Chapter 6
The holidays had been miserable for Isabelle, staying at her in-laws’, who had never thought she was good enough for Ian.
They had wanted him to marry a rich girl, and she wasn’t.
It had been painful staying with them at their winter home in Vermont, and Ian had been distant and distracted, and spent most of his time making calls, supposedly to his office, but she could guess who they were to.
Tyler, who was nine, developed an earache.
Six-year-old Charlie had a stomachache, and Penny, their five-year-old, wouldn’t go to ski school, so Isabelle never got to ski.
She had raced in the ski club at Boston University, won most of her races, and loved skiing with Ian, but he never skied with her once all week.
She spent New Year’s Eve with Charlie throwing up, while Ian went out with friends.
She wound up crying in their room after the children fell asleep, babysitting instead of out celebrating with her husband.
He came home drunk at two a.m., mumbled “Happy New Year,” fell into bed, and passed out.
She called Veronica the next day. All Isabelle wanted to do was go home and confront him about the affair.
It had weighed on her all week. It was obvious even to her that the rumor was true and he was involved with another woman.
He treated her like a stranger now, and he was constantly texting.
She couldn’t confront him while they were staying with his parents, with all three of their kids sleeping in the next room.
She and Ian had been so happy, and she’d thought they had a solid marriage, and now the roof was caving in.
“You’ve got to talk to him,” Veronica said, as Isabelle cried, after Ian had gone skiing with friends on New Year’s Day.
Charlie was still throwing up so she stayed home with him again.
Her mother-in-law had asked if they got proper meals at home.
She couldn’t understand why Charlie was throwing up, and she thought the children were all too thin.
Isabelle had assured her that they had regular checkups, were healthy, and ate well.
It was obvious that Ian’s mother didn’t believe her.
They were going home the next day and Isabelle couldn’t wait to leave. “How was your New Year’s Eve?” she asked Veronica.
“Really nice. I wish you’d been here. The house is so cozy and there’s plenty of room for all of us.
The star of the evening was Andy York, Spencer York’s son.
Olivia and I met him out walking and invited him to dinner on Christmas Eve, and last night.
He and Charlotte seemed to hit it off. And Coop loved him.
He’s a nice man, and a writer like his father. ”
“What did Charlotte think of him? Did she scare him to death with her usual man-hating routine?” Isabelle asked, laughing.
“He didn’t look scared. She was actually nice to him. It’s hard not to be. He’s a kind person, and she and the kids had a great time in Paris so she was in a good mood. When are you going to talk to Ian?” Veronica was seriously worried about her. Isabelle sounded terrible.
“We’re going home tomorrow, so probably tomorrow night. I have to say something. I can’t play the game anymore, of pretending I don’t know. I want to know the truth, if he loves her and is leaving me.”
“He’d be a fool if he did,” Veronica said.
“Let’s have lunch this week,” Veronica suggested.
She was worried about Anson too. He had been furious the night before that she wasn’t in the city, waiting for him, even though he had no intention of seeing her.
He wanted an explanation about the farm she and her sisters had inherited, and why she hadn’t told him.
She had a lot of explaining to do. She had made a decision over the holidays that he wasn’t going to like either.
She wanted to take some refresher classes to brush up on her legal skills, now that she and her sisters were responsible for her mother’s books.
It was an awesome responsibility and she didn’t want to make any mistakes.
She had been reading the books Scott had given her at night.
—
Isabelle was quiet on the drive back to New York the next day.
The antibiotics had cured Tyler’s earache, and Charlie had stopped throwing up from whatever bug he had.
Penny slept most of the way home, and neither Isabelle nor Ian said a word.
She couldn’t wait to get back to their apartment so she could breathe again in her own home, where no one disapproved of her.
Ian went out for an hour while she was feeding the kids, and he looked happy when he got back.
She had just put the children to bed, and she could guess where he’d been, to see the girl that he’d been texting all week. He couldn’t stop smiling.
Ian saw her in the kitchen after she put Penny to bed.
She was sitting lost in thought, with her head in her hands, when she heard him come in.
They were finally alone, and the kids were asleep.
She looked at him with despair in her eyes.
She felt as though she had already lost the war before she began.
“We need to talk,” she said sadly.
“I know.” He had been avoiding her for weeks. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Me neither. Who is she? Are you in love with her? Is our marriage over?” she asked him for openers.
“I don’t know.” He didn’t deny that there was someone else.
She knew him too well, and he couldn’t lie to her anymore.
“It was a stupid thing to do. It was just a mistake at first. Maybe I was bored or I was looking for excitement. She’s young, but we get along and she’s interesting, and a good person.
She’s in love with me. It’s flattering.” He was trying to be honest with her, but it didn’t help.
Isabelle felt like she had a knife in her chest and a broken heart.
“Are you in love with her?” she asked in a choked voice.
“I’m not sure. Sometimes I think so, and then I realize that she’s just a kid.
And what you and I have is solid, and I don’t want to lose you.
We have children, a life, responsibilities.
I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to leave you,” he said softly.
“But I can’t seem to leave her either. Every time I try, I go back to her.
She’s like a drug I’m addicted to. I don’t know how this happened.
” He sounded lost and looked confused. “Maybe you and I should take a break.”
“Or maybe we should stick with it and try to work this out. But you can’t have both of us,” Isabelle said, and was surprised at her own words. “You have to stop seeing her, if you want our marriage.”
“I can’t,” Ian said, feeling desperate. This was exactly what he hadn’t wanted, to talk to her about it.
If he had to choose, he knew he would pick Leila at the moment, but not forever.
Isabelle was the kind of woman you married, had children with, and stayed with for a lifetime.
Leila was everything he didn’t have with Isabelle and wanted desperately, she was a flash of lightning in the sky, but he didn’t want to risk everything for her, or lose his family.
Isabelle stood up and looked down at him.
“You have to figure it out. Soon. You need to decide who you love and who you want to be with. It boils down to that.”
“I love both of you,” he said in a raw voice. “How did you find out?” He wasn’t surprised, and knew he hadn’t hid it well.
“Someone I know heard it from someone in your office.” It was bound to happen. “I don’t want to live like this. We have a great life, or we did. I don’t want to watch it crumbling day by day, until we have nothing left.” They were getting there fast.
“Give me a few weeks,” Ian said unhappily.
“I’ve already known about it for a few weeks. I didn’t want to ruin Christmas for the kids. You were on the phone to her the whole time we were at your parents’. Do they know?”
“I think they suspect we’re having problems. My mother asked me about it, and I said we were working it out.”
“They’ve never liked me. They’d be thrilled if we got divorced,” she said sadly.
“No, they wouldn’t. They worry about the children.”
“So do I,” Isabelle said seriously. She had known about it for so long that she was starting to feel numb.
She wasn’t angry at him, she was sad, although sometimes she was furious, and then she went back to being numb again.
She felt totally unbalanced, disoriented, confused, and shocked.
It made no sense when her mother was shot and killed.
And now Ian was having an affair, which made no sense either.
Isabelle had never suspected that either of those things could happen to her.
“Maybe I should move out,” he suggested. “It’s better for you and the kids.”
“What’s better for us? Maybe it doesn’t even matter what’s better. It’s about what you want. Her or me? You get to pick.” For now, and if he didn’t pick one of them, she would leave him. She loved him, but she didn’t want to be a fool.
“Right now, I want to be with her, and in the long run, I want to be with you,” he said, and she shook her head.
“That’s not an option. What does she want? To marry you?”
“She wants the whole deal. Marriage, babies, me.” Everything he and Isabelle had and she was losing now.
She couldn’t see Ian giving the girl up.
He had said he couldn’t. So what did that leave her?
A divorce at thirty-four? Twelve years down the tubes, and a broken home for their kids?
She didn’t have a lot of options. And it wasn’t in her hands.
It was in his. And Leila’s. She knew her name now.
She wondered what she looked like, and if she was beautiful. Isabelle was sure she was.