34. Ellison
“Hey, I just need to stop over at my dad’s real fast and then we can head to dinner,” I say without looking up from the text I’m trying to send.
“Can we do it tomorrow?”
Stashing my phone in my purse, I put my hand on his forearm and try to infuse as much understanding into my voice as I can muster. “Look, he just has something for me to sign for the bank. He asked me to come over this week, but you know how crazy this first week of school has been.”
He nods and gives me a small smile as he weaves through Blackstone Falls toward my childhood home which my father has been living in after negotiating with the she-devil. I don’t know the terms and I don’t want to. I’ve let her calls go unanswered, choosing my happiness for once.
Because I’ve never been happier.
The first week of school has been a dream, the kids full of excited energy that has filled my heart with so much joy it nearly burst.
Cal and I have set up a standing lunch date three times a week when our schedules allow it, and I’ll most likely be hidden in my classroom on the other days.
“It looks like he has company,” Montana says as the house comes into view. “We can come back.”
“It’s probably a lawyer; I’ll be quick, I promise.” I kiss his cheek as soon as we’re stopped, unclipping my seatbelt and opening the door.
“Ellison, wait…” he says as he scrambles out of the truck after me. I’m already on the porch and about to tell him how ridiculous he’s being when the door swings open.
Montana curses under his breath as I stare open-mouthed at the woman before me. She’s my age with auburn waves and glasses that hide big brown eyes, the light making the gold flecks pop.
Eyes just like my father’s.
Just like mine.
“Ellison?” My father’s voice sounds like it’s coming through a tunnel, panic evident on his face as his gaze bounces between us.
“What in the actual fuck is going on?” I snap, my voice rising with each word.
“I’m just going to…” the woman says, but I shake my head and force her back inside the house, Montana hot on my heels as we pile into the entryway, the door closing behind us with an ominous click.
“Talk,” I snap at my father.
“We didn’t want you to find out like this,” he says, and the laugh that bursts from my chest is borderline hysterical.
“Tell me you’re dating her and I will?—”
“I’m your half sister,” she blurts out, surprising herself as much as me by the look on her face. “The results came back this week confirming it.”
The results came back this week confirming it.
The words run on a loop in my mind. How long has everyone known?
“Arden contacted me when I was still in Savannah. She’s the reporter I mentioned.”
My mouth opens and closes but no words come out.
Mentioned.
Yeah, he mentioned it all right—just left out a crucial piece of information, the bastard.
I have a sister.
And she’s obviously around my age.
What the fuck is going on?
“I’m so sorry you found out this way,” Arden says. “I’ve had longer to come to grips with it and?—”
“You’re sorry?” My voice is practically hysterical. “You didn’t do this to us,”—I motion toward my father—“he did. And what the hell, Dad? I have a sister and you never told me?”
“Ellison,” he starts but I shake my head.
“You just—believe me?” Arden asks, her lips parted, her eyes wide and glassy like this wasn’t something she’d really considered coming here.
“What? Of course I do; you look just like me.” And she does. Our resemblance is uncanny, but more than that, just seeing her has already started to heal so much of my heart that was broken from my childhood. There are so many things I want to say—to scream—so much time wasted when I could have been loving my sister and feeling not as alone in the world.
“It’s the eyes, right?” Montana says, and I turn to glare at him before facing my sister.
“Do you have your phone on you?” I ask hoarsely and she nods, opening it and handing over the device without hesitation. A strange sense of comradery hits me, like maybe she gets it too. She’s trusting me with a heart as fragile as my own, and I make a silent vow to protect it—to protect us.
With shaking fingers, I enter my name and number before sending myself a text and handing it back to her.
“I’m not mad at you, but I don’t want to start like this.” I swallow and she nods, relief on her pretty face even as her eyes fill with tears.
“We’ll be okay,” she says with a half smile and just enough hesitation that I can’t stop myself. Taking a step, I reach out and wrap Arden in a hug, her arms instantly returning my fierce embrace.
I don’t know how long we stand like that, but all too soon she’s pulling back, her smile wavering. I miss her already.
“I’ll call you,” I whisper, and she nods before squeezing my hand and letting herself out of the house.
Tension-laced silence fills the cavernous room. It feels suffocating, and there’s nothing I want more than to run screaming from here and never look back. To catch up with Arden and leave this mess with our father for another day.
But I can’t. I can’t spend my whole life running—hiding—not being myself.
“She contacted me in Savannah,” my father says, breaking the silence. “I told you I’d fallen for another woman—had plans to break things off with your mother for good. Monroe didn’t know she was pregnant when I told her things were over. Your mother and I were married not long after, and when Monroe came to tell me about the baby, she got your mother instead.”
And your mother is worse than we thought.
His words from his first night in town slam into me, and the thought of what my mother said to that poor woman makes me sick.
But still…
“Did you know?” I turn on Montana, the last twenty minutes coming back in a rush. “Did you know about this?”
It’s the eyes, right?
“I saw them at the coffee shop the day we went to the falls.”
“What?!”
Montana’s face is hard and unyielding and he looks at me and then my father. “I gave him a week to tell you, because this”—he waves his hand toward the door—“should come from him. Like the other thing.”
My father’s expression is murderous, his hands fisted at his sides.
“We’re not doing this now,” he murmurs, the warning clear in his tone.
“What other thing?” It’s a whisper, but I can tell by the way that both men flinch that they hear it, as if they’d forgotten I was even in the room.
“Don’t—”
My father’s objection is silenced when Montana says, “After you left for college, I went and asked your father’s permission to marry you.” He turns and looks at me, his expression still hard. “Told him I’d support you while you went to school. That I’d go there or wait for you to come home. That I wanted nothing more than to build a life with you.”
“You were too damn young to understand,” my father snaps.
“And I would have waited!” Montana roars. “I would have waited till she was ready, till she finished school. I would have followed her anywhere.”
“You were already married to the farm!”
“You had no right!” I yell, startling them both. “You stole the life we could have had—being with him is all I’ve ever wanted. But you moved to Georgia after me and forced me into a life you knew made me unhappy. And you,” I seethe, turning on Montana, the anger mixed with hurt. “You just gave up? Just like that? You let me push every damn boundary—said yes to me no matter how crazy the idea. You took the blame over and over but?—”
“He’s your father, Ellison. You can’t understand that level of rejection.”
“I can’t understand? I was devastated. You stopped talking to me, and I wondered for years what I had done wrong.” A sob punctuates the last word as Montana’s jaw tics, his hands clenching like he’s trying not to reach for me.
“It’s not like you chased me down either. I was fuckin’ heartbroken, El. I just wanted to be with you—be worthy of you—and you stayed away. You didn’t come for me either. What was I supposed to think? My whole life I was told I wasn’t good enough for you—and that just confirmed it.”
My father curses under his breath as he drags his hands down his face, but I ignore him.
“Then you didn’t know me at all! What about what I wanted? No one gave me a say in my own damn life!” Anger races through my bloodstream, tears rolling down my cheeks as I think of the way it had all played out. My parents had moved to Savannah, and Montana had stopped talking to me. I’d wanted to go home, and they’d put a stop to that too.
“Ellison,” my father tries, but I don’t want to hear it.
Montana hadn’t come for me and I hadn’t gone to him and we were just kids but now?
“Like they would have let me anywhere near you.” Montana points a finger at my father.
“But you didn’t even try and you carried on with your life?—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” he says, wiping a hand over his mouth. “You were with Blake for years, Ellison. Another man in your god damn bed?—”
“And what? The revolving fucking door in yours?” I’m not proud as the words leave my lips and Montana blanches.
So does my father.
I’m being unfair. We both are.
“What the hell was I supposed to do?” His voice is quieter now. “You came back to Nan’s funeral belonging to some other man, and I couldn’t fight, El. I just needed to be back in your world—to have whatever small piece of you I could as I buried my grandmother, took over the farm, and became the sole caretaker for my grandfather. It was all too much.”
“I told you about Blake,” I say, even as the guilt squeezes the air from my lungs.
“Listen, you should know…” my father starts again but I can’t hear anything over the blood pumping in my ears.
“I bided my time and I waited—did everything I could to help you find yourself again. But I won’t sit here and act like all of that didn’t fuck me up too. That I couldn’t god damn breathe without you here—that I took on every task, every responsibility till I lost myself to the land because it’s the only thing that’s never let me down.”
I gasp, his words slicing through me. “And I always let you down? I’ve never wanted to hurt you, but you kept my sister from me, and that day we…” My eyelids slam shut as the perfect day is tainted with secrets and revelations and deception, both innocent and not.
“He should have told you,” Montana whispers, his eyes full of unshed tears.
“We were waiting for the results and you had school…” my father tries but it’s futile.
“We both screwed up and now…we need a couple of days to cool off.”
“I don’t need a couple of days,” I challenge because the prospect of being without him—of losing him—makes me physically sick.
“I do.” His Adam’s apple bobs with the admission, and my hand flies to my mouth to suppress the sob that wants to escape. “I want to be ready and I want to do this right, and I want you to be with me because you’re in love with me and not because it’s comfortable. I would’ve married you at eighteen, Eddie, or when you graduated from college. I would have married you the second you stepped foot back in Blackstone Falls because you’ve always been it for me.” He takes a step forward and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear. “I would still marry you today, but I’d rather it be tomorrow when you know without a doubt that growin’ old is what you want with me.” Montana presses a lingering kiss against my forehead as I choke on a sob. “I’ll leave the keys in the truck so you can drive home, and I’ll get it later,” he says quietly as he takes a step back and then another. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be good enough for you—just make sure that I am.”
“Max,” I plead but it’s no use.
The snick of the door is worse than if he’d slammed it, my heart completely obliterated in my chest as I whirl toward the man who’s been quieter than not as my entire world has imploded.
“What the hell did you do?”