Chapter Eleven
“Aye that’s it lad, pass it down,” Dennis stood at the bottom of the loft ladders the next morning, directing the whole affair as Matt struggled to get the huge Christmas ornament box through the square opening. Christmas had been Noelle’s favourite time of year, and her collection of festive decorations was certainly evidence of that.
As Matt followed the box down, dust and cobwebs decorating his hair and shoulders, Robyn instinctively reached out to brush him clean, leaning in for a quick kiss before pulling back quickly when she remembered their pact.
“Aye and I’m ill not blind, I’ve noticed all the musical beds that’s been happening, no need to treat me like an idiot,” Dennis said good humouredly, causing Robyn to blush and Matt to exclaim, “Dad, I’m not sixteen! No need to comment!”
The old man laughed deep in his throat before stopping suddenly and adding, “Now listen to me you two. I know this may well be… difficult at times, bittersweet certainly, but you must promise me not to let it get maudlin. Whatever was going on in our lives, your mam and I made a point of putting it aside and enjoying a family Christmas, and that’s what we must do. Now get on up there and get the tree, son.”
“Er dad, that old artificial thing smells musty as heck, even the box is damp and foisty. How about we get a real one from the farm this year? Ruby and I could pop along now, tie it to the roof of the car and be back before you’ve made a brew.”
Dennis considered it with exaggerated thought, though Robyn could tell by the twinkle in his eyes that he’d already decided it was a good idea.
“Aye, I guess we should make new memories to go with the old,” he agreed, “so long as you bring me back some of their farm shop’s carrot cake.”
“Deal,” Matt put the loft hatch back in place and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking the dust out before tying it back up into a bun.
“Not thought of getting that mop sorted out?” Dennis asked as Matt carried the heavy box in front of him down the main stairs, straight to the point as usual, “Surely you’d like him a bit more groomed, Robyn love?” He called up behind him.
“This is a discussion I’m staying well out of,” Robyn said diplomatically, though she had wondered once or twice herself what Matt would look like with shorter hair. Would he be cute and nerdy like when they were younger or all chisel-boned and distinguished? Either way, she needed to get out of her head as she almost bumped into Dennis at the foot of the stairs.
“Right then, I’ll wait for you two, I’ve no desire to be opening that box by myself or I’ll be a puddle on the floor by the time you get back,” Dennis lowered himself onto one of the two leather armchairs at the back of the kitchen, one on either side of the back door.
“Will you be warm enough there dad, the radiator’s up at this end,” Matt’s forehead crumpled into worry lines.
“I’ll pretend you didn’t ask that. You’ll be tucking me in with a blanket like a babby or an old grandpa next,” Dennis huffed, though he winked at Robyn as she put on her coat, “now you two wrap up warm, you’re the ones going out after all and it’s blowing a hoolie out there.”
The wind had indeed increased, blowing the waves of snow horizontally across the pub car park as Matt and Robyn worked together to clear the built up snow from the vehicle. A cheeky, childish snowball fight later and they finally both made it into the car, red cheeked and breathless, the tips of their noses freezing and their gloves wet through.
“Do you remember when you first got your licence and you took me out for a spin?” Robyn asked, giggling.
“How could I forget, ending up in a field and my dad having to stump up the cost of a new fence when that old one had been half down already. Even then you were a distraction!”
“You’ve liked me for that long? In that way, I mean?” The reality of it came crashing down on Robyn. How much he’d hidden, how their friendship had somehow been based on only half truths.
Matt put the handbrake back on and turned his body to face her, “I have Rubes, and before that even, though I guess it was at its peak in my hormonal late teens. Having you cosied up in the car with me that day, the exhilaration of finally passing my test, I guess I just got over excited. Looking back, I was a careless fool, lucky for it to have ended up as gently as it did against that hay bale. If anything had happened to you, I’d never have forgiven myself.”
“But why didn’t you tell me?” Robyn was wringing her gloved hands together, small droplets of icy water spraying all over her lap in the process, “All this time we’ve spent living in each other’s pockets. The crushes I talked through with you, the things I shared…”
“Hey,” he put his larger hand over hers to calm the action, “hey, that’s all on me. I liked our friendship how it was, I wanted to have you close, I was a coward… so many reasons or excuses I told myself over the years, but none of it your fault.”
“I should’ve noticed. How bad a friend was I that I didn’t? Have I always been so self-absorbed?”
“Don’t be silly, love, there’s certainly no need for you to feel bad about it. I just became deliberately worse at hiding my feelings, I think. But we’ve got there in the end, haven’t we?”
Robyn wasn’t happy with the version of events that Matt seemed to have tied up neatly with a bow in his mind. She felt unsettled and guilty somehow. A bit angry too, if she was honest, that they’d spent over a decade without a completely truthful base to their relationship. It all felt very complicated and she wasn’t sure how to untangle it all in her own head. Aloud she simply said, “Let’s get to it then, Mister, and no landing in any fields!”
Pandora’s Box, as Dennis humorously described it, was choc full of some real corkers. Garish ‘80s tinsel, that the pub landlord decided he wanted to adorn as many walls and doorframes in the main pub as possible, little trinkets from holidays he and Noelle had taken over the years, and some decidedly hideous felt animals that had apparently been a gift from his late wife’s grandmother on their wedding day. The cream of the crop, however, were the decorations Matt had made in primary school, all lovingly wrapped in newspaper. There was a painted, cardboard frame, the glitter long since rubbed off, containing a blurry polaroid of he and Robyn on the swings at the park, wearing identical red wellies and knitted bobble hats. They must’ve been no older than five or so. Then there was a decoration Robyn herself had made. She remembered vividly gifting it to Noelle and being so proud when she saw it displayed on their tree, of two toilet roll tube figures hastily painted red, decorated with pipe cleaners and cotton wool. She and Matt as Father Christmas and Mrs. Claus she remembered it was meant to represent.
A whole lifetime of shared experiences and memories. All lovingly gathered and kept by the woman who had been the sunshine in all of their lives.
Tears were shed, happy tears and a few sad ones too, as the six-foot pine came to life in all its multicolour glory. A reminder of times gone by and that life was still worth celebrating.
“Aye, that’s grand that is,” Dennis wiped away a final tear as he went to open up for the evening.