19
Courtland
"I don't expect to make any major changes operationally,"
I say to Lola and Manuel in what used to be Grandpa Arnie's office, and I guess is now mine.
"The only difference is that I'll be around, and I'd like to do something."
"Oh, that's wonderful news."
Lola claps her hands excitedly.
"I'm so happy to have you back!"
"Like what?"
Manuel asks, decidedly less excitedly.
I shrug.
"I'm not sure."
When I was a teenager, Grandpa Arnie used to put me and Buzz to work around the place, taking calls, greeting guests, pitching in with housekeeping whenever they were short-staffed.
"I know this place inside and out. I'm sure I can find some way of contributing."
"Room tree 'as a clogged toilet,"
Manuel offers.
"Oh, really? See, I was thinking the title co-executive manager has a nice ring to it."
He blanches.
"I’m sure we can find some tings for you to do."
"That's the spirit, Manuel. Are there any questions?"
They both shake their heads.
"If you'll excuse me,"
Manuel says, getting up.
"I need to go call ze plumber about ze blocked toilet."
"Have you tried using a plunger?"
I ask, winking at Lola.
"Excuse me?"
"I mean, there's no point in calling someone out if it's something we can fix ourselves, right? Just roll up the sleeves of that lovely expensive dress shirt and get in there. Some elbow grease might be all it needs."
Lola tries to hold in a giggle, but it slips out anyway. Manuel glares at her then directs his ire at me. I square my shoulders and flash a toothy smile.
"Fine,"
he huffs before stomping out of the room muttering just loud enough for me to catch what sounds like.
"It's going to be two against one for ze next six months."
Once he closes the door behind him, Lola looks at me and cackles.
"I say we give it ten minutes then barge in on him."
"Totally agree. We need photographic evidence."
"It'll be my new screensaver on my phone."
"Or we hang it up behind the front desk."
"Perfect!"
She bursts out laughing.
"Ohhh, it's so good to have you back, Court."
"It's good to be back."
"You really mean that?"
I take a sip of water.
"Yeah. I do."
It's been a week since Zane and I exchanged blows. I've stuck to the promise I made to Buzz and have been civil…by which I mean I've managed to avoid running into the guy, mainly by spending my days here at the inn and my nights with Buzz at his place.
"Have you seen your mother yet?"
"I called. She said she's in the final stages of her first draft."
"What does that mean?"
"That now is not a good time for visitors, apparently."
Neither is when she's editing or revising or releasing or about to go on a book tour. Makes me wonder whether being an author is either the hardest job in the world or she's simply using it as an excuse not to spend time with her only kid. Lola's expression falls, so I throw in.
"It's fine. Really. I'm here for a while. There's no rush. I'm sure we'll see each other soon."
I don't even know why I'm defending her. I guess a part of me wants to believe that maybe we can find a way to reconnect over the next six months, even if the initial signs don't look all that promising.
"And how are things going with Buzz?"
Lola asks, moving on.
"He works a ton, but when I do see him, it's great."
She gives me a knowing smile.
"You sticking to your promise and being nice to Zane?"
"Totally."
Her hazel eyes twinkle.
"You haven't seen him, have you?"
"Nope. Although I thought I did yesterday. On Main Street. But it turns out it was just Mr. Patterson’s horse flicking its tail."
"Courtland!"
Lola chastises, covering her laugh behind her hand.
"That's terrible."
"Then don't laugh. It only encourages me."
She pulls herself together.
"And have you told Buzz how you feel yet?"
In the absence of having a mother who actually cares, Lola has always taken on that role. She doesn't have any kids of her own and has never been married, so I'm the closest thing she has to a son.
I confided in her a few days ago about my feelings for Buzz. She didn't look one bit surprised, only saying.
"Well, it's about damn time,"
and asking me to pass her the herb tray.
"Not yet," I answer.
"Is there a reason for the delay?"
I nod.
"I've been doing some thinking, and…what if he and Zane belong together?"
She scrunches her nose.
"You don't honestly believe that, do you?"
I take another sip of water, my throat dry. "No."
"Then what is it, sweetie? What's holding you back?"
I push away from the desk and stare out the window, taking in the pewter-gray sky, the snow-dusted ground, and the stark silhouette of leafless, black-limbed trees. Even though I don't believe for a second Zane and Buzz are meant to be together, it's brought into focus something else—are Buzz and I?
With a resigned breath, I voice the question that's been gnawing at me since my confrontation with Zane.
"What will telling Buzz actually achieve? It won't change anything. In a way, it's kind of selfish for me to dump it on him."
"Being honest about how you feel is never selfish,"
Lola says, her voice soft.
"It's important in any relationship to be able to say how you feel. Even if it doesn't change anything."
"I'm not so sure anymore. I don't want to dump this on Buzz and have it affect the time we have together. I just want to enjoy it. He's been through it with Cameron breaking up with him, then Howie moving in, and now I come along and dump a lifelong crush on him? That's not fair."
"But if it's how you feel."
"I'm confused about how I feel. I have this fantasy in my head of opening up to Buzz and him telling me he feels the same way, and then we ride off into the sunset together. Then I crash back down to earth with the realization that we lead two very different lives in different cities. Then I think about him going to a chocolate-making class with Zane tonight, and I get the sudden urge to strangle a pillow."
I let out a heavy sigh.
"This is why I don't do feelings."
"You'll figure it out,"
Lola consoles, aiming a friendly smile my way.
"Take the pressure off, stop overthinking like I know you're prone to do, and as you said, allow yourself to enjoy the next half a year. A lot can happen in that time."
"I think that's what I'll do."
"Good."
She claps her hands together.
"Now that's sorted, you can help me with lunch."