Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Esme
One month later…
“I’ll petition to see you get whatever time you need, Esme,” Lilly says.
I’m on Chimera, the Empire’s cultural capital and Lilly’s office. A familiar setting, although we speak more often over a video call. She has a formal desk to one side of the room, but we’re sitting on two facing couches that offer views across the city.
And quite a view it is.
“Thank you,” I reply. “I understand it won’t be forever, but I appreciate this chance to rest and recuperate.”
Her face softens. Her emotions are fierce and compassionate all at once and they make me want to cry.
She’s worried about me. The girls at the omega community have been much the same, always checking in on me, bringing me treats to cheer me up. If only I could shake off this depression and stop giving them cause for worry…
“I can’t believe the military kept what Tsing was doing from me, even after that monster was dead,” she says vehemently.
“Especially after he was dead. You’d think they would want me abreast of this so I could get ahead of the curve on the fallout.
But no. Can’t have a delicate omega worrying about that.
” She shakes her head. “We’ve come a long way, but we still have more to go.
It’s time they stopped closeting omegas from life like we might break.
They send us into war for goodness’ sake, yet don’t trust us, well, me, with vital information.
I’d call it double standards, but I don’t even know what this nonsense is.
I just know I don’t like it. If I had only known sooner, maybe you never would have been in such an impossible situation at all. ”
She’s talking about me abandoning my post and entering an enemy ship on a crazy mission to save my controller. Who turned out not to be a controller at all, but a high-profile undercover agent on a mission for the government. He’s not even an alpha. He’s a zeta… with a beast.
Worse, he’d already completed his mission and had gotten off the ship. He had to go back on for me!
The self-recriminations go deep, the guilt, deeper. They didn’t even blame me. I might feel better if they did. They never blame omegas when they fuck up, that is all on their controller.
Not that they’re blaming Zeb, either, from what I can tell. No, he’s a veritable hero by all accounts.
A zeta… I’ve never even heard of the dynamic. Given what he can do, it makes sense that they would keep it a secret.
I feel so duped.
And angry.
With him and with myself.
I thought this ache in my chest would ease as I came to terms with the lie. It hasn’t.
My emotions are a mess, lurching all over the place from one minute to the next.
I realize I’ve been sitting quietly for too long when I feel Lilly’s eyes on me.
“Have you considered a therapist?” she asks. “I think the emotions you’re experiencing are perfectly understandable, and it might help to talk to someone with greater skills than me.”
Yes… “No. I’m not sure anyone can help with this mess. Not yet anyway.”
She nods in understanding. She has been through experiences herself at the hands of the Uncorrupted.
“Would you like a role within the omega community? To be taken out of the field permanently? Tell me what you need, and I’ll do my very best to make it happen.”
“Thank you. If I knew what I wanted, I would ask. But honestly, I don’t have a clue what I want or need right now besides space and time.”
Lie. You want Zeb. You need Zeb.
“You’ve fallen for him,” she says gently.
It’s not a question, more a statement, and one I can’t deny. I shrug, fighting the onset of tears. “They warn you that intense experiences can ‘confuse’ you.”
She stands, collects a box of tissues from the drawer at her desk, and places them on my lap. Then she sits down next to me and takes my hand.
My next breath is shaky. Then the tears come. I mumble my thanks and take a tissue from the box.
“I didn’t bring you here to upset you, Esme.
I’m sorry I said that. Just… please have a think about my offer.
You have so much to give back to this world.
Fifteen dynamics are now home and safe thanks to you.
I never used to believe in fate, but I’ve had some experiences that have changed me.
Zetas are an enigma. I have never met one either personally or in my various roles for the viral program.
I know very little about them beyond their ability to change form, but I firmly believe that such a capability must significantly influence their personality. ”
Influence his personality? Ha! Understatement of the year, I think dryly.
A gentle knock sounds on the door. At Lilly’s call, her pink-haired assistant pokes her head around the door.
“I’m really sorry, it’s Governor Brach, and he is very insistent.”
Lilly rolls her eyes. “Men… especially fathers. Please tell him I need five minutes.”
My smile is weak. I set the tissues aside as her assistant leaves.
Lilly is still holding my hand, and her eyes are still on me.
I glance up.
Her face does that softening thing again, but worse, I can feel her deep concern for me on a psychic level despite her doing her best to suppress it. “You might want to avoid the news for the next few days.”
Zeb
It’s fair to say that my life has undergone some significant changes since I dropped a stolen Uncorrupted ship into the Empire’s airspace.
I had to call in a favor from a certain hacker known as The Gecko. Needed the footage from said ship wiped before the government could get their grubby hands on it. Knowing a computer hacker comes in handy, although the bastard always exacts a price.
That gecko sanctuary is going to be more like a fucking lizard day spa.
Whatever, it was worth it.
I’m back in Chimera, back in my regular form, and back in the prestigious offices of Governor Brach. I’ve met him several times in the days since I returned. Debrief after debrief, followed by decisions, and agreements. Change is coming, not only for me, but for the very structure of our society.
Except today’s meeting is not going to plan.
Time to play hardball.
“I killed Solen Jenda for you. Now give me what I want.”
“You’re not an alpha.”
“No.” If only you knew…
“You can never mate her as an alpha could.”
“Don’t care.”
“Did something happen on the mission that you failed to disclose? Did she show any sign of using her special training?”
The fuck? Special training? He’s talking about what that sick fuck Tsing forced her to do. Just the thought of someone putting her in the same breathing space as an Uncorrupted alpha makes me want to go on a rampage. Pity that bastard is already dead. I’d like to strangle him myself.
My baby has skills verified in the field that you’d love to get your hands on and use as a tool…no way in hell I’m letting that happen.
“No. Nothing.”
A tic jumps in Governor Brach’s jaw. He knows I’m lying. The missing footage from the ship is suspicious.
I also suspect he hasn’t been entirely honest with me.
“What? Your game not playing out the way you hoped it would? That recruiter didn’t fuck up, did he?
Did you tell him to allocate Esme to me?
A little experiment to see what she’d do?
You knew she’d follow me onto the ship. Was this you testing out her experimental skills in manipulation? ”
His eyes widen.
The little privacy box flashing on his desk ensures this conversation will go no further than the two of us.
I could clone any one of a dozen people in his inner circle and kill him if I decided to.
The look that passes between us says he’s thinking about that possibility right now… and is choosing his words very carefully. “Not me.”
My eyes narrow. “I don’t fucking believe you.”
The tic continues to thump in his jaw.
Neither of us looks away.
“It was my order that she be allocated to you. However, I wasn’t given full disclosure on all possible scenarios.”
“Who then?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“You mean you won’t.”
He lifts his chin. “Let it go, Governor Thorne. You got your place on the Ruling Council. Some of the people who voted for you are under the impression you’ll make an obedient puppet.
I have no such delusions, and I still voted for you.
We need strong people in power if we’re to make the final push to win this war. ”
“We’re never going to win,” I say. I’ll park what happened to Esme for now.
But someone put my woman’s life at risk.
For what? An experiment? Not a chance I’m letting that shit go.
“Not completely. You know that, right? Short of genocide. And I don’t think anyone outside the theta rebellion is up for that.
The Uncorrupted will always be a threat. Always looking for ways to break us.”
“I know. But it can be better than it is now. And that time is coming.”
“She’s mine,” I say bluntly, just to be sure, just in case he’s still confused.
He nods, and this time, he offers a small, genuine smile. “I presume you’re going to retain the alpha traits?”
“No.” Nosy fucker. “Let’s just say this operation changed me, but not in the obvious way you might be presuming.
More like… awakened me. The real me. The parts of myself I never acknowledged before.
It’s taken me a while to see beneath all the skins I’ve worn for the Empire. Time to start embracing my truth.”
“She might not want a second-rate mate.” His tone is perfectly serious, although there’s a note of amusement underneath.
Well, that was fucking unexpected. Now I’m engaging in banter with the mighty Governor Brach. Although I’m a governor now, too, I suppose.
“You’re right. She wouldn’t want a half of anything.” I wink. “You know when two dynamics mate, the male can undergo modifications… Mutations… Adaptations…”