Chapter 35
Ihad a great time tonight.
I don’t know what I was expecting when Declan and Tanner invited me out, but it certainly wasn’t to have as much fun as I did. Hanging out with everybody felt easy—like I’d known them my entire life. There was a certain level of immediate comfort being around people of color like myself, but I wasn’t anticipating wanting to hang out with them again. I could easily see his friends meshing well with Gia and Sam, and the thought of having his friends mesh with mine someday warms me from the inside out.
“So, that was fun,” Tanner says as he plops down on my couch, a grunt escaping his lips as he stretches out his legs. My gaze flicks to the expanse of muscular thighs, a frown tugging on my lips when he leans forward and begins massaging his knee, grimacing.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, nodding towards his knee when he looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. He shakes his head subtly, flexing the leg before leaning back on the couch and outstretching his arm in gesture for me to join him on the couch. I walk over to him.
“Oh, nothing,” he says. “I fucked it up a few times during college and never got it checked out further than the routine exams, so it aches sometimes. Mainly when the weather changes or if I’m sitting for too long without extending my leg.”
I raise my brows and sit on the edge of the couch, gaze fixated on his knee like his X-rays will suddenly show up so I can see the damage. “What did you do to injure it?”
“Football,” he replies, wrapping his hand around my arm and gently tugging me into his side. “Played all four years during college. You’d think I would be smart enough to take the injury seriously, but nah,” he shakes his head, something like pain flickering across his face. “I just wanted to play the game.”
I raise my eyebrows, glancing up at him in surprise. “I didn’t know you played football. What position?”
He shrugs. “Wide receiver.”
Based on the short answers, I can tell it’s a sore subject for him, but I can’t help wanting to pry. I wouldn’t have imagined Tanner being an athlete, but at the same time, it doesn’t surprise me. He’s lean, tall, and muscular. Based on my knowledge of the game, Tanner must have great body control and agility, which makes me wonder if he takes those same skills and applies them in the bedroom. My legs clench together to ease the sudden ache, and if he notices the shift in my position, he doesn’t say anything.
“Did you want to go pro?”
A small frown tugs on his lips as he starts rubbing my waist. “Surprisingly, yeah. Scouts were constantly watching me, but I had too many knee injuries at that point to consider it. I was supposed to have major surgery, which would’ve pulled me for the entirety of my junior year, but I put it off.” He chuckles dryly. “I still haven’t had it.”
My eyebrows raise. “Don’t you think you should?”
“Nah,” he says. “It’d be a waste of time at this point, and it doesn’t hurt that much anyway. I’ll just grow old with a bad knee and will get it replaced at some point,” he jokes. I frown, looking back at his knee. A weird feeling washes over me, and I’m not entirely sure what it is. I don’t like knowing that he’s in some sort of lingering pain, regardless of the frequency. Knee injuries, or any ball-and-socket joints, are ones to be taken seriously. I wish he didn’t have to be in pain at all, and even more than that, I wish there was something I could do to make him not experience it. I’m a helper at heart, and I don’t like watching the people I care about go through pain.
“Hey,” he says softly, pulling my attention back to him as he removes the hand from my waist to grasp my chin, turning my face so I can look at his. Emotions swirl throughout, and although I can’t fully decipher what he’s conveying, his eyes are bright. “I’m okay, Daise. It’s just the temperature drop.”
“I know you are,” I say carefully, my hand twitching to reach for the one causally laid on his thigh. “But that doesn’t mean I enjoy seeing you in pain.”
His face softens, gaze darting to my lips before finding my eyes again again. He’s quiet for a moment, contemplative even before he talks again. “Come here, sweetheart.”
We’re already as close as we can be without me literally being on top of him, so I lean forward and press my lips against his. I don’t think that’s what he was asking, but it’s what I want. A rarity even for me, but I want to be closer to him.
He sighs at the same time I do, his mouth parting when my tongue flicks over his bottom lip before fully opening to grant me access. The hand on my waist squeezes once before tapping twice on my hips, causing me to promptly pull away.
He brings his mouth back to mine as he breathes, “Get on top of me, baby,” before our lips fuse together again, a groan rumbling from the base of his throat. I oblige, adjusting to straddle his hips as his hands find their place on either side, gripping and squeezing as our tongues work together in unison. Our hands roam everywhere all at once—his up the curve of my spine, mine running along his chest, shoulders, and everywhere they possibly can go.
“Baby,” he groans against my mouth, pulling away to press his lips against my jaw, slowly working his way down my neck. He presses a kiss against my bare collarbone, gently sucking as the hand on my back gently presses me closer to him so our chests are flushed. His hardened length presses against my core, wetness already soaking through my thong as I jerk my hips forward. I groan in both pleasure and frustration; pleasure because he’s kissing my chest, both nibbling and sucking as he works his way up the column of my throat and frustration because I want—need to feel him—
“If you don’t stop…” he pants, trailing off to kiss my lips again. “I’m not going to be able to.”
“I don’t want you to stop,” I reply, breathless. “Need to feel you, Tan.”
“Fuck,” he nearly whispers, dropping his head against my chest. His hands move from my back to my hips again, squeezing as he jerks my hips forward to grind on him. The cotton material of my thong rubs against my clit, the sensation overwhelming in the best way as my eyes flutter closed, wanting to chase the inevitable high that comes with fooling around. It’s been so long since I’ve last been with somebody, and right now, all that filters through my head is Tanner. His glazed-over eyes, the clench of his jaw as he lifts his head to watch his pleasure on my face, the grip of his hands searing themselves into my body—everything. It’s only him, and I’m wondering if it was always meant to be like this. Him and I together without a care about anything else around us.
“I want to feel you, Tanner,” I whine, a frustrated sigh falling from my lips. “I don’t care why or how, but I need you.”
The words sober him entirely because the glazed look vanishes as his eyes volley between mine like he’s processing whether he’s heard me right. He did, and his silence is driving me just as crazy. I’m never this bold, but right now, all inhibitions are out the window because, for once, I want to be selfish. I want to drop my walls and let somebody in because I deserve to feel wanted.
“You sure, baby?” His eyebrows are raised high, so much so that a wave of resistance threatens to put those walls back up. I shove it down and stare into his eyes, the ones I’m slowly committing to memory, and nod. He watches my face for a moment, and I refuse to break from his gaze, although the vulnerability is easily the most uncomfortable feeling I’ve ever experienced. “Then let me help you,” he says hoarsely. Butterflies swarm through my stomach as a soft “okay” is spoken into the space between us. Emerald eyes darken as he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, gaze flickering from my face all the way down my body.
“Unbutton your pants,” he commands softly, but the words come out firm. With a slight tremble, I reach for my jeans but his hand comes up to cover my wrist, dipping his gaze to fully meet my stare.
“At any point, if you don’t want to do this, we stop.”
“I know.”
“I mean it, Daisy. I need you to understand that this—“ he gestures between us. “Is not important to me. You are.”
My face softens as I reach for the side of his face, my hand cupping his cheek and taking him all in up close. The slight ridge on his nose, his bright eyes fixated on mine, the natural pout of his lips. Tanner is a beautiful man, truly. So much so that he fills my lungs with oxygen and takes my breath away at the same time.
“I know, Tan,” I say softly, not breaking my gaze from his. “You’re important to me, too.”
That seems to solidify this decision because one minute, he’s staring at me like he’s ready to devour me, and the next, his lips are on mine again. One hand grips my waist while the other snakes into my hair, pulling me closer to him. My fingers run through his hair and tug, swallowing his groan as our tongues mesh and teeth clash. Our kiss isn’t sweet. It’s messy and intoxicating. I’m drowning in the taste of him, the feel of him, in everything that Tanner is.
He breaks our kiss, chest rising and falling as his eyes half-mast, assessing me once again. A subtle nod towards my pants as he says, “Take ’em off, baby.”
Once I’ve successfully done what he’s asked, he leans forward, a hand on my lower back as our mouths meet again, a gentle tug on my lower lip with his teeth as his other hand rubs over my side and down to the now accessible part of me. My thighs clench in anticipation, heart thudding in my pulse as he slides his hand lower and lower until he’s cupping my core. We groan in unison, and my hips jerk forward involuntarily.
“Already so wet for me, and I’m not even inside you yet,” he sighs as his fingers slowly work against the cotton. A whimper falls from my lips as I grind on the hand now in my pants, not caring in the slightest how I look.
“So needy,” he murmurs, his lips attacking my neck again. Fingernails dig into his shoulders and I bite my lower lip, the sensation from his hand alone causing sparks to slowly spread through my body.
“Tanner,” I whine again, tilting my head so he has better access. His mouth works up the base of my throat until he’s nibbling on my earlobe, and a shudder ripples through me. He grins, a soft chuckle coming from him as he rubs me through my underwear, taunting and teasing as he presses on my clit.
“You’re so pretty like this, baby,” he says in my ear, the deep, breathless words causing another shudder to ripple through me. “Should we see how wet you are for me? ‘Cause I have a feeling,” he says, kissing the shell of my ear as his lips hover there. “You’re gonna be soaked.”
I whimper, rocking my hips forward as he pushes the fabric aside and runs a finger through my slit.
“Fuck, baby,” he groans, continuing to feel the wetness pooling on his fingers. “You are soaked for me.”
I nod because it’s all I can do, all I can think about as he infiltrates every ounce of my being. His finger dips into my core unexpectedly, and my thighs instantly clench in pleasure, my moan louder as he pushes himself in until his knuckle hits the entrance. My hips rock on their own accord, every ripple and spark working through me as I grip him.
“My good girl,” he rasps, and the headiness of it flickers through me as I continue riding his finger. The sensation alone is out of this world. Feels so good I’m struggling to breathe, but he retracts entirely before I get the chance to experience it fully. His mouth is back on my ear, breath hot and fanning across it as goosebumps litter every inch of skin.
“Now ride my hand.”
Too lust-driven to focus on anything else but his words, I do, and he’s there with me the entire time, praising me, kissing random spots on my neck and face. One hand stays on my hip while his palm is flat against my center, the friction from faded calluses causing ripples of pleasure to burst through me. I’m not going to last long, considering I can’t remember the last time I even had sex with somebody—although this is entirely different. Even though we haven’t talked about it, I know he’s doing this for me because that’s just who he is. He’d put my needs above his and be happy to do so.
“Doing so well,” he murmurs, his own breathing frantic as he leans back, watching me with a heated stare. “Want you to come all over my hand, Daisy girl. Think you can do that?”
I nod, using more force with my hips as his hand presses harder into me. The coil slowly tightens, black dots forming in my vision. My legs begin trembling, and so does the grip I have on his shoulders. He shifts the hand in my pants back so my center is on the tips of his fingers, and when he pinches my clit I let go, crying out his name as he works me through my release. My body writhes as I begin falling forward into his chest, his hand still in my pants as the other wraps around my middle back, catching me. ‘Did so good for me, darling,’ murmured in my ear as he kisses there, my jaw, and tucks my head into his shoulder. My breathing is still rapid, trying to calm the erratic pace of my heart as he pulls his hand from my pants to wrap around my back in a hug.
Already spent, I sink further into him, nuzzling into the crook of his neck as he gently rocks back and forth. The silence between us is thick with tension, the scent of my arousal, and comfort. I should shy away, thank him for making me come, and shove him out the door like I’d do any other person, but I don’t. Instead, I turn my head to place a kiss on his neck before pulling away, a dazed smile on his face like it was him that just orgasmed.
“So,” he grins. “That was fun.”
I snicker and drop my head back onto his shoulder. “It was.”
He hums, leaning his cheek on the top of my head, adjusting his arms tighter around me. “I vote for doing that more often.”
“I don’t disagree with that,” I say, chuckling. “Maybe with other parts instead?”
He angles his head down, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”
I shrug, although the proposition makes me slightly uncomfortable. Not because it’s him but because I’m offering the idea up when it’s something I’d never do. “Maybe,” I say. “We’re still taking things slow, right?”
“Absolutely,” he doesn’t miss a beat. “Although, not entirely sure this is considered slow by any means.”
“I can make exceptions if you can.”
His lips curl up, the dimple in his cheek popping. “Always.”
I lift my head, eyebrows furrowed as I look down at his still-hardened dick against his pants. I was too focused—too lost—on chasing my own pleasure that I hadn’t considered taking care of him, too. My hand reaches for him, but he shakes his head.
“Not tonight, baby. It’s about you tonight.”
I frown. “But what about you?”
He shrugs like it’s not a big deal.
“Yeah, but—“
“But nothing,” he interjects softly, leaning forward to quickly kiss my lips. “If anything, I should apologize to you.”
My brows furrow deeper, the nerves replacing the sated feeling in my stomach. “Why?”
“Because I told you I wouldn’t do anything with you tonight, and yet I did.” He frowns. “I don’t want you to have the impression that I’m not a man of my word or that I’d ever take advantage of you when I wouldn’t ever dream of doing that.”
“I don’t think that,” I say with equal softness. “I don’t think any of that at all. I’m not some fragile girl who can’t say no. I wanted this as much as you did.”
“I know,” he says warily, clouds forming in his eyes. “But I’m afraid you’ll push me away if we do things too fast,” he admits.
I blink, surprised by the admission but not upset about it. I’m glad he’s being upfront, and can’t say I necessarily blame him for being so concerned. I am a bit cagey with relationships and anything involving intimacy, but I knew what I wanted from the moment we came home from the bar tonight. I knew while we were there that I wouldn’t be upset if something like this had happened, and I don’t think it had anything to do with the amount of drinks I had, even if it wasn’t many at all. I wanted this because I want Tanner.
“I agreed to try,” I say with the same gentleness, grabbing the hand splayed on his thigh and interlacing his fingers with mine. “And when I say I’m going to do something, I will. There is a fifty-fifty chance I might freak out about it initially, but I don’t go back on my word.”
“Neither do I,” he says darkly, and I squeeze our joined hands.
“We’re okay,” I reassure. “I’m okay. That was probably the best orgasm I think I’ve ever had,“ I admit. His eyebrows again shoot to his hairline.
“What?”
I shrug, running the fingers from my free hand over his chest. “It’s true,” I hum. “I haven’t messed around with too many people, but I usually fake it or don’t get to finish.”
He makes a face and shakes his head. “I’ve heard that happening to too many women.”
I arch a brow, waiting for an elaboration, actively choosing to ignore the pang of unwarranted jealousy. He only shrugs.
“When you have a younger sister and a best friend who is a girl, you hear things you could’ve lived your entire life knowing.”
I nod, already hating the insecurity weaseling its way through me at the mention of his best friend. Naomi was—is great, but I’ve always been a tiny bit curious about their friendship. She’s a beautiful girl, seemingly warm and inviting.
“I hate that I’m asking this,” I tread carefully, and the way he’s looking at me tells me he’s already prepared for this conversation. “But have you and Naomi ever…”
“No,” he says with pure certainty, not breaking his gaze from mine. “Never. I wouldn’t—“ he makes a face and shakes his head, trying to formulate the words in his head. “Nay is like a sister to me, always has been, and I’ve never looked at her in that way. I mean, don’t get me wrong,” he says. “She’s a beautiful girl and one of the greatest people in my life, but there’s never been anything there. Even if there had been,” he contemplates, “she’s a bit… wishy-washy in her relationships.”
For some reason, that relaxes me, and yet I can’t help but linger on part of her being flakey in relationship. I absentmindedly trace my fingers along his chest as I say, “what do you mean?”
“She can’t commit to people for too long without freaking out,” he says, gaze on my face while mine are focused on my hand on his chest. “Her and Jase have been together for years now, and honestly, I think he’s great for her—probably the first guy I’ve ever seen her be serious with, but she’s still Naomi. Dec and I are convinced they’ll get married, but I also know my best friend and full-time commitment scares her.”
I frown and look at Tanner through my lashes, suddenly worried for the new friend of mine I’ve created tonight. “Do you think she’d flake out on Jase?”
A look spreads through Tanner’s eyes, one that shows both concern and uncertainty. “I would hope not, but again, it’s Naomi.”
I’ll have to formulate my own opinions when she and I hang out, which I’m looking forward to. Gia and Sam will have a hay day when I tell her I’m going out to be social with a stranger I barely know. I make a mental note to text the group chat about everything ranging from a new friend to how tonight went, later.
I hum.“Time will tell,”
“Yeah,” he nods, lifting my hand from his chest to press his mouth against my fingers again. The gestures causes my stomach to flip in the best way. “But to make it clear,” he continues. “The only person I have feelings for is you, Daisy Girl. I don’t want you to feel insecure or be worried about my relationship with her.”
I shake my head, choosing to ignore the swarm butterflies now in my stomach over his admission. “I’m not. I was just curious.”
He nods, changing the topic, which I’m not unhappy about. “I suppose I should head out, huh.”
I shrug. “You could always spend the night.”
He groans and drops his head back. “Can’t tell me stuff like that, otherwise I just might do it.”
“So why don’t you?” I challenge, and he lifts his head to find my gaze again.
“Because I will not be able to lay next to you in bed and behave myself.”
I grin. “What if I don’t want you to?”
His dick jumps to life under me, and I laugh at the deadpan, ‘this is why’ look on his face.
“Fine,” I playfully resign, sliding off him and buttoning my pants back up before rising from the couch. “Maybe sometime?”
He follows, kicking out the leg with his bad knee loosely before nodding. “Yeah, most definitely.”
We walk over to the door, and he slides his boots back on. I lean against the wall, watching him bend over to tie his laces. “I do feel bad you won’t let me help your problem,” I nod to his pants, and he waves it away.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. We’ll have plenty of other times, and this was about you,” he switches feet. “I’m happy I could make you scream my name like that, honestly.”
Blush hits my face, and my mouth gapes. He peers up at me through his lashes before standing, a chuckle rolling from him as he pulls me into him. He lifts my chin with his index finger before brushing his lips against mine.
“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” he asks in a husky tone.
“Yeah,” I say. “Monday at work.”
“Feels like we barely see each other when we’re there, but I’ll make time to stop by.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
He fuses our mouths together again, harder and deeper, as if he’s preparing to not see me for a century, although it’ll only be a day. Either way, I’m more than happy to oblige. We break away too soon for my liking, but he presses a kiss against my forehead.
“Sweet dreams, Daisy baby,” he says, stepping away from me. I rest against the wall again, the smile gracing my face easily.
“Night, Tanner.”
He pulls open the door, flashing a smile over his shoulder as he steps out into the hallway, closing it behind him with a final, ‘goodnight.’ Giddiness ripples through me, causing my body to feel light, happy.
And then it hits me. I feel happy.
I allow myself to sit in these newfound feelings and wait a few moments before locking the door. I can’t recall the last time I felt so much happiness being around somebody who fits so well into my life. There’s still so much stuff Tanner and I have to figure out together, but doing this with him, despite the length of time I’ve known him and the speed of our relationship, this feels good. Right. And I want to keep exploring that.
Pulling my phone from my back pocket as I step away from the door, I pull up the call log and hit Gia’s name. It takes not even three seconds before my best friend answers, her face near the screen with the widest smile.
“Bitch!” I exclaim, nearly running through my living room.
“Tell me everything!” she squeals without knowing what the random call is abo, shaking her phone around.
“We gotta call Sam, too!”
So we do, and when he answers, I tell them about the boy with the green eyes who stuck his hands in my pants. Maybe not the best way to start that conversation, but I’m too excited over the happiness coursing through me that I don’t care. For the first time in my life, somebody besides my friends makes me look forward to what’s to come. The one who is slowly working his way into the part of myself I lock away from everybody.
My heart.