Chapter 36
Something’s up with River and Jackson. We’ve been here since early this morning, working our asses off to get everything set up, and I keep catching them staring at the other.
Every time they accidentally bump or brush against each other, they apologize.
And most telling, they keep locking down their end of the bond so I can’t get a sense of what they’re feeling.
They’re both acting like you would around a middle school crush, all flushed cheeks, stolen glances, and shy mumbling.
It’s hard not to be amused by how they’re dancing around each other.
We’ve been so busy the past few days with preparations that I haven’t had a chance to pull River aside and ask him point blank what’s going on, but if I had to guess, something happened between them while Camille and I were on our date.
River scowls at the curtain rod he’s trying to put up, like he can intimidate it into hanging properly. My typically very competent mate isn’t great at these kinds of projects, but he’s trying his best and I’m not about to critique his methods when we’re running out of time.
I wish we had at least another week. As things stand, we’re barely done with the basics, and Camille could go into heat at any moment.
At least Jackson’s taken care of all the meal prep, so we won’t be a total mess.
I don’t know how he’s found the time between work and hauling all the heavy shit for us.
Judging by the uncharacteristic bags under his eyes, he might be sneaking away at night to work on things instead of sleeping.
I’d call him out on it, but it’d be hypocritical since I’ve only had a handful of hours of sleep a night, at best.
It’ll be worth it.
I’ve been called a hopeless romantic countless times in my life, but I think that’s wrong.
I’m a hopeful romantic. I believe in the power of love, acknowledging all the pitfalls and dangers of believing in romance and things working out when you’re in love, but choose to set them aside.
I choose love and care above everything else in life.
Sometimes that means holding your partner accountable without shutting them out of your heart.
And sometimes it means making grand gestures.
There’s a risk that we’ve made the wrong call, but I’m old enough to know that without risking our hearts, we’ll miss out on the possibility of something incredible.
Speaking of which, I observe the flush rising on River’s neck as Jackson gives him a hand to steady the curtain rod. Their hands brush together, and they both apologize, then stare at each other, frozen, for a long moment.
“Alright, I’m just going to ask,” I say, setting down the electric drill in my hand.
Both spin to look at me, eyes wide.
I have to bite my lip not to laugh. “What’s going on with you two? You’re acting weird.”
They exchange a glance, neither one able to hide the spike of nerves through the bond. Jackson nods at River, answering whatever question they silently exchange.
River rubs the back of his neck. “I told him how I feel.”
That’s what I already suspected, but my pulse still leaps.
I’m secure enough in my relationship with my mate that I’m not upset he hasn’t mentioned it before now.
His bringing it up to Jackson at all is a minor miracle.
I would’ve given them more time to figure things out without butting in, but with Camille’s impending heat, we can’t have them acting this skittish.
I nod, swallowing down the urge to remind him that I told him Jackson wouldn’t run away. “Yeah?”
There’s another long pause, and I say a silent prayer that they’re not acting this way because Jackson is upset and trying to hide that for the sake of everyone else.
Jackson’s mouth twists into a tiny smile. “Relax, old man. I’m not upset.” He shakes his head. “Confused and nervous because I kissed my best friend and am realizing I’m into you guys as more than packmates, but not upset.”
My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. “You kissed?” A moment later the rest of his words catch up with me, and my jaw goes slack. “Wait, into you guys, as in not just River?”
A swarm of butterflies surges to life in my stomach.
I’ve put any feelings I’ve been developing for Jackson to the side because I wanted River to have space to address his infatuation with his best friend first. He’s had ten years of secretly loving Jackson, while I’ve only realized my affection and attraction have deepened over the last few months.
“Well, yeah…” Jackson swallows hard but holds my gaze. “Is that a problem?”
“No, it’s not a damn problem,” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. “Not particularly romantic to tack it on out of the blue, though.”
Jackson laughs at my grumbling. “Sorry, dude, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and I wanted to be honest.”
“You’re doing fine,” River murmurs, placing a hand on Jackson’s arm. It’s meant to reassure him, but the flush that washes over Jackson’s cheeks and the flare of excitement through the bond tell me Jackson likes the praise.
My mate’s lips curve upward. “Ambrose was even more of a mess when he realized he was attracted to me.”
“I wasn’t a mess!” I protest.
“What do you call trembling the second I touched you and begging me to show you what to do?”
It’s my turn to flush, ears growing hot at the memory.
Our first night together is still burned into my brain.
The riot of emotion and overwhelming rightness of submitting to him, of begging him to take what he needed from me, of our roles flipping from me being the calm, confident one to a quivering mess in the blink of an eye.
“Don’t expect me to be like that,” Jackson says, giving us a cocky grin that is so quintessentially him that it immediately makes this conversation less intimidating.
If we add romance and sex to the dynamic of our relationships, that doesn’t mean who we fundamentally are changes.
Jackson is nervous, but he’s still a total goof.
River cocks a brow at Jackson. An expression I’m all too familiar with that means his alpha is perking up. “We’ll see about that.”
The flare of Jackson’s surprised arousal makes me stifle a groan. The image of my mate unleashing himself with the beta after a decade of staying away takes my breath away.
“Don’t think that because you’re an alpha, you’ll get to boss me around and be on top,” Jackson huffs, but there’s no hiding that beneath his protests, he likes the idea of River taking control.
I wonder if he’d want me to be in control, too.
I can’t see myself submitting to Jackson unless it was something that River commanded.
With all my partners, I want to take care of them.
That’s what gives me pleasure. For River, that’s giving him an outlet to embrace his dominance.
For Camille, that’s being her daddy. What will it be for Jackson?
My dick gives an eager twitch, getting way too ahead of itself.
Just because Jackson says he’s attracted to me and River doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex with each other.
Sex near each other, undoubtedly. But that might be all it ever is between us, and that’s okay.
I’m intrigued by the possibilities, but never at the expense of anyone’s comfort.
Shit, we need to re-discuss boundaries before Camille’s heat.
“I’m calling an emergency pack meeting.”
I go to fish my phone out to text Camille. She’s at lunch with Astrid, but maybe she can do a video chat when she gets back to the office.
“Whoa, wait!” Jackson protests, snatching my phone out of my hands before I can swipe it open.
“What the hell? She needs to be a part of this,” I grumble, reaching out to try to get my phone back.
Jackson shakes his head. “I know, but we can’t let her see that we’re all together right now. Or let her see where we are. It’ll ruin the surprise!”
Crap, he’s right.
“She already knows we’re attracted to you,” River tells Jackson.
The beta’s eyes go wide. “She does? You told her before you told me? What the hell?”
“It wasn’t intentional. It just kind of came up the other night you were at dinner with your parents, and we got talking about how we wished you were there.”
“You missed me?” Jackson’s huffy posturing deflates into something soft and pleased.
“Yes,” River murmurs, the word holding a depth of emotion he hasn’t allowed himself to show to Jackson.
“Oh.” Jackson’s cheeks burnish. “Well…I guess that’s okay, then. If we’re being honest, I talked to Camille about my…confusion lately. So she knows my end of things, too.”
It touches me that Camille respected all of our needs enough to keep our secrets. I can only imagine she was dying to break Jackson’s confidence and let River know. I don’t like asking our omega to keep secrets, but it only reaffirms how respectful she is of our pack. Of her pack.
River nods, and I get the sense that he’s thinking something similar.
“From what I recall, Camille said she’s open to anything with and between everyone in our pack.
We’ll need to confirm that before her heat, but I think that still stands.
So that leaves it to us to figure out what our boundaries are. ”
He’s trying so hard to sound calm and respectful of Jackson, but we can all feel how nervous he is. How much he wants him and how badly he doesn’t want to screw things up. I doubt he’ll say what he wants before Jackson does, and Jackson is probably overwhelmed, so…
“Alright, I’ll go first. Mine stay the same as before. The same as Camille’s. But I’ll spell it out in detail, if that helps.”
“Uh, yeah. That’d be good.” Jackson’s voice is thick, and it makes my pulse leap.
He likes the thought of my being specific. That’s good.