’re ex-military? Alex, I’ve put you in a single room.
PTSD can cause nightmares, and also if someone disturbs your sleep, they might get a nasty wake-up call.
There’s a locker system that uses tokens.
Place personal items in there and keep the token on you.
Tomorrow, we’ve somebody who comes in the morning, and he’ll start helping you make plans,” Saul said.
“Thanks,” I replied, gripping my dirty backpack and bag.
“Alex, I won’t bring breakfast because they serve it here. Maybe meet me for lunch?” Katy said.
“I’ll be there. It’s only a half-hour walk,” I murmured, glancing at Saul.
“Come on, Alex,” he said and motioned me towards the door. Katy offered a reassuring smile, and she’d never looked so beautiful. I took a few moments to memorise Katy’s face and then headed inside.
Tomorrow was the start of a brand-new day and a step forward, and not backwards.
◆◆◆
Wrong. I was backpedalling quicker than I ever had.
Saul had arrived this morning with another guy called Patrick, who seemed decent enough.
Patrick, I was informed, was a support worker.
He inquired what I wanted and let me explain in my own terms. I was fine until Patrick asked for my full name, and then I clammed up.
Patrick reassured me it was okay, but I was mentally running.
It took Patrick a good hour to get me back on track, and that only happened when he mentioned Katy.
Seems Katy was my trigger. As soon as her name was spoken, I tuned back in.
She was the reason I was putting myself through this.
Finally, we came up with a working plan.
I’d see a doctor tomorrow for a health check and a dentist. I admitted to stealing toothbrushes and toothpaste, driven by paranoia about my dental hygiene.
Patrick told me he wished everyone else would be so diligent.
He also said he’d sponsor me to a therapist and a support group for ex-military personnel.
I offered to volunteer here and at Katy’s soup kitchen, a way of paying back the aid I was being given.
Patrick accepted help around here, but told me to speak to Jenny about the soup kitchen. I agreed and headed out to meet Katy.
Katy
I knocked on Aiden’s door and waited for him to call out. When Aiden did, I entered and smiled as he waved me towards a seat.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, Alex came to the soup kitchen over the weekend.”
“Why are you telling me?” Aiden asked.
“Because somehow, you two know each other. Alex reacted when I said you wanted to buy him food. And you were far too generous and defensive of a homeless guy.”
“You’re insightful, as well as clever. Alex hasn’t mentioned anything?”
“No. And I won’t pry or ask. But I have the feeling you’d want to know he’s okay. Alex is.”
“And you won’t say anything else?”
I smiled. “No.”
“Thank you, Katy, for the information. If there’s anything else?”
“No, have a good day, Aiden.”
“You too, Katy.”