Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE_
SO MANY QUESTIONS
Lucky was the kind of guy who fell asleep after sex.
He curled himself around Winston and held him like an octopus, clinging to Winston as he slept.
Winston couldn’t find it in himself to sleep.
Not only was there still a party going on downstairs, but Winston could feel Calvin’s presence in the room.
Winston looked at Lucky. He brushed the hair off his forehead, and Lucky didn’t stir. The quality of the sex had never been their issue. Their issue was that Winston wasn’t enough for someone like Lucky. Lucky was bright and adventurous, and he needed things that Winston couldn’t give him.
He wished it could be different. That he and Lucky could be enough for each other. But sometimes love wasn’t enough. Winston knew that. Lucky knew that. And Winston would rather keep Lucky in his life as a friend than risk losing him entirely.
Winston slipped out of bed and pulled a pair of sweatpants on. “Follow me,” he said to Calvin.
Once they were downstairs, Winston looked at Calvin. “The party is over, please help me get everyone who doesn’t live here out.”
Calvin nodded, then made the rounds for Winston, who leaned up against the wall. His knees were weak, like his heart, like his resolve to not fall into bed with Lucky again had been. He wiped a hand down his face and let out a groan.
People filtered out, leaving their mess behind.
When the last person was gone, Winston pushed himself away from the wall and went to the kitchen.
He started a kettle and picked a tea from his stash.
Vanilla, because it reminded him of Lucky and Winston was apparently a bit of an emotional masochist.
“Everyone’s gone.” Calvin entered the kitchen, still wearing his miniscule skirt. Winston shouldn’t find it so appealing, but he imagined how easy it would be for him to slip his sweats down and tell Calvin to bend him over the counter and fuck him stupid.
“Thanks, Cal. Did you have fun at the party?” Winston turned his attention back to the kettle, as if staring would make his water boil faster.
“People are fascinating to me. I enjoyed watching them.”
Winston’s dick twitched. Closing his eyes, he took a breath to steady himself. “You enjoyed watching them. And us? Lucky and me?” Winston opened his eyes and forced himself to look at Calvin.
“You and Lucky were the most interesting part.” Calvin looked almost pleased. “I have so many questions.”
“Questions.” Winston straightened and took a breath. “Well, shit. Why not? Ask away. One at a time, though.”
Winston had learned that lesson the hard way. When Calvin was curious about something, he would rapid fire a bunch of questions, and it became almost impossible to answer them.
The kettle boiled and Winston poured the water over the teabag. “What’s your first question?”
“I’m trying to sort them into order of importance.”
Winston waved his hand. “Just pick one. A random one.”
Calvin nodded. “Okay. If sex is supposed to feel good, and things that feel good make people happy, why do you look sad?”
The question was a kick to the chest, and Winston exhaled a breath. “Wow, man. Right for the jugular. That’s a complicated question. Can we circle back to that one?”
Without hesitation, Calvin fired off another question. “Do you enjoy both genders?”
Winston smirked. For as hard as he tried to sound like a person, Winston thought it was cute when his programming slipped out and he asked questions in ways no person would.
“Women are nice to look at, and they make good friends, but they’re not who I’m interested in romantically. I’m sexually and romantically attracted to men.” To Lucky.
Calvin nodded. “Did it bother you that I watched?”
Winston dunked his teabag in the water until the tea looked strong enough to drink.
After tossing the teabag in the trash, he added two sugars and motioned for Calvin to follow him to the living room.
Soon, he’d return upstairs and crawl back into bed with Lucky, but for now, Calvin provided a decent distraction.
“It didn’t bother me. It was a new experience for me, that’s all.”
“Did you like that I watched?”
“I did.” Winston figured he might as well tell the truth considering Calvin could detect when he lied. He’d explained to Winston before that he could detect the subtle shifts in heart rate and body language. It figured that his robot was also a lie detector.
“Why?”
Why indeed.
Because it was hot. Because Winston hadn’t let anyone watch before. Because Lucky had been okay with it. Because Calvin was hot as fuck. Because it was Calvin and not some random pervert.
“It was something new.” Something that he could do to make Lucky happy. “Did you like watching?” Winston lobbed the question back to Calvin.
“To like something is to find it appealing. Lucky taught me that earlier. I picked this skirt because I liked it. I found it appealing. I also found watching the two of you appealing.”
Winston smirked at Cal. “You can just say, ‘yes, Winston. I liked it.’”
“Yes, Winston. I liked it.”
“What did you like about it?” Winston understood why people liked watching. It was arousing. But what about Calvin? What did he get out of the experience?
“I liked learning how to please you.”
Winston nearly spit his tea across the table. He choked it down and managed to swallow as he grappled with Calvin’s statement.
“You liked…”
“Learning to please you,” Calvin repeated as though it were nothing. As though he’d said the sky was blue.
“You want to please me?”
Calvin nodded. “Very much.”
Winston didn’t know how to deal with that, so he chose not to. For now at least. He’d come back to it later if necessary.
“Next question.” Winston braced himself. He wasn’t sure what to expect from Calvin. He was perceptive and curious. A lethal combination.
“What was your favorite part?”
“That’s a simple question with a complicated answer. I liked all of it. I liked it best when he kisses me. I like everything he does, but I like it best when he just takes over and my brain can turn off.”
Winston loved everything about sex with Lucky. Everything but the crushing realization after that he wasn’t enough for him. That sometimes Lucky needed things that Winston couldn’t give him.
“You’re sad again.”
“Yeah, buddy. Sometimes sex can make people sad too.”
“Why?”
Leaning back, he closed his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “For some people, sex is just sex. For other people, sex comes with a lot of emotions attached.”
Calvin seemed to sense that Winston needed a moment to gather his thoughts because he stayed dutifully silent next to him. When Winston continued, his voice was quiet and sad.
“I like Lucky, and I like being with Lucky. I like being his friend, and I like being his lover. And sometimes sex makes me sad because it reminds me that I can’t have Lucky how I want to have him because he likes things that I don’t.
And I can’t give him all the things he needs.
That’s why sex with Lucky makes me sad. It’s beautiful when it happens and tragic when it’s over. ”
“What does Lucky want that you can’t give him? I might be able to find it for you.”
Calvin looked so earnest and eager to help that it crushed Winston’s soul to have to break it to him that this wasn’t something he could buy online to fix everything.
“Do you know what tops and bottoms are in relation to sex?”
“Yes. A top—”
Winston cut him off. “Good. Well, I’m a bottom and Lucky will top, but he also likes to bottom. And topping isn’t something I do. He’s said he could live without it, but he shouldn’t have to make that kind of a compromise for me when there’s no way for me to make it equal for him.”
The impromptu sex followed by the therapy session slash interrogation had drained Winston of his energy. He wanted a soft bed and a long sleep and to forget that this day ever happened.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Calvin asked. It was probably just his programming kicking in, but the offer still warmed Winston.
“Probably not. Unfortunately.” Winston let out a bone-cracking yawn. He should have stayed in bed with Lucky and just let himself go to sleep, party or no party downstairs. “Sorry about the mess, by the way. You can leave it for now if you want to go to bed.”
Calvin smirked at him. “I don’t sleep.”
“Right. Right, of course.” Winston’s face heated, and he got to his feet. “Well, I’m going to bed. You can clean up or come to bed with me. It doesn’t matter.”
The way Calvin looked at him sometimes made Winston’s insides go all squirrely.
He shouldn’t have conflicting feelings about a robot, but Calvin was so real to him that he sometimes forgot he wasn’t a flesh and blood person.
Winston had to remind himself with increasing frequency that Calvin wasn’t some nifty little housemate that they’d taken in.
That he was a whole ass artificial intelligence robot.
Calvin stood and followed Winston to the third floor, where Lucky was still sleeping.
Winston ditched the pants and climbed into bed with him.
He slid in next to Lucky and put his head on Lucky’s chest. The steady thump of his heartbeat soothed him until the lights dimmed and Calvin climbed into bed next to Winston.
There was more than enough room on his bed for the three of them to spread out, but Calvin lay so close to Winston that he could almost feel their bodies touch.
If Winston shifted back even the smallest amount, he’d be touching Calvin.
Winston still couldn’t sleep if Calvin was standing across the room in his charger. Ever since that first night when he’d told Calvin to get in bed with him, he’d woken up every morning after, tangled up in Calvin. He clung to Calvin for a few moments each morning before he was fully awake.
And in those moments, Winston found the kind of peace he’d never been able to find anywhere else. Calvin didn’t judge him. Couldn’t judge him, not the way people could. For a few moments each morning, life felt perfect and Winston felt soft and cared for and almost happy.
And then he’d wake up the rest of the way and reality would settle in.