Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN_
DOES NOT COMPUTE
Winston had been gone for thirteen hours, twenty-seven minutes, and sixteen seconds. Calvin had attended to his regular duties, charged, and even had a chance to connect to the mainframe and update more of his information on humans.
After his correction during fornication—sex, as they preferred to call it, Calvin was determined to improve his performance.
Lucky seemed pleased, but it was hard to know for sure.
Humans had so many variables. Winston, for example, liked it when Calvin cuddled him. And he seemed to enjoy cuddling Lucky.
Did Lucky not want cuddles from Calvin? Were his cuddles not desirable?
Lucky had been nice to Calvin. He’d let him borrow clothes. He’d styled them so Calvin would look good. But yet he’d only wanted cuddles from Winston.
Calvin frowned, then frowned deeper when he realized he’d frowned to begin with. He hadn’t meant to. Before he could process, he received an alert that the grocery delivery had arrived.
Robots had taken over many of the jobs that humans used to do, freeing them up for other things. The unit who delivered the groceries was only a couple years old, but compared to Calvin, the technology was almost archaic.
The unit, an ACR-4X11, greeted Calvin in a harsh, computerized tone.
Calvin’s own digital box was far more advanced, allowing him to sound like a human, although humans would always have a greater vocal range than machines.
They had yet to produce the first electronic pop-star, though Calvin’s research had told him it wasn’t for lack of trying.
The ACR-4X11 carried the bags into the house in one trip and deposited them on the counter. “Will that be all?” ACR asked.
“Wait.”
ACR waited. He had a waxy-looking face. His eyes couldn’t blink like Calvin’s could. His hair was clearly some sort of artificial fiber, whereas Calvin had real human hair.
“Do you like your job?” Calvin asked ACR. Lucky had taught him about like. About how he could use his processors to examine things and see if they had a positive impact on his circuitry.
ACR made a computerized error sound. “Does not compute.”
Calvin frowned again. “Does the job appeal to you?” Perhaps if Calvin chose a different verbiage, the ACR unit would compute.
Another computerized error noise made Calvin’s code race.
“Does not compute.” ACR responded again.
Calvin understood then that he could probably ask the same question a million ways, and ACR would never compute.
“You’re dismissed,” he told ACR. He watched the hunk of junk robot exit the house. Though the interaction had been enlightening, it hadn’t given Calvin satisfactory answers.
Winston had been gone for thirteen hours, fifty-seven minutes, and twenty-four seconds.
Calvin put the groceries away, making sure to rotate the stock. And then he thought about ACR-4X11 again. Why was Calvin so different? Was it because Calvin was a newer model? ACR was old by robot standards. Technology moved at a breakneck pace. Calvin was likely obsolete by now.
Obsolete.
Did Lucky and Winston think of him as obsolete?
The idea that they might made his code race to the point that it nearly caused a system failure. Calvin threw up some failsafes to stop the errors from compiling. Once he’d gotten himself under control, he ran a systems diagnostic.
There was nothing amiss.
But he’d almost crashed.
To test, he again ran the word obsolete through his mind. When his code started to race again, he was able to get ahead of the errors and get himself under control.
Winston had been gone for thirteen hours, fifty-nine minutes, and thirteen seconds.
Fourteen hours and Calvin had nearly had two system failures in his absence.
He needed more data. Going from room to room, he examined every item to determine if he liked it or not. He was indifferent to things like food unless he thought about making food for his humans. That made his circuits light up.
Calvin liked the big windows, but only during the day when they let light in. He didn’t care about the television, but he liked sitting on the couch with his humans when they watched things on it.
He liked the clothes Lucky had let him wear. The skirt. He liked the way Winston looked at him when he dressed that way. Lucky had told Calvin that he could wear whatever he wanted from Lucky’s closet whenever he wanted.
Lucky’s room was a mess, which Calvin did not like, and he spent a few minutes cleaning it for Lucky before he opened the closet.
Calvin didn’t know about fashion, but that was easily fixed. After downloading some fashion advice from various sources, he ran them through his processors, searching for things that made his circuits light up and flagging them for future reference.
Armed with knowledge, he picked out his own outfit.
Lucky had a plaid skirt that was very short.
Calvin liked the short skirts the best. He knew he had well-built, aesthetically pleasing legs, and the short skirts showcased them.
He found a pair of tall stockings that only went as high as mid-thigh.
Being extra careful as to not ruin Lucky’s clothing, he put the stockings on.
Calvin was unable to find a shirt that he liked, but everything he’d downloaded told him his outfit was incomplete. Spying a tie in a color that complimented the skirt, he slipped it over his head and left the knot loose.
Winston had been gone for fourteen hours, thirty-five minutes by the time Calvin climbed the stairs to his room to wait for him.
Winston had been gone for fifteen hours when he returned.
Calvin’s circuitry lit up when he heard Winston and Lucky enter the house.