Chapter Twenty
The second I leave the tavern, I feel like I can breathe again.
To confirm my suspicions, I inhale a big belly breath of polluted New York air and exhale slowly.
And you know what?
I have no idea what the fuck to do right now.
Me, Joonie, lover of plans. Flying by the seat of my perfectly tailored pants.
Do I message the Salty Girls? Give them the lowdown?
The idea of explaining to them that I went on this entire convoluted, semi-stalkerish (though admittedly epic) quest only to experience such an anticlimactic, lackluster finale is…
unappealing at best. But now that I know them, I bet they’ll just laugh it off and tease me.
Demand details and the next chapter of the fic I haven’t updated since Miranda Sings made that terrible apology song video.
And I have to get to Nico. To talk to him.
Maybe even tell him how I feel.
Admitting that I’ve been wrong is possibly my least favorite thing on the planet (after the cheating trope), but if I can get him to hear me out, I’ll do it. I’ll tell him that I shouldn’t have been so laser-focused on my checklist that I grew blind to what was unfolding in front of me.
Any good writer knows that even plotters get pantsed by their own characters sometimes.
Nico left in such a hurry this morning that we didn’t even discuss how to get in touch again.
I have no idea if he’s obtained a burner phone or when he’s planning on taking a train back home or if he’s renting a car or a horse or a unicycle or what.
The next time I see him could be at Sunday dinner.
In fifty years.
But he’s probably with her. The girl who wasn’t too stupid to dismiss Nico as a love interest. I don’t even know her last name. It feels so beneath me to be this jealous of a stranger, and yet…
There’s only one person I can call for help.
But I have a lot of explaining to do. And zero clue where to start.
I exhale, take out my dying burner phone, and do a bit of Googling. A number pops up, and before I can talk myself out of it, I dial.
The phone rings twice before somebody answers.
“Kabobs ’n’ Bits, Mystic’s number-one hub for Middle Eastern cuisine—this shish is bananas.”
Something in my chest cracks open in relief. “Tey?”
“Joonie?!”
My brother doesn’t sound as happy to hear my voice as I am to hear his. He sounds, like, mega-pissed.
“Where the hell have you been? Did you turn off your location? I don’t recognize this number. Whose phone are you using? Why are you calling me at the shop?”
“Well…”
“I thought you were dead. Are you dead?” I can practically feel the spit flying from his mouth on the other end of the line. “You better be dead, because if you’re not, I’m going to murder you.”
I pause for a second.
Remember what he said last week, a lifetime ago.
You could be kidnapped by an ax murderer.
He has no idea.
Then I can’t help it.
A giggle escapes.
Then a larger sound. A snicker.
“Are you actually laughing right now?” he asks in disbelief.
“Joon. My calls have been going straight to voicemail for days. I haven’t been able to reach Nico, either.
I didn’t know if you’d even gotten to New York.
Ollie had to talk me down from contacting the National Guard.
Seriously, I was seconds away from heading to the city myself and checking all the major hospitals—”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I picture the way he’s probably cocking his head before I hear his confusion.
“Thank you? I chew you out for going AWOL and you thank me? Did you hit your head or something?”
“Thank you for caring,” I clarify. “You always look out for me, Tey. I know I give you a hard time about it, but I just want you to know I’m grateful. And that it doesn’t go unnoticed. In case, you know…I don’t say it enough.”
For someone who is a true romantic, I don’t do the whole earnest thing with my brother very often. He must notice, because when he asks his next question, his voice comes out kind of shaky and unsettled.
“Joonie, what’s wrong?”
“Well, let’s see…”
My phone dings, notifying me that my battery just hit 10 percent. I groan.
“Sorry, my phone’s dying. Well, not my phone.
My friend Roy’s phone. He’s one of my fanfic friends.
I met them all in person for the first time.
Here in New York. It was crazy. Nico and I had to crash with one of them—their name’s Angel—because we didn’t have any money, because a psychic stole our wallets after giving me this insane prophecy on the train.
We had to take the train because the truck was totaled.
Your truck. I’m so sorry about that. I’ll figure out a way to pay for the repairs, I swear.
I’m not sure where it is right now because we abandoned it in order to hitchhike with these two freaks—like, literal con artists—who ended up being bounty hunters for the Mob.
They tried to kidnap us because Nico made some bad bets in an attempt to save the restaurant, which I know is in trouble.
But I ended up getting us out of it. They took our phones, which is why you haven’t been able to reach us.
Nico wanted to turn around and go home, but I refused.
I had to get to the city and find Ryan Mare.
He’s the real-life Ryke, from my books—like, the man the character was based on.
There was never any writing workshop, by the way.
I was always going to the city because I thought maybe Ryan was my soul mate, but then I met him, and even though he was exactly like I imagined, he just didn’t make me feel…
anything. There was no spark. Not like the one I feel with Nico.
Oh yeah, that reminds me—I totally banged your best friend. Just, you know, FYI.”
There’s silence on the other end of the line for a whole minute.
“Tey? Did we get disconnected or—”
“What the actual fuck.”
I gulp. “Which part?”
“Um, all of it? Are you okay, Joon? Are you safe?”
“Yeah, I’m safe.”
“You don’t have PTSD or anything?”
“The motel we slept in was a hellscape, but no.”
“God forbid they don’t have turndown service.”
“Right?! Or chocolates on the pillows.”
I hear a long exhale, followed by a groan. “I have no idea where to start,” he says. “You got kidnapped? And mugged?”
“Yeah.” I blow out a sharp breath. “But I know how to escape from restraints, plus a little hand-to-hand combat. Actually, I have my black belt. Also, I speak, like, five languages. Including Mandarin. And my Salty Girls have my back. So, yeah. I figured it out.”
He whistles. “Even though that is thoroughly terrifying—and make no mistake, we will be filing a police report when you’re back—I can’t say I’m not impressed. How the hell did you become so resourceful?”
“Easy.” I shrug. “By reading romance.”
Tey lets out a laugh of disbelief. “Do I need to lecture you about the stalking?”
“No, not really?”
“So…your dream guy didn’t meet your golden standards, huh?”
“Not exactly.” I swallow. “He was a dream. I just woke up is all.”
Tey clicks his tongue in thought. “Why’d you lie to me?”
I take a deep breath. “You already think I’m silly for holding everyone I date to standards set by a fictional character.
Why would I confide in you about chasing down the man that fictional character is based on?
You, Maman, Baba, Nico…after everything that happened in school, and then again with Kyle, you all think I’m just some stupid kid with her head in the clouds.
Na?ve. I didn’t want you to think I was living in another fantasy world.
Maybe if Ryan Mare had been The One, if we had shared something real, everyone finally would’ve taken me seriously. ”
The line is silent for a moment. Then Tey clears his throat.
“Is that what you think, Joonie? I remember what it was like for you when you were a kid. You were this ray of sunshine until those racist bullies dimmed your light. That Sam kid broke your spirit. And even though you never told me what went down between you and Nico after he stood you up for that dance, it was obvious that shit broke your heart, too. The darkness began to linger. I know you wanted to change in college to make everything easier on yourself, but that never sat right with me. And then when you started dating that asshole, Cole—”
“Kyle.”
“Whatever. It was like he took the very last of your shine and stamped it out like a cigarette. You were a shell of yourself, and even though you never said anything to Maman and Baba, we could see it.”
My eyes well up without my consent. “But I thought you liked him. You were always so nice whenever we came to visit. I didn’t want to disappoint you guys after everything.”
“We love you, Joon. Exactly the way you are. The day you left him, I was so relieved. Because I could see that your spark had never truly been extinguished. And I knew that over time, you’d grow back into the girl we all knew.”
My heart feels so full, it might burst. “Then why do you always make fun of me?”
Miles away, I hear him buzz his lips. “At first, I was so proud that you finally saw how much you were worth, that you’d set your standards so high,” he explains. “But after a while, I began to worry that you were using A Tale of Salt Water and Secrets and Rake—”
“Ryke.”
“Whatever. That you were using Ryke as a crutch to keep people at an arm’s length.
If you didn’t really let anyone in, no one could get close enough to hurt you again.
Don’t get me wrong, you dated some turds.
And there’s obviously real value in that series—I mean, it gave you a community and taught you how to pack a mean punch.
But I think the fantasy of it all became an excuse.
A reason to find fault with potential love interests because deep down, you still didn’t think you were worthy of that kind of love.
Because of what those asshole high schoolers said to you.
Because of what that douchebag Kyle did to you. ”
The weight of his words settles right into that cavern in my chest. “Well, maybe there’s a little bit of truth to that,” I say quietly. “But I’m trying to change. Starting today.”
“With Nico?” he asks, letting out a strangled laugh. “Can’t say I’m surprised.”
That comment catches me off guard. “What do you mean? Until forty-eight hours ago, I thought he hated me.”
“Joonie.” He says my name like it’s the punchline of a joke.
“Nico never hated you. When you started shutting him out when we were kids, he was devastated. He’d already lost so much when his folks split up, and you used to look at him like he’d hung the moon.
Losing you was too much for him. It was like the whole night sky went dark, you know? ”
“But we’re always at each other’s throats! You know how much we fought! Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Wasn’t my mess to fix.” I can almost see him shrugging. “Plus, he was always finding some excuse to be near you, to spar with you. I figured it would come up organically sooner or later. Ollie was taking bets on when.”
“You bastard!” I cry. Then, a bit carefully, “So, you’re not mad that we, uh, hooked up, then?”
“Joon, if getting together with Nico means you force that grumpy asshole to crack a smile every now and then, I’ll bankroll your relationship.”
I let out a slow breath, my jaw tight with emotion.
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t break open your piggy bank just yet—and we will be talking about whatever the hell is going on with Kabobs ’n’ Bits’s finances when I’m back, by the way.
I think I blew it with Nico, Tey. Before it ever really began.
Pulled the ol’ push-them-away-before-they-get-too-close thing you were just talking about.
I even knew it was my MO. But now I’ve lost my chance. He’s up in Harlem, finding that girl.”
“What girl?”
“You know. The girl he hooks up with in the city every few months.”
Tey grunts in disbelief. “Joon, Nico isn’t visiting a girl in Harlem.”
I don’t think I’ve heard him correctly. “He’s not?”
“Of course not. His mother lives in Harlem.”
“His mother?”
I imagine Tey shaking his head. “He was just trying to rile you up. There was no way he was going to let you go on that road trip alone. I thought you knew.”
My hands start to shake. Suddenly, it all makes sense.
“You wouldn’t happen to have his mom’s address, would you?”
This time, I hear the smile in my brother’s voice.
“Got a pen?”