19. Yannis
Back at Hale’s apartment, I stand in front of the windows in the living room, looking out at the city skyline. My head is filled with all the new things I’ve learned, but mostly, I’m stuck on my growing feelings for the sexy vampire.
Watching him go apeshit on Ricco and Vito tonight should have sent me running in the other direction, but it had the opposite effect. I wanted to climb into his arms and stay there. The experience of witnessing such a violent scene at the hands of my man seems to have awakened my sex drive. My cock has been semi-hard ever since, but before we go any further, I know we need to talk. I need to understand what it really means to be in a relationship with a vampire. I laugh to myself. I’ll take sentences I never thought I’d say for five hundred.
I need to know what it means to be a mate, and whether that’s what I am to Hale. I need to know what the future looks like, and if someday I’ll have to become a vampire too. A shiver runs down my spine.
Become a vampire.
I’m not scared of them, but could I be one? If not, should I even be here with Hale? The idea of leaving him makes my stomach hurt though, so I guess that means something.
“Are you alright, Yannis?”
I turn to find Hale standing quietly behind me. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and nothing else, all the blood and gore washed away.
“Damn, you’re stealth.”
He smiles and nods slightly. “Call it a benefit.”
I take a step closer, wanting to kiss him but holding back. We have to talk first. “I’m good. Just a lot of questions and stuff bopping around my head.”
“Let’s sit and talk then.”
He takes my hand, leading me to the couch. Just the small bit of contact between us makes my stomach flutter and another wave of heat surges between my legs. I clear my throat as I sit next to him.
“You want to know about mates,” Hale says.
“Yes.”
Still holding my hand, he plays with my fingers, entwining his with mine. It’s the first time I’ve noticed that his skin is cooler than mine, as if he’s been outside on a cold day and he’s just starting to warm up.
“The supernatural world is different from yours in lots of ways.”
I nod.
“Most of us are immortal, or if not, at least nearly so, living very long lives. Vampires are immortal. We never die—not naturally, at least.”
“Right.”
“In my world, sometimes, if fate is kind and deems us worthy, we are gifted a mate. A soul designated just for us to love for eternity. It’s not always a mortal, but when it is, it adds a layer of difficulty and decision.”
As I’m listening, more questions pop up. “Wait. Back up for a second. Fate chooses someone? So fate is… a person?”
“No, not a person.” He pauses, glancing up at the ceiling for a moment. “I think a spirit or energy is a better way to describe it. There’s intention behind it, but you can’t see fate. You only know when fate has touched you because of how you feel inside.”
“Okay, I think I get it. So fate decides who you should love?”
He shakes his head. “Love is an act of free will and can be given to anyone, just like with a mortal, but if fate has chosen a mate for you…” He pauses again, clearly thinking over his words.
“Don’t hold back, Hale. Please. I want to know it all. I can handle it.”
He searches my eyes for a moment. “Yes, I suppose you can. It’s not easy to describe, but when you meet the person chosen for you, everything is different. More intense. The emotions, desire, reactions… It’s as if your heart’s on overdrive.”
“When Bowie said that, was he implying that I’m your mate?”
Hale nods, gripping my hand. “I believe it too, Yannis. I knew it almost immediately. When I tasted your blood…” He smiles. “I knew for sure then.”
Heat spreads through me quickly and my breath hitches. “I was chosen for you?”
“Yes. Do you remember when I told you about Nathan?”
“Of course.”
“I wanted so desperately to believe he was my mate. Before I met him, I was drowning in loneliness. He entered my life when I thought I couldn’t bear another night alone, so I decided it must’ve been fate’s hand.”
“But it wasn’t?”
“No. Nothing was easy or natural for us. I could’ve turned him, but something in me held back. I knew on some level, but I wanted to believe it. I convinced myself it must be true and that when the time was right, I would make him mine for eternity.”
I literally feel the sadness spread through him. Wild.
“I’m still not sure whether it would’ve been kinder to turn him and not love him than to let him die as he did.”
“Did you ever ask him if he wanted to be turned?”
“We talked about it briefly once, but I sensed his reluctance. I told myself he just needed more time to love me, but if he’d been my mate, he wouldn’t have needed it. Does that make sense to you?”
“You’re saying if we’re mates then I would naturally want to be with you forever?”
He turns sideways so he can fully face me and cups my jaw. “Yannis, darling, I know it’s you, and if you examine your heart, you know it’s me. Our feelings for each other, our desire, our need to be close, all of it is destined.”
My heart feels like it’s beating in my throat. “Do you love me?”
Hale smiles. “All the gods, yes. I had planned to take it slow and not rush you, but I think once fate has set the course, we are unable to alter it. You found me because you were meant to. Yves found me because I was meant to be in New Onyx so that our paths would finally cross. Perhaps Nathan died so that my heart would be free for you.”
As his words hit me, I soak them in, replaying every reaction I’ve had to this intense man since the moment we met. It’s true that it’s been fast and different and that I have reactions I never have before.
“You don’t have to know that you love me right now,” he says. “You’ll come to know it.”
“Why did you want to keep it from me?”
He blows out a soft breath. “Lots of reasons. I didn’t want to scare or overwhelm you. I wanted your feelings to develop without any kind of pressure. I wanted you to know in your heart that I’m the one for you, but we’re like a runaway train, you and I. We’re on a fast track and I don’t believe we can slow it down.”
“Bowie and Kyson… the others… they all turned because they’re mates?”
“That’s right.”
Nodding, I drag my fingers down his thigh. “If that happens… What…? I mean, how…?” I blow out a breath. “I guess I’m wondering about my family and stuff. Would they know?”
“You would look as beautifully mortal as you do now. There is a period of time in the beginning when it’s harder to control your vampiric side, but you’d have me to help you learn. You wouldn’t age anymore though. You’d look like this until time ends.”
Until time ends. I can’t even wrap my head around that.
“We have time,” Hale says. “All we need. You don’t have to do anything right now. You can wait years if that’s what you want. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
I close my eyes, imagining for a moment what it would be like. I can see my eyes glowing, my long fangs, my increased strength, but mostly what I see is Hale.
“How does it happen? Is it like the movies?”
“I don’t know how it is in the movies, but I would bite your beautiful, sensual neck and gorge myself on your sweet blood.”
As he speaks, his voice lowers and his skin pales slightly. When he parts his lips, I gasp as his fangs drop. My cock swells and twitches in response.
“I would nearly drain you, my darling, until you were on the brink of death.” He slides his fingers through my hair above my ear. “But then I would feed you, fill your body with my essence and bring you back to life. Eternal life. You would be mine until the sun burned itself out.”
“Is it immediate?”
“Yes. I won’t lie, it is a painful process, but it’s over fairly quickly, and I would be right by your side. I’ll take care of you, Yannis. Every need, desire, and want. You’ll be my world and I’ll be yours.”
“I get to take care of you too then, right? You won’t be alone ever again.”
“Right.” He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses the back. “I can’t find words to tell you how much I want this and how happy I am, but there’s no pressure.”
Shit. I’m torn. Of course I want to be with Hale, but it’s all so new and coming at me so fast. Becoming a vampire sounds cool as fuck, but then I’d have to be a vampire. I need time to think this through.
“I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You can’t,” he says. “It’s impossible.” He kisses my hand again. “Even if you asked me to turn you right now, I wouldn’t. It isn’t a decision to take lightly, and I completely understand how overwhelming all of this must be. You just found out we exist a few days ago.”
“Has it only been a few days?”
He smiles. “Yes. I wasn’t given a choice and I’ll never do that to another.”
“Do you wish things had been different? Would you have rather stayed mortal and died hundreds of years ago?”
“No. I accept my fate, and I believe it was truly my path in life to become what I am. I believe the moment you were born, your path was destined to collide with mine. Now that I’ve met you, I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences. They all led me here, right now, to you.”
I stare at him in disbelief. “No one’s ever said stuff like this to me. I’ve never even been in love or had a serious relationship. It’s a lot.”
He frowns, his brow creasing. “I’ve overwhelmed you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Not at all.” I scoot closer and kiss his cheek. “I’m not overwhelmed, I’m…” I shrug, grinning. “Full? Happy? I feel good around you, and for the first time, I really want this.”
“This?”
“A relationship. Commitment. Love.” My cheeks burn with heat at my admission. “I believe you, Hale. It must be fate, because the way I feel with you is different. I feel…whole. It always seemed like parts of me were missing or incomplete.”
“Yeah?”
“One time I told my brother that I thought I was broken because I wasn’t into dating and girls as much as my friends. This was way back in my early twenties when every guy I knew was talking about scoring and getting women into bed, you know?”
He nods.
“But that wasn’t me. Dimi told me maybe I was asexual, but I looked that up and it didn’t feel like me either. When everyone else started getting married and having kids, I wanted to run. The idea of settling down made me itchy, like my skin was too tight. I couldn’t picture it at all. Definitely not kids.” I blow out a breath as all my memories rush back. “I guess I was waiting for someone who really lit me up and made me want happily ever after, but it never happened.”
“And now?”
“Now I can imagine you and me. I see a future and I want it. You’re exciting and different and interesting. You’re sexy and handsome, and I think about sex all the time now.” I laugh softly. “My dick is hard around you and I crave another touch. This is what everyone said sex was like. Now I get it. This is true attraction. Real desire.”
I take his hand in mine.
“I want to fall in love with you and be with you. I want everything you described. I want to make love every day and find all the ways to turn you on. I want to make you happy, Hale.”
“The fact that you exist makes me happy.”
I climb onto his lap, pressing him into the couch. “Thank you for explaining everything and giving me space to process it. I don’t see how or why this would ever end, but I do appreciate the time to wait on the vampire part. That’s a lot to get used to.”
“It is.”
Gazing into his eyes, I see the future I never thought would be mine. “You really love me?”
“I know it likely sounds very odd to you since we’ve only just met, but a vampire’s heart is nothing like a mortal’s. We know in our deepest depths when we’ve found the one for us, and nothing can stop our love at that point.”
I touch his cheek. “It’s beautiful. Will you take me to bed now and make love to me? I want to feel you inside me.”
His lips part, revealing those sharp fangs. “You’re certain you want that? There’s no rush.”
“I’m certain. I want us to share everything.” I brush my fingers over his ever-present stubble. “You can feed again too. I want that the most.”
He shivers beneath me, sending vibrations through my body too. “Gods, you’re perfect. You have no idea how desperately I want you.”
“Show me. Take me to bed.”
He effortlessly stands, lifting my body with him and carrying me bridal style down the hall. Not gonna lie, the princess treatment isn’t bad at all.
He lays me down on the bed, towering over me with eyes so clear and bright, they practically glow. “Nothing hurts anymore?” he asks.
“Nothing. I feel good and strong.”
“You’re still bruised, but those will fade quickly.”
“You can add more.” I grab his wrist, pulling him down on top of me. “Don’t be gentle, lover. Do whatever you want with me. I can take it.”
His eyelids flutter as he inhales. “If I could bottle your scent, I’d be the richest man in the world.”
“What do I smell like to you?”
“Flowers.” He closes his eyes. “Earth, fresh cut grass.” When he opens his eyes this time, they really do glow. “Everything I love. Everything I hoped for.”
“You’re very romantic for being such a vicious killer.”
A sexy smirk spreads across his face. “You like both sides of me?”
“I do. You can tear a man apart in seconds, but you’re so careful and gentle with me.”
“I would never harm you. You know that, right?”
I nod. “I know that. I’m safe now.”
“Forever.”
Leaning in, I drag my tongue up his cheek. “Show me what I’ve been missing.”