Chapter 8 #2
I like them. All of them. It sneaks up on me before I can defend against it. It’s the easy teasing, the way no one seems to be performing too hard for the room. It’s the way Gwen instinctively stands closer to Tess and Zane without looking like she means to.
This feels like a group with history. A group with inside jokes and stories and loyalties. A group I am standing inside of. Which is new.
Tess and I fall into conversation naturally after that. She asks me about California, and I give her the edited version. Not the ugly one. Not the one with whiskey breath and threats and feeling small in my own kitchen. Just enough truth to make me feel honest.
“I’m glad you got out,” she says quietly after I trail off. The words land heavier than I expect.
“Me too,” I admit.
She studies me for half a second like she knows there’s more under the surface, but she doesn’t push.
Instead, she says, “Chicago can be good for fresh starts.”
“I’m hoping so.”
“It can also be good for bad decisions,” she adds.
“That feels more likely tonight.”
“Oh, definitely,” Leo says, reappearing with a drink in hand. “This city specializes in them.”
I laugh, and at the exact same moment, movement catches my eye.
Zane’s hand settles at Gwen’s waist like it belongs there. It looks natural, like he forgot to think before doing it. He whispers something that makes her blush so quickly, I nearly choke on my champagne.
Ok. So this is real. Good for them.
“Ooooh,” I hear this weird voice in the distance. “Miller has a girlfriend,” a guy says, like he’s trying to make fun of the situation. A few people chuckle.
“Oh, look, the Grizzlies’ water boy,” I tell Jake. I recognize him as the guy who got drafted last. He’s on the bench a lot and is trying to make a name for himself. Leo laughs at my comment, and so me and my big mouth add some fuel to the fire. “I’m thirsty, Jake. Get me a drink.”
The words come out before I can even think, and just like that, Jake walks away. He is mumbling something, probably annoyed that a girl talked down to him. I’m still following Jake when Leo walks over and gives me a high five.
When I look back, I’m confused. Jake is actually pouring a glass of champagne. He looks my way and walks over to me. No way.
“Here,” he says as he hands it to me.
“Thanks,” I smile, and in the distance, I see Blake stare at us.
His expression doesn’t change much, but there’s something sharp in it now.
Not angry exactly. More alert. Like he suddenly cares a lot more than he wants anyone to notice.
The realization sends a strange little thrill through me.
It feels warm and immediate and probably unwise.
“You are a goddess,” Tess laughs as I take a sip of the champagne Jake gave me.
“Men are easy,” I lie.
“Speak for yourself,” Gwen laughs. “I mean, past experiences, not your… Not…”
“Girl, don’t worry,” I comfort Gwen. “Relax and let’s dance!”
Tess and Gwen look absolutely terrified at my words. The expression on their face tells me they are not comfortable yet. As if I asked them to give a class presentation.
“Ok, give me two seconds,” I tell the girls, and I quickly make my way to a bar in the corner.
The bar in the corner is less crowded than the champagne tables. A bored-looking bartender with perfect eyeliner raises an eyebrow the second I approach. As if she isn’t expecting any customers.
“Three shots of something that makes people think dancing is a great idea,” I tell her.
She doesn’t even blink. “So vodka.”
“Exactly.”
As she pours, I glance back toward the room.
Zane and Gwen are having a moment. The way they look at each other is the type of look people give when they’ve completely forgotten everyone else exists.
Tess is talking to Leo, her left hand resting lightly against his wrist. Leo says something animated, and it makes me smile. And Blake…
Blake is watching me. Not subtly either. He’s standing near the beer tub with his hands in his pockets. He is talking to some teammate I don’t recognize. His eyes, however, flick to me again before I can pretend I imagined it.
I look away first. Because of course I do. The bartender slides the shots toward me.
“Brave,” she says.
“You have no idea.”
I make my way back to the girls with the shot glasses in my hand when I catch the end of their conversation.
“Oh god,” Tess says, worried. “Leo is going to flip when he sees him.”
“Sees who?” I ask, and they turn toward me. Both Tess and Gwen look at the shot glasses I’m holding. “I got us some dancing juice,” I explain, and hand each of them a shot.
“Dancing juice?” Gwen laughs skeptically.
“Ok, fine, it’s vodka,” I chuckle. “Cheers to being a dancing queen!” I yell before we all take the shot.
“Gross,” Tess comments, and it makes me laugh.
“So who is going to make Leo flip?” I ask again as I look at the other side of the room.
“Rex Chen. I’ll put it mildly and say he is a business nemesis of Leo’s who tried to screw us over as well,” Tess explains.
“Do we need to do anything?” I ask, feeling ready for any type of action. “Wait, is that Julian? Julian!” I scream as I look at the guy next to Rex.
Both Julian and Rex look my way. Julian smiles and makes his way toward me.
“I haven’t seen you in forever! How are you?” I ask him as he makes his way over to me and hugs me.
“I’ve been busy,” Julian says almost shyly. “How are you? What are you doing in Chicago?” His demeanor feels nothing like him.
“I moved back,” I tell Julian proudly. “We should have lunch soon,” I tell him, and he nods.
Julian looks around the room, and when he sees Leo making his way toward us, he seems even more nervous than before.
“I have to go. Sorry,” he says before he quickly makes his way to the other side of the room again.
“That was weird. Is Julian alright?” I ask Leo, who shrugs his shoulders.
“I’m honestly not sure. Rex is a bad influence. I hope he’s ok.”
I’m about to say something when Jake makes his way toward us again.
“I thought you guys might want another round of drinks,” he says while he scratches his neck.
“You didn’t have to,” I smile as I take the drinks from him.
He looks so earnest about it that I almost feel bad for calling him a water boy.
Almost. Mostly, I’m just impressed that one sarcastic comment turned into bottle service.
Maybe men really are that easy. Or maybe hockey players are simply built differently.
“Now let’s go dancing, girls,” I tell Tess and Gwen, who are looking at me wide-eyed.
“Lisa,” Tess says, laughing already, “I have known you for maybe twenty minutes, and somehow you’ve started a feud, charmed a rookie into bringing us drinks, and yelled across a room full of rich people.”
“That’s impressive,” Leo says.
“I’m versatile,” I reply.
Gwen looks at the dance floor as if it personally offended her. “Do we have to?”
“Yes,” I say while giving her my biggest smile.
“Fine,” Gwen mutters.
Tess sighs. “I hate and love that we’re doing this.”
“You’ll thank me later.”
“We absolutely will not,” Tess laughs.
I hand her another champagne flute anyway.
The dance floor is more of a loose concept than an actual floor. It is a cleared-out patch of polished concrete near the DJ table, but the music is good and loud enough to make overthinking difficult. It is exactly what I need.
I drag Tess first because she complains the most, but also looks like she’ll secretly be fun once she gives in. I’m right. It takes her maybe forty seconds to stop resisting.
Gwen takes longer. She starts with that stiff little sway. The move people do when they want credit for participating without actually dancing. I grab her shoulders and shake them loose, making her laugh.
“See?” I yell over the music. “This is not that bad.”
“It’s still bad,” Tess yells back, but she’s smiling.
Leo drifts in and out of our orbit like a hyper golden retriever. He dances terribly on purpose until Tess shoves him away, laughing. Jake appears once with another tray of drinks, like he’s summoned by my attitude alone.
And through all of it, I remain extremely aware of Blake. I don’t mean to. I really don’t.
But every time I glance up, there he is somewhere nearby. Talking to teammates. Laughing with a brunette in a white dress. Standing by the DJ booth. Leaning against the bar. Looking like he belongs in rooms like this in a way I probably never will.
And yet. Now and then, I catch him looking at me.
Not in a passing way. Not in the casual social sweep people do in crowded rooms. Directly. Like he’s checking if I’m still here. It should annoy me. Instead, it makes my skin feel too warm.
At one point, Tess throws an arm around me and sings along to a chorus she clearly knows by heart. She is finally relaxed and is having a good time. I step back toward the drinks table to cool off.
“Having fun?”
Blake’s voice is low and familiar beside me.
I turn, and there he is, holding a beer, sleeves pushed up, tattoos visible, looking unfairly good in black.
“Maybe,” I say.
“High praise.”
“You’re lucky I came at all.”
He grins. “I know.”
I reach for a fresh champagne glass, mostly, so I have something to do with my hands.
“You look nice,” he says.
The words are simple. Easy. No joke attached. And that, annoyingly, lands harder than any of the teasing ever does.
“Thank you,” I say, then recover quickly. “You clean up ok too, I guess.”
“Just ok?”
“Don’t push it.”
He laughs softly.
For a second, it feels like the room pulls back around us. Like the music dulls and the lights blur, and I’m standing in a little pocket of quiet I didn’t ask for.
Then Jake appears again. Of course he does.
“Hey,” he says to me, then glances at Blake. “You need anything?”
I blink. Blake goes very still beside me.
“Nope,” I say, trying not to laugh. “I’m good.”
Jake nods, then leaves, and the second he’s gone, I look at Blake.
“Are you glaring at rookies now?” I ask.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You do.”
He takes a sip of his beer, expression innocent. “Maybe I just don’t trust his taste in champagne.”
I laugh, unable to stop myself.
The exact moment Zane looks over, we are both smiling. Of course, the universe is testing me.
“Don’t panic,” he says under his breath.
“I’m not panicking.”
“You look like you’re mentally drafting an evacuation plan.”
“I always have one,” I mutter.
“Hot.”
I roll my eyes so hard it should count as cardio.
Before I can answer, Tess comes barreling over with Gwen in tow.
“We need more dancing juice,” Tess says, breathless.
“I knew you’d come around.”
“I said more dancing juice,” she clarifies. “Not that I enjoyed myself.”
“That sounds fake,” Leo calls from somewhere behind her.
“Shut up, Leo.”
Gwen is blushing and smiling in that soft, surprised way people do when they realize they’re actually having fun after expecting the worst.
“You were right,” she admits to me.
I glance around the room, then, properly, and something settles quietly inside me.
Not fully. Not forever. But enough. I’m here. I’m laughing.
I’m standing in a crowded party in Chicago, wearing purple. I’m holding champagne and making new friends while trying very hard not to notice the hockey player who keeps looking at me like he has already decided something.
For the first time in a long time, my life feels like it belongs to me again.
Messy. Complicated. A little reckless, maybe. But mine.
Tess hooks her arm through mine again. Gwen laughs at something Zane whispers to her, and we both smile. Leo starts dramatically complaining that no one appreciates his dancing. It’s at this moment that I let myself smile.
Maybe coming here was a good idea after all.